Relationships stink........

[nootka]

Not so much to add to this, you've already gotten some great advice and insight.

I did want to say, though, that it seems you knew the answer to this one, you are doing the right thing (the right thing seems to be the hardest one to do at the time, but will let you look back the most easily when you arrive at the right place!!!).

You will barely remember the pain, I imagine, by the time you find that "right" one.

I hope it's sooner rather than later.

Sorry in the meantime, for the way it all came about. Love stinks, this is true.

((hugs))

Liz

 

[FairytailGlennMinis]

It doesn't have to be physical to be cheating. It is about trust and respect--and this guy obviously wasn't honest or respectable and wasn't giving that to you either. That just isn't where you need to spend your time and energy. I agree with Laura--there is no "typical"...only human decency. In this day and age when everything is about ME and NOW we are seeing more and more of this...and we are losing so much in the process. Hang in there, Adam...the right one is out there!

 

[MiniforFaith]

Adam, you have gotten a lot of good advice. I know I am no expert, but you did the right thing. I feel the same as you, that is cheating..If you love someone, you don't go around "chatting" with others like that. You did what was best for you!!! You do not deserve being in a situation like that.. Like if I remember right, Laura said, love is worth waiting for when you find the right person.. And you will..

I have never met you, but I can tell what kind a person you are..One of a kind that is hard to find, in this day and age.. You will find your soul mate and have the life you deserve.. It just takes some of us longer..

 

[ROSEMILL FARM]

Hi Adam,

This is Sarah Orangias, I don't know if you remember me but we have talked, showed and I have shown under you,

I had a bad experiance with a horse guy also, but I got married to him, not the right thing to do!!! I thought I had the perfect Man, he was good to me, he loved the horses (I thought) we meet at Nationals, he was good looking!!! everything I wanted I moved to Oklahoma and we got Married, now we are coming up on our 1 year and he is gone

, at first when he said that he was leaving I was crushed, but now I just think he was not the person I thought I knew, I just think God has a plan for all of us, he might put us through hard times but, I know that I/we will be better off.

Back to you, I see what he is saying about you should have just trusted him, but there was something telling you that you needed to check, I think it is better that this has happend now, and not years later.

You will find the right one, someone that puts you first and no one else, I think that we both need to look for someone that puts us first. Its real hard but the things that have helped me most are my Family, Friends, and my horses I have just put everything I have into the horses they help a lot, they don't care if you cry, or talk to them and they are always there.

I am sorry you are going through this and I know looking at it right now you think it is the worst thing that could happen but it will get better I know it will.

Sarah Orangias

Rosemill Training Center

www.rosemilltrainingcenter.com

 

[Laura]

Ya, good luck on the double date. Once you get married and throw a kid in the mix that doesnt happen anymore. Im lucky to get one on one time.

[SIZE=12pt]Nah, we just take the kids out with us

Mia would be THRILLED to go stay with Aunt Dana and her crew for an evening, but Zac is still too little and I'M still too attached to leave him with anyone but Steve. Yes, we want to go on an grownup outing of some kind eventually, but we have "our time" after the kiddos are in bed at night and we're happier with the kids. We both would worry too much about leaving both of them somewhere, even with people we trust completely...although if I could have gotten those BB King tickets for a matinee show (which he didn't have), we mght have tried leaving them with Dana & the crew for an afternoon~LOL[/SIZE]

 

[zoey829]

If you had to question him then thier are troubles!!! If you felt funny thier was a reason and if he doesnt feel that your business, then bye bye baby

 

[alongman]

Today was a little easier - I have chatted with some really great people (mostly from here). Things were going well until he decided to call to say "he cared" about me. I couldn't answer the phone and had someone else listen to the message. Does he think he screwed up? Was it wrong to avoid him?

 

[susanne]

Adam,

Although I only know you from this forum, I hurt for you.

To me, what's almost worse than the cheating (and, yes, that was cheating) is that he tried to turn things around to make you the guilty party. This is a personality deficit that cannot be chalked up to a single incident or mistake. This is a total lack of integrity.

Stay strong and believe in yourself. You deserve that perfect mate, and he is out there.

 

[nootka]

I don't think it was wrong for you to avoid him. You have to do what you're comfortable with, but at some point, it's probably a good idea to communicate just to put things to rest, so to speak.

You need to lay your point of view out there, your feelings, and then that's that. Just so YOU feel comfortable with where things are, why they happened, etc.

Good luck...

Liz

 

[Miniv]

You were not wrong to avoid him........... You know what is right and what is wrong in a relationship. He knows how to pull the right strings, it sounds like. Stick to your beliefs. They will win in the end.

 

[ClickMini]

Adam, I wished you lived here in Washington, because I have a very dear gay friend who feels the same as you and has only found that kind of relationship once! And very, very sadly, his partner died last year. One of my very best friends for years and years. It is so hard to find that good match, and it seems to be even harder when the pool you are looking in is monogamous gay. But it definitely can be found, I watched my friends develop a very deep and strong relationship.

 

[Leeana]

Im sorry adam, time heals all wounds

. I am NO ONE to give relationship advice, but im glad its getting easier for you. Day by day

.

YOU did not do anything wrong

 

[Frankie]

I am so sorry and I hope each day things get easier for you. Life's tough, relationships tougher.

Oh, check your email.

 

[Jill]

Adam --

I think you did right not to answer the phone when he called. You need to protect yourself right now and your emotions would / could have gotten the best of you.

It's not a question of if he cared for you. I really think he did and does but not enough. I would bet he's not at the stage in his life (and some never get there) were he cares enough about anyone else to be loyal. Even if he loved/s you as much as he can, it's not as much as the right person will!

Jill

 

[StarRidgeAcres]

Adam,

First of all I want to say how sorry I am you are going through this. You are such an awesome guy; you just plain don't deserve this kind of crap!

Now, having said that, I have a bit of a different take on this than most so far. I'm not at all saying I'm right and the rest are wrong, I'm just saying there may be a reason to pause.

What I'm thinking is that yes, he screwed up. But...haven't we all made mistakes? There's a chance he was getting scared of how close you two were getting and that made him do something he shouldn't have. I'm not excusing it, just saying that if he's worth it (and I don't know either way) maybe after you've both had time to process this, you can talk it out. Maybe he really does regret it. Or maybe not and he's just a jerk! OH!

Seriously, all I'm saying is that one mistake doesn't necessarily make the person worthless.

 

[alongman]

Parmela -

I definitely agree with you, but, within the past two days have found out it wasn't only once - it was an ongoing thing. I had the same hopes, but just can't stand to think about it.

In the meantime, there have been all sorts of great people coming forward that were always in the background before - close friends who are lending a shoulder, friends who there has always been that potential with but never able to pursue...... who knows. I just need time right now to gather my thoughts.

 

[JourneysEnd]

There are days I LOVE technology, but it seems that it's made this VERY gray area in the relationship area. What exactly is crossing the line - is emotional or verbal cheating any less hurtful? I don't think so, but what does everyone else think?

I think emotional cheating is more hurtful than physical. Physical is governed by hormones, emotional happens in the mind. He would have crossed the line physically in time, you just caught him first.

Life's too short to put up with someone you can't trust.

 

[Relic]

Relationships do stink and sometimes life is easier when you find out things you can't live with early on rather then later not to worry THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE will show up when you least expect it and no one really knows when that is till it happens..and he'll also want that picket fence just as bad.

 

[whitney]

Nope your not lost..........your FOUND, found out he wasn't your soul mate. Keep looking and NEVER settle!

 

[Riverdance]

Adam,

I am so sorry and I really feel for you. But relationships can suck no matter what they are. I was married twice, the first husband was a wolf from day one and was cheating all of the time. I got fed up and left. The second one, he seemed to be everything I was looking for, --- until we were married. Then his true colors came out. Where before it was alright for me to go away on a weekend to a dog show, was no longer "allowed" once I was married. I went anyway. After 10 years with him, I left, then found out that he had been cheating on me for years.

You did the right thing. If you were just dating him and he was doing that, then you can imagine what it would be like if you too hooked up for life. As with most people who are wrong, they turn it around to make you look like you were in the wrong and not them. HE WAS DEAD WRONG!!! AND EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS, YOU ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM!!.. Why waste time with someone who does not want what you want? Take your time, you will find him!!

By the way, I know a really nice guy who is a Morgan horse trainer. He lives in Prior Lake.