Possibly moving...need to convince boyfriend or find cash!

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MiniHoofBeats

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Ok so as most of you know, i've been working with my town to allow miniature horses...it's been going REALLY good, a few different angles have been looked at such as special permits, or changing the ordinance all together...my alderman is just mostly worried that the neighborhood will pick up mini's as a "fad" and after the fad dies down, the town will be left with a lot of lawn ornaments so he wants to push the special use permit specifically for me, and a therapy/educational mini. My specific property was rezoned commercial a few years ago for a guy who wanted to run a heating/cooling business out of the garage, so my alderman also wants to push bringing the mini in as sort of a "business" of going around to visit the elderly, schools, helping out the police department like say with social services if they take parents away and a child is left behind, to come entertain the child for a couple hours while paperwork is getting done, etc...

Well, the bad news is that this would only work on my property, if I ever moved, the same rules would not apply...i'd have to go through everything again. And...even worse...my basement has a HUGE mold issue. It is so bad, there is mold growing on the floor, mushrooms growing underneath boxes, etc...the basement REEKS...our back door comes in by the basement and that is the door we always use, so when family and friends come over the first thing they are greeted with is stinky, musty odor...I've been researching mold and how it causes health problems such as frequent headaches, new allergies, etc. and for about 3 months now i've been getting repeat headaches every day around noon, AND to top it off I now am allergic to cats...that i've been around and owned my entire life...and i'm allergic to pollens, I can no longer mow the lawn like I LOVE to do without my eyes burning, turning red and itchy, my nose running and stuffy at the same time, and sneeze sneeze sneeze! I have never in my life ever been allergic to anything (except sulpha based medications) and now I have 2 new allergies that will never, ever go away.

Plus, all the stuff we stored in the basement, hundreds upon hundreds of dollars of decorations and furniture and clothing, is MOLDY...it's all ruined....I have brought this issue up with my landlord numerous times, he okayed having a basement inspector come in, they quoted $14,000 dollars worth of work that needed to be done but if at least anything, to get their de-humidifyer which is like 3 in one, but only runs on 1/3 the power....so my landlord goes out and buys me a dinky little de-humidifier and that is supposed to keep the humidity level below 50% to keep mold from growing, throughout the entire basement AND upstairs? ONE????.....I am so peeved.....

SO...I looked in the paper yesterday and I found my dream! a 3br, 1.5 bath, 2.5 car, ranch home on a couple acres of land for rent...guy said I could put fencing up anywhere and keep my horses there, and there's already a shed for storage and/or a run-in! The only downside is that it is a 20-25 minute drive out to the place, or into town for work...which I am ready to do again, that is what I used to do when I lived out in this area before and though it was a drive, I LOVED the country!!! I am ready for it, I want to do it, but my boyfriend is dragging his toe...saying he's not sure...he knows this is my dream to have mini's right in my back yard again, but he's just dragging his toe. I know he loves the country too, he likes fixing up bikes and zooming around the yard with them, and ATV's and all that junk and he loves to have outdoor bonfires. Before we moved back into the city last time, he was all about finding another country home. Well, I told him I need to know an answer before noon today because the guy has 2 more people coming to look at the place today, and the first person to slap down $300 to reserve the place gets it...and what does my boyfriend do? He goes out drinking with his friends until 4am, lord knows he wont be up until noon...*sigh*...I am wondering if I should make this decision on my own and just move. I just can't help but question though, am I being the selfish one here?
 
well, major decisions like that do need to be made as a couple, so unless you can afford the place on your own if he choses to really make an issue of it then you should probably not make the choice alone.

However, i think it was kind of rude for him to just put off making a decision on it when it could cost you the place. It sounds like ti would be a great place for him as well, considering his interests. I'd wake his butt up and get an answer myself, but that might put him in the wrong frame of mind and he might just say no because he was annoyed that you woke him up.

And you know, there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a place where you can fulfill YOU dreams. I don;t see you wanting this place as "selfish" in a bad way. You shouldn;t have to give up all your dreams because he might be dragging his feet over the issue.

I'm honestly not sure what I would do in your shoes, though. I know I am not any help, but I hope you can get the place. It sounds perfect for you.
 
Thanks Warpony, yes I can afford the place on my own if need be. This seems to come up all the time that him and I cannot make decisions, he always "needs a day to think about it" or "needs to sleep on it" wheras I come to conclusions within minutes....it's frustrating to know what I want, then to have to wait to hear his side. But I do love him, and I told him last night before he went out that I would like him to really think it over, then come home and talk it over with me and instead he crawls home at 4am...i'm peeved about that...well, i'll try calling but he likes to keep his phone on silent in the mornings...

Thanks you guys for your advice!
 
Your health is very much at risk by living in your present residence so I'd move asap. You can still save your things by washing everything down in bleach or something to remove mold. I'd like to see you move on this other place today if possible. Driving 25 or so minutes to work is not a lot.

Just be sure that the other place is a neighborhood that does allow 4 wheeling and bon fires, etc. for your boyfriend. Check the restrictions.

Depending on how much of a couple you guys are, if you have a solid future together would be the deciding factor if I would get the place on my own or not.

Wake him up, give him an asprin, tell him to fork over the $300 that you are moving. Good luck!
 
I'm with Marty.......Wake the boyfriend up (gentley of possible) and TELL him you are moving. Ask him if he wants to be a part of it and if so, hold out your hand for his share of the deposit.

Good luck,

MA
 
Trust me on this....do it! It will work out in the end, trust me on this one!
 
I agree with much of what has been said.

Some men are very hesitant to be decisive, heck, some women are, too.

It sounds like it would be for the best for you to move out of mold-ville, which will NOT get better from the sounds of it (I might just report it to my local Health Dept. or whatever governs these conditions and see about getting the house condemned til he does something about it.).

If I were you, in your situation, I would make the decision myself if he won't use his cajones and maturity and participate in this important issue. (I'd also let him know how I felt about his avoidance method, but that's just me).

Take care and good luck/best wishes w/this.

Liz M.
 
OK now, what have you decided?, times is running out, it looks like everyone here has voted
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: Go for it.
 
Do it on your own Debs is right do it!!!

Bonnie
 
LoL wow! You are all so supportive!

Well here's the update, at 10:30am I called my boyfriend and received a groggy "hello" meaning he was still sleeping and very much hung over...I asked him how his night went, and said I hope he had fun being out until 4am, he said he did...I asked if he remembered me asking him last night to think about this place and to come back home and talk with me about it, and that we would make a decision today...all he remembered was "We'll make a decision today"....so...I told him I really like the place, that I understand it means a lot of driving back and forth to work but that it is my dream to be back out in the country, and with my mini...I told him I was going to go ahead and tell the guy I wanted the place and I was going to put some money down on it, and take him out to see it later today.

So...he said again he wanted some time to think about it, that "an hour and a half was not long enough"...I just don't get it...we're living in decrepid mold and he can't decide...aye karumba! He said he was going to try to get off work at 5-6pm and we're going to go look at the place together. I know he'll grumble about the drive, but I really think he'll like the place!

Yesterday my mom stopped over and caught the both of us and said the same thing, that we need to move out of the house ASAP...

cross your fingers for me please!!! I would love more than anything to have my mini(s) back with me!
 
Minis or no, this is the move for "you", it may not be for him but if you can do it, go for it, opportunity only knocks once in a while.....do it. For you.
 
I really want to, my only issue is I just recently purchased a nice tiny colt, and with his d/p and transportation i'm pretty broke right now! The guy for this house only wants $300 to hold it but I don't know where I am going to get it...my boyfriend has $300 on him right now and that is where the rental deposit would need to come from. I have a few items up for sale on ebay trying to rush LOL! I can handle saving for rent no prob but this guy wants $300 TODAY and i'm chewing my nails off trying to find it! I am waiting for my mom to call to see if she could temporarily help me out here...ack! I am trying to get this thing moving because we would also need to put a 30 day notice in to our current landlord so we wont end up getting stuck with paying for rent for 2 places...like usual! November is already paid off here and that is fine, the guy with this property is cleaning up the house and wont have it ready until the 2nd week in November anyhow...and isn't asking for rent to be paid until December so moneys are worked out there. It's this darned $300...LOL where oh where is my money tree!

I really want to go for this property...you're right, rentals like this do NOT come up often, I see this as a great opportunity and I just want to jump at it! The guy is already holding it for me so I feel better there... :bgrin

p.s. if I get this property, I can bring Diva home!! Still my step mom bought her so her horse but...she could live with me! I miss her to pieces!
 
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Oh I think you will get it, either way, Mom's are always there when you need them?
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Make an offer like cleaning Mom's house twice a week, complete cleaning top to bottom untill you hand over the $300.00, I would jump on that.
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That would be her interest rate :aktion033:
 
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How about offering the owner of the property to do part of the cleanup,painting ect in return for the deposit?? Many would jump at the offer.
 
I have been sitting on my hands since you first posted this, but I can't any longer. I sure hope I don't offend here...

You and your boyfriend don't seem to be operating like much of a team. Is this the life you want? You invited him to participate in an important decision and he avoided it and went out and got drunk? Now he has the money for the deposit but you can't ask him for it? What does this say about other important decisions you might need to make in the future? Loving relationships want the best for their partner, sometimes even at your own expense. Living one more minute in that unhealthy (and trust me, that moldy house IS critically unhealthy) house something a loving partner would want for you?

I realize that you are involved in some difficult and stressful short term decision making here, but PLEASE, when it's all settled, spend some time thinking about your future. Think about the life you would like to see yourself living, then make it happen. Don't waste another minute living anything less than a wonderful life.

Jayne
 
Jayne, I don't think you said anything offensive...I do see where you are coming from...I have been trying to view this from both my position, and my boyfriends, and I DO agree this is a long drive away from town but it's not THAT long in reality and...it is truly what I want. I keep telling him, to move there is truly what I want...but then I feel selfish for saying that...is that selfish?
 
That mold is a serious (and I mean SERIOUS health issue) so either way you need out of that place you are in.

So the more i think about it the more I am thinking I'd go for it. Not saying that is what you should do, since it is your life and you have to weigh out the cost VS the benefits but I'm thinking now I would go for it.

Oh, and a 25 minute drive really isn;t that much for people who want to live in the country. My husband drives an hour and a half each way to his job. Thankfully he is able to work 4 10 hour days instead of 5 8 hour days, that saves on gas mileage, but still he thinks it is worth it for the 13 acres of country hick heaven we have here.
 

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