When does the hurt stop?

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Christina_M

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I know that most of you don't know me because I'm mostly a lurker and I work full-time and go to college part-time, so I don't have much time to post. However, I really need your help. I had to put my cat down yesterday and I can't believe how empty I feel inside. He was a special kitty and he came to me as a 6 mo old rescue almost 4 years ago. He had broken his front arm trying to stay warm laying by a car engine. My vet tried to save his arm by putting a pin in it, but unfortunatley, we found out later that his radial nerve had too much damage so we amputated it. He got along pretty good for about a year, then he got kidney stones or crystals and he was plugged up. We did the surgery to remove the small part of his urethra and put him on special food to dissolve the crystals. The suregery was ok, but he chewed on his incision at the vets office, which caused some scar tissue and he never could urinate in a stream, just quick drips. He ended up getting stress bladder from the surgery and straining to urniate. Eventhough, he was on special food, stress bladder medication, he continued to have crystals and get bladder infections. He would be fine for 6 mos, then get 2 bladder infections in a row.

He was a character, always at my feet, on my lap, trying to get out the door, and he was a talker...loved to meow at me in the kitched always wanting food. He had a place on the back of the loveseat where he slept most of the time. I had class on Monday so I got home at 10pm and Trooper had diareaha during the day. He seemed ok, because he ate his food and was urinating, so I went to bed. When I woke up Tues morning, I couldn't find Trooper anywhere. He always come when I called him to take his meds. After looking for a while, I found him in the basement, sleeping on the workbench shelf...he never slept there and he hissed at me when I tried to pick him up. He seemed to feel really bad, so I took him to the vet and dropped him off. When I dropped him off, I mentioned that we shold probably evaluate his quality of life, because I can't imagine how it feels to have so many bladder infections and not be able to uriniate correctly. About 6 mos back I had asked this question of Trooper's normal vet (who did the surgery and knows him by name), she said that bladder infections were normal and we should just check him every couple of months. Then yesterday, Trooper had a different vet and he called and said that that many bladder infections weren't normal and that he was probably in pain most of the time and that it was time. I thought I was prepared for it and said then go a head and put him down.

Then it hit me. I've never felt so empty and sad. My husband and I went to the vets last night and got him..brought him home and buried him with his fav toy, some cat nip, and his laser pointer (I left it on for him). I really didn't know it would hurt this much! I couldn't sleep last night, I can't eat, and I can't concentrate on anything. I put away his litter box and moved his cat tree, but this morning I put it back, so his spirit could look out the window, just like he always did. I went to work and got my work done, then left early...I just couldn't stop thinking about him. I miss him so much...but I was the one who did it. I just don't know how to cope. I just sit here and cry. I really wish I could take it back and remake my decision. When will the hurt go away? What can I do to make it better?

Edited to add pics

Pictures of Trooper
 
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Jill

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Christina --

I am so very sorry!!!

So many of us understand how you are feeling now, and I hope that is some comfort.

Last Novemember, I lost my baby and best friend, my dog, Winston. I still cry about him. I felt like I'd rather be dead myself when we first lost him. Honestly, I'd take years off my life in exchange for more time with Winston.

What helped me, I swear what even got me through, mainly was getting a new puppy soon. He didn't replace Winston, and I still cry about Winston, but I love "Watson" so much and having him to spoil and dote on, and new baby pets (kittens puppies) are just so good natured and loving. That's the best thing I can say to do. I was just telling my dad last night if we had not got Watson when we did, I don't think I could have made it through.

Hugs and take care of yourself,

Jill
 

Sunny

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Oh, Christina, I am sooo sorry for your loss. Doing the right thing is definitely not the same as doing the easy thing, but you did do the right thing. I don't know how long it will take for you to feel better as we all deal with losses like this differently, but eventually you will feel better. My heart breaks for you. I lost a very special cat about ten years ago but her memory still lives on. Trooper's will, too, in time.
 

anoki

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Wish I could say something that would make you feel better.....

I had my dog put down last fall (along with my Mom's dog)...she was *my* first dog...I rescued her from a local vet clinic when she had been dropped off as a stray and not claimed. She was going on 13 years, and I had her for 12.....I had made the decision back in the summer, and thought it would be 'easier' because I had made the decision and let her enjoy a few more months. She was thin, no matter what or how much I fed her, constantly scratching with allergies that I could never pin down and she was also constantly lame and sore from a past injury. She was just a mutt, who I could never train to do anything that I wanted her to do, except come when I whistled.

The day it was done was brutal....I was away the weekend after, which I realized at the time was the worst thing I did. I spent most of the next month crying, 2 months seriously grieving her.....it has been 4 months now and every time I think of her, the tears just won't stop, though I can get through a dog show and enjoy it now....but those first couple of months...I didn't realize how much a part of me she was...even with all the other dogs I have. I can talk about it now, and look at pictures, but I do still fight back the tears.....constantly....

((((hugs)))) they are definitely a special part of our lives....

~kathryn
 

minih

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I agree with what has been said already. I lost my little peke Bandy the end of November, really had no plans to get another dog right away, I wanted to wait until spring when the weather would be better for going in and out for potty training. But my duaghters pug had other ideas and was really greiving, so we decided to go ahead and look for another puppy. I had wanted a boxer for about 4 or 5 years and just could not inflict one on my old girl (the peke was very old). Now I have this clumsy, funny, silly, lovable boxer pup that has filled the empty void left by Bandy. She does not take her place, but she is making a whole new place in my heart for herself.
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It does help with the pain, you still grieve and miss your other baby but nothing like a baby in the house.

Do not feel bad for doing what was right for your kitty, just imagine being in pain all the time and not able to express it. I know it hurts, been there. <<hugs>>
 

Russ

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Christina,

My deepest sympathy on Trooper's passing. I think you did the best thing you could for Trooper and I truly believe animals know that. Losing a pet is just like losing family. To this day I have never been able to look at a Dalmation or Blue Heeler without missing my dogs, Brandy and Bandit. I have to remind myself, that even though they are gone....I will never forget them. The hurt your feeling does get better.....I promise. Troopers hurt is gone now too....and he's with you in spirit always.

Christina,be good to yourself and know in your heart your Trooper loved you and knew you loved him. Our time on earth is so short.....you experienced one of the greatest rewards and gifts we have to share....and that is: loving someone and feeling the love back.

Take comfort in that even though Trooper is gone, his memory is in your heart forever. Not the days he was sick or hurt but the GOOD days/times. Smile about those memories, write them down, share them often with friends/strangers/anyone you want to.....so when your kids/neices, nephews and grandkids one day ask you about your loved ones....you can share the gift Trooper gave you in your life. Trooper will be with you ALWAYS....memories never die...nor does love.
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Take care, Russ
 

Sterling

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Ohhhh....I am so sorry!!
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((Huggss)) to you! Gosh we've all been there and so many of us know exactly how you're feeling. My heart is breaking for your sorrow. My vet's office has information of a pet grieving group and I was wondering if you have access to something like that where you live? Your little boy sounds like he was very well loved.
 

Marnie

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I'm so sorry for your loss and I know your pain, only to well. 4 1/2 yrs ago I lost my beloved Sassy dog, I did every thing in my power to save her but she was riddled with cancer at the age of 9. I still cry when I think of her, truth is, I'm crying now just writing this. I wanted another dog that would follow me all over the farm like Sassy did but was going to take my time finding one but "it" found me 6 wks later. I was at a horse sale when this girl stuck this darling little puppy in my face, she had a couple to sell. It wasn't what I'd wanted but it's what I bought and brought home with me and now Maggie is the center of my world. I agree, theirs nothing like a new pet to heal the hurt. Don't feel you're betraying the one you lost, you have to go on and even though you'll always have the memories, the new pet will help you heal, I'm almost sure it will.
 

picasso

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Chris, I'm sooooo sorry about your loss of Trooper. There is nothing I can say to make the hurt go away. But know in your heart that you did the right thing for him. If he was suffering (and it sounds definitely like he was), you did the best most loving thing you could do for him. I know we did the same thing with our first little dog. She was a rat terrier born 5 days before we were married. She was 13 when we had her put down because of congestive heart failure. The vet told us when she started suffering and we made the hard decision to do best for her. It was a TERRIBLE day. I cried all day long at work. My husband didn't want to get another dog right away, but 2 days coming home to an empty house was all I could stand. We now have Molly a little black poodle. I know we will have to make that same decision about her one of these days, because we found out this winter that she has diabetes. She gets shots twice a day. I wouldn't take any thing in the world for the time that we had with Punkin or the time with Molly. And yes when it's her time and she's suffering we will have to make that decision again, but I am sure there will be a puppy close on her heels.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you in this hard time. Run free from pain and hurting little Trooper.
 

Leeana

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I am so sorry Christina, hopefully in time your pain will ease and be filled with all the great memories
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Casnos Minis

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I know that most of you don't know me because I'm mostly a lurker and I work full-time and go to college part-time, so I don't have much time to post. However, I really need your help. I had to put my cat down yesterday and I can't believe how empty I feel inside. He was a special kitty and he came to me as a 6 mo old rescue almost 4 years ago. He had broken his front arm trying to stay warm laying by a car engine. My vet tried to save his arm by putting a pin in it, but unfortunatley, we found out later that his radial nerve had too much damage so we amputated it. He got along pretty good for about a year, then he got kidney stones or crystals and he was plugged up. We did the surgery to remove the small part of his urethra and put him on special food to dissolve the crystals. The suregery was ok, but he chewed on his incision at the vets office, which caused some scar tissue and he never could urinate in a stream, just quick drips. He ended up getting stress bladder from the surgery and straining to urniate. Eventhough, he was on special food, stress bladder medication, he continued to have crystals and get bladder infections. He would be fine for 6 mos, then get 2 bladder infections in a row.
He was a character, always at my feet, on my lap, trying to get out the door, and he was a talker...loved to meow at me in the kitched always wanting food. He had a place on the back of the loveseat where he slept most of the time. I had class on Monday so I got home at 10pm and Trooper had diareaha during the day. He seemed ok, because he ate his food and was urinating, so I went to bed. When I woke up Tues morning, I couldn't find Trooper anywhere. He always come when I called him to take his meds. After looking for a while, I found him in the basement, sleeping on the workbench shelf...he never slept there and he hissed at me when I tried to pick him up. He seemed to feel really bad, so I took him to the vet and dropped him off. When I dropped him off, I mentioned that we shold probably evaluate his quality of life, because I can't imagine how it feels to have so many bladder infections and not be able to uriniate correctly. About 6 mos back I had asked this question of Trooper's normal vet (who did the surgery and knows him by name), she said that bladder infections were normal and we should just check him every couple of months. Then yesterday, Trooper had a different vet and he called and said that that many bladder infections weren't normal and that he was probably in pain most of the time and that it was time. I thought I was prepared for it and said then go a head and put him down.

Then it hit me. I've never felt so empty and sad. My husband and I went to the vets last night and got him..brought him home and buried him with his fav toy, some cat nip, and his laser pointer (I left it on for him). I really didn't know it would hurt this much! I couldn't sleep last night, I can't eat, and I can't concentrate on anything. I put away his litter box and moved his cat tree, but this morning I put it back, so his spirit could look out the window, just like he always did. I went to work and got my work done, then left early...I just couldn't stop thinking about him. I miss him so much...but I was the one who did it. I just don't know how to cope. I just sit here and cry. I really wish I could take it back and remake my decision. When will the hurt go away? What can I do to make it better?

Edited to add pics

Pictures of Trooper
I know how you feel. I had a cat that was more dog like than cat like. He followed me every where, would even take showers with me. We had to have him put down 1 1/2 yrs. ago. He was the perfect cat always came when called even if he was a good distance away he'd be home in 5 minutes. Well he didn't come home for a day and a half, which was odd for him. When he did come home he wasn't himself. He was urinating on himself while he slept and them he started meowing and couldn't walk. When he tried to come to me it was like he was really drunk. Took him to the vet and found out he had gotten into rat poison somewhere. He made it home to me (his mama) to be cared for in his last moments. We had him put down and it's never been the same since. He would go for walks with us like the dogs and he used to ride in the car (in the kids booster seats), he was the best cat ever and I've had alot of cats. He was tollerate of everyone and every animal. I'm very sorry for your loss and I wish I could say the hurt goes away, but it just diminishes alittle. Remember the good times and that you did the right thing for him and that he's healthy and happy on the other side playing with his lazer pointer and cat nip.

Christy
 

luv2ridesaddleseat

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Oh Christina, I'm so sorry for you. Our absolutely incredible 2 year old orange classic tabby boy passed 5 years ago tomorrow. (the 26th). I will never forgive my Vet, now ex-Vet. It was also a urinary blockage problem. He was at my Vet's for 11 days. This cat was like my and my hubbys child! I've never known one like him. We also have his litter brother, thank God, but I will never get over loosing him. I've lost many animals over the years, but this one, I'll never get over. I hope you can heal your heart! I know I will be with all my animals at the rainbow bridge one day. Thats the only thing that keeps me sane! I guess I'm not much help, I just know how you feel. You did your best, and I'm so sorry you lost your boy. You will be reunited with him, and he will have no more pain.

I'm so sorry!

Joyce
 

Crabby-Chicken

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It takes a LONNGGG time. But everyone is right. Someone new does help. Give it a little time, but understand you deserve a new friend that probably needs you like you need it. My buddy has been gone 9 months now. She had lymphoma and I will never get over loosing her. BUT I could not stand the loneliness. We adopted two wonderful little kitten girls. We are happy that they needed us and we needed them.

Just know that you did more for Tropper than a lot of people would have done for him. He was lucky to have you.
 

kaykay

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Christina Im so so sorry. I know for me its like losing a best friend. Just incredibly painful but you did the right thing. Wish I could give you a big hug

Kay
 

afoulk

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Christine,

I am so sorry to hear about your cat. I know the one thing that helps me when I lose one of my beloved pets is the fact that I give them the best life they can have while there are here with me . Trooper knew he was loved.

Arlene
 

sfmini

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Well darn, here come the waterworks, and I am at work!

I am so sorry for your loss, only time will heal, and even after a long time, you will feel sad. BUT, try to make yourself feel good about letting him go and ending such a painful life, something we can't do for our humans.

Different people do different things. For me, a rough, rough, year. I put a Corgi down in January, cat in February (he was a cool cat), and another Corgi this month. Major ouch, but in each case the right thing to do. I keep thinking I see the cat out of the corner of my eye but no. Kind of strange walking past the dryer where his food was and not have him reaching out and tapping my arm asking for some of that good canned stuff.

I am now waiting for a very different kind of puppy to be old enough to come home, a mini aussie. Not really a breed, but darn, they are cute! She is a 7 week old blue merle and I will probably get her in two weeks or so.

I am sure another Corgi will come along, but I have made a stand, no more Corgis that are not out of parents genetically tested for Degenerative Myelopathy (doggie Lou Gherig's disease) and a lot of the show breeders are reluctant to do the test because then they might have to change their direction completely.

As for you, do what feels right, if another cat feels right, get one from a shelter and save its life. If waiting is right, do that.
 

ChrystalPaths

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You found him, gave him life and love in world where he had nothing, you gave him dignity in death and he is grateful for that. The hurt eases but the loss always lives in a tiny pocket of the heart. Do keep your eyes open for he'll be back round in another and you'll recognize each other again. Warm hugs.
 

Keri

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It'll pass eventually. I still think of my past cats that brought so much joy in my life.
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I lost my yearling colt last Sat. He had a reaction to the anethesia they gave him for his gelding procedure. His death was quite unexpected. Its almost been a week. But it still hurts. I've stopped crying every time I see his empty stall now (and both his mom and dad that I own). I have no reason to replace him. His memory will just live on.

Eventually you'll be ready for a new kitty to fill the void and make memories with. Just hang in there. It does get easier.
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Maxi'sMinis

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It is very hard sometimes to deal with the loss of your pet, friend, companion. Especially when you have taken care of them so intensely as you have done. The kitty in my avatar I love with all of my heart and I will truely be a mess when her time comes.

With time I have found that it gets easier to think of them and not cry. I had to put a very dear kitty down last year and it just was so hard. I know it may sound dumb but I still can't look at her picture. I hope soon I will be able to see her and not break down. Its wacky I know but she was my bathroom kitty and was always with you when you were on the thrown. Lol. I miss her greatly.

I hope your heart mends soon. I have to agree with Crabby Chicken having another kitty does help. At least it did for me.

God bless and hope you feel better soon.
 
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