Gizzmoe
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2003
- Messages
- 468
- Reaction score
- 0
For those who have opened this post I want to say thank you and please respond. I am going to warn though that this is going to be pretty long so that I can explain things fully to where you are not getting just bits and pieces of it. I want to also thank ahead of time anybody who replies to this as well, it is very much appreciated. I am going to give background information that leads up to what my current decision is and just want to know if I am right in my thinking.
Now here is the first part of the background info. I have not had the best upraising in some senses as I come from a very broken home. When I was approximately five years old I witnessed a bad fight between my parents that ended up with my mom's jaw being broke. She had to have surgery and was in the hospital. I don't remember the hospital visits that much just a bit, but I do clearly remember the fight. Anyway, my dad ended up getting custody over me because my mom never did show up for court and also didn't/wouldn't have a stable job. For a while there my mom did have me when I was 6 years old though and honestly that wasn’t a good experience for me as she wasn't independent and was relying on the support of a boyfriend whom I did not feel comfortable around. The main plus of it was that we were near my grandmother’s house so I did get to see her a good bit which I loved.
Once my dad got me back into his possession I was a lot more happy. He was very one on one with me and supported me greatly. I went to a good school, had good friends and even was treated more as an adult and trusted then I ever was with my mom. I have always had a very good relationship with my dad and have many fond memories of being with him but not really any of my mom. Sad but true. When I was with my dad he made sure that I was happy, knew I was loved and did everything he could for me. From a young age I did have many responsibilities but was trusted and actually listened to. Any time that I did get to see my mom from about the of seven to eight, I had to travel long distances to see her. Yet again she generally wasn't working and was relying on boyfriends to support her. When I went up there it was with her and her boyfriend #1, whom I actually did like as he was very respectful and nice to me. Not a fatherly or loving nice but he was still very respectful to me and everything. At the time my mom was in school for nursing, not sure if it was LPN or RN but either way this guy was being nice and paying for it. Needless to say she wasn't every applying herself to doing her stuff and was flunking out which upset him. Even though I was young at the time I understood where he was coming from. Especially since all she did most of the day was lay around or go next door to the neighbors. During the time that I was there she started seeing the neighbor next door while still with this one guy and I didn't feel comfortable around him. Needless to say she ended up breaking up with boyfriend #1 and going to boyfriend #2 before I was to go back to Florida. He bought a house on five acres and we moved there before I was taken home. I was taken home and ended up going back to Alabama later on. She was still with boyfriend #2, whom I forgot to mention was a drinker. He didn't drink while driving etc but I was still uncomfortable around him. When he came to pick me up from Florida he bought me a bike, which I was thankful for as at the time I didn't have a nice one. Anyway, here I am in Alabama with them. They ended up starting fighting etc, and it got to the point where he would not take me home. Wanted to pay for a bus ticket to send me home. Mom would not stand for that and they fought for hours. Finally she gave up, called my dad to come get us and we had to wait outside in the cold for several hours until my dad arrived
Now I have both mom and dad living together and working on things. Things were okay between them as they did not fight anymore and had resolved some issues. At first I was happy with that. My mom and dad were both in my life again and they were not fighting. She was actually working and doing things around the house etc like she was suppose to. Then though things started to change. Normally she was pretty nice to me and what not because she hadn’t seen me on a regular basis and everything. Once she started living with me though things started to change. She was more aggressive/rough acting towards me. I use to get in trouble for stuff I didn’t even do. Not the go to your room, restriction kind of trouble but the 3 inch wide mans leather belt to bare back/butt kind of trouble. I never did hold it against her as I still loved her of course. Anyways my dad and mom ended up splitting up again around the time that I was twelve I believe it was. But by this time my dad had started drinking and was drunk 100% of the time. Still my mom left me with him and didn’t do anything to help. She was too busy with her boyfriends and everything. I ended up learning to drive around that time as I was scared for my dad and didn’t know what to do to keep him and me both safe. Thankfully though one day he ended up getting charged with DUI, and the scary thing was he was at home, on a parked bulldozer. He got the charge dropped down to reckless driving and had to go to a In house treatment program to sober up. He continued to get help outside of that and stayed sober for a while. Though he did break his sobriety a couple of times he did get help and stopped again. He has been sober for a while now and is doing good.
When I was around the age of sixteen I was having breathing problems real bad, worse then I ever had and the doctors I kept seeing couldn’t figure out what it was and never sent me to a specialist. I decided though to go stay with my mom who at the time was living in South Carolina and was remarried so that I could see the doctor who had seen me as a infant/child and see if I could get some help. I had previously seen him a couple of years prior due to a bad case of bronchitis that wasn’t getting better and doctors whom I had seen couldn’t give me anything that seemed to help. Oh by the way my uncle/grandma on my dad’s side live in S.C and they were the ones I was visiting at the time of that. Anyways, when I went and stayed with my mom I saw Dr. Wilson again and he said with my family history of asthma and prior bronchitis episode he would send me to a pulmonary doctor to determine what was going on. I saw a very nice pulmonary doctor who knew what he was talking about. He did an initial exam on me and didn’t hear any wheezing but he said my lungs did not seem to not be getting enough air intake. So he had me do a pulmonary function test. It determined that I was not getting enough air into my lungs to cause wheezing. What was happening is that with the constriction of my lungs I was not letting out all of the air that I was taking in. He asked me what my main triggers for having problems and I said exercise and I really can’t breathe good when around someone smoking. He told my mom that she needed to stop smoking around me or I would not get better because it was a bad allergen for me. She stopped for a couple of weeks, basically till I got better, then she started to smoke in the house again and I started having problems. So I called my uncle and asked him if I could stay there for a while till I was to go home. He said not a problem so I moved there. Mind you he too is a smoker but he doesn’t smoke much at all and always makes sure that I am not around or if I am if it is okay he smokes inside, if not he goes outside.
Whenever I went back home to Florida I was doing a lot better and actually was able to get off of the steroids they were given me and just resort to an inhaler as needed. I was not doing good in school at this point and was having a lot of personal issues I could not resolve. I was later diagnosed as being bi-polar and have went through several In house treatment programs as well as outpatient services trying to get myself together. The year 2004 was a major turning point for me as I nearly killed myself and had a major wake up call. That year I was in over four treatment programs to work on improving myself and getting me back together. I had dropped out of high school at seventeen so one of the first things I did was take the test to get my GED. I pasted with a high score I think the max score is 4000 and I scored 3600 I believe it was. Made me proud especially since I didn’t study. J I have not had any issues since April of last year and have been doing great. They took me off of my meds though but with the help of James and everything I have been doing great. I know what to look for as far as signs of problems and know to seek help and not do something stupid. I have realized what I have done and have changed my attitude and it has helped out tremendously. Before I was pregnant I was in college, on my second term, I had to quit temporarily due to beginning pregnancy problems and have not gone back yet. My first term I had received high A’s in the three classes I took and was doing good in the second term up until I left. I am going to be going back in April though, will take a couple of the elective classes online so that I can continue to work on getting my associates degree in Medical Assisting.
Okay now here is my thing. My experience with my mom growing up has not been really great. She has done numerous things that are disrespectful to me and my well being. I have approached her as an adult with a sane mind and attitude about some of the things I went through growing up. In particular the fact that she hit me with a belt for stuff I didn’t do and ended up bruising me pretty bad for nothing. She denied that and told me that she never hit me that hard and that if she did it there must have been a reason behind it. That was a big turn off to me and killed what little respect for her I had. Mind you I try to be nice to her and not be rude but I avoid her at all cost for the most part. Due to her smoking around me and not caring and the fact that the only time she takes the time to talk to me or anything is if something is wrong with me or if she wants something. Generally just petty stupid stuff. It really aggravates me that she can not be respectful enough to not smoke around me and show me she cares. Any time I have seen her watching kids etc she has been very rough/aggressive with them when they get into stuff because she wasn’t watching them. She threatened to beat a three year olds butt because he messed up something because she was toying around online and playing games instead of watching him. I just do not like the way that she handles children and the fact that she cannot respect the fact that I have trouble breathing whenever she smokes around me. Therefore I do not want her to be alone with my child when she is born. I know I am going to have problems with that among other things. I have done told her that I wish for only me, my dad if he wants, and of course James to be in the delivery room whenever Katrina is born. She started whining and complaining that this is her grandchild, I am her daughter, she has every right to be there etc. When I told her I didn’t have a problem with her being at the hospital just not in the delivery room she started acting childish. I did not want to deal with it because I don’t need to stress over stupid stuff so I told her oh well, it is my child, my choice. She quit saying anything about it and I pretty much got off the phone with her pretty quick. I warned my dad that she may come complain to him, and his words to me oh well. Needless to say she did and he told her the same thing I did. I have not heard anything about it since. On the off note though I know she is going to have a problem with me not wanting her to be alone with Katrina and I am not sure how to deal with. Another thing is after she is born I do not want anyone besides me, James and the doctors handling her for the first few weeks until she gets her immunity built up and is stronger. I know that’s going to cause problems as well. I want the best for my child and I am going to make sure she gets it. I don’t want her raised or to be exposed to a smokey environment as I want her to have a good set of lungs. That’s one of the reasons I do not want her to be around my mom alone. I know my wishes would not be respected. That and I know how rough my mom can be with kids and I don’t like that. I feel mean in a way because of the way I feel but I also feel that I am in the right too. I don’t want her to grow up in a life anywhere similar to the one I had. I want the best for her and I am willing to do what I can to provide that for her. Am I out of line for that? Or overly protective? If not does anyone have any suggestions on how I can deal with the future problems so that I can prepare myself a bit for them. Just a warning though my mom does act pretty childish when she doesn’t get her way and throws temper tantrums of sorts. She gets into the whatever mood and gets snotty. Therefore whenever I deal with everything I need to make sure it is away from Katrina. Enough of me rambling now I guess that’s enough to get my point/view across. If anyone has any questions no matter how personal they may seem feel free to PM me, post on here I wont mind or you can email me at [email protected]
Now here is the first part of the background info. I have not had the best upraising in some senses as I come from a very broken home. When I was approximately five years old I witnessed a bad fight between my parents that ended up with my mom's jaw being broke. She had to have surgery and was in the hospital. I don't remember the hospital visits that much just a bit, but I do clearly remember the fight. Anyway, my dad ended up getting custody over me because my mom never did show up for court and also didn't/wouldn't have a stable job. For a while there my mom did have me when I was 6 years old though and honestly that wasn’t a good experience for me as she wasn't independent and was relying on the support of a boyfriend whom I did not feel comfortable around. The main plus of it was that we were near my grandmother’s house so I did get to see her a good bit which I loved.
Once my dad got me back into his possession I was a lot more happy. He was very one on one with me and supported me greatly. I went to a good school, had good friends and even was treated more as an adult and trusted then I ever was with my mom. I have always had a very good relationship with my dad and have many fond memories of being with him but not really any of my mom. Sad but true. When I was with my dad he made sure that I was happy, knew I was loved and did everything he could for me. From a young age I did have many responsibilities but was trusted and actually listened to. Any time that I did get to see my mom from about the of seven to eight, I had to travel long distances to see her. Yet again she generally wasn't working and was relying on boyfriends to support her. When I went up there it was with her and her boyfriend #1, whom I actually did like as he was very respectful and nice to me. Not a fatherly or loving nice but he was still very respectful to me and everything. At the time my mom was in school for nursing, not sure if it was LPN or RN but either way this guy was being nice and paying for it. Needless to say she wasn't every applying herself to doing her stuff and was flunking out which upset him. Even though I was young at the time I understood where he was coming from. Especially since all she did most of the day was lay around or go next door to the neighbors. During the time that I was there she started seeing the neighbor next door while still with this one guy and I didn't feel comfortable around him. Needless to say she ended up breaking up with boyfriend #1 and going to boyfriend #2 before I was to go back to Florida. He bought a house on five acres and we moved there before I was taken home. I was taken home and ended up going back to Alabama later on. She was still with boyfriend #2, whom I forgot to mention was a drinker. He didn't drink while driving etc but I was still uncomfortable around him. When he came to pick me up from Florida he bought me a bike, which I was thankful for as at the time I didn't have a nice one. Anyway, here I am in Alabama with them. They ended up starting fighting etc, and it got to the point where he would not take me home. Wanted to pay for a bus ticket to send me home. Mom would not stand for that and they fought for hours. Finally she gave up, called my dad to come get us and we had to wait outside in the cold for several hours until my dad arrived
Now I have both mom and dad living together and working on things. Things were okay between them as they did not fight anymore and had resolved some issues. At first I was happy with that. My mom and dad were both in my life again and they were not fighting. She was actually working and doing things around the house etc like she was suppose to. Then though things started to change. Normally she was pretty nice to me and what not because she hadn’t seen me on a regular basis and everything. Once she started living with me though things started to change. She was more aggressive/rough acting towards me. I use to get in trouble for stuff I didn’t even do. Not the go to your room, restriction kind of trouble but the 3 inch wide mans leather belt to bare back/butt kind of trouble. I never did hold it against her as I still loved her of course. Anyways my dad and mom ended up splitting up again around the time that I was twelve I believe it was. But by this time my dad had started drinking and was drunk 100% of the time. Still my mom left me with him and didn’t do anything to help. She was too busy with her boyfriends and everything. I ended up learning to drive around that time as I was scared for my dad and didn’t know what to do to keep him and me both safe. Thankfully though one day he ended up getting charged with DUI, and the scary thing was he was at home, on a parked bulldozer. He got the charge dropped down to reckless driving and had to go to a In house treatment program to sober up. He continued to get help outside of that and stayed sober for a while. Though he did break his sobriety a couple of times he did get help and stopped again. He has been sober for a while now and is doing good.
When I was around the age of sixteen I was having breathing problems real bad, worse then I ever had and the doctors I kept seeing couldn’t figure out what it was and never sent me to a specialist. I decided though to go stay with my mom who at the time was living in South Carolina and was remarried so that I could see the doctor who had seen me as a infant/child and see if I could get some help. I had previously seen him a couple of years prior due to a bad case of bronchitis that wasn’t getting better and doctors whom I had seen couldn’t give me anything that seemed to help. Oh by the way my uncle/grandma on my dad’s side live in S.C and they were the ones I was visiting at the time of that. Anyways, when I went and stayed with my mom I saw Dr. Wilson again and he said with my family history of asthma and prior bronchitis episode he would send me to a pulmonary doctor to determine what was going on. I saw a very nice pulmonary doctor who knew what he was talking about. He did an initial exam on me and didn’t hear any wheezing but he said my lungs did not seem to not be getting enough air intake. So he had me do a pulmonary function test. It determined that I was not getting enough air into my lungs to cause wheezing. What was happening is that with the constriction of my lungs I was not letting out all of the air that I was taking in. He asked me what my main triggers for having problems and I said exercise and I really can’t breathe good when around someone smoking. He told my mom that she needed to stop smoking around me or I would not get better because it was a bad allergen for me. She stopped for a couple of weeks, basically till I got better, then she started to smoke in the house again and I started having problems. So I called my uncle and asked him if I could stay there for a while till I was to go home. He said not a problem so I moved there. Mind you he too is a smoker but he doesn’t smoke much at all and always makes sure that I am not around or if I am if it is okay he smokes inside, if not he goes outside.
Whenever I went back home to Florida I was doing a lot better and actually was able to get off of the steroids they were given me and just resort to an inhaler as needed. I was not doing good in school at this point and was having a lot of personal issues I could not resolve. I was later diagnosed as being bi-polar and have went through several In house treatment programs as well as outpatient services trying to get myself together. The year 2004 was a major turning point for me as I nearly killed myself and had a major wake up call. That year I was in over four treatment programs to work on improving myself and getting me back together. I had dropped out of high school at seventeen so one of the first things I did was take the test to get my GED. I pasted with a high score I think the max score is 4000 and I scored 3600 I believe it was. Made me proud especially since I didn’t study. J I have not had any issues since April of last year and have been doing great. They took me off of my meds though but with the help of James and everything I have been doing great. I know what to look for as far as signs of problems and know to seek help and not do something stupid. I have realized what I have done and have changed my attitude and it has helped out tremendously. Before I was pregnant I was in college, on my second term, I had to quit temporarily due to beginning pregnancy problems and have not gone back yet. My first term I had received high A’s in the three classes I took and was doing good in the second term up until I left. I am going to be going back in April though, will take a couple of the elective classes online so that I can continue to work on getting my associates degree in Medical Assisting.
Okay now here is my thing. My experience with my mom growing up has not been really great. She has done numerous things that are disrespectful to me and my well being. I have approached her as an adult with a sane mind and attitude about some of the things I went through growing up. In particular the fact that she hit me with a belt for stuff I didn’t do and ended up bruising me pretty bad for nothing. She denied that and told me that she never hit me that hard and that if she did it there must have been a reason behind it. That was a big turn off to me and killed what little respect for her I had. Mind you I try to be nice to her and not be rude but I avoid her at all cost for the most part. Due to her smoking around me and not caring and the fact that the only time she takes the time to talk to me or anything is if something is wrong with me or if she wants something. Generally just petty stupid stuff. It really aggravates me that she can not be respectful enough to not smoke around me and show me she cares. Any time I have seen her watching kids etc she has been very rough/aggressive with them when they get into stuff because she wasn’t watching them. She threatened to beat a three year olds butt because he messed up something because she was toying around online and playing games instead of watching him. I just do not like the way that she handles children and the fact that she cannot respect the fact that I have trouble breathing whenever she smokes around me. Therefore I do not want her to be alone with my child when she is born. I know I am going to have problems with that among other things. I have done told her that I wish for only me, my dad if he wants, and of course James to be in the delivery room whenever Katrina is born. She started whining and complaining that this is her grandchild, I am her daughter, she has every right to be there etc. When I told her I didn’t have a problem with her being at the hospital just not in the delivery room she started acting childish. I did not want to deal with it because I don’t need to stress over stupid stuff so I told her oh well, it is my child, my choice. She quit saying anything about it and I pretty much got off the phone with her pretty quick. I warned my dad that she may come complain to him, and his words to me oh well. Needless to say she did and he told her the same thing I did. I have not heard anything about it since. On the off note though I know she is going to have a problem with me not wanting her to be alone with Katrina and I am not sure how to deal with. Another thing is after she is born I do not want anyone besides me, James and the doctors handling her for the first few weeks until she gets her immunity built up and is stronger. I know that’s going to cause problems as well. I want the best for my child and I am going to make sure she gets it. I don’t want her raised or to be exposed to a smokey environment as I want her to have a good set of lungs. That’s one of the reasons I do not want her to be around my mom alone. I know my wishes would not be respected. That and I know how rough my mom can be with kids and I don’t like that. I feel mean in a way because of the way I feel but I also feel that I am in the right too. I don’t want her to grow up in a life anywhere similar to the one I had. I want the best for her and I am willing to do what I can to provide that for her. Am I out of line for that? Or overly protective? If not does anyone have any suggestions on how I can deal with the future problems so that I can prepare myself a bit for them. Just a warning though my mom does act pretty childish when she doesn’t get her way and throws temper tantrums of sorts. She gets into the whatever mood and gets snotty. Therefore whenever I deal with everything I need to make sure it is away from Katrina. Enough of me rambling now I guess that’s enough to get my point/view across. If anyone has any questions no matter how personal they may seem feel free to PM me, post on here I wont mind or you can email me at [email protected]