Did your ex buy your child a car?

[zoey829]

My sister's kid is of driving age and she had gotten child supprt for the child's entire life (pretty good amount). Now the child is 18 and got her liscense. My sister wants the father to help with a car. He feels bad and wants to help but he is saying that is what child support is for. With the economy he says a quarter of his take home pay goes toward child support (and it does). I can understand both sides. I just wanted to get some thoughts.

 

[Marty]

I think the child support money should cover the car. That's what it is for besides her food and clothing. It is designated for whatever she needs so I think they need to plan and budget this money wisely for a good safe car.

 

[user 488]

Well, first of all who says that parents are obligated to buy their kids a car just because they turn 18 or get a license?

My feelings, for what it is worth and what we did with my daughter was, we helped with a suitable down payment. Then she was responsible for the payments themselves. She got a job and never thought it was our responsibility to pay for her car.

Sounds like your sisters X was a very nice responsible father. Good thing she got her child support with all the dead beat dads out there.

 

[ErikaS.]

If she's of driving age, than she is also of working age and working toward buying her own car like I did- my parents bought me a bike to get to work- is a great character builder.

 

[zoey829]

I agree. My sister agrees, too. It is just she feels bad and of coarse wants her daughter to have a car. It is the guilt thing. She helped her with a car that needs work and that is where the problem kind of lies. My niece does work but still in school so fund are limited. I just wanted to make sure it wasnt just me being mean.

 

[Sonya]

The child should buy their own car as well as pay for their college. But it seems that's not the way it works in todays day and age, many kids feel (and parents too) that it's the parent's responsibility, kids want everything handed to them, they don't want to work for it, but that's a whole different thread.

If the parents agree to buy the car, who should pay? I think it depends on the custody arrangement. I can give you an example of my sister. My sisters ex lives in CA, she lives in PA. My niece (16) goes to her dad's in the summer for about 2-3 weeks, that is the only time she sees her Dad. He does pay child support (has never missed a payment) and pays quite a bit. But things he also does....sends extra $ for xmas, school clothes, pays for all her instruments (band), paid for her braces, he did buy her a car and had it shipped to PA. I think he figures that my sister does all the child rearing basically and it's the least he can do. He has a college fund set up for her as well. I think if he lived closer to them and was more involved in the raising of her, then he probably wouldn't do all the xtra stuff. Plus, he is finanacially able to do all the xtra things. My sister never has to ask him for anything, he just does it.

 

[Laura]

Well, first of all who says that parents are obligated to buy their kids a car just because they turn 18 or get a license?
My feelings, for what it is worth and what we did with my daughter was, we helped with a suitable down payment. Then she was responsible for the payments themselves. She got a job and never thought it was our responsibility to pay for her car.

Sounds like your sisters X was a very nice responsible father. Good thing she got her child support with all the dead beat dads out there.

I agree. Also, I dare say, most child support wouldn't cover an extra like a car...mine wouldn't even come close!

A car means payments (probably), but also gas, insurance, maintenance and repairs....nope, IMO it is not a parent's (custody or not) to purchase a car for their child.

edited to add-I hope we can help (or pay) for the kids' college education, but I'd prefer they go to school on academic scholarship (or possibly the new volunteer program), BUT and it's a BIG BUT, they will maintain a certain GPA and will work at least part time for their own spending money. College I feel is MY responsibility, party money is not.

 

[AppyLover2]

Gosh after my first reaction I thought "ok there ya go, being an old fuddy duddy again". Was I ever surprised that several of you said what I was thinking. I definitely agree that parents don't owe their kids a car. I'll even take it a step further and say what we all know.....and that's that something that's given to us isn't appreciated or cared for nearly as well as something we've worked for and gotten for ourselves. Just because she's old enough to drive doesn't mean she has to have "her own" car. JMHO

 

[Miniv]

I agree with everyone ........ Why should the parents pay for a car? The most I think parents should do, but only if they want to, is help with the downpayment.......however, the young person also needs to be able to pay for the monthly car payments, insurance, etc........ If nothing else, it will motivate the young person to save for something she wants!

 

[dannigirl]

The agreement I had with my daughter was that she would pay for the car and fuel and maintainence. I would pay for insurance. Since she did not want to work to get the car, she did not get a car. We wanted to pay for insurance because we wanted to make sure she had insurance on the car.

 

[Marty]

Ok well since this thread has taken a bit of a turn, I'm going to come back and speak my mind.

My boys have worked every summer since I can remember and have hauled in all sorts of cars. Junks. One piece of crap after another. That was the only thing they could afford so they would put their blood sweat and tears into these vehicles in hopes that they would get them running perfectly. But for everything they fixed, ten more things would break down. I actually liked that this was teaching them from very young ages to be responsible that if they worked, working equals pay, pay equals vehicles and other rewards. And you also get what you pay for. I also liked that they were at the garage working on them where I knew where they were and not out doing drugs and drinking. But I never wanted to see them drive these pices of junk out on the road so I used to hide a smile of relief every time they failed to get them roadworthy.

In the real world, just how much money do you think a kid in school can possibly make doing a part time job? Both my boys were 18 and in their senior year makeing less than $50. after taxes after school. Their job was to study and graduate. Keeping a part time job during the week was not working for either of them because that made their grades slip badly and we didn't need anymore of that. So yes, the HUS bought them each a decent car in decent running condition and paid to tag and insure them. . I feel it is very important for my kids to have a good solid running vehicle to drive that won't break down and cause them to wreck and risk getting themselves killed if just because they couldn't come up with the money to buy a safe car and got stuck driving junk. If I had to do it all over again, you can be darn sure I would buy them safe cars again and not think another thing about it. I think if the girl is still in high school, the car should be purchased for her.

Dan is no longer in school and he is now in charge of paying for his truck that he bought, and all the insurance, tags, and gas that goes with it. That's because he is working and no longer a student. But if it breaks down and he needs help getting it fixed, of course we are going to help him.

 

[Lisa]

I'm surprised that there are parents out there that feel it is their responsibility to buy their children a car! I have bought every single one of my cars on my own (granted, some were with my student loans, but still - it's me paying it back). There is no way that I would expect my parents to buy me a car...on the same token, it was also my responsibility to pay for school. They could not afford to help me go to college.

 

[Ashley]

I will not be buying any of my kids a car. Im so mean to even tell them they cant get there license until 18 unless they are on the A honer roll...........and my step son says........"guess I wont be driving until im 18 then".

I was giving my moms old car for a graduation gift, it was my choice. Car or party. I chose the car. It wasnt new by any means and only lasted me a year before I needed to replace it.

We get 100 a month in child support and im certian that wouldnt cover a car.

Oh and guess what my kids even get to pay their own insurance. I had to.

In the real world, just how much money do you think a kid in school can possibly make doing a part time job? Both my boys were 18 and in their senior year makeing less than $50. after taxes after school.

I was finally allowed to work the end of junior year after begging to for a long time. I had to pay my own insurance, after insurance and my own gas, I still managed to put $300 in the bank every 2 weeks. So kids can do it, but they have to be responsible.

 

[My-Lil-Pony]

I could not have said it any better Marty.

 

[susanne]

We not only were NOT given a car (yeah, right...6 kids?), we were not allowed to work during the school year -- my mom felt that school was our job. My brothers and I shared one old but safe and reliable Ford Fairlane. We rarely got to drive to school (we had to take the school bus), and we had to have a good reason to drive at any time...we weren't just free to take off in the car. (At least I didn't say that we had to walk to school BOTH WAYS...)

College is a different story. Education is worth every penny spent, so parents should pay if they at all can.

 

[BlueMoonEmbroidery]

When our oldest turns 16 and we will be buying him a car. It won't be anything expensive or new, but it will be safe. We don't feel we owe it to him, but its something that we want to do for him. We will for our youngest also.

Both my dh and I both were given our first cars, and it didn't make us any less responsible. I grew up knowing if you wanted something you had to work for it. I learned that by watching my parents. In a way I became more responsible after I got my car because I knew that if my grades slipped or I screwed up in some way the car would be taken away. It will be the same way for our kids.

Ds plays football and basketball and driving him to and from practices 5 nights a week is a major pain! So it will also be a convience for us if he has his own car.

 

[h2t99]

I think it all depends on the family, Marty has made good points and she has rasied great kids. A lot of kids EXPECT their parents to hand them everything!! My parents paid half for a car, so whatever we had saved was the other half. They did pay for insurance and tags, but gas was our problem. I still have a lot of years before my kids are old enough to drive and it will depend on their attitudes and work ethic if we help get a car. Unfortunatley there are so many kids out there that have never had to work for anything and do not appreciate anything. As bad as this sounds maybe some good will come out of the economy being so bad and kids will learn to respect the dollar and the parent who works hard for it!!

 

[Nathan Luszcz]

I was the first kid in my family (of five kids) to have a car (I mean I was the youngest kid to get a car). The ONLY reason I had one was a) I had an internship near my home but not close enough to get a ride, b) my parents needed a new car and had the finances to buy one a year "early", and c) I was in college, only an hour from my parent's house and unlike my other brothers who went to school hundreds of miles away, I was able to visit my parents on a regular basis.

I do NOT feel kids need cars... many of them get into a cycle of needing a car to get to work to earn the money to pay for the car... and not netting anything! I (and my siblings) needed to pay for our insurance if we wanted a license. Our Driver's Ed was paid for by my parents, and we got to borrow their car for errends we needed to do for the family and for ourselves. But no car until college was finished, job was won, and we bought the car ourselves

I of course jumped the gun, traded my parent's car (with their permission) for my first truck, and had that for several years before finishing school. I got away with that only because of my profession (horses) and my heavy, heavy work schedule in the pursuit of learning (multiple internships).

I don't believe that parents should be buying cars for their kids. Especially not over and above of child support.

 

[kaykay]

Nope we dont give our kids cars either. We do help them but we dont give it to them. Kenny right now is out looking for his first car and he wanted one that was way out of his budget. So of course the bank asked us to cosign. To which we said a resounding no. Why would I encourage my child to buy a car that is more then he can afford? Now hes back down to earth and we are going to look at cars today that he can actually afford (ie pay cash for)

Kyle got a junker this summer for his first car. We paid for it up front and he paid us back by doing farm chores. Now hes restoring a jeep that he got for free and he and his dad are having a ball fixing it up. And he pays for parts by yep doing farm chores. We track his hours every week and he can take cash or car parts or both.

I am a firm believer in not giving kids everything they want and making them work for what they want. I have seen way too many times kids that are handed everything and respect nothing. They grow up thinking the whole world owes them something and dont want to work for anything.

On a side note i would never consider child support as going tword a car. Child support is for everyday living expenses like food, clothes, entertainment etc. I know when I took custody of my neice the child support I got from her dad didnt even cover her school fees and good for a month.

 

[garyo]

Marty, I agree with you. Ruth and I have bought cars for all three of our kids. The two oldest got brand new cars while our youngest has her sisters hand me down car. We told our kids if they got a full scholarship to college we would then buy them a new car. The kids knew that their job was to do well in school and they did. It was much cheaper for us to buy them cars then to pay for their educations. With Stephanie now in Med school at UF, Gary a chemical engineering major at Vanderbilt ($52,000 a year )and Crystal at FGCU in Fort Myers, we made the right choice. There is no way that Ruth and I could have paid for 3 kids in college at the same time if they had not held up their end of the bargain and gotten scholarships, while all being involved with athletics or band and other activities at school. However, we would not have allowed our kids to fall into the trap of getting a car to have a job and needing the job to pay for the car.

Gary