Could use the power of positive thought

[StarRidgeAcres]

It is now out of my hands. It's all up to a judge. A man who has never met me or even seen me. I have to rely on this man to actually take the time to read and 50+ pages of depositions (actually 4 pages per one sheet of paper, so over a couple hundred pages) and my memo (modified from my original words by my attorney), my attys memo, the case law on the subject and then the same packet from my ex-husband's atty presenting their position.

The depositions of my ex, his "wife", and both his parents clearly demonstrate he is trying to use the letter of the law to, as my atty put it, "experience the benefits of marriage with none of the detriment." They admitted having a "commitment ceremony", they both were traditional style wedding rings on their ring fingers, they bought a home together specifically in the school district where here children attend school so they wouldn't have to move schools, they co-mingle their funds, he shares in parenting of the children, they are the beneficiaries of each others life insurance/401ks, etc. There's much more, but those are the highlights. But they never applied for a marriage license so he could continue to receive monthly maintenance from me.

My position is that he is married in the spirit of the word and therefore I shouldn't have to contribute financially to his new family. Even though there is volumes of testimony and case law that support my position, the judge may decide that since they never got a license they are not technically (legally) married.

Continuing to pay him has caused a substanstial financial hardship for me and it just gets worse each month. I really hope the judge sees my position and rules in my favor.

I could use any extra positive thoughts and energy you all can spare. I really need the stress of this to be over.

Thanks!

On a side note, I hadn't seen my ex-inlaws since before the divorce. They are lovely people and I loved them like my own parents. Seeing them was so emotional for me. I wanted to talk to them but I couldn't. As his mother was leaving she turned to me and said I miss you. I told her I miss her too. It was worse than the actual divorce. They are so old and frail now. I wish I could see them but my ex won't let me and they love their son so they are supporting his wish. His parents were always so kind to me. I hope they know I will always appreciate that.

Thanks again. It's a tough time.

 

[Watcheye]

My heart breaks for you. My parents went through a nasty divorce (moms 3rd husband drained her dry and is living the good life now with his new wife and boat in Florida). I have witnessed many relationships where someone uses the other and treats them terribly. I wont go into details but please know I truly feel for you and I pray that all works out.

 

[SampleMM]

Positive thoughts and prayers for a good outcome coming your way. My hope is that since they seem to be man and wife in every facet except for the paperwork that the judge will rule in your favor. Then you could put all this behind you. Take care.

 

[Minimor]

For sure I will send positive thoughts your way. I hope the judge will see your side of this and rule in your favor. It's too bad that your divorce settlement didn't specify that common-law would count the same as marriage for purposes of your maintenance payments.

How miserable of your ex to go this route to try and keep getting money from you. And how miserable of him to forbid his parents to talk to you! As long as you're paying maintenance you should have the right to see his family.

 

[Jill]

Parmela, you have my thoughts and prayers. Like you, I believe that kind of positive energy does make a difference... add that to the fact that you are the one being reasonable and I have a good feeling for how this will turn out

 

[kaykay]

Sending good thoughts to you! Cant imagine the stress you are under.

 

[barnbum]

I'm going to PRAY for you!!

 

[Connie P]

Sending many good thoughts your way Parmela. Hang in there. Hugs friend! ((( )))

 

[Charley]

Keeping you in my positive thoughts.

 

[cretahillsgal]

I'm praying for you Parmela. I think it is awful what you are having to go through.

 

[Magic]

Adding my good thoughts and prayers too, I sure hope that the judge sees it your way! {{{hugs}}}}

 

[Valerie]

Sending thoughts and prayers your way........and hoping for the best outcome for you, it sounds like you have been beyond nice and I truly hope the Judge rules in your favor, as it seems to me the only fair thing to do.

Hugs to you.

 

[Sterling]

Adding my good thoughts and prayers for you. You broke my heart when you mentioned how frail his parents are and how they miss you. It's such a sad situation when people try to manipulate others to their own benefit. I'm so sorry you are going thru this.

 

[Miniv]

Positive Thoughts!!!

 

[StarRidgeAcres]

Thank you all very much. I do believe positive thoughts/prayers - whatever each believes in - does make a difference.

After the depositions my lawyer said if it were ANY other judge, she would have already felt like celebrating. Both of his parents as well as his "wife" all used the word marriage many times as part of their answers. But as I've been told from day one, this particular judge is known for supporting the position of the man - regardless of what that position is - and I've also been told that my original divorce agreement (the maintenance and the other monetary things I gave him) would never have even gotten past any other judge. Basically due to the ridiculousness of it, but this judge signed it. I do realize that I am an adult and that I am also responsible for this agreement turning out the way it did. Looking back all I can figure is that I just wanted out so badly and felt so guilty for leaving him that I agreed to give him everything he asked for. If I had it to do over again it would be very different, I can bet on that.

But now it is what it is. And I wait and I wait. The judge has no timeframe in which he has to rule. I'm told I should know in a month or less, but there is no guarantee.

As for his parents, it is a said situation. They were always so wonderful to me and welcomed me into their family as if I was born to them. It was obvious from their answers during the depos that they have NO idea why this is even happening. They have no idea that I pay him maintenance, they have ho idea how he even supports himself. For all I know they may think I'm asking him for money! I am going to write his mother a letter and tell her how much I will always appreciate how nice they were to me. Hopefully she gets it and understands, at least a little, that I did what I had to do.

But to hear them talk of his home he bought, a radio-controlled airplane for the kids to play with, and to think that I lost my farm, had to move to a place half the size and have had to sell or re-home 18 of my horses...well, it just doesn't seem right. But again, I'm a big girl and I know life doesn't always seem fair. Funny how he never wanted children - ever. And now he's playing father to two pre-teens. As soon as I knew i was going to ask for a divorce I started thinking maybe I'd have a child on my own, maybe with the help of a friend or a reproductive service. Now it's almost two years later, he has children and I have recently passed the point of that being an option (if you know what I mean). Funny how life works sometimes. I can only assume there is a bigger picture that I am just not privvy to yet.

Thanks everyone again for "listening." Sometimes I feel (and certainly look) like I've aged 10 years in the last 2.

 

[Jill]

Parmela, I know I'm not the only one who wishes she could give you a big hug right now! Lots of people pulling for you!!!

 

[topnotchminis]

Sending you many positive thoughts and prayers.

 

[hobbyhorse23]

Parmela, I know I'm not the only one who wishes she could give you a big hug right now! Lots of people pulling for you!!!

The things with his parents and you wanting kids just break my heart.

So sad! I admire you tremendously for holding up to this with such grace.

Leia

 

[Marty]

Send a crane because I fainted on the floor when I read this and I can't get up!

This idiot woman hater judge used you to make an example of! How dare he!

I cannot believe what you have gone through all this time. It is not fair, so very unfair!

I am really hoping you get satisfaction out of all this nasty stuff and prevail like you should have! The laws in this country need one heck of an overhaul; every dad blasted one of them.

 

[Crabby-Chicken]

I am so sorry that after all this time you have to still deal with all this negative crap. I really REALLY hope it works out well!!! And am happy you got a wonderful guy finally that appreciates you and yours. Good luck!