Possibly moving...need to convince boyfriend or find cash!

[MiniHoofBeats]

Well...I just got off the phone with my boyfriend and he said he does NOT want to move out that far...

I really feel that I will be taking this move by myself...

 

[Yaddax3]

Forget about the minis.

Forget about the boyfriend.

Forget about this place in the country.

Just move. Anywhere.

Your focus is on the wrong things -- minis, boyfriend, place in the country. It should be on your health, which is endangered.

Mold can cause life-threatening and life-shortening health issues. Just type "mold" into your favorite search engine and see what I mean.

 

[Reble]

Well...I just got off the phone with my boyfriend and he said he does NOT want to move out that far...

I really feel that I will be taking this move by myself...

Oh so sorry to hear that. Well, does he have alternative choice?

You have to make the decision and change can be hard? Good Luck in what ever you decide?

Talk with Mom and see what she thinks, Mom's know best.

:

 

[susanne]

One of the essential qualities of a good relationship is that your support each other's dreams. Not that he should sacrifice his dreams either, but that doesn't appear to be the case here. Since he enjoys the country, too, it's not as if he's giving up a whole lot to be with you.

And for him to not be willing to move for the sake of your health...

I would move on ahead, follow your dreams. If he decides to come along, great...if he does not, then you know where you stand. Better you know now than down the road.

Good luck --I really hope you get the place!

 

[Marty]

How much you wanna bet that the minute you get this place by yourself that he shows up on YOUR doorstep suitcase and all asking "which way's our bedroom Baby"? :new_shocked: :new_shocked: :new_shocked:

YOU GO GIRL !!!

 

[Warpony]

Well...I just got off the phone with my boyfriend and he said he does NOT want to move out that far...

I really feel that I will be taking this move by myself...

I'm sorry to hear he didn't want to go for it. Sounds like you have a hard choice to make now. I hope for you to have wisdom in this choice but it sounds like your gut is already telling you what to do.

Forget about the minis.

Forget about the boyfriend.

Forget about this place in the country.

Just move. Anywhere.

Your focus is on the wrong things -- minis, boyfriend, place in the country. It should be on your health, which is endangered.

Mold can cause life-threatening and life-shortening health issues. Just type "mold" into your favorite search engine and see what I mean.

Yeah, What they said. You know those allergies you have recently developed??? Well, years ago I used to talk to this woman on something called a newsgroup. It was sort of like a forum, but in the early days of the internet. She had mold in the walls of her house and they thought she was developing allergies to her animals and asthma. It turned out to all be related to the mold. This stuff is nasty nasty stuff. It can cause all kinds of issues because not only do you end up inhaling spores but some forms actually release toxins into the air that can make you sick. It isn't just like when you get a tiny bit of mold in the corner of your shower stall, it's a big deal. If I discovered my basement that full of mold I wouldn't sleep in the house another night after the stories I have heard from people who were actually made sick by it, but then again I'm paranoid about it now.

That mold is nothing to be trifled with. I'm not being overly reactionary or alarmist, this stuff really is that dangerous.

 

[MiniHoofBeats]

Yeah I told him on the phone how I see that he still gets to do what he likes, fixing old things back to new and selling them, and building computers...he still gets to do his favorite things, and what do I have? I sit at home all day wishing I could be outside playing in my yard with my mini's...

We went through this similar thing not too long ago, the first thing he's going to say is that if I am moving out there, he'd like to find a place still in the city BUT even though we are separate, we'd still be "in a relationship"...he pulled this on me before and I hated, hated, hated the idea...but I went with it...he moved in with his friend for a while, while I lived alone....we visited each other etc. but I still hated it. I will not do that again...

I dont expect to see him on my doorstep...I expect phone calls, etc. but not for him to realisticly move out there with me.

I am going after work tonight to meet with the landlord and sign the contract, I explained my financial situation and he said no big deal, as long as I can get SOME money to him and pay the rest later, he'll let me rent the property. I am really excited!! But at the same time I just want to break down and cry...I don't understand why my boyfriend is not so supportive of me.

Yaddax3 - we've already moved 4 times in the last 2 years, if I am going to move again it is going to be to some place *I* want to be at for a long time...I am so sick of moving! He wants a place in the city close to work, I want a place in the country where I can play with my horses. I think this is where we draw the line...I am not giving up my dreams for him, and he obviously will not give up anything for me. But you bring up a good point, we both need to get OUT of that house ASAP!!!!

 

[Yaddax3]

we both need to get OUT of that house ASAP!!!!

You also need to notify your local health department. I'm on my local city council and, from experience in my own city, this house is a health hazard. From what you described, it needs to be condemned until the mold issue is addressed.

I strongly urge you not to spend another night in that house. Stay with your mother. Stay with anyone.

It sounds like you are renting this place. You may want to contact an attorney. The landlord has a responsibility to deal with this and, by ignoring it or taking it likely, your health has been jeopardized.

 

[Miniv]

YOU GO GIRL!!!! :aktion033:

You can't risk your health. And you can't allow yourself to be held back by a boyfriend who is being selfish.

Hate to say this.....but if you didn't follow your own dreams, but allowed the boyfriend to dictate your life, I can guarrantee that 2 or 3 years down the road, you'd be KICKING yourself!

And I have a gut feeling you are doing the right thing........and if the boyfriend is at all smart, he'll end up following you......and if he doesn't? He's missing out on a great thing!

MA

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

Well here is the exact same advice i would give to my daugther.

Boyfriends come and go.. sadly husbands come and go(as do girlfriends and wives) the worst way to start or stay in any relationship is to allow resentment to build and by not doing what you truly feel is right you will resent him.

If he moves when he isnt ready he will resent you.

The best thing for any woman to do is to save her own money (even if married) and have a life truly independent of her husband/boyfriend.

A relationship should enhance your life not become your life. When it enhances your life it can be strong.

I have wasted many a year in places I should not have been, in situations I should not have allowed my children to be in. Mostly out of fear a small part of that out of worry of money.. finally I decided.. heck I am going to live my life or die trying.. we still have the fear but it gets better every day since we as a house full of girls have become stronger, better informed, able to protect ourselves.

My daughters will hopefully really be aware to never let any man get in the way of any dream they have.. If he is the right one.. it will work out in the end if not.. best to cut your losses and move on anyway.

So sit down with your self and think not with your heart (which wants the minis) but with your head and your gut.. can you do it on your own? does it truly feel like the right place to be? If so it will fall in to place as you go about making it happen!

All of that aside.... THE MOLD CAN KILL YOU GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE JUST LIKE YADDEX SAID

 

[MeadowRidge Farm]

I say get out of that house and make the move ahead! Your living in the Appleton area right?? Anyway you go a 1/2 hour drive back into Appleton is NOTHING..I have friends that come up by me almost every weekend, (I live about 1 hour north of Green Bay) and they both work in Appleton at the airport...one lives in Winneconnie and the other lives in Oshkosh...they think nothing of the drive, its just an excuse your boyfriend is using on you. You go girl and dont look back..get yourself some happiness with those minis you miss so much! Corinne

 

[MiniHoofBeats]

Thank you everyone =) I may be moving a little fast but...tonight I went back to Shiocton and I signed a rental agreement!!

I am moving out to the country, I am taking my life back, and I am DEFINITELY taking back my love for mini's!

I feel horrible though about Joe...he's giving me the "sap story" right now...depressed talking, closed off in the bedroom sleeping already at 8pm...I am not sure if he feels bad, or if he feels hurt. Probably both...but in a way I don't feel bad at all...he left me for 2 months without blinking an eye and it makes me wonder why I feel so bad about making such a good, healthy decision for myself??

I feel so guilty...but at the same time, I can't wait to finally be back out in the country!!! Thank you everyone for your support, your helpful comments...it means so much to me to hear all your stories, what you've been through and what your advice is. Thank you, all of you

:

 

[horsefeather]

IMO I think you made the right choice! And, if Dimimore and Bonnie told me to do something with as much conviction as they told you, believe me, I'd do it so fast it would make your head spin!! Really hope things work out for you.

Pam

 

[Miniv]

IMO I think you made the right choice! And, if Dimimore and Bonnie told me to do something with as much conviction as they told you, believe me, I'd do it so fast it would make your head spin!! Really hope things work out for you.

Pam

:lol: Yep....I think I would too!

:

You know why Joe is closed off in the bedroom and sleeping? Because he's SLEEPING IT OFF....

Do NOT let him give you the sad story or guilt trip! You are making an important decision, so listen to your SELF.....

If you are supposed to make this move, Kiddo, everything will fall into place......TRUST ME. (But YOU have to make the first move.)

MA

 

[Marty]

I think you should take pictures of your stuff and the surrounding mold and also have witness of it and then ask your landlord if you can get your security deposit back

 

[luvmycritters]

A relationship should enhance your life not become your life. When it enhances your life it can be strong.

[SIZE=10pt]That is such a profound statement - really makes one think! [/SIZE]

Anyhow - I am glad to hear that you are jumping on this opportunity - as long as you can afford the rent - what do you have to loose? You will be so happy to have your mini's in your own back yard! I rented for years and to find a place that will allow you to have your animals is a godsend!! Every one here as been giving you exelent advice and we are all rooting for you - as so many others have said - YOU GO GIRL!!!

Lori

 

[momtotwo]

I think that the fact that you feel guilty rather than sad says a lot about where you are in this relationship. I am very proud of you for taking such a giant step on your own. It's so much easier to stick with what we have than to tempt fate and take the scary Other Road. Congratulations on your new home and for being able to have your babies back!!! -j-

 

[nootka]

I'm glad you decided to go. I don't understand the situation w/your bf, thinking he must have some other issues I don't know about to try and control you this way, but figured you've probably heard most of what I would have said anyway.

I do agree about the mold, though, that landlord should be made to clean that up. It is POSSIBLE if he has insurance, that they would help and also help you w/replacing your items if you have renter's insurance?

Happy to hear that you will have your minis with you again. That has to be worth all of it.

Liz M.

 

[Jill]

Yay!

I am happy you are moving to the new place!!!!

Also, the "vibe" I get reading this is that the real reason he may not want to move has A LOT more to do with being in control and having the last word vs. where he'd really be happy living...

(PS take it from me, because I myself am a control freak and have to stand back a lot and ask myself if I really want "the thing" or do I really want to just flat out get my way... Like, I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with the facts. It takes a lot to get out of that particular mindset.)

 

[MiniHoofBeats]

Thanks again everyone...that is exactly how my mom put it, that he likes to be "in control" and it's so funny because when you talk to him, he often shys back into a corner but you're all right...in the end he just has to have his way,but you never see it coming.

I am THRILLED beyond belief for this place! I will have a moment of guilt rush through my stomach...then all I need to do is think of the beautiful landscaping, and how I am going to set up my fencing...and the guilt goes away =) I went to bed at 9:30pm last night...first time for a LONG time I went to bed before midnight! We both slept for the most part on complete opposite sides of the bed...I was planning to get up and show him photo's of the place that I took last night but I just figured, why take the initiative when he doesn't even seem remotely interested in the first place?...ugh...frustrating...I love him dearly, I really do...but just look at this, this is what it has come down to in just 3 short days after 3 years of being together...

Well, here's a few pictures of the place, SORRY they are fuzzy but my hands must have been shaking or something...you get the idea though! And sorry if there are too many! I am excited!

Front yard and house

Front yard from in front of garage

Front of house

Area right behind house looking left toward garage - brand new barn the neighbors built in the background lol!

Backyard

Trail leading back into woods

p.s. this isn't ALL of it, my camera didn't catch very good angles lol. Not new or perfect, but...country living is it!

And I double asked if they ever saw ticks...nope! Lots of turkey and deer though! Especially in the spring, the landlord said the toms will strut right across the backyard showing off for the girls =)

I need to figure out how to fence off 2 pastures...I know I only have one mini but I want 2 just in case lol! I think i'll be doing that on Sunday!

Thanks for letting me share, i'll let everyone know what happens with Joe...I would like him to come along but not if he feels he is dragging a toe or unhappy...but, i'm going regardless! Thanks to all of your support I have decided to make the move and boy, I sure hope you'll all still be here when I am lonley and blabbing on and on about my mini LOL!