Possibly moving...need to convince boyfriend or find cash!

[Yaddax3]

MiniHoofBeats:

If many of us knew about your financial situation, I doubt the consensus would have been to rent the place in the country without first doing a reality check about whether you can afford it.

Please don't take what I'm about the say the wrong way. It is not a criticism. It is a question: Do you believe you are impulsive, whether it's with boyfriends, minis or places to live?

If you believe you are impulsive, perhaps that realization will help you guard against it in the future. If you don't believe you're impulsive, well, maybe you should ask some friends and relatives you trust what they think.

 

[Reble]

MiniHoofBeats,

Ok, now we know why your Dad thought this was not a good ideal. :no:

Talk to your Father or Mother again.

Good Luck

 

[mininik]

You definitely need to get out of the relationship you're in. You're just not right for one another. There shouldn't have to be so many issues, day in and day out. Life's too short for all that drama. Move on.

Next, where to move to? How about living with you parents again, at least for a while? Or do any of your friends or family have a place where you could crash? This mold and "relationship" situation is crazy enough, but living out in the country alone and absolutely STRAPPED for cash won't be any better.

Sometimes, unfortunately, you've got to give up what you love just to make it. There is a reason your dad wants to look at life "negatively" (financially) first and that's because it takes money to live. It's just not realistic to think you'll be happy homeless or nearly so, hugging your beloved critters. They'll be suffering for it, and so will you. Maybe you could (even for free) lease your Mini to someone special until you get your life under control.

 

[Marty]

OK HOLD THE PHONE ........BEEP BEEP BACK THE TRUCK UP

I'm sorry to report that after reading this last page, I'm going to have to "un-support you"........

I didn't realize that when you first posted this that you couldn't afford this place and actually it sounds to me that you can't afford the other place without your boyfriend.

I'm going to have to agree with your dad:



I told my dad about this and as usual, he looks at everything from a financial view before anything else and the first comment out of his mouth was that I was going to financially flop and end up in dept up to my ears.

I think this is move a train wreck about to happen. I was under the impression that you were financially ok but it sounds like you are not. Although this place sounds perfect, you shouldn't be having to sell off the lamps and furnishings just to get in there.

My idea for you would be to sit down with your dad who may not have a great way with words, but he seems to have a very good way with doing the math. I'd let him write down all your expenses for you, and your income and go over everything together to see exactly where you stand on paper before you make another move. You don't want to get in that house and find out that you can't pay the next month's rent in the middle of winter, must less starve to death and not be able to afford a CHRISTMAS TREE either!

I'm worried that out of desperation, you may end up with a real weenie for a room mate that can also cause you problems. I was in the same boat when I was very young and I tell you I ended up with the strangest room mates that you could not even imagine. Very weird characters, even more goofy that me, that never did pay their end of the bills by the way and left me stuck with theirs.

Your dad may be able to come up with a budget for you and that would be a good thing before you get in over your head. And PLEASE do stay away from the charge cards because that is just another hole you will dig for yourself at a very young age. If there is a way to make this work out for you, I'll bet you that your dad can help figure it out with you. It's not that he wants to bring you down, it's that he's your dad and doesn't want to see you get in over your head so cut him some slack here ok?

I want to suggest to you that you slow it down, and go talk to dad real quick. Then re-group and see where you stand after you see the figures written down on paper. I do admire your spunk and your spirit and wanting to take control of your life, but this may not be that time just yet and unfortunately you might have to suck mold just a little while longer.

Good luck!

 

[Sonya]

I agree with what the last few posts have said. If you are going to have to "live" on your credit card, this is not a good idea.

My advice...definately get out of the moldy place...have you ever heard of stachebotris (I know I didn't spell that right)...it's a type of mold that will kill you in a very short period of time, it is highly toxic. I know you care for you boyfriend and of course I don't know all the story, but you've already said he is emotionally and verbally abusive to you. Ditch him...you are too young to start a cycle like that. Emotional and verbal abuse is no different than physical, except the bruises are only on the inside, not the out.

Can you move back home to your parents? I know this will be tough especially after being kinda on your own. But this could be your ticket....move home, get your finances straight and then look for a place where you can keep your mini and be self sufficient and not rely on anyone.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Ashley]

I agree. If you will have to live on your credit card it isnt worth it. This past summer do to some unexpected things I to had to live on my credit card for about 4 months. Let me tell you it sucks. I am not one to like to have debit. I am slowly paying it all off, as much as I can a month but its not easy to get rid of it once its there.

Also look at how sturdy your job is? Will it always be there or do you have a chance of getting laid off?

I only say that because now is the time of year lay offs happen and it can be hard to squeek by. I to am giveing up some things I really really didnt want to give up, but I do know for about 99.9% sure I will be layed off this winter. Which would be from prob Dec.-April. The first and formost important thing is to make sure I can get by with my bills. Yes horses are part of this but I do get lucky if I need help getting through the winter in that end, my mom will cover it for me until I am back to work. Then I would just have to make payments to her.

But again, I seriously recommend that if you are liveing on CC dont do the move there.

 

[MiniHoofBeats]

Well I am glad to hear everyones point of view, but I need to clear that only November will be a tough month, and that's all, one month. My family is being very supportive and is helping me out with early christmas gifts of money which is going to make November go by much smoother =) I did what my dad told me and put it all down on paper, rent, bills, hay, feed, vaccinations, de-wormer, food for me, gas, etc. It is a LOT to look at, but after I got it all down on paper and double checked to make sure I didn't forget anything, I can still easily afford the place by myself with extra $$$ to spare. I will obviously be living on a budget, but i'll end up still saving money each month which is where I want to be! If I would have come up in the negatives, then I would have backed down and said no...but I am really glad I sat down and went through a financial plan and budget.

I will still be looking for a roomate, wacky or not lol...I don't care as long as they PAY their half, don't steal, or abuse my animals, etc...as long as they PAY their half LOL!

I work for my parents, so i'm not so much worried about getting laid off in winter...it's a good job, and pays more than most others out there!

We'll see how it goes, i'll keep everyone updated, and again I do appreciate all your opinions!

 

[justjinx]

steff--so glad you made the choice to move. first, for your health safety!!!! second, to make YOU happy! you need this place and you need to be there with or without the guy. You will be happier and healthier, so GOOD FOR YOU!

jennifer :saludando:

 

[irishmini]

Boyfriends come and go.. sadly husbands come and go(as do girlfriends and wives) the worst way to start or stay in any relationship is to allow resentment to build and by not doing what you truly feel is right you will resent him.

If he moves when he isnt ready he will resent you.

The best thing for any woman to do is to save her own money (even if married) and have a life truly independent of her husband/boyfriend.

A relationship should enhance your life not become your life. When it enhances your life it can be strong.

so true so true...well said, ruff and tuff!!!!

 

[Sonya]

If you have figured out a budget and can do it, then definately go for it, you will be very happy there. Maybe instead of using the credit card to help for the month of November you can borrow it from your parents so you won't be paying interest...I know that sucks...I've had to ask my parents for extra cash when I was younger and I hated it.

However you end up doing it, Congratulations! You will love it there! Show your Dad how you budgeted everything out and I'm sure he will support you and be proud, maybe even help you for November without you even having to ask.

Good luck and Congratulations....make sure you post pics of the inside when you get all moved in!

 

[MiniHoofBeats]

Ugh...well I hate to be saying this now after so much of everyones support, but I decided not to get the place. I am going to continue looking for a place with land to rent, but somewhere closer and cheaper. My ultimate goal is I want to save money to buy a house, and the more I think of it, the more I just wonder if i'll be saving enough money at this place, or not...I know i'll have money left over but lord knows emergencies come up and unexpected bills. My friend has offered to watch my colt for a couple months so I do have some time, but I just...I really wish I had someone else, a friend of mine, to move out to this place with me! I would jump at it in a heartbeat if I had someone coming with me but by myself I just don't know. *sigh* anyone from WI want to come rent with me? LOL!...

I am so up in the air it's just ridiculous...but...well, i'll keep everyone posted!

 

[Yaddax3]

Let me see if I've got this straight: You're getting it. You're not getting. You're getting it. You're not getting it.

I wouldn't be surprised if, within the hour, you'll be getting it again.

Words just don't sum up what I'm thinking. Maybe this will ...

EI-YI-YI-YI-YI!

You're life is more fascinating than anything on TV. Matter of fact, your life should be a reality TV show. I'd be glued to the set.

 

[Relic]

Maybe you could take up writing short stories in your spare time for extra income.

 

[Sonya]

Geez Steph! Well I definately wouldn't stay in that moldy place any longer. I'm not sure if I'd even worry about giving a months notice...that place is dangerous. Not to mention, your boyfriend doesn't sound like a great prospect either...I'm sure he has his good points.......somewhere.

I think you should move back home with your parents for now and get your finances straight and figure out what you want...that's my advice. Look into finding a place that will do "rent to own" when you do start looking, make a plan and stick to it...you'll eventually figure everything out. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[MiniHoofBeats]

lol i've been told before that my life seems more like a TV sitcom! Here I am wanting to move into a house in the country, get my life back, 3 year relationship is going down the tubes over a 20 minute drive, and now I am hearing my mom's job is in jeopardy! She is paid on the clock 8am-5pm but always is still at work until 11-12 trying to get the loads of paperwork done that she is handed down...she is even in on weekends, she practically LIVES at work, gets paid maybe 6 hours overtime of the 70 hours she puts in....and now they're bashing her because she is a couple minutes late coming back from lunch...*sigh*...she doesn't think she'll ever find a job that pays as much or has as good of benefits, but her boss and co-workers all down talk her, degrade her, swear at her, etc....

Like I said, I am still up in the air on this place! I really, really really really want to get it and I know I could make it, but I am getting cold feet...I am so nervous to be living out there by myself, and lord knows when i'll find a potential roomate.

Sorry just wanted to add - I cannot move in with my dad and step mom, they apply rules such as be home by 9pm or you're locked out, no noise, only approved friends allowed over, etc...I am too used to my freedom to let it go lol...and my moms house has been completely converted into CAT HAVEN...both spare rooms are kitten rooms or storage. I would be infringing on her cattery space if I tried moving back in there, plus I am horribly allergic to her cats *ack*

It's either this country place, scratching by but with my love, mini's! Or in the city, cheap, but still without my hobby and bored...my best friend said she would move with me if we can find a place that is country, but within 10 minutes of Appleton...which is the same rule that applies to my boyfriend...weird....

 

[Reble]

I believe we all have done this once in ours lives, jump the gun and end up back where we started.

:

Ok, since you are still up in the air about the Country forget it. It should just feel right.

You are scared and you would have to do everything on your own.

So lets step back a few days and talk about the Mold.

Get a hold of landlord and who ever else you need to and get that fixed up, first.

It is the landlords responsibility. If you have too talk to a lawyer, for advice.

You Quote: Ok so as most of you know, i've been working with my town to allow miniature horses...it's been going REALLY good, Well, the bad news is that this would only work on my property, if I ever moved/ So right now do not move & you will have your mini and boyfriend with you.

The town will allow your mini there, so get that ball moving.

3 years in a relationship sounds like you are not willing to give that up.

So boyfriend and you stay together.

Somethings you cannot change.

But these things you can? Good Luck

Problem Solved, I Hope.

Stay and get things right :aktion033: :aktion033: :aktion033:

 

[Yaddax3]

Well ...

What's the latest? You can't lure us into your life like you did and then stop giving updates.

Did you move to the country place of somewhere else? Did you dump the boyfriend? Are you still looking for a roommate?

Throw us a bone here, will you?

 

[MiniHoofBeats]

lol sorry, "all about me" sitcom was on temporary relief!

Well, we ended up talking more about each others issues and how feelings got stepped on, and we agreed that compromises need to be made, from BOTH of us. We both decided to rewind the clock and start where we should have, by getting the health department here in the house to check if our living conditions are hazardous. We scheduled for a 2:00pm this Friday. If the house is too hazardous to live in, we then get to decide if we want to bring it up with the landlord, or move. If we bring it up with the landlord, option A is they put us in a hotel while they pay crud loads of $$$ to fix the basement, or option B the house is just labelled condemned and we have to move...I would at least like to get our deposit back and a peeved off landlord doesn't get that LOL!

SO...if the house is not hazardous, we are going to stay here through the winter and look for a country home to move into next spring.

Problem solved for now! I know many of you are probably pressing lips tight together right now...me too and my family but, like stated above, 3 years is too long of a relationship to just throw away without talking things through. He can be a butthead sometimes but, I still love him!

:

 

[Reble]

Don't worry what others think. What is best for you?

Talking things out, makes good sence. We all forget how to communicate in a relationship at times.

Getting the health department involved was smart.

Good Luck

:

 

[Robin1]

I'm glad you have a plan.

3 year relationship is going down the tubes over a 20 minute drive

I don't think your relationship problems have anything to do with a 20 minute drive. If he was happy in your relationship 20 minutes is nothing.

Robin