When do the tears come?

[Miniv]

I hope you have read all the posts so far..........each are slightly different, but each are so right..........just like grief is.

Grief for our immediate family (and I've lost both my parents, mother-inlaw, and my older brother) will hit us differently each time. THERE ARE NO RULES TO OUR EMOTIONS WITH LOSS.

You are okay.........You may not cry. Or you may someday find yourself sobbing. Or, over time there may be something that brings on a tear or two......none of that is wrong.....it just is.....

I also suspect that you are in shock. You are numb. And in time I hope that when the tears do come it will be brought on by memories that will be mixed with both those tears and a smile.

Don't be afraid to share either on here or with a PM to any one of us you feel comfortable with. As you can tell, there are a number of us who have had a similar loss.

Remember, though......your dad was loved when he crossed over, and he knew it and STILL knows it. I hope that brings you and your mom some comfort.

Blessings,

MA

sorry...typo.

 

[Marylou]

Losing a loved one is much harder around the holidays. We got that call 23 yrs ago at 3am Christmas eve morning. My father in law had a stroke and had died. Spent the day traveling from NY to Ohio. His funeral was right after Christmas. Just before christmas this year our younger son 's 38 yr old buddy died suddenly. Wayne said memories of his grandfathers death kept filling his mind. Just wish I could have reached through the phone to hug him. Then Dec. 26th a dear friend died at 58 of cancer of the spine. Not a Merry Christmas here.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

:

 

[jess]

Thank you all for your thoughts,prayers,and words of comfort and understanding. Everything everyone has said has helped a great deal. To all of you who have also lost loved ones I offer my sympathy. I was at odds with my Dad for several years when I was with my ex. My father and I always got along but weren't very close durning my teen years and up until about two and a half years ago when my ex and I divorced. I guess Dad always knew what my ex was and it caused quite a bit of strife between us. He tried to tell me from the time I met my ex at age 15 up until we divorced that he was no good for me and I was too blind and beaten down emotionally to believe him. My ex was emotionally and occationally physically abusive although no one knew until the divorce proceedings what he was really like. He threatened to kill me when I told him I wanted custody of our daughter. Dad just never liked him and I feel bad for all the stress I put him through. Since then I've met a wonderful man who my Dad loved and was just starting to get my own life back together and I guess I feel cheated that he won't be around to see me make something of myself or to watch my daughter grow up. It's also hard when the people around you expect you to bawl your eyes out and act like you can't go on without him. I have always had dads strong and tough side when it comes to showing emotions. Never liked to cry in front of anyone but could sometimes go out to the barn and have a good cry with my horses but this time the tears just aren't there. Again thank you all it really does help.

 

[RJRMINIS]

I am so sorry for your loss, sometimes I think you prepare yourself when you know the health issues, like he was dealing with. I think you will cry in your own time. There are no set rules to grief.

Again I am sorry.

 

[yankee_minis]

I haven't read all the posts hear because I started crying.

But I did want to post and tell you that I'm sorry for your loss and I understand how you feel. When my mother died I grieved, but not like I did when my father died. Strange because I was closer to my mother.

My mother died in 1997 and my father died in 2003. I still cry about my father. For my sisters it was the opposite.

There has been a lot of research about grieving. When I was a teenager I was a certified nurses aid and I learned all about it. Six stages I think. Two are anger and bargaining-- I don't remember the names of the rest. Everyone experiences those stages in order, but the length of time for each stage is as different as the individual. One can last 15 mnutes or 2 years.

Best wishes and I hope it gets easier for you.