Just a few reflections

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dixie_belle

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Well, we've been here for six weeks now, I think. Leaving my farm and my horses proved more difficult that I thought it would be. The only relief is knowing that they are together, in their home, as a family.

I promised myself that I would not complain to hubby about anything here. I know he feels bad enough without any additional input from me. And he has given me whatever I wanted for the new place. So, I now have several new bird feeders outside, I have a tree guy going to plant several large tulip poplars in the front yard, and at some point, will have a car port and cover for the patio built.

And, I now have a really cool bird cage on a stand, waiting on my canary to arrive. I found I need animals (my little long hair Chihuahua doesn't count because she thinks she's the queen). I thought about all my options. A cat? no.....been there, done that, cleaned up hairballs. A gerbil/hamster? no......they are rodents, after all. A micro pig? I actually thought about that one, but didn't want to share my pillow with a dog and a pig. LOL Fish? no.....you can't play with them. So I settled on a bird. I was going to get a plain jane parakeet, until I heard a canary sing. So, Tweety bird will get here the middle of this month, sometime. I'm all ready.

I've taken away hubby's driving privileges. I let him drive the truck the other day and it took him three tries to part it in his spot. And he didn't even realize initially that he wasn't even in it. I've been doing most of the driving, anyway, but now I think it's time for me to do all the driving. Or at least, I won't be in the car when he drives because it scares the crap out of me.

Hubby's condition hasn't improved since we moved and I had hoped the lack of physical activity here would help. Sadly, this has not been the case. Sometimes I am married to my four year old son, sometimes to my grandfather and every now and then the man I married makes an appearance. But he doesn't stay. I get glimpses of his old self. I married a man who could do anything, build anything, drive anything. He could back up a 36 foot long RV with a huge stacker trailer attached and go down a curved driveway. He was a race car driver. He built our barn at the farm, and our solar array, and the 600 square foot underground tornado shelter. Now, he gets tired walking around Wal Mart. (Granted, our Wal Mart here is the largest I've ever seen, but you get the idea). And he has no hobbies, now. The plan was always to retire and go racing across the country. That's pretty much a bust. He took one of the Miatas to the track before we left the farm and he put it into a tire wall on the first lap. His racing days are over. So now he watches Judge Judy and Say Yes to the Dress. I cannot get him interested in any sort of hobby. Maybe he just needs some time.

The other day he got on the computer and bought a wrecked Miata ......in Utah. He made arrangements to have it shipped here to a local dealership where they were going to repair it. Why? I'm not ever going to get in it with him driving. I was beyond angry. I was livid. But I didn't complain. Not one word from me. I couldn't speak for fear I'd say something I'd regret. Seriously. Thankfully, he cancelled the order (gonna cost us $1000). But he did realize it was not a good idea. I know he was just looking for his old life. He said driving Miatas is who he is. No, sadly, driving Miatas is who he WAS. Big difference.

Sometimes life gives you hurdles you never imagined. I never thought we'd be in this position. My husband was always so vital, so alive. He is a shell of his former self. Do I still love him? Of course, I do. Do I wish I could help him? Yeppers. Ultimately, I will support him in whatever he decides he wants to do. I just hope it's not hot air ballooning or hang gliding or base jumping.

This getting old stuff is for the birds. (And I like birds LOL)
 

Marsha Cassada

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Good luck with the canary! I think you might want a parakeet, too. They are the smartest, friendliest little birds! Birds are messy, though...

My husband has some health issues also. (Nothing like your guy, though.) We just take one day at a time. Isn't it an oxymoron that we get to the point where we can afford to have a nice property and leisure to enjoy it--and then we suddenly have trouble taking care of it!
 

Debby - LB

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that is just so sad. I wish there was something I could say but I'm at a loss for words other than to say you are a amazing person. {{{big hugs}}}
 

chandab

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Perhaps given a bit more time, 6 weeks isn't much time, his condition will improve at least a little.
 

Ryan Johnson

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Ive never met you, But I only need to read your posts to realise what a strong person you are
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Massive changes like you have gone through and have been forced to deal with would usually break a person, not you Dixie_ Belle.

I admire your strength , Courage and determination and the will to take things one day at a time.

My Dad too has health problems after a stroke and struggles daily with things that used to be second nature to him. As you said , you just keep on loving and supporting and helping wherever you can.

Wishing you all the very best
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AngC

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My husband was always so vital, so alive. He is a shell of his former self. Do I still love him? Of course, I do. Do I wish I could help him?
There, but for the grace of God, go I.

My husband does so much for me, and is so much a part of me, that were he to piece out, I'd be screwed. I wouldn't know how to deal with it. My thoughts and best wishes are with you.
 

Sonya

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I'm sorry things aren't better, but I agree with whoever said give it a little more time. I'll be praying things improve. Such a life changing experience for you both. Hang in there, you are his rock!
 

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