Friend's Wedding

[willowoodstables]

I have a good friend getting married this year. Sounds wonderful, right? Not!!

First. They are copy-ing my wedding to a "t". Would be fine, but don't you hav any original ideas yourself. Example, they are getting a piper. I had one as my hubby is Scots. Neither party has any Scots. Example, using our wedding song (geesh). Example, invitation says BYOB and Tent(getting the picture???) Example, they are honeymooning in the same cottage we did.

Second and most hurtful.

My hubby and I own an Antique cruiser with 2 other folks. The one owner has offered the boat to be the transportation of the wedding party. BUT this (our) boat was unavavilable for our wedding!! And we were not asked or even approached about this. Now I am tweaked because my husband didn't push for our wedding to have OUR boat, and he also feels that the wedding fiasco is getting more and more silly. As friends I cannot say anything to them, as I truly believe they don't have a clue. I DO have a problem with the other owner offering the boat, and I will be speaking to him this evening. Any suggestions on how to be tactful. My hubby is more upset than he lets on and I feel for him. We have spent mucho $$ and time on this boat and take enormous pride in it!

Kim

 

[Marty]

Help her!

If she is your friend, I would probably throw caution to the winds and ask her why she is making a carbon copy out of your wedding in the first place.

I find that really strange and quite bizzare and tell her it's not really setting very well with you.

The only thing I can think of is that just maybe she is so clueless on how to put on a wedding and may be besides herself trying to figure out how to put it all together, so maybe she needs your help!

BUTT! I would also approach her with suggestions for another themes, music, etc, and another place to honeymoon too.

 

[wade3504]

I actually think it's kind of nice that she wants her wedding to be like yours. I think it's a compliment to you in how nice your wedding must have been.

As far as the boat, she's friend of yours and the boat was not available for your wedding. Why take the opportunity away from your friend, especially when you say how nice the boat is. It's not her fault the boat wasn't available for your wedding.

Be happy for them that they get to use it and really enjoyed your wedding.

Amanda

 

[willowoodstables]

Ok to clarify..

SHE is not the friend. HE is. I did help them get ideas and plans way back but the suggestions didn't take.

Yes it is nice about the boat, BUT, the problem is that we were never approached about it. For instance, you have a horse at the trainers and have nice harness and the trainer offers it to another client to put on their horse. Horse is not likely to wreck it, but wouldn't you like the opportunity to say yah or nay?? Also, it is out of respect for hubby. He will not say to much and always is being taken advantage of. I heard it the other day "Al won't say anything". Also, the gloating of the so called wedding party about getting the boat for the wedding and then their families out for a river tour. My mother passed before she ever set foot on the boat and that just sticks in my craw, sorry.

Kim

 

[hobbyhorse23]

Second and most hurtful.
My hubby and I own an Antique cruiser with 2 other folks. The one owner has offered the boat to be the transportation of the wedding party. BUT this (our) boat was unavavilable for our wedding!! And we were not asked or even approached about this. Now I am tweaked because my husband didn't push for our wedding to have OUR boat, and he also feels that the wedding fiasco is getting more and more silly. As friends I cannot say anything to them, as I truly believe they don't have a clue. I DO have a problem with the other owner offering the boat, and I will be speaking to him this evening.

At first when I read this I thought you were upset about not being offered the boat yourselves for your own wedding, but upon careful rereading and seeing your harness analogy it sounds like you are more concerned about the boat being loaned out without your permission. Is that right? I can't really blame you for being upset about that, I tend to feel the same way about things I've invested my time and money in. If there is some lingering annoyance over "They offered it to the other couple but we didn't get to use it" like there sounds like there is, well, why didn't you push for use of the boat at the time? Lots of times I have felt slighted over that sort of thing and when I've finally gotten the courage to tell the person how I felt they were horrified because they hadn't meant it that way at all. "Why didn't you say something at the time," they say. "I would have given it to you, I just didn't think of it!" Of course the fact they didn't think of you hurts too,

: but it really isn't worth getting upset over. It's over and done at this point, don't let it eat at you or cause contention between you and your husband. Live and learn!

As for your friend's fiancee copying your wedding, I can see how that would be somewhat frustrating. But if you "truly believe they don't have a clue" then I think you are making things hard on yourself by becoming upset over it. After all, they are the ones who will not have a unique and special memory of their big day! Make a conscious decision to find it funny and just shake your head over it as you offer them (one more time) a few alternate suggestions.

I'm sorry this is hurting you. No fun!

Leia

 

[Danielle_E.]

I can understand your frustration Kim. I wouldn't be happy about the boat issue either. The rest there is not much you can do about it and the partner you own the boat with SHOULD have known better, there is no excuse for him or her offering the boat without you having a say, that is very disrespectful because YOU and YOUR HUBBY are 1/2 owners. Now of course it would make you look like "the bad guy" if you didn't allow those plans to go through, I am so sorry. I say take the high road and be the gracious one. All you are going to do at this point is make yourselves stress over it. I would however speak to your co-owner of the boat and let him/her know that this kind of thing is NOT acceptable, EVER AGAIN and that all decision regarding the "boat" MUST be made by the two parties or the next time you will pull the plug on it! The only other thing that comes to mind is you could tell your boat "partner" that you expect 1/2 payment of the boat within 24 hours since he/she thinks they can do as they want without your consent. Then go out and buy yourself another boat totally to yourselves.

 

[willowoodstables]

That's exactly it Danielle. Will live and learn and not sweat the small stuff.

Kim

 

[Sonya]

I would consider it a compliment that she/he is copy-ing your wedding...Now, if your wedding hadn't happened yet...then I'd be po'ed! Not sure about the boat thing...you're co-owner of the boat so you should get to approve all loans on it...and to be honest...I'd let her/him have it...it is just a day and although it should be a memorable day...it is just a day...a formality so to speak. I always found it bothersome that so many people will put so much time into their wedding, but ignore their marriage....not saying that directed at you at all, so please don't take it wrong...

 

[mininik]

Enjoy life. Don't sweat the small stuff... and it's all small stuff!

:

 

[backwoodsnanny]

As for the person copying your wedding I have always been told that mimicry or copying is the biggest form of flattery anyone can give. apparently your wedding must have been one of the most beautiful this couple ever attended therefore they want one just like it. As for the boat it is not this persons fault that your co-owner offered it to them but did not do it for you. You should talk to the co owner about this and let them know that from this point forward you would like the courtesy of being included in any decisions regarding the boat.

 

[Minimor]

IMO that's one of the pitfalls of having a co-owner on anything--sometimes they want to do something with the co-owned object that you don't agree with. (the harness analogy isn't exactly right, because unless the trainer co-owned your harness she wouldn't really have the right to offer use of it to anyone else.)

Just to clarify--each and every time you want to use the boat, do you get permission from the other owners? If you have a schedule worked out--"this weekend we'll use the boat, next weekend you get the boat" then do you also specify who you will be taking out on the boat on "your" weekend? Does the other owner have the right to veto any of your passengers? Something to keep in mind, since fair is fair.

 

[willowoodstables]

Just to clarify--each and every time you want to use the boat, do you get permission from the other owners? If you have a schedule worked out--"this weekend we'll use the boat, next weekend you get the boat" then do you also specify who you will be taking out on the boat on "your" weekend? Does the other owner have the right to veto any of your passengers? Something to keep in mind, since fair is fair.

Yes we have a schedule worked out before she goes in the water. There are stipulations about number of guests and who (no torn down clowns ect). There has always been give and take. If a special guest ws in town with the co-owner and it was our weekend, the request was usually granted for them to have the boat.

Update:

I spoke with the co-owner last nite and he was mortified he'd never thought of it. He then asked if it was alright to dock the boat at the riverfront and use it for pictures! OF COURSE I told him. Because we couldn''t take advantage of having her in pictures at our wedding we are going to get pictures taken by the photographer after they are all done with wedding pictures. Of course I can't fit into the wedding dress (tacky anyways to appear at someone's wedding in a wedding dress) hubby and I will be dolled up anyways and will have photo's done. Because there is a house/lawn party after the wedding we will remove the boat upriver to our dock later in the evening (that way we don't have people tramping on her in muddy shoes etc). So again thanks to LB I didn't stick my foot in my mouth and appraoched (I think) the conversation with tact, diplomacy and sincerity.

If all are wondering why the issue of the boat, in addition to the first issue, she is the last of her kind and is a true antique (1937) solid mahogany boat. The only pic I have on this PC is a bad one, but here she is..a very ncie boat to have pics taken with (which I wholeheartedly support..they couple's boat is not a picture type boat)...

Myrna, 1937 36' Sachau Cruiser....