ok i have to say something to someone

[shadowpaints]

i have long suffered from Depression, anxiety and OCD, i am trying to deal with all of this on my own since hubby is a truck driver and not hardly around.

I used to rely on my family (dad and step mom) to see me through my rough days, i thought that they wanted to be there for me . over the last 6 years contact with them started slowing down, not because i wasnt calling them ( i was) but they quit answering their phone when i call, and they never call me back! all i get is a lousy text.

Christmas 2009, i was informed that the family christmas dinner/party was canceled. ok fine i delt with it. a week later my aunt calls me and asks me why i didnt go to the christmas party . come to find out from my dad, that it was supposedly 'canceled' but aparently everyone showed up but me . ok what ever.

in January we always have had a sledding party at my grampas house. the date is different every year. the last 2 years i wasnt informed of the date till a week before, and thats not enough time to get hubbys company to let him come home, and i will not drive 200 miles on icy roads on my own. so, i dont go

my birthday, no one not even my dad calls. oh wait ok he calls at 11pm and since im in BED i didnt answer the phone. he leaves a snooty message about me not wanting to talk to him

mothers day a BIG dinner with all my family from all around, i dont hear about it till the week after their excuse was that they thought i would be busy

then you have today. another big family dinner, 50 miles away, i got a text last nite around 6pm that there is a family dinner and i am to bring chips and a dessert. and they wanted to know if i was coming.

i told them no. they got their way, im about done even attempting to go. i feel like i am not wanted at the family functions. and when i am able to 'drop everything' and go to these things my daughters go off and play with their aunts ( which is fine) and evey one seems to ignore me.ill try to sit and talk and everyone pretty much comes up with a excuse why they cant sit and chat.

ok do i stink or something?? am i that hideous?? come on! this is the family that i was raised with. all i want is to catch up on things and visit.

the only reasons i can think of that they wouldnt want me around all of a sudden, is

i am not religious and they are. i cant spend hours talking about god, it bores me.

im the black sheep of the family. i drink, i smoke , i swear mind you i am totally respectful and do none of those three things when i am any where near them. i also have tattos. but they dont know about those.

i realize im not prefect and that i didnt *turn out* like the other 6 kids did but sheesh.

oh and every time i ask why im not informed about family functions, dad replies with ' oh sorry i forgot you' oh wow that makes me feel great

i miss my family and i hate being alone!

sorry about griping and i dont really expect anyone to reply. but since none of my friends are answering their phones, i needed to type or say this! so it wasnt in my head... GAHHHHHHH

ok im done now....

thanks

 

[chandab]

Really don't have any words of wisdom or anything, but thought I'd just post a quick {{{Hug}}}.

 

[minimomNC]

Being alone is very hard. I think before you just stop talking to your dad, send him a copy of this post. It speaks volumes and maybe he just doesn't really see how much he is hurting you. At this point, it sure can't hurt.

Your next step is to make new friends. Even if over the internet, at least it will be people to talk too. Just take care of you first and foremost.

 

[AnnaC]

Sending you a hug from across the 'pond'. (((((HUG)))))

Anna

 

[Shari]

Write a letter to them or just go over when you know they are home and have a sit down and talk. Some times a face to face will clear things up.

I am not close to my parents for many reasons and I am happy not being in the same state they are. Some times one just has to make their own family. ((HUGS))

 

[twister]

Sending you HUGS from Ontario, I hope things work out for you and your family.

Yvonne

 

[eagles ring farm]

Being alone is hard I am married for the 2nd time I have a son from my first marriage (his father passed away in 92') but I don't have any other family, lost both my parents, their loss leaves such an empty spot in my heart. I am fortunate to have some good friends that are far away but we stay in touch here and there at least.

Alone is hard and with your husband on the road it must be very hard.

(((((Hugs))))) it sounds like your family are the ones missing out here.

 

[Shortpig]

For me you spoke volumes. As far as I am concerned there is a huge difference between being religious and being a true Christian. Christians do not judge. It is not their place to judge. I have to assume you didn't sit down one day and make a life changing decision to be depressed and OCD.

I have found that even family members have trouble dealing with those who suffer from these kinds of issues. Sometimes they feel deep in side it is because they did something wrong but still don't want to admit its possibly their fault. That said.

I wish there were a way we could all make you feel better. It can be very hard to be alone.

 

[TheCaseFamily00]

I'm sorry you're going threw this

. I hope they wake up and realize how lucky they are to have you!We're here for you whenever you need us

.

 

[miniwhinny]

Okay - here 's a slightly different side to the situation. Please don't take it the wrong way because I only have what you posted to go by.

It seems that a lot of family members (and maybe your friends as you say they are also not answering their phones) are universally cutting you out. That would take two things...

1) Either there is a massive conspiracy going on between them all to get everyone on board to hurt you

or

2) Perhaps it is you ! Perhaps you are the root of the problem. While we all want to think we're perfect and lovable and faultless - perhaps being around you is a little hard?!

I'm not trying to make you feel worse...just the opposite - sometimes to fit in we have to make some effort ourselves.

Let me give you an example - I adore my mom I really do but just lately she's got in a habit of complaining. She lives in the NW and hates rain - hahah well it's rained everyday this year in the NW lol. So for the past two months every call I've had (almost everyday) from her I've spent the entire conversation listening to her woes. It get's old pretty fast. It hit me like a ton of bricks this weekend when I was out of town and used that as an excuse not to answer her calls...wow, what a breath of fresh air! It's very hard to have to listen to someone complain all the time - kinda puts a damper on sharing anything fun.

I know that you can't help being depressed or having anxiety and OCD but they are all issues that are difficult to deal with by those without them. I really want to help you get back with your family because if you didn't want to - you wouldn't have posted this.

I may be totally off base but you can handle those things two ways. You can take the attitude "hey, this is me - handle it" Or you can say " I really want to be a part of this family so next time there is a get together I'm going to try everything in my power not to focus on myself but on everyone else at the get together".

I think if you look deep inside yourself you'll find your own answer to why this is happening. I wish you luck in building back your relationships.

 

[Mominis]

I'm so sorry that you feel hurt, especially on a holiday. Have you tried being proactive and calling the person who usually organizes these functions or another relative that isn't your dad and saying something along the lines of, "Groundhog's Day is coming up, I know that we usually get the family together for that. Have you heard of the plans that being made?" Being proactive can really go a long way to saving your feelings.

With your complications, I assume you have a therapist. Maybe you could suggest a meeting with your therapist and your father and try and iron out whatever the issue is that is causing friction in your communication with him.

Big HUG and lots of luck!

 

[shadowpaints]

your right it could be me, im not sure.it would help if hubby was home all the time to cheer me up when i start acting blue around them. but he is home maybe every 6-8 weeks for one nite, so he misses out on sooo many things. i always try so hard not to bring my mood with me when i go somewhere, but its hard not espescially when they ignore me. they dont understand how hard it is to come out of my comfort zone, to the outings so i do my best to hide my nervousness and my ugly moods. i know that sometimes i am unsuccesful.

My dad? he doesnt believe in 'shrinks' he thinks that my mental problems are a call for attention, i cant tell him truly how my day went ever as he is always coming up with something like ' you didnt need to react that way' or 'quit being so emotional. you cry to easy' i admit i cry very easily. i always have, its a deffense mechanism i guess, or rather thats what judy (therapist) says it is. I used to be on medication, but i am trying to work on some things with out the meds, and really i do OK with out them, most days. its the days where it gets bad ( i should be on them right now, not feeling too great.)

i am needing my family to accept me, i lost a adopted mom last september and life has been so hard with out her she was my rock i have known her since i was 9 years old, when she died it was awful it took me months to even deal with it. and i still catch my self dialing her cell numeber to talk only to have it say 'the wireless number you have reached is not in service' she was always there, no matter the day or time, she would talk me through things... she was really good at calling me at 9pm.. when i would mop the floor... and make sure i didnt mop it a 'unhealthy' amount of times.

i know that i am 27 and this may sound weird, but i want my 'daddy' the one who sat with me when i was scared, the one i could tell anything to. the one that never cared what i did or how i did it.

i dont understand why he texts and doesnt call, i want to hear his voice . in the last year i lost 3 of the people in my life that made sure that i got from point a to point b. one was Ryan a dear friend who was lost to a horrible stabbing, the other was my Great grama davies she was the one that would ALWAYS call me and tell me about dinners and get togethers, she made sure i knew the minute she knew, i LOVE that woman! and then, there was grettal, i was closer to her than my own birth mom, she was truly a saint.

i keep hoping that this is some kind of a messed up dream. that i will wake up and all the family that i so terribly miss is all here and everything is ok. but i guess the chances of that happenning are pretty slim eh?

thanks again for all your support and love it means the world to me. i have some definate things to do and try to see if it helps

 

[Mominis]

((shadowpaints))

You can't change the way other people act, think or feel. You can only change the way that you react to others. I wish you all the best, you sound like you are working hard to make positive changes within your life. That's a very difficult but very rewarding thing to do. Good for you for taking responsibility for your emotions and working to make yourself a better person.

Just remember that, though you are not a religious person, your higher power (in whatever form you choose to see him/her/it be it God, Buddha, Nature, or whatever) is there for you. Maybe some good meditation will help you become more centered today while you are dealing with a difficult day.

I know I'll be praying to my own higher power for you today. May God bless you.

 

[miniwhinny]

YAhoooooo...sweetheart - you're now 90 % of the way there

A lot of the generation above you - like your dad, don't understand therapy. Mostly because in their day people were medically ignorant that the brain and it's chemistry is no different than any other organ. If your pancreas doesn't produce enough insulin then you're a diabetic..accepted and simple. If your brain doesn't have enough dopamine - you can get depressed, have anxiety, OCD etc. You can't help that anymore than someone with diabetes can help their situation.

There's nothing wrong with needing your people. That's a good thing and I'm so very sorry that they don't understand that you can't help the way you are.

Don't try to get your dad to go to therapy with you...at this stage I don't think he would and if he did he'd probably sit there thinking it's a complete waste of time. I do think it would work wonders for you though. A good therapist can really help you to see that what you go through is beyond your control. It would also give you that person who understands you - when you need that. You can't do this alone and that's what's happening. A therapist can also hook you up with the correct medicines. The same way a diabetic needs insulin, you will be a completely different person with the correct medicine. There are drugs out there that will help you to increase your dopamine (and other brain chemical levels) to the point where you can feel like "everyone else". It sounds like you have one but see if she can help you hook up with a psychiatrist who can prescribe the correct medications for you.

You have a serious medical condition that you shouldn't have to carry alone and please don't beat yourself up because of it. If you had vision trouble - you'd get glasses.

And always remember - we care

 

[AppyLover2]

I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm sorry the people you love are causing you pain. I'm going through something similar and I can appreciate the depths of the depression that feeling unloved and irrelevant and being ignored can cause. After 31 years of being alone I know that "alone" isn't always lonely.....but when it is it's he!!. I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[shadowpaints]

i wanted to let you all know, that you have helped me in SO many ways. today was a relitivly good day and it has sure helped knowing that there is someone out there (many someones) who really care. when my OCD gets really bad, i over clean. when my depression gets bad, i get depressed about over cleaning and there for i dont clean. if Gretal walked into the house right now, she would know how bad i have been recently. so i have been slowly but surly started picking things up. i want to thank you all as some how you have helped me think a little clearer .

im still having issues today, many of which will never be cured. but because of you i am starting to pick things up again . it would sure help if someone was here to make sure i dont over do it BUT because of you, i had a good day and my head is a little bit clearer. i really needed this! i hope that this makes sence, i sometimes dont to many people.

i called my grama and she said she will remind me a few times between now and the 19th about the fathers day dinner, so i dont forget, im hoping i can prepare myself mentally for that weekend , i realy do plan on talking with my dad, I AM gonna have a good time.

thanks again for all your love and support!

 

[chandab]

i wanted to let you all know, that you have helped me in SO many ways. today was a relitivly good day and it has sure helped knowing that there is someone out there (many someones) who really care. when my OCD gets really bad, i over clean. thanks again for all your love and support!

I hate to clean, you want to come clean my house?

Then when the house is clean, we can talk minis all day. I really hate to clean, and it shows, especially right now with all the mud I haven't wanted to mop the entry hall floor, it needs it, but with muddy dogs coming and going it seems pointless, so I don't. We have sunshine today, so if it keeps up, I'll probably feel like mopping in a day or two.

 

[shadowpaints]

LOL im not sure if you Want me to clean your house.. LOL

today, i have begun telling my family (Dad stepmom and siblings) what im going through.this could get interesting.

 

[miniwhinny]

today, i have begun telling my family (Dad stepmom and siblings) what im going through.this could get interesting.

Please know I'm not a therapist, just someone who has studied psychology and the chemistry of the brain.

When you tell them - prepare your mind ahead of time that your goal is not to convince them of what you go through and have them suddenly go "oh wow, we understand" Chances are after a lifetime - they won't "get it" - rather express what living life on a daily basis is like for you. Do it slowly over time. Don't do it to force them to understand but to slowly "allow" them to realize that chemical imbalances are something you have no control over.

Also know that what you are going through with your family is very, very common. One of the biggest frustrations that people with depression, OCD, ADHD and other brain related issues have is that their people don't understand or even think it's real. Sometimes that's harder to live with than the illness itself ! We all crave love and acceptance and a little more so when days are more often blue (with depression) than bright and sunny.

The biggest breakthrough you will have is when you accept yourself with all of the love that you wish your people would accept you with. When you learn that you can still be the best person you can be with all of your problems and on your worse of worse days you can still keep a glimpse of the fact that you're a good, loving, kind person with a few chemicals in low supply, then you can carry that on to them.

I wish you all the luck in the world getting back with the "family" you dream of

 

[miniwhinny74]

I'm sorry that you are feeling so lonely and alienated from your family right now. I hope that you are able to sit down and talk this out with them. But remember, if for some reason they refuse or continue to exclude you, that's not a reflection on YOU, but THEM.

Do whatever you need to do to heal your own heart. I know it's not easy, especially with your life partner working all the time and your other sources of strength gone, but having a therapist is a step in the right direction. I also think you need to cultivate new friends (join a support group or even a hobby related club) or find old friends (join Facebook).

Count your blessings. Take the time to enjoy & appreciate the small things in life. Take time for yourself. Find a quiet zone in your home or outdoors and spend time there every day, doing whatever makes you feel peaceful. You need to enjoy being you. You need to celebrate your own life. You ARE worth it!!!

Lastly, this may seem a little silly, but write a letter to your adopted mom or someone else you have recently lost. Open up your heart and poor out your feelings to them on paper. It's very theraputic and much better than holding it all in, and maybe one day you can re-read it and see how far you've come emotionally.

Honey, always remember...although you may feel lonely, you're not alone. I wish you the best!