What is up with all the mean attitudes lately

Miniature Horse Talk Forums

Help Support Miniature Horse Talk Forums:

js1arab

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 18, 2003
Messages
249
Reaction score
0
OK, maybe I'm just getting less tolerant in my old age, but it seems there has been a lot of mean and rude, not to mention unnecessary comments on here lately. On the post where Liltnt felt rejected, many people said to just toughen up. Well, I hate to tell everyone, but there are more of us on here that feel that way than have come out and said it because I've had others pm me that felt that way too and I myself feel that way.

When I see posts about feeding I see rude comments about how or what one feeds a horse. People will say it is never right to feed this or that and anyone doing so is hurting their horse. There are so many different ways to feed an animal and so many different regions that have access only to certain grasses/hays that I think it is very wrong to outright tell someone they are hurting their horses.

It is ok to offer kind, well intended advice, but we should all be careful how we word things. If we continue to alienate people or tell them how dangerous, stupid, cold hearted, irresponsible or whatever they are for there actions, no one will bother to ask anymore.

I know when the comments were made about spelling quite a while back, there were a few who said they couldn't believe people wouldn't take the time to look back and correct their mistakes or better yet use a spell checker. HELLO...I have went back and looked for mistakes 2 and 3 times only to post and find one I still somehow missed and as for the spell checker...I am still figuring the whole computer thing out and each new gadget I learn to use is a huge triumph for me, but I guess I'm not as far along as I thought because I never even knew there was a spell checker you can download or whatever other than in your e-mail etc. So I would be one of those who I guess you would have said was too lazy to use it...when in reality I just didn't know it existed. I just wish we'd all learn a little patience.

I really do enjoy coming here, but it is getting to the point where I almost hesitate to open anything I think could have even the least bit of controversy because people just don't seem to know how to offer CONSTRUCTIVE critisism. That would be offering your point of view without accussing, hurting, name calling etc.

I honestly hope I have always offered good points of view without making anyone feel less about themselves. I think with the exception of the PETA post I have tried to do that. If I am guilty of what I am complaining of then I apologize because I hope I never make anyone feel the way I have felt reading some of the replys lately. Just my thoughts here and sorry if it sounds mean, but imagine what the people who are on the receiving end of the name calling etc feel like. Even if you don't call the actual poster a name, you may be inadvertantly calling another reader something. On a couple of occassions I have done the things people said would be stupid, cold hearted, ignorant. You know what, everything I do with my horses, I try to think of all the bad scenarios and I have a wonderfully clean record at my vets. I know people who have spent more in vet wrap and medicines for their horses than I spend on all my vet bills including all vaccines and coggins in a year. If you ever doubt anything I do then I suggest you check with any friends, family or vet that I have and you'll see that just because it doesn't work for you does not make it wrong!

OK, I am settling down now and don't even bother with the whine comments. I am not posting this so much for me, I know how to turn off my computer and do something besides feel hurt, but for others who may be semi isolated, this forum is like a family and I just don't like to see people being mistreated. There's too much bad in the world already and this forum should be a shoulder to lean on.

Edited for spelling
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Jacquee'

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 15, 2003
Messages
176
Reaction score
0
I like your post. I think what you say is true, things can be said in such a way so as not to hurt someone's feelings. And I also believe that people have a tremendous influence over one another, I'd like them to use it for a good and positive thing, and not for hurting someone or putting them down.

I also think you have to take what other people say with a _pound_ of salt....... and remember they are saying it from their own perspective. You are so right, those people are not on your farm and do not see what goes on there. If your horses are healthy and happy, that is what you go by..... not by what someone says here.

Just because another person said it, that does not make it right. You have to look at it for yourself, and think for yourself. A lot of times people say things that they _think_ are true, but upon inspection, it turns out not to be true! And what someone gets away with on their farm, in their area, with their personality, may not work on your farm, in your area, with YOUR personality.

I once had a friend who raised alpacas. She was new at it, but did some research etc. and decided that she had the last word on the "right" way to manage alpacas. In fact, she did not think ANYONE could take care of an alpaca as well as she could. When she had females in for breeding to her male, she would then insist on that female staying at her place, because she believed that only she could birth that female safely and that if she sent the female home, the owner would screw everything up and the baby would die or something. This attitude of hers offended many many people, and she lost more and more business until finally, I think she could have had the best alpaca male in the world on her place and NO ONE would have come to her for breedings! She went out of business. I always saw that as a great lesson. Everybody does things a little differently, and if you don't bend, you won't blend.......
 

promise

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2005
Messages
76
Reaction score
0
I know exactly what you mean. I erased an entire reply I wrote and did not post it, just because I didn't want people to think or write any nasty comments. It was about a person who was having trouble with her stallion nipping and kicking. She was hoping it would get better after he was gelded.

I have been told by many horsey people to make the horse react to you, DON"T react to the horse.

In plain words, if the horse shows its rump to you, even if it doesn't kick, it's eyes should be watching you, and it should be concerned about not being able to keep you in sight because you may swat/ kick it. Hence, you are the alpha horse. If you think the horse may be thinking about doing something nasty, you do it first! It will always want to be aware of where and what you are doing, not visa versa. They are horses not dogs, and are very strong headed. They will test you!

I did not pass this advise along because many people would think "oh my lord, do they beat their animal",(or send nasty follow ups) no I do not beat my animal, But I don't have to worry that if I turn my back they will have a hunk of my but in their mouth.

Your right, keep it kind.

A little phrase from wise manager I worked for

"ask yourself "WAS IT TRUE, WAS IT KIND, WAS IT NESSASARY"

while the first part doesn't apply, it is a helpful phrase to say to ourselves before we open our mouths.

Promise.
 
N

New_Image

Guest
It sure has been going around on here latley thats for sure........

Well said.
 

Danielle_E.

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 2, 2002
Messages
2,575
Reaction score
0
js1arab, I understand your initial post and the "emotions" behind it and in some instances there have been some "hot" things said that pushes peoples buttons. You mention some spefic posts and I went back and visited some of these posts that you mention and in one instance the initial post was in my personal opinion very inflammatory and was said in a way to provoke confrontation and then came a barrage of less than stellar replies. Some people on this forum pride themselves with the fact that they are straight forward kind of individuals and in their mind they don't realize that perhaps some on the other end of the spectrum are the total opposites in personality and are more the "sensitive" type. That is something that we just have to accept when you participate in an open forum. I know I am more the "sensitive" type and I was taken to task a few times on this forum and found the "ignore" feature on this forum to be helpful in this case. Perhaps that is a solution for those who feel "attacked".

You also have to remember that at various times of year there is a lull in the numbers of people posting, whether it be during foaling season or during Nationals (AMHR and AMHA) less people are around to post replies so people shouldn't feel "slighted" or that nobody cares to answer and then of course there are those of us who are around but don't have the answer.... We all have to remember not to initiate a post in the "defensive" mode because what you will get is "offensive" type replies. Much better to keep things in a "neutral" tone, that way you get respectful answers. JMHO. (I am not speaking specifically about this post, I mean the posts that are mentioned in your message)

I do applaud you for speaking your mind and letting us know how you feel
 
Last edited by a moderator:

wpsellwood

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 10, 2004
Messages
1,513
Reaction score
8
Well I think, its just me, but alot of people that write these nasty rude remarks say it behind their computer. JMO. What I do before I write something is would I say this to this persons face??? If not I would erase it and try again. Not all cuz some people at times can just down right mean.
 

Sterling

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2002
Messages
6,044
Reaction score
12
Location
Southern, NJ
What I do before I write something is would I say this to this persons face?
I agree with this statement and I do the same thing. That being said, I once had a girlfriend that was the most open, blunt, opinionated person I'd ever met, she would tell it like it is. I am surprised that her and I were friends but we were and her and I ...we got along. She was not a nasty person by no means, just open and opinionated and said what she felt. I have not met anyone that I have cared to be friends with that had her same personality......I miss her as she just passed away last year.

I however would not feel comfortable especially not knowing someone well to go off on them. I don't think you're alone in your feelings.
 
T

Triggy&Blue&Daisy Too

Guest
Danielle_E. said:
js1arab, I understand your initial post and the "emotions" behind it and in some instances there have been some "hot" things said that pushes peoples buttons.  You mention some spefic posts and I went back and visited some of these posts that you mention and in one instance the initial post was in my personal opinion very inflammatory and was said in a way to provoke confrontation and then came a barrage of less than stellar replies.
468031[/snapback]

This is an excellent observation and is often the case around here. Sometimes there is "history" behind some of the unpleasantness so yes I do take it all for and against with a grain of salt. It's pretty frustrating to see some drama queen or king take over the board with inflammatory threads who just like to start people fighting then sit back and enjoy the show. Insensitive or not, the only way some people stop doing that kind of crap is for some members who are not timid to give them a well-deserved verbal smacking if ML sees fit to let the group hash it out.

I've always maintained there is nothing I would say to someone in print I wouldn't say to them if we were person to person but sometimes the sincerity and tone seems to get lost in the written presentation.
 

REO

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2002
Messages
11,366
Reaction score
457
Location
SW Oklahoma
I agree with you js1arab. I used to post my experiences (for what they're worth) a lot. I tried to share and help people in any way I could. I don't any more because I don't need someone knocking me. I'm here to learn, not be torn down by someone hateful. Now, if I wish to share something, I PM the poster instead.

The more different ways are added to a thread, the more things there are to give thought to. I know when I read the differing opinions it gives me food for thought and it helps me decide what might work for ME. IMO, there is no excuse to belittle anyone or try to make them feel stupid or that their way is wrong. BUT some people just are not happy unless they can feel superior by putting someone else down. They must be insecure about themselves, or just plain spiteful. Life is too short to let others make you feel badly.

I also hope I have never accidentally hurt anyone.
 

Buckskin gal

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2005
Messages
2,628
Reaction score
0
Very well said! Mary

REO said:
I agree with you js1arab. I used to post my experiences (for what they're worth) a lot. I tried to share and help people in any way I could. I don't any more because I don't need someone knocking me. I'm here to learn, not be torn down by someone hateful. Now, if I wish to share something, I PM the poster instead.
The more different ways are added to a thread, the more things there are to give thought to. I know when I read the differing opinions it gives me food for thought and it helps me decide what might work for ME. IMO, there is no excuse to belittle anyone or try to make them feel stupid or that their way is wrong. BUT some people just are not happy unless they can feel superior by putting someone else down. They must be insecure about themselves, or just plain spiteful. Life is too short to let others make you feel badly.

I also hope I have never accidentally hurt anyone.

468056[/snapback]

 

Miniv

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2002
Messages
12,747
Reaction score
680
A quote from "Promise"----

A little phrase from wise manager I worked for

"ask yourself "WAS IT TRUE, WAS IT KIND, WAS IT NESSASARY"

while the first part doesn't apply, it is a helpful phrase to say to ourselves before we open our mouths.

I think that the wise manager was indeed truly wise.....

MA
 

Cathy_H

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2002
Messages
2,113
Reaction score
0
That is the nature of a forum.. People show in their writings what they are in real life ...... I have been on here for many many moons. I see this question / opinion on the forum about 2-3 times a year................... No one should let anyones negative - opposing - different opinion dictate how they feel about themselves.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

horsehug

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2002
Messages
2,379
Reaction score
52
I agree Maryann and Promise!

I also agree with most of the posts on this thread. I think it is sad that many no longer feel comfortable posting, for fear of unkind responses.

Susan O.
 

runamuk

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2002
Messages
2,604
Reaction score
0
I keep thinking I will just quit posting...but I have some long time friends on here and this is my "water cooler"......

I am in the minority as I treat my mini's like horses....I have been known to smack my horse if it is deserved...heck I spank my youngest kid as well (didn't with the first one and learned from that mistake
) I believe in doing rescue....I don't really show but have prepared and helped out with a number of very high end show horses........I don't really breed 1 foal in 15 years or more of horses doesn't constitute being a breeder IMO..........I believe in teaching people about miniatures and horses in general not preaching about it.........I have horses because it is what I do and who I am........that goes for all my other critters.......my children have learned more from the animals in their lives than they could ever learn in school........the animals is the main reason I am here to talk to others who understand this quality of animals.......

For the most part I ignore many people who get on my nerves ..........I am only in control of my reaction to what they do or say.....I cannot control or change other people.
 

Buckskin gal

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2005
Messages
2,628
Reaction score
0
For the most part I ignore many people who get on my nerves ..........I am only in control of my reaction to what they do or say.....I cannot control or change other people. [IMG said:
https://www.miniaturehorsetalk.com/data/emoticons/default_wink.png[/IMG]

So true, about not controlling others, only ourselves. I can see where someones "passion" about a topic may cause them to loose control of themselves but becoming rude looses their ability to get their point across to the entire forum.

I have found there are just times I have to walk away from the computer, shaking my head in wonderment of the irony in some things which are said! I do know that no one has to join in on anything they think is something about starting fights,on the other hand I think good sensible discussions are so good for all. JMHO Mary
 

justaboutgeese

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2005
Messages
1,038
Reaction score
0
Location
ontario canada
There are very few days that go by where I do not bite my tongue. I am a bit old school when it comes to horses. I would never abuse a horse in anyway but I would never allow one to injure me or anybody around me either. Time, patience and common sense have worked well for many years for me when it comes to dealing with horses. I might whisper so I do not make them "nervous" at the start but when you are dealing with a two or three year old draft animal that has been running in a pasture for all its life they do not hear you whisper as they run past. I do not want to hurt anybodies feelings so their training methods and the treatment of their horses are their business. But if you ask for advice you might get it. I can remember catching flames once for a suggestion that many people felt was radical even though its used commonly in all parts of the country. Humane and safe but when I mentioned it I went down in flames. Most of the ones on the firing line that day just gave them time outs I guess. I have thick skin so if I post in a contorversial topic I either toughen up my thick skin or don the flame retardent suit. Even people I like (and who like me I think) will disagree on some things and some methods. Not very long ago I had a neighbors friend call me because her vet couldn`t get there right away and the horse was bleeding badly. She literally had a poor spell when I twitched her wild horse to look at the wound. I threw the horse and had my hired boy lay accross its neck . The cut was bad but not life threatening. Cleaned it up and (this is what she fainted over ) glued it back together. She just came apart at the way I had treated her animal. I said you are welcome and to call sombody else next time. Her husband came over later that evening and said the vet agreed with everything I had done and the animal required no further treatment from him. Brought me a bottle of Crown Royal but to this day she has never spoke to me.
 

runamuk

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2002
Messages
2,604
Reaction score
0
Cleaned it up and (this is what she fainted over ) glued it back together.
This is common knowledge that super glue was actually first a surgical glue......and it works great......I am no seamstress and sure wouldn't want to even try stitching up a wound...but I am familiar with glue and bandaging/taping
 
T

Triggy&Blue&Daisy Too

Guest
runamuk said:
Cleaned it up and (this is what she fainted over ) glued it back together.
This is common knowledge that super glue was actually first a surgical glue......and it works great......I am no seamstress and sure wouldn't want to even try stitching up a wound...but I am familiar with glue and bandaging/taping


468171[/snapback]

Just have to add that OTC super glue is not the same surgical glue that's used for tissue repair. It has the same components but not the same formulation, is not sterile and can severly damage tissue. Wouldn't use it myself on human or animal. Sorry
 
Last edited:

Latest posts

Top