I know that most of you don't know me because I'm mostly a lurker and I work full-time and go to college part-time, so I don't have much time to post. However, I really need your help. I had to put my cat down yesterday and I can't believe how empty I feel inside. He was a special kitty and he came to me as a 6 mo old rescue almost 4 years ago. He had broken his front arm trying to stay warm laying by a car engine. My vet tried to save his arm by putting a pin in it, but unfortunatley, we found out later that his radial nerve had too much damage so we amputated it. He got along pretty good for about a year, then he got kidney stones or crystals and he was plugged up. We did the surgery to remove the small part of his urethra and put him on special food to dissolve the crystals. The suregery was ok, but he chewed on his incision at the vets office, which caused some scar tissue and he never could urinate in a stream, just quick drips. He ended up getting stress bladder from the surgery and straining to urniate. Eventhough, he was on special food, stress bladder medication, he continued to have crystals and get bladder infections. He would be fine for 6 mos, then get 2 bladder infections in a row.
He was a character, always at my feet, on my lap, trying to get out the door, and he was a talker...loved to meow at me in the kitched always wanting food. He had a place on the back of the loveseat where he slept most of the time. I had class on Monday so I got home at 10pm and Trooper had diareaha during the day. He seemed ok, because he ate his food and was urinating, so I went to bed. When I woke up Tues morning, I couldn't find Trooper anywhere. He always come when I called him to take his meds. After looking for a while, I found him in the basement, sleeping on the workbench shelf...he never slept there and he hissed at me when I tried to pick him up. He seemed to feel really bad, so I took him to the vet and dropped him off. When I dropped him off, I mentioned that we shold probably evaluate his quality of life, because I can't imagine how it feels to have so many bladder infections and not be able to uriniate correctly. About 6 mos back I had asked this question of Trooper's normal vet (who did the surgery and knows him by name), she said that bladder infections were normal and we should just check him every couple of months. Then yesterday, Trooper had a different vet and he called and said that that many bladder infections weren't normal and that he was probably in pain most of the time and that it was time. I thought I was prepared for it and said then go a head and put him down.
Then it hit me. I've never felt so empty and sad. My husband and I went to the vets last night and got him..brought him home and buried him with his fav toy, some cat nip, and his laser pointer (I left it on for him). I really didn't know it would hurt this much! I couldn't sleep last night, I can't eat, and I can't concentrate on anything. I put away his litter box and moved his cat tree, but this morning I put it back, so his spirit could look out the window, just like he always did. I went to work and got my work done, then left early...I just couldn't stop thinking about him. I miss him so much...but I was the one who did it. I just don't know how to cope. I just sit here and cry. I really wish I could take it back and remake my decision. When will the hurt go away? What can I do to make it better?
Edited to add pics
Pictures of Trooper
