Think I am a bad person....but I can't stand..

[Shari]

...my niece. She is 9 years old.

My parents and niece are up for a visit, which I did not mind the idea of. But she is a spoiled rotten brat that has my parents wrapped around her little finger, very manipulative and she knows she is doing it. Sad part is she is very much like my sister....sigh. And the lying.. I know all kids do at some point to varying degrees but she is the queen of the whoppers.

Today at the beach she was told not to go into the serf... so what does she do... sneak down there take off her shoes and goes in. I sent my very patient DS after her because I can't hobble fast enough.. She ignores him and goes out a little farther. So Grandpa has to walk her down,, he also has a bad back and knees...so she runs down the beach laughing and skipping. Personally I would of tanned her backside but she gets away with that.

There have been a number of other issues....including touching my rescue horse that has ringworm all over her face.... in which I told her what the mare had and what ringworm is, in children's terms. Sigh ~~

Even my DH who is very good with all kinds of children... lets just say she is really, really trying his patience.

I am trying very hard but I just don't like her. Know it is wrong but I can stand people like that at any age. Guess I am a bad Aunt...

Sorry everyone....but I had to Vent................

 

[crponies]

I don't think you are a bad aunt at all. The type of behavior you are describing should not be liked. It is too bad she is getting away with it.

 

[Marty]

I thought I never met a kid I didn't like or couldn't handle yet but last year it came pretty close. We had four kids living with us last year. One of them happend to be the only grandchild. 14 years old. Had the Hus and Dan completely wrapped around her finger because they didn't have to stay home and take care of her! What a PIA she was and spoiled couldn't describe it. I found myself back down in the Principals office left and right over the most embarrassing stuff.

I had lots of fun activites planned out daily and a routine they enjoyed but nothing ever suited her and she would disrupt everything for everyone having to be the loud mouth and continous whiner. She demanded her nails done and hair dyed, said I had to buy her a bunch of new CD's and only would wear mall clothes and I couldn't afford this kind of thing. I said no so I was the meany. She demanded we go to stores that do not exsist here without traveling a couple of hours and again I said no. I said just one trip to the mall, here's your spending money and when it runs out, that's it. And no hair dyeing either. So again I'm the meany. No matter what I cooked, she didn't like it and would refuse to eat it. What kind if a kid doesn't eat bugers on the grill and watermelon? HUH???????? Geesh......I caught her digging in my purse twice so I finally had to hide it and going through all our drawers too and she would lie like a rug about it. Oh and while riding in the truck, she jumps up and down and would holler dumb things out the window at people.

Oh and of course the dogs were stupid and the horses were stupid too and just dirty animals and refused to go to the barn. She would spend forever in the bathroom on purpose making everyone else late as we only have one bathroom. It went on and on every day a new soap opera with her.

Soon as the Hus or Dan come through the door, this girl would do a complete 360 and be the most wonderful child in the world. But eventually they saw a glimpse of her true colors too.

I almost got stuck with her this summer for a month but for some reason, she refused to come. I think I may have mentioned that month we were going to be spending a lot of time putting up hay

 

[Shari]

Thank you both. Helps to talk to others about this.

I normally get along well with most children too....just not my niece. Can't believe the high pitch whinning sounds she makes. Would be impressive, if it wasn't so annoying in closed spaces.

Ouch Marty... that girl sounds very much like my niece. No fun to be around that is for sure.

My niece wanted to ride one of my horses...none are suitable for a child but Dyfra is OK in the round pen if I lead her around and the child stays quiet on her back. Asked my niece to please not kick Dyfra in the sides....so what does she do with sharp cowboy boot heels. Dyfra just pinned her ears back but I made my niece get off Dyfra....before Dyfra did something about the creature on her back. Sigh ~~ She wanted a ride again and I told her no. She wanted to ride Dyfra out and I told her no. Dyfra doesn't tolerate people who don't know how to ride and I know what would happen.

I wanted to spend time with my parents but I am hearing the excuses they make for her and other things they say. Think I am just going to find more chores I need to do outside with the animals tomorrow. Been bitting my tongue hard but it is easier to be elsewhere. Just wish I could stop feeling gulity about it.

Feel sad for my son too, he is doing very well with the way she is but I think it is still hard on him to see what is going on and niether of his grandparents have ever talked to him much. A clear reminder to why we don't live in the same state they do..... would have more grey hair if I did.

They leave Tuesday.... I can survive until then... ... I think.... ok maybe.....

 

[hahler]

ok reason I have animals and not kids is cause of every reason mentioned in above posts. when I was in a relationship and was helpin with 2 kids (pre teens) they learned real quick the between 5-8 was dawns anti kid time and don't push me. if I would have acted like what was said I wouldn't be sittin down for a week as far as picky eatin we ate what was in front of us cause dads motto was if they get hungry enough they'll eat it

 

[Jill]

I can understand how you feel completely. I really do not have the patience for kids who do not listen or are disrespectful to adults. Like you, I'd have spanked her butt and good. I know that's not the current popular trend in child raising and I have never raised a child, but I also know I got maybe 3 spankings as a kid, listened to my parents, and imo grew up to be a good person. I cannot stand the "negotiating" that some parents do with their young kids, either. When I was a kid, because Mom and/or Dad said so was good enough... It might be kind of obvious that this didn't keep me from growing up to be a free thinker

Hopefully your niece will out grow this "stage". Probably she's only doing what any kid who realizes they can get away with it will do, but also hopefully she'll outgrow it when she's old enough to appreciate that other people have feelings, too, and that she causes them problems when she's deliberately hard to keep an eye on. However, like I said, I fully understand how you'd feel towards her as you do right now

 

[CharlesFamily]

Wow - I don't think you are a bad person....I wouldn't be able to stand her either! And at 9 years old - she is WAY too old to be acting that way. I have two girls who are almost 11 and 7 - and if either one of them was disrespectful in that way to an adult, especially their grandparents, there would definitely be trouble!

However, you have to really blame this behavior on her parent(s). Obviously, she has learned that she can get away with this stuff and it is really sad that they are raising such an unlikable child. My brother has a 14 year old stepdaughter who is just out of control - and her mom lets her get away with anything and always has. I've known her since she was 2 and she's never been a fun kid to be around.

Sorry to hear your niece is ruining your time with your parents. Maybe you could "accidentally" lock her in a stall in the barn????

Barbara

 

[ChrystalPaths]

I'll risk this...my house, MY RULES. Doesn't matter whose kid it is, they toe my line or else, period. I look at the shocked parents and tell em, if something happens to harm the child..it is MY house and so they have to just accept my way or go home. Sounds harsh but worked every time.

 

[barnbum]

I will only accept well behaved kids in my home and classroom. My students are told this the first day of school and we have few problems--I do heavy nipping in the fall. The subs always want to come in for me because they're in awe at how well my class behaves. Recess monitors LOVE my class.

I had a boy visit the other day--I was tired for stacking hay and worried about Rosie and he shouts as he exits the car "WHERE ARE THE HORSES?" So- I said "Whoa, looks like we need to have a chat before you go any further." I explained to him how things would be and he was fine.

So--when they come for a short time, like a week

it's got to be tough and I feel for you. I think we owe it to all children to make them mind---they're going to need to know how or it's going to be painful for them.

Kennedy bought me a barn sign: My barn, MY rules.

 

[StellaLenoir]

I'll risk this...my house, MY RULES. Doesn't matter whose kid it is, they toe my line or else, period. I look at the shocked parents and tell em, if something happens to harm the child..it is MY house and so they have to just accept my way or go home. Sounds harsh but worked every time.

Exactly!

Believe it or not, I have had kids with attitudes like your nieces turn around with the above treatment. Not turned around for everyone, but at least around me and my space. Sometimes deep in the kids heart they WANT some structure and discipline, and when someone actual takes the time and effort to show them whats OK and not, they respond with respect (after an initial resist to test)

Good luck with the visit!

 

[Shari]

Karla.... I need that sign!

Sadly... my sister is just like her and really hasn't grown up either. My parents just enable her and don't see they are doing anything wrong. Man...if I did even thought about doing half of what my niece does when I was her age... I would of gotten the belt.

My DH has told my Mom in the past if "she" couldn't be polite... he would toss her out, so she knows. But with my niece.... lets just say the family politics are ..... ah..... not good. I don't want to hear for the rest of my life how I scared my niece for life for setting down rules and not putting up with her behavior.

Just can't wait until they leave.

 

[Jill]

Hmmm... I don't know what it is with some kids and parents these days but "back in the day", I mean all it took was The Look from my mom and whatever bull my sister and I were trying to pull stopped immediately. Maybe my mom's look was more powerful than most but I mean, it was one look and we knew we were to knock it off immediately.

 

[AppyLover2]

I know I'm old and definitely old fashioned but one of the things that bugs me most is "time out". HUH?? What the heck is that all about? I'm the first to admit I was a spoiled kid....but when I was told something I listened or suffered the consequences. It would absolutely have never occurred to me to be disrespectful.

 

[Magic]

Oh Shari, I don't blame you a bit for not liking your niece.

Not only does she act just like your sister, who annoys you, and has no manners at all, but your parents seem to favor her over your own child, which is enough to make one want to pull their hair out, I'm sure!

My (now deceased, she died fairly young) Mom never showed favoritism in her children or her grandchildren, and I'm the same way. And I think that my girls learned "the stern Mom look" from me, because the grandbabies are VERY well-behaved, lol!

Good luck in surviving until the niece-from-heck goes home!

 

[KanoasDestiny]

I agree 100% with Karla! I have worked with children (ages 4-16) for the past 10 years and you have to let them know right away that you are in charge. If not, then prepare to suffer the consquences because it is even harder to establish that later on.

I have a rule for both my home and my job...ask them first, then tell them, and if neither works, make them (punishment). I don't ask them to do something a hundred times! I've always gotten along with children really well because I take time to talk to them and get to know them. It sure helps in figuriing out what most of their problems are, and you'd be amazed at how neglected most kids really are. When they act out, most of the time, it's because theres a problem at home.

Since they're getting ready to leave, I'm not sure that you can really do much at this point, except not invite her back and tell your parents/sister why. My cousin brought her monsters here one day and they were going through all of my stuff. I told them to stop touching things, but she refused to get involved. I had to listen to them telling her to "shut up", and "No", and just being really rude. They kept asking her if they could stay here while she went into town. I was actually hoping that she'd say yes because they were going to be in for the shock of their life. Lol. Needless to say, they haven't been here since. And she admitted to me that she doesn't punish them because she's scared they'll call the police on her for abuse. Huh? These kids were only 9 and 7. They should have been taught manners from an early age, where a smack would have sufficed. It's sad really because the kids are the ones who are going to suffer for this behavior in the end.

Just hang in there, tomorrow's almost here!

 

[~Lisa~]

Oh Shari, I don't blame you a bit for not liking your niece.

Not only does she act just like your sister, who annoys you, and has no manners at all, but your parents seem to favor her over your own child,

You hit the nail on the head

actually when I read this - this is what I thought to and no offense but I think it has more to do with the family dynamic going on between you and your sister and your paretns then it does with the neice short of she reminds you of your sister

 

[Keri]

Kids parents know that if their kid is at my house, they are treated like my kids. I've been known to spank my nephew or neice when they were being intolerable. But lucky for me, my sister keeps her kids in line. So I don't have to deal with ratty kids. My other nephew is going to be a handful as he lives with grandma and grandpa and single mom and gets anything he wants. But he knows when he hits his cousin or whatever, auntie is there in a split second repremanding him and making him understand (same goes with my son if he does something to his cousin). If they can't behave in my house, they can leave (parent's included).

 

[SweetOpal]

I have been reading this thread now and I guess I am one like your sister has a spoiled rotten disrespectful brat of a child. However I will say I have 2 children one is as perfect as they come. I have raised them both the same, have actually been harder on the rotten brat child. She has been spanked (repeatedly) grounded, time out, things taken away, to no avail nothing works, SHE has a MIND of her OWN and is very strong willed. I don't give in, don't let her get away with it, at times I feel as tho I have abused this child becuase I beleive in punishment for bad behavior.

I do get sick and tired of hearing it is all a parenting problem. I have raised mine the same, one is just better behaved and more respectful than the other. I am sorry but in my case it is the difference in the child, no 2 children are the same, it isn't always the parents fault... Consider yourself lucky if you ended up with 2 perfect children, I am pretty sure it is every parents goal.

 

[Sabrina]

unfortunately it seems like there is getting to be more and more youngsters that have learned they can get away with being disrepectful of anyone and anything. i saw a lot of it when i worked in the schools. "reasoning" is ridiculus to me -who is the adult? my 5 year old has tried stuff me becuase he knows i can't move as fast with being pregnant but he learned that it won't be tolerated. he got out of hand one day , i put him in a cold shower clothes and all and told him when he cooled off and was ready to act like a big kid he could get out and go change his clothes. now if he starts to cop an attitude i will ask if he wants another cold shower and he tells me no, and usually ends it. kids are kids and they will try a person but there is line that no chold should cross. tough love, it may be hard but necessary. good luck!!!

 

[Miniv]

I like Karla's sign too!

"MY BARN. MY RULES" goes up on the barn entry.

"MY HOUSE. MY RULES" goes up in the popular gathering place in the house......ie, the Kitchen!

No need to say anything.......just POINT.