This is going to be personal, but I have no one

[minisaremighty]

Anyone else out there in a rut who's willing to try to climb out with me? Share your journey out? My rut is pretty dern deep, so it's going to take alot of digging to find my way out. One hand hold at a time....One day at a time....Breathe in, breathe out.......

This is what I've learned from my experiences the last three months after we realized we were in a rut...

I just wanted to give you some hope and encouragement about getting out of that rut. I'm very impressed with your attitude this morning and think you are headed down the right track. You want to make change and you want it for YOU. THAT is the most important thing to getting out of a rut. Even though my husband and I are working together to create a whole new life together, we still had to come to this from an individual point of view. I'm making changes in ME for ME and he's making changes in HIM for HIM, however, because we are both so much happier in ourselves, we are happier as a couple. We've both lost weight, we both eat better, we've taken a couple classes together, we've taken class apart. I'm on a personal journey to make myself happy and he's on one to make himself happy.

Happiness starts from within. Do what you have planned, focus on yourself. Let him focus on himself. Who knows, you guys may find each other again or just become good friends, either way, the real ultimate goal should be for both of you to be happy.

Good luck to both of you!

 

[lvponies]

Faith!!!

I'll bet there are lots of marriages like mine out there. I hope my experience helps others to open their eyes and take a look at their own marriages before it's too late. I took mine for granted. Didn't nurture it or help it to grow. I put more time into nurturing my minis and the garden then I did with my marriage. Just assumed the marriage was what it was and that it would always be there, but did nothing to ensure it's future. Neither one of us did. Hoping if I am ever fortunate enough to fall in love again, that I will have truly learned and absorbed the lessons from this marriage, so I can do better next time. If love isn't part of my future, maybe I will have just come out of this a better person. Who knows? All I can do is try!!!

 

[Denise]

Count me in Kim! There's alot I need to change, this has really opened my eyes. Today I am actually going to get out of my jammies and put on decent clothes, not sweats and overgrown shirts. I'm going to put make up on and suggest we go out for lunch. I'm going to start watching what I eat to, I need to lose 30 pounds. I'm right beside you!

One suggestion on your horses, instead of selling what about leasing them. This way you still have the option of getting them back if you still want them later down the road.

 

[lvponies]

Denise

I would like to lose about 30 lbs too. Well.....actually would like to lose about 50 lbs, but that seems like an awfully big number for right now, so will stick with 30 and see how it goes. I don't recommend the husband is leaving me and I'm too depressed to eat diet plan, but I have lost 6 pounds this week!!! With the previous 3 I lost, a total of 9 lbs lost in the last couple of weeks. Can't tell by looking at me, but the scale swears it's true!!! So I will believe!!! I love the ab lounge we gave my daughter for Christmas. Sit ups have never been easier and am committing to using it everyday and to try to increase the # of situps each day. Did 40 this morning already and 15 for each side too. Need to incorporate some cardio exercise too. Maybe start taking minis for walks again. I did enjoy doing that in the past, but haven't done it in a long time.

The future's so bright, I might need shades!!!

 

[Charley]

You mentioned taking off your wedding ring. I wouldn't do that just yet....as you are still married and not really looking. In today's world it is safer....at least for now. It might even remind Allen of his and your commitments. A little reminder won't hurt.

If you have a church...go. If you don't have one....find one. Right now is the time to lean on Him.

HUGS!!

 

[SunQuest]

Hey, you all know I am there with you. It is an extremely difficult rut to get out of. Kind of muddy and well, it sucks you back in. But keep fighting it. Everything else will fall into place and be what it was meant to be.

Hugs, and I am so glad that you are doing better this morning.

 

[Sandy S.]

YOU SOUND SO MUCH BETTER TODAY!!! HANG IN THERE. I think just about everyone that has been married for very long has been through this, there will be good times, bad time, forgiving times, and time to find themselves. It takes commitment on both parts to make it work, sometimes just commitment hanging in there for hope on just ones part. Both still have to find themselves and then hopefully find the marriage and commitment again. I just think in our world today it is to easy to say this marriage isn't working anymore and I want out. Marriage is about commitment good times and bad, better and worse, the thrill of hormones of love fading and coming back, giving on both parts, thinking of the other persons feeling first, being a friend besides a lover.

I still hope things will turn out for you the way you decide you want it to go. It just make take time for you both to find yourselves and then maybe your love again.

 

[qtrrae]

Kim,

You sound so much better today, I feel good just knowing that you are feeling better. You have been an eye opener for me, also. I know that I take my husband for granted, I am so involved with my horses and other things in life that he just gets my time "if" I have any left over - which isn't very often.

I remember when we were dating and I did everything possible to spend time with him, now that we are older and have been married for many years it seems like I look for ways NOT to spend time with him. That is so sad. Your situation has been an eye opener for me, I am really going to get some new life into my marriage.

I'm sorry that you are going through this but I do think by you sharing with the rest of us - it will be an inspiration for many of us.

Hugs to you, Kim and thanks for helping me realize that my husband and my marriage are worth taking much more time and effort then what I have been giving it.

 

[Reble]

This might help. You go Girl

Sounds like you are starting a new life.

Keep us posted....

http://www.marriagemax.com/marriage-counse...alternative.asp

 

[Magic]

Kim, I am so very impressed with you!

Talk about "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade"! You are the poster-woman for that! And you are not only working on improving your own life, you are inspiring other people to do the same.

However this works out, you are going to be ok-- you are smart, and strong, and have a super attitude. You go girl!!

 

[lvponies]

WOW, Magic!! You made me blush!!! Thank you for your very nice words!!!

Ok......for the beginning of the rest of my life.....I am going to go out to the movies tonight by myself for the very first time!! Going to do my hair & makeup and look decent!! I am scared to death!!! But it will be dark in there and I'm sure some people go to the movies by themselves, don't they? Think I'm going to go see The Bucket List. I have never really done things by myself. I'm basically very shy, so have never even eaten in a restaurant by myself. Not going to try that tonight though!! Maybe another time. Called Allen to let him know I was going out and he suggested I call his sister and see if she wants to go, but said nope...want to go by myself. Told him that I needed some fun!! Plus, I love movie theater popcorn!!! Why am I so scared over this? He hasn't been to the movies with me in years. Normally I go with the girls to see what they want to see. Well, I want to see this movie so I will go. It's awful though when the first playing is at 7:50 and my first thought is, but that's so late!! I know, I'm pitiful!!!

 

[Reble]

Good Start

Never say never

 

[SunQuest]

WOW, Magic!! You made me blush!!! Thank you for your very nice words!!!

Ok......for the beginning of the rest of my life.....I am going to go out to the movies tonight by myself for the very first time!! Going to do my hair & makeup and look decent!! I am scared to death!!! But it will be dark in there and I'm sure some people go to the movies by themselves, don't they? Think I'm going to go see The Bucket List. I have never really done things by myself. I'm basically very shy, so have never even eaten in a restaurant by myself. Not going to try that tonight though!! Maybe another time. Called Allen to let him know I was going out and he suggested I call his sister and see if she wants to go, but said nope...want to go by myself. Told him that I needed some fun!! Plus, I love movie theater popcorn!!! Why am I so scared over this? He hasn't been to the movies with me in years. Normally I go with the girls to see what they want to see. Well, I want to see this movie so I will go. It's awful though when the first playing is at 7:50 and my first thought is, but that's so late!! I know, I'm pitiful!!!

Oh you are not pitiful! Just stuck in a rut. You need some time away from it all.

And hey, when was the last time you asked him what he would be interested in seeing and then asking him to see it with you? You can enjoy the popcorn and he can enjoy the movie. Win win if you ask me.

But tonight is your night. Go out and enjoy yourself.

 

[Jesper]

well people go to the movies all the time alone, I especially noticed this in the states, they arrive together but each go watch their own movie (you can't talk during the movie anyway and if you do I will come smack you).

then meet up again after the movies are done, talk about what eachother watched and have an enjoyable night.

since I am single, I end up going alone most of the time and it don't really bothers me, I go out and eat dinner on my own as well, I can go exactly where I want and get what I want and see whatever movie pleases me. So I hope you went to the movies and had a great time while enjoying your popcorn.

other then that, sure you can ask him what he wants to see and go see that with him, if he wants to. never been in your situation so I wouldn't know how to handle it, all I know is that you shouldn't do something you don't want to just to please someone else, if that someone else wont do the same to you.

Jesper

 

[minimama]

I haven't posted yet as i have been dealing with storm damage to our house. but, I wanted to say after reading Some of the posts made, there is a country song called "She let herself go" If you have not listened to it, you need to. It so fits what you are going through right now.

You hang in there, no matter what, you will learn from all of this, you have helped others because of this and you have plenty of people here that care a great deal about you.

hugs your way! Can't wait to hear all about the movie experience.

 

[LindaL]

WOW, Magic!! You made me blush!!! Thank you for your very nice words!!!

Ok......for the beginning of the rest of my life.....I am going to go out to the movies tonight by myself for the very first time!! Going to do my hair & makeup and look decent!! I am scared to death!!! But it will be dark in there and I'm sure some people go to the movies by themselves, don't they? Think I'm going to go see The Bucket List. I have never really done things by myself. I'm basically very shy, so have never even eaten in a restaurant by myself. Not going to try that tonight though!! Maybe another time. Called Allen to let him know I was going out and he suggested I call his sister and see if she wants to go, but said nope...want to go by myself. Told him that I needed some fun!! Plus, I love movie theater popcorn!!! Why am I so scared over this? He hasn't been to the movies with me in years. Normally I go with the girls to see what they want to see. Well, I want to see this movie so I will go. It's awful though when the first playing is at 7:50 and my first thought is, but that's so late!! I know, I'm pitiful!!!

This is a huge step...and I am sooo happy that you are doing this!!! Trust me, you will get braver and even eat dinner alone in a restaurant (which isnt so bad....lol)...and enjoy doing things by yourself. I do!! Of course, sometimes you want friends or family with you, but being ABLE to do things on your own two feet is a very liberating feeling!! You go girl!!!

 

[lvponies]

I almost chickened out. Got most of the way there and thought....I just can't do this. Just can't! So tried to call my daughter to see if she wanted me to drive all the way back to pick her up and take her to dinner. Luckily after many, many attempts to reach her, she didn't pick up her cell. I just kept driving towards the theater. I am sooooooo glad I did!! If you haven't seen The Bucket List yet, please go see it. It is one of the best movies I've ever seen!!! I just loved it!!! And...no one looked at me weird for only buying one ticket, standing in the popcorn line by myself, sitting by myself. It was ok. I did it and made it through and had a great time all by myself. Laughed out loud, cried out loud. It was just so good!!! I may take my daughter and see it again!!

 

[Reble]

Good for you

I am so proud of you

Now what is next

 

[ClickMini]

Good for you!!! I saw the Bucket List last weekend with my parents and sister. It was great! I think also a good movie for you to watch right now. Time to get out there and do some livin'!

 

[LindaL]

I almost chickened out. Got most of the way there and thought....I just can't do this. Just can't! So tried to call my daughter to see if she wanted me to drive all the way back to pick her up and take her to dinner. Luckily after many, many attempts to reach her, she didn't pick up her cell. I just kept driving towards the theater. I am sooooooo glad I did!! If you haven't seen The Bucket List yet, please go see it. It is one of the best movies I've ever seen!!! I just loved it!!! And...no one looked at me weird for only buying one ticket, standing in the popcorn line by myself, sitting by myself. It was ok. I did it and made it through and had a great time all by myself. Laughed out loud, cried out loud. It was just so good!!! I may take my daughter and see it again!!

Good for you!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!