It's Christmas

[LaVern]

No, I am old and I will welcome all 80+ of them for three days and we will have a good old time laughing and singing and eating and if the other 10 want to eat what they feel is good enough for them they can go outside and eat it. I realize it it has become a small world and the children and the grandchildren are marrying into different cultures and families and creating their own traditions, but I am not going to change mine or feel like I have to make apologies for my cooking or behavior in my own house.

Okay I have vented enough. I am going down to make more white cookies.

 

[backwoodsnanny]

For the record Im with LaVern on this one. IT is a case of manners so sadly lacking with many today. When I go to a friends house who does not smoke I dont smoke while I am there not even outside out of RESPECT for the fact that they dont smoke when I am invited for dinner I dont say oh dont make turnip cause I dont eat it. I join them in their meal and eat what I can of what is served and graciously thank my hostess for inviting me. I am willing to bet that not very many of us are serving 100 members of the family for Christmas dinner which is what LaVern has said she is doing. I say make the guests aware of what will be served and that it is a SMOKING household and they can decide for themselves wether to come and bring what they can eat or stay home. I have it easy here as we have around 20 and everyone brings something and we put together a buffet with whatever each person chooses to share. That way no one family is responsible for all of the expense involved and we never send anyone away hungry. Stick to your guns Lavern its your house and your function if they choose not to come it is their loss.

 

[Little Hooves]

No, I am old and I will welcome all 80+ of them for three days and we will have a good old time laughing and singing and eating and if the other 10 want to eat what they feel is good enough for them they can go outside and eat it. I realize it it has become a small world and the children and the grandchildren are marrying into different cultures and families and creating their own traditions, but I am not going to change mine or feel like I have to make apologies for my cooking or behavior in my own house. Okay I have vented enough. I am going down to make more white cookies.

If they know you to be a very traditional person, then they shouldn't expect anything more. As a guest, you can't expect food to be catered to your wants. I have never gone to someone's house and cursed them for using mushrooms in a soup or sauce. I would just pick them out or not eat the soup and may mention it's because I don't like mushrooms. I don't know - to be a guest and say "hey, here is a list of foods I won't eat, so please don't use them," would be rude under normal circumstances. Vegans and vegetarians choose to eat that way, whether for morals or for health reasons. As a host, your responsibility may be just warning them ahead of time whether or not you will cook food for them or, as it was mentioned earlier, let them bring their own dishes. Hey, you could get them to organize their own little veggie potluck.

But, my personal opinion - vegans are crazy! I could never cook for them or understand HOW you can eliminate foods from animal products. My favorite: HONEY! I could not live without it and

heh, can't understand why anyone would reject the nectar of the Gods. Those vegans... crazy! And their cookies must BE SO BLAND without honey, butter, eggs and milk chocolate.

 

[chandab]

For the record Im with LaVern on this one. IT is a case of manners so sadly lacking with many today. When I go to a friends house who does not smoke I dont smoke while I am there not even outside out of RESPECT for the fact that they dont smoke when I am invited for dinner I dont say oh dont make turnip cause I dont eat it. I join them in their meal and eat what I can of what is served and graciously thank my hostess for inviting me. I am willing to bet that not very many of us are serving 100 members of the family for Christmas dinner which is what LaVern has said she is doing. I say make the guests aware of what will be served and that it is a SMOKING household and they can decide for themselves wether to come and bring what they can eat or stay home. I have it easy here as we have around 20 and everyone brings something and we put together a buffet with whatever each person chooses to share. That way no one family is responsible for all of the expense involved and we never send anyone away hungry. Stick to your guns Lavern its your house and your function if they choose not to come it is their loss.

Me, too!

my family has always been meat eaters (and vegies and fruits too), and I married a rancher, so we eat beef and love it. Traditionally Christmas is ham for my family and usually turkey for my husband's family; but with all the fixin's to go with the meat, surely a vegan or vegetarian can find something to fill up on... Breads, salads, potatoes, yams, and more. I've been to plenty of dinners where there are foods that aren't my favorite and as long as I'm not allergic, I suck it up and either eat it if that's all that's there (I can always eat) or eat the things I do like.

Edited to add: I forgot one thing... When I was growing up my mom always said she didn't run a restaurant, if you didn't like what was served you could go hungry. And, she stood by her statement with few exceptions. [Company coming and demanding something otehr than what was served, was not one of those exceptions.]

 

[Minimor]

Not sure why a hostess should bend over backward to accomodate fussy guests--all that does is make the holiday gathering miserable for herself, and that's not right either.

I am a non-smoker, plus am extremely allergic to cigarette smoke. Even so, I would never expect anyone to not smoke in their own home just because I am there visiting. Rather I would take allergy medication and put up with the smoke--that works for a short visit. If I'm there for several days that doesn't work--in spite of taking 24 hour allergy pills every 12 hours I still have hives...major hives...constantly, and will be wheezing and coughing.

I am not a vegetarian but there are foods I don't care for. I don't expect any hostess to not serve those just because I don't like them--I will make do with what is on the menu otherwise...if I were afraid that it would be too sparse then I'd just make sure that I brought some dish that I do like, so I'll know that I have one thing to eat that I like! I don't think that it is wrong or unhospitable to expect the same from others. I don't think that anyone should have to cook 6 different main dishes to accomodate 6 different guests, and then have the main menu item for the rest of the gathering besides. That's a bit much. I also don't think the main gathering of traditional eaters should have to eat non-traditional menu items to accomodate the minority.

Good manners dictates to me that I should take a dish along with me to any holiday gathering I attend, and I rather expect the same show of good manners from any guests.

 

[Miniv]

I agree with the comments that bring up MANNERS.........

When going to someone else's house, it is VERY poor form to demand that people bow to your lifestyle. You are walking into that other person's lifestyle, so it's up to YOU to conform to what is presented to you....... (Sort of like visiting another country! Wish OUR country -- the U.S. would do this.)

There SHOULD be something a vegetarian or vegan can eat......ie, green salad, plain mashed potatoes or yams, a vegie platter......

And if all else fails......those picky guests can always BRING THEIR OWN........Afterall, the idea is about getting together as friends and family!

Ma---

 

[LaVern]

One more thing and then truly I will shut up. I kind of depends on the gathering. Like picnics here- everyone brings something. But when I am doing a big one. - And I love to do it. - I hate it when people bring something. I had the most wonderful mother in law in the world and she would drive me crazy, I would have everything planned and here she would come in carrying a bunch of different dishes, that I felt I had to serve and I had already made something similar. Desserts too. But Oh, what I would give to see her come in the door with her arms full again, but at the time I would grumble under my breath. And I don't like my guests to do dishes either. Except for Jodie.

 

[Marnie]

I guess I would have a different attitude completely. I would hate it if some of the guests didn't want to eat much. I'd rather have them tell me ahead of time and I'd have no problem making a cool veggie tray. I absolutely respect people's idea of how they want to eat and would rather know ahead of time. I would make my meal as planned and just try something new too, so I could try to please everyone. If they didn't like it, so be it but I'd try. As far as the smoking, it'd gag me unless you gave me enough beer, I think I then I could inhale the smoke with glee! LOL

 

[user 488]

No, I think you guys are wrong. If I go to some ones else's place, I will join in with their traditions and eat their food graciously. Our traditions are-- our food. If they don't like it don't come. I'll meet you in town and we can sit in a no smoking McDonalds and I'll buy you a salad. If prime rib and turkey and ham and barbecue ribs and all the dozens of different traditional foods aren't good enough tough,

TOTALLY AGREE! Let them bring a dish! It's hard enough cooking a traditional meal let alone trying to accommodate everyone elses personal menus. I would never dream of telling someone to cook something special for me. It has nothing to do with being a grinch or inhospitable......those people simply have bad manners! My daughter is a vegetarian/sometimes vegan and she knows to bring some of her own stuff and it doesn't bother her one bit! She knows how hard I work and she respects what I want in MY house.

And BTW......

[SIZE=18pt]MERRY CHRISTMAS LAVERN![/SIZE]

 

[Bassett]

I guess I would try to accommadate with something they could enjoy. But I didn't see where they told LaVern that she had to make them special things. They simply told her they were vegans. I may have taken it the wrong way.

As for smoking. If I know someone smokes I try to stay away because just the smell makes me sick.

And I smoked for 25 years. Nothing worse than a smoker who quit.

But I did quit 28 years ago. Merry Christmas everyone.

 

[susanne]

Look on the bright side, LaVern -- I doubt you'll have to worry about them coming to Christmas dinner NEXT year!

As a type I diabetic, I can't have sugar (including honey) or high fat foods. I don't phone ahead and request special treatment, as I can usually find something that I can eat or I bend my dietary rules slightly, but family and friends usually call me to see if there's something they can add or change so that I can best enjoy their dinner.

Lately, however, my MIL has been doing somewhat as you threaten to do -- she serves deep-fried foods, brags about putting in extra fat, etc. Although we've always gotten along very well, she seems to feel that I have cheated Keith by "forcing" him eat a healthy diet. How horrible that we don't even keep a bag of sugar in the house!

Needless to say, her dinners don't exactly evoke those traditional family values of love, gracious manners, and making all feel welcome and accepted.

There is a quantum leap between expecting simple good manners and bearing a chip on the shoulder regarding how others live their lives.

 

[Minimor]

I would take the view that anyone mentioning in advance that they are vegetarian does so with the idea that the hostess should be made aware of the fact so that special menu items will be provided. Otherwise, why mention it?

 

[susanne]

I know that I've been thought rude for not eating something, even from people who know I'm diabetic. As in, if I had any manners, I'd eat it just to be polite.

It's possible they were simply letting their vegetarianism be known in advance out of fear of the potential reaction. From the attitude shown here by the OP, I could understand a family member preferring their unpopular choice be made known over the phone rather than over the dinner table.

It might have come across better they had said, "I just wanted to let you know that my diet is fairly restricted and I may not be able to eat everything, but I am so happy to be sharing Christmas dinner with you and the rest of the family."

It comes across here as if the OP is angry over the very fact that the relative IS a vegetarian or vegan. Forgive me if I've misinterpreted.

Then again, it's possible that they are just rude or clueless, but there's no need to be rude back. Two wrongs don't make a right.

 

[LaVern]

I have settled down. I think I went a little crazy this morning when I was told of the Viggies coming. And I now have figured out why it upset me. We are in farm country, cattle, poultry, grain, swine. It is what we do. So I took offense because what they are saying is, that we are doing something wrong by helping to feed the country and a lot of the world. I sure would make something different if I knew someone was going to get sick from what I cooked. Merry Christmas Everyone.

 

[susanne]

LaVern,

I'm sorry that their vegetarianism came across as an attack on you -- I highly doubt that they intended it that way at all.

Interestingly, in reading several blogs dealing with sustainable lifestyles, I was struck by the number of people who get much of their food from their organic gardens, yet still love meat. There is no need to break it down into a fight between vegetarians and meat eaters.

Take care, enjoy your family dinner, and have a very Merry Christmas!

 

[miniwhinny]

I don't think they were being rude at all. Nowhere in the OP did it say they demanded their own food. It just said they mentioned there were veggies and vegans coming. I don't know how anyone could be offended by that. I certain wasn't offended when Andrew told me that Jeremy was Jewish and couldn't eat ham. Hey, I'd rather know that ahead than see the poor kid squirm because he can't eat it and go hungry and I would have been upset that someone didn't tell me! It's no problem for me at all to prepare something nice for him. It's actually showing way less manners to have a hostess go to a lot of trouble cooking a wonderful meal which you just push around the plate with a fork because you can't eat it - and being vegan is no less of a reason not to eat certain foods than a religious belief. It's much more polite to mention dietary needs ahead. It doesn't say you're demanding something special..it's simply saying I may not be able to eat everything. JMO.

 

[Jean_B]

And I don't like my guests to do dishes either. Except for Jodie.

You mean all those times I did dishes - you were upset with me ?!?!?

Dang.....I'm so SORRY !!!!

 

[AppyLover2]

I totally agree with LaVern. If I had planned the huge menu she talked about, and plan to feed 80 people I'll be darned if I would appreciate being told (or it even someone inferring) that I needed to do more/special for certain people. How many of you have signs that say My Barn/My Rules? I'll even go a step further and say I'm surprised at how rude some of you were to LaVern. Like some of you said, it's Christmas, where's your goodwill?

 

[RockRiverTiff]

I totally get LaVern's frustration, and I'd say their calling ahead could have just been polite notice, but them asking her to change her habits in her own home is ludicrous. That said, this is why I am so glad I'm not a vegetarian anymore! I was vegetarian for several years, and it wasn't a choice I made to spite anyone else, but when I told people they always acted like it was. After being ridiculed and railed at several times, one Christmas I didn't tell the "chef," and when she presented me with a big meaty piece of lasagna and I declined she burst into tears. I tried to explain that I was a vegetarian, and that I was very happy with the sides I had, but she took it as a personal affront against her cooking. So I ate the darned lasagna. I'm glad I don't have to worry about offending people with my food choices anymore--there are so many other, more important issues to offend on!

 

[Marsha Cassada]

No vegetarian main dish? As Marie Antoinette says "Let them eat cake!" There should be plenty of that at Christmas!