Poems for Michael

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Nov 30, 2002
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I"ve decided to share some of the poems with you that I have written over the past few nights. You probably will find somethings in some of them disturbing, so read at your own risk. They are filled with emotions, which aren't good, but this is how I feel. I'm not the same anymore.

They said I could never have children

but one day there you were

the most beautiful little boy I had ever seen

so perfect to join this world

You were so very funny

right there from the start

I never knew what you would come up with next

but you brought constant laughter to my heart

As you grew you loved to sing and dance

You're quite an entertainer indeed

and then you did the best imitations

I always said you should perform on tv

And as a teen you became so restless

struggling to become a man

it happened so fast in front of my eyes

like playing catch me if you can

The days came that you wanted more freedom

to come and go as you pleased

you turned 18 in a blink of the eye

and some of your childhood ceased

Then came the license and your first car

that made me so very concerned

every time you drove away from home

I'd pray to God for your safe return

I'd wait by the window and look for your headlights

why are you being so late

I feared there was an accident every day

but it was only another hot date

I'd beg you each day to be sure not to speed

a race car driver you were

speed on the track where you are supposed to

not on the roads over here

"I'll be ok, I'm a good careful driver"

he would always say to me

"But you have to watch out for the other guy" I'd respond

"Don't worry I'm as careful as can be"

I was certain there would be an accident someday

and I was happy each time the car broke down

because I knew I'd have you longer that way

although I hated to see you frown

So we went to town on Friday morning

to buy you more parts for that car

I hated to see how sad that you were

that it was breaking down hour after hour

Then we stopped so you could apply for some jobs

and had our favorite Subways for lunch

on our way home we had a heart to heart talk

and let some of our secret thoughts come out in a bunch

We made some plans for a 4th of July party

a big bash it would be for your friends

a night of pool splashing and fireworks

and music all night long till it ends

I promised not to drown your girlfriend

And finally leave the two of you alone

Since now you had your diploma

This relationship I’d now condone

You were so grateful to me for these things

you said "mom sometimes you just rock"

we spent this last day having so many laughs

and dancing in the mud without our shoes wearing only socks

We were building a fence and making a mess out of it

You were hot and so sweaty and tired too

You tried so hard to get it right

But I said let's give it up till later when it gets cool

Then you worked on some engines in the garage

trying to get your little chopper to run

You were amazed that you were so smart

that no one could fix it, you were the only one

And I never saw you anymore after that

I didn't even know you drove it away

I thought this whole time you were still in the garage

and for the rest there's not a lot of words left to say

Just know I am searching for you

calling and now screaming your name

I am so scared that something is wrong

and you are in some kind of pain

A chopper has landed in a field

and everyone is rushing around

daddy is covered in so much blood

what on earth is going down

I know there's many flashing lights

and atleast 10 neighbors are holding me back

I only remember fighting them to let me go to you

and I don't know what happened after that

My darling I know I've made some big mistakes with you

and some were way out of line

but please give me another chance with you

to right my wrongs and make things fine

Please just know that it's ok that you're late

but it's time to come home to me now

I hope you aren't mad at me for something I did

because I'll make it all better somehow

Get a message to me today

I am begging that of you

Send me a sign in any form

and make that message come through




Where are you my Michael tonite?

It's so dark outside but the stars are bright.

Please come home and dance with me again,

and let me laugh at your mischievous grin.

Come bouncing out into the living room,

in your crazy boxers dancing with the music that shakes the house and goes boom

Tie up the phone all day while laying back in the chair,

eat the whole pizza yourself again I don’t care.

Our fence we started is surely not straight,

the whole thing is sagging and so is the gate,

I don't care, we'll make it right,

but Son, you have to come home to me tonite.

I know you left your room in a mess,

It doesn't matter I must confess.

I just need you here to hold and to hug,

and don't worry about the grease on the rug.

Dan needs your help right away,

someone wrecked his 4 wheeler in a terrible way;

Dad said it won't run anymore,

please can you try to fix it some more?

Remember the impersonations you did for me last week?

I doubled over laughing so hard it was so neet;

and the one about the Chinese guy that you did

the stuff you come up with you crazy kid.

And your new comic routine was just so insane

where you did the head bobble I laughed till I was in pain;

and you kept doing it over and over you'd say,

my stomach was hurting from laughing from it all day.

You have to make all your friends laugh and be such a clown,

but why were so many kids crying today in town?

I'm not sure where you've gone, or why you're so late,

but I'm so very worried there's been some terrible mistake.

So please when you get this, just know I'm not mad,

but I must tell you something is very wrong with dad,

So just hurry on home soon as you can,

I am waiting to dance and laugh with you again.




Lord I must have a word with You

and I know that You know me well

I don't mince words with You at all

and there's plenty I want to tell

I know I've been quite a work in progress

and I know I've messed up so many things

but haven't I tried real hard to honor You

and revered You as my king?

Lord I know that You don't make mistakes

but something here's gone very wrong

Michael was not here with me today

to dance or sing his favorite songs

You know my boy has struggled in life

in so many different ways

he finally found himself on the right road

and we were having so many happy days

Michael had so much to live for

and so much left to give

his future was looking so bright ahead

and we all needed him to live

He wasn't doing anything wrong

he never hurt anyone at all

he suffered inhumanely in such a cruel way

didn't You hear me call?

I screamed for You to help us

I begged for You to make it all cease

I cried for You to intervene

and let us return to live in peace

You have a whole army of angels

and why couldn't You spare us just one

an angel of mercy to hold my boy's body together

and angel to help save my son

You do not need my Michael

Lord please give me back my son

we have so many things left to do

we were having so much fun

Take the other person

and do with him what You will

punish him the way you are punishing us now

and make this earth stand still

He's a very bad person

and this is something that You know

he has hurt many and murdered once before

where did the justice in this world go?

How can a person like this even exist

and be allowed to walk around free

what is wrong with this earthy law

when he's loose on a technicality?

I'm sorry that I want vengeance now

and it is supposed to be only Yours

but I am only a human mother

looking for some kind of cure

There is nothing left of my family

my husband lays by a cold grave

my little boy Dan can't hardly speak

and there's nothing left of us to save

Lord, please give us back our yesterday

when things were going so good

stop the world and turn back time

there must be a way that You could

You can make miracles happen

I need one to happen today

Fix this pain inside I have

and take all this bad away

Lord let me wake up in the morning

with Michael standing over my bed

let me see and hear him again

or just take me with You instead

But let Michael have his life back

right here right now on earth

it wasn't all that long ago

that we rejoiced at his birth

I cannot find peace without Michael

while a terrible murderer runs free

please find a way to help us all Lord

and please find a way to help me.


Mom I hope you aren't mad at me

because I got that mini chopper to run

I just had to try it out a little bit

I was having so much fun

I remember we were working on the fence

and you told me to go take a break

Instead I went back to the garage to work

but I didn't know it would be a fatal mistake

And after a while I finally got it going

I was so proud of myself

No one's been able to fix it for years

but I did with old parts from the garage shelf

I drove it down the road just a ways

to see how it would handle for me

I know what happened after that

I couldn't talk but I could hear and see

Mom I really wanted to stay

I did my best to try

I hung on as long as possible

and oh how I could hear you cry

I can see you mom in a very bad way

I expected that from you

Your tears are streaming like a river all the time

but there's nothing more that I can do

You have to remember our last days together

and my new comic routine

I made you laugh so much those days

but now I only hear you scream

Mom you've got to find some peace

and look after Dan for me please

I know he won't talk too much about this

and don't let him take my car keys

Be sure that you keep him off the road

as long as you possibly can

it's like you always said to us

we drive ok but also look out for the other man

I'm going to be coming around you

in many different ways

look for signs that I'll leave for you

every single day

I know that's not going to be enough for you mom

but right now it's the best I can do

I know you want to touch my face

and have plenty of hugs left for me too

Use those hugs to wrap around Dan

and tell him they are from me

and if you really want to plant that garden we spoke of

start with a willow tree

Then plant some flowers around it

and I'll help sprinkle them with some of my own tears

they'll grow this time I promise you mom

and they'll remind you of me through the years


Mom I'm so sorry I had no choice

I tried to come back two times they said

but my heart wouldn't jump start any more

and before I knew it I was dead

There was a light that was pulling me up

as I left my body behind

I seem to have floated with Angels

and they were so very kind

But I kept looking down at you below

and it was awful what I had seen

the road looked bad and dad was a mess

but I felt so very serene

I asked the Angels to let me come back

I told them you'd want me back home

but they said that God was waiting for me

and that I wasn't really leaving you alone

I asked them so many questions

and wanted to know about Dad

I was worried that I was in big trouble with him

you know when I leave tools out he gets mad

I wanted to know about my little brother

and who's going to watch out for my Dan

but the Angels assured me that it all will be right

and he would grow into a fine man

But what about you now mom

you're always such a rock for us all

you seem to be crumbling into pieces

and now you have begun to fall

That's not like you at all mom

and I know you've said you're tired of being strong

so why not think of how I made you laugh

when I'd come into the living room singing my silly songs

I have touched the face of God

and it is so wonderful here

He has no locks on anything

and he allows me to come to you to be near

I'm trying to send you so many signs

but you have to look carefully for them

I'm in your room and all over the house

so we are really together again

I've not gone out of your life mom

you just cannot see me like before

I'm every where you are every day

just make your mind an open door

I was in the barn with you this morning

I was watching you're every move

I see your face and surround you in love

I'm giving you hugs to soothe

I know you are crying at our fence

the last thing we did together

it's such a crooked mess yes it is

but don't worry dad will fix it up better

I see you have put a cross up in the barn

and hung up the little bell I gave you among your other things

and you are sitting in there praying for me all day long

it's like your special church with my bell that rings

If it were you, you'd say to me

come on let's pull it together for Dad and for Dan

so now I'm saying this to you

You can get through this because right now I'm holding your hand


Michael can you ever forgive me

for being so hard on you

for making you study and stay up at late night

to practice those tests you had to do

Michael can you ever forgive me

for riding you so hard about school

I know books were not your thing

when you'd rather be working with tools

Michael can you ever forgive me

for all the times you were unjustly blamed around here

for things that you weren't really responsible for

I didn't know at the time my sweet dear

Michael can you ever forgive me

for saying no to you time after time

I was too hard and too strict with you

I should have been more lenient and kind

Michael can you ever forgive me

for not giving you the money to fix up your car

I thought it best that you work to pay for it yourself

to teach you responsibilities that would take you far

Michael can you ever forgive me

for not being the perfect mom to you

I wish I had another chance to be better

and I'd do more to help you through

Michael can you ever forgive me

for pushing you to your limits

I wanted so much to help you become a good man

but now there's no way for me to fix it

Michael can you ever forgive me

for grounding you so many times

when you messed up so badly

when you just would not mind

Michael can you ever forgive me

for making you get off the phone

when you tied it up all day and all night

and when I got mad when you were late coming home

Michael can you ever forgive me

for throwing some of your friends out of here

I know I misjudged some of them

I thought they were drinking some beer

Michael can you ever forgive me

I now found out that you told me the truth all along

I am so sorry for anything I did

I am so sorry for whatever I did wrong


I can't live without my son

it all just hurts so bad

I'm so tired of crying now

I am vicious and mad

I feel like I'm being tortured with swords

and being stabbed over and over again

just like my son suffered in the ditch

for way too long until the end

I can't live a life like this

torn apart like this every day

nothing will ever be the same

with my son so far away

What a great kid that's gone from this world

his space in life has gone

no more silly dancing

he won't sing any more outrageous songs

This boy loved to play with babies

and pets of every kind in the world

he wanted ten kids of his own someday

he said 5 boys and 5 little girls

And he wanted to build his own big house

and be such a big success

but now with him gone there's nothing left for him

just us left in one great big mess

There is such a hole in my heart

there's no way for it to mend

our whole family is drifting away

this has all got to end

My family is miles apart now

we're acting like we're strangers

I'm scared to let Dan out of my sight

and scared of all the world's dangers

It's not like us to act so badly

although we weren't perfect from the start

none of us will ever find happiness again

our world has exploded apart

I'm not sure what we did to deserve all this

I keep going over and over it my mind

what did we do that was so wrong

and why is my God so unkind

I guess we'll never know the answers

atleast while we're here on this earth

so I hope God reaches down and grabs me up soon

and gives me my new re-birth

Because I don't want to stay here anymore

not without my son not like this

there won't be anymore joy in this house

because it's Michael that we all terribly miss


Do not tell me he's in a better place now

Don't dare tell me God had a better plan

I don't want to hear this stuff anymore

because Michael belonged on this land

Those are just words that people say

in hopes that will make you will feel better

well I don't feel better about anything

not until my son and I are together

Everything I had believed in

and all the commandments I tried to uphold

just where did all that devotion that get me

and yes I am angry and bold

my son went through something so horrifiying

and no child should ever have to suffer

where are the words to justify that

no child should never be ripped from his mother

God did not need my son like we did

He did not make him an Angel with wings

My son is not flying around through the heaven's

he's in a cold grave where I can't hear him sing

Yes I am very mad right now

Yes I am loosing my faith

What do you expect from me now

I can't hold or see my son's face

If there still is a God up there

and if He is still King above all

return my son to my life in my arms

and let him answer me when I call

I want to see him walk in the back door again now

hollering that he's home and what's there to eat

I want you to turn back the clock now God

and then for You I'll be back on my knees

But until I can be with Michael

and until I get some justice here

don't talk to me about this better plan for him

I have to have Michael near

We weren't bothering anyone

and we didn't cause anyone trouble or hurt

we need some answers and justice now

because my son lies under the dirt

Just tell me how does a murderer

get set free after serving 5 years

to get out and do it all over again

and cause so many tears

And how can this man still be free

when our hearts are so on fire

we can't find a way to escape the pain

we're being tortured hour after hour

How can I hold my little Dan

and tell him it's going to be alright

when he saw the murderer drive past our road

just the other night

How am I supposed to help my husband

who now lives in a graveyard near town

just how much longer do we have to wait

there's no peace in our hearts anywhere around

So yes I'm feeling very defiant

and much out of character for me

but I feel I have every right to feel this way

because none of these things should have to be

Michael was an organ donar

but how terrible there was nothing of him left to give

how violent a death there ever was

he should have been allowed to live


Well-Known Member
Aug 17, 2003
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Morson, Ontario, Canada
Marty, I am glad you can find some form of comfort through your poems. They have each touched me deeply. Thank you for sharing them with all of us.

C & C Farms

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Sep 14, 2003
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Marty - Thank you for sharing your poems with us. Your forum family is here for you. We all love you, Jerry and Daniel {{{HUGS}}}


Well-Known Member
Nov 30, 2002
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Newsome, TX

I would so much like to hug you and cry with you. My heart breaks for you. I am soo soo sorry.



Well-Known Member
Oct 19, 2003
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Oh Marty,

I know there is nothing I can ever say to make this horrific pain eased...Death is so cruel. To lose a child is the cruelest. Just know that we all love you so very much and we are so deeply sorry that this terrible tradegy has happend.

with love,


Casnos Minis

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Mar 19, 2006
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Willliamsburg, MA
[SIZE=18pt]Oh Dear Marty, I'm so very sorry for your pain and loss. Reading your poems brought back feelings and memories of when my Aunt passed away. You are forever in our prayers and thought. I have a letter for you and Jerry and one for Dan as well. I'll be sending them this week with some candles for you to light.[/SIZE]



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Sep 4, 2003
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Muncie, Indiana

Thanks so much for sharing with us, they are all very beautiful. I hope by you sharing, it helps you in some small way.

Take care of you and your family. We miss and love you!!!!!


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Sep 21, 2005
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I am so sorry, Marty.

I just don't know what to say.

We are all worried about you and thinking of you.

Nothing anyone can say will "fix this".

I hope you can find even the tiniest bit of comfort in our heartfelt wishes.

All I can say is thank you for opening a little window for us and letting us in.

It must be very hard to share and I think you are very brave for doing so.

I keep thinking that eventually I'll come up with something to say that might help you feel a little better. Then, I get nothing. Please know that I am sending you my most heartfelt condolences and warmest wishes.

He IS there with you, Marty. He IS.

Every now and then you'll see him. He won't ever leave you alone.

I bet...he'll even help you with that fence.


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Aug 31, 2003
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Oh dear, keep writing Marty, it's very theraputic and cleansing and I'm sure Micheal enjoys your sharing to ease your pain, go hug the men in your life and do come back to us soon.


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Jan 2, 2005
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Williams, OR
Keep writing Marty, it's your way to get through this. Your words put me in tears and it's like I can see right into your broken heart........keep writing Marty.


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Jan 22, 2005
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Oh Marty,

Each one of those poems brought tears to my eyes. You have a gift with words.....I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling, I feel the same way about people saying they are in a better place, although they mean well, I have heard that also and it has always bothered me. Or saying it is god's plan. Well for a parent it is really hard to understand that. I know when my daughter was 18 months and was diagnosed with cancer, having to deal with the possiblity of losing her, people would say things that would hit me wrong, they meant well, and just really didn't know what to say, and so they tried to say something they thought would help........Like well at least she is young, and doesn't know what is going on.........well that hit me wrong.....She knew she hurt and young or not, poking and proding on her was terrible with everything they did to her.

As a parent you want to protect your children, and sometimes you can't. And that is a terrible feeling.

I know your pain is great, your whole family is dealing with it in their own ways, just try to pull together, for each other. Michael is with you all, and always will be.

I pray that the man that did this is punished, How awful to see him drive by, I think that is very wrong.....May justice be served for Michael.


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Nov 15, 2004
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Central Missouri
Marty, there have been several times I wanted to post this for you but the time never seemed right. I know that it will bring fresh tears, but I hope you can eventually get some peace from it. As someone once said those people we love are only gone if they're forgotten.

Please hold tightly to Jerry and Dan as you hold Michael in your heart.

[SIZE=12pt]~When Tomorrow Starts Without Me~ [/SIZE]

When tomorrow starts without me,

and I'm not there to see,

If the sun should rise

and find your eyes

are filled with tears for me.

I wish so much you wouldn't cry

the way you did today,

While thinking of the many things

we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,

as much as I love you,

And each time that you think of me,

I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,

please try to understand,

That an angel came

and called my name,

and took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,

in Heaven far above,

And that I'd have to leave behind

all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,

a tear fell from my eye,

For all my life, I'd always thought,

I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,

so much yet to do,

It seemed almost impossible

that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,

the good ones and the bad,

I thought of all the love we shared,

and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,

just even for a while,

I'd say good-by and kiss you,

and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,

that this could never be,

For emptiness and memories,

would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,

I might miss come tomorrow

I thought of you, And when I did,

my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked

through Heaven's gates,

I felt so much at home,

Then God looked down

and smiled at me,

from His great golden throne.

He said "This is Eternity,

and all I've promised you,

Today your life on earth is past

but here it starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,

today will always last,

And since each day's

always the same,

there's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,

so trusting and so true.

Though there were times

you did some things,

you knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven,

and now at last you're free.

So won't you come

and take My hand,

and share My life with Me?"

So when tomorrow starts without me,

don't think we're far apart.

For every time you think of me,

I'm right there, in your heart.

~Author Unknown~


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Mar 19, 2004
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Marty you have such a wonderful gift with words they brought me comfort reading them helping me feel what my husband must have gone through earlier this year when he lost one of his sons to a drunk driver. l say it's a comfort because to know what someone else is feeling is so much better then just shutting down for months without saying a word and keeping it all inside. The wound is huge both ways but a light will creep in one day and the tunnel won't be so dark. Take care we think of you often and l don't feel you are ever alone on your journey towards it. Michael is always in your heart he won't ever leave you his body might be gone but it's his spirit that lives on.


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Nov 9, 2005
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Dearest Marty

I fell your pain. I lost a 17 yr old daughter to a single car accident over 3 years ago...she was not to have the car...it was against our wishes...very long story

I have read your poems and they touched me in a very sad way. I had to stop as the tears wouldn't let me read anymore...I then went back and read some more and again the tears. I understand that you feel alone in your grief and wonder what YOU caould have done to prevent the loss of your dear child. You question everything you have done as a parent and will coninue to question everything with your other child. I struggle with this everyday. It is by no way easy.

I am sure you feel that you are loosing your mind, Your grief is unbearable. Please continue to use anyway possible for an outlet. I am sure your anger, rage, frustration and loss istearing you up.

My heart goes out to you and yours Marty...in time the pain will lessen but stupid things will bring up the feelings again.

The loss of a child is worse than any other loss in the whole world. Nothing will ever be the same again but time does help. Hang in there Marty. You have some wonderful friends here...make sure you use them....that is what friends are for!!


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Jul 11, 2005
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Green Springs Ohio
Marty ...not a day or minute goes by that im not thinking or praying for you all.

Just know that.

You were given your way with words and writting to help you go through this, us them.

God Bless,

Leeana H.


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Aug 20, 2003
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Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Marty. I completely understand your confusion and pain. Horrific, terrible loss. I can't even begin to believe that the MONSTER who did this to your darling one still runs free. Driving, yet!!! I also feel that vengeance requires that he live every day filled with agony beyond what we can imagine. So angry. You are justified in your anger.

My words are so inadequate. :no:


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Oct 3, 2003
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Capon Bridge, WV
Oh, Marty!! I am so very sorry for the pain you're experiencing. I would do anything I could to take that pain from you, Jerry and Dan. Nothing I can say will make you feel any better. Just know that we are all here for you and love you.

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