Work related problem

[Tobey]

I'll try not to go into great detail because it would just be too long. I'm in the middle of two co-workers having conflict (to put it very lightly).

One gal I share an office with. The gal in my office isn't the easiest to get along with, but we get along. She is a very hard worker but doesn't know the meaning of being tactful. She has "stepped on the other gal's toes", she steps on everyone's toes. She says it is the supervisor who has done this, which is true but she isn't helping the matter.

The other one I've known for over a year and we get along great, have a great work history together with confidentiality. The problem between the two of them I can see points to both sides good and bad. I've tactly told both of them what I thought and so far am able to keep good working relations with both. I have told them both that I think this is ridulous that our office can't pull together and work together. Of course they both agree, and they don't say it but feel it is the other one being the problem.

I'm afraid tho that this will blow up on me. Would you just tell them that you don't want to talk about it anymore? Our supervisor (owner of the company) is out of state and will be back on Monday. So if this does not get worked out tomorrow he will be involved and I really don't want that to happen. It just reflects badly on our dept. I've suggested a meeting to work through this but the second gal says she can't right now she's too mad.

By the way, the gal that I share an office with is my sister-in-law

But I can politely tell her what I think--so far anyway.

 

[sedeh]

Oh man, that's a tough one! I work with my sister-in-law too and she is an absolute dynamo but we don't call her the General for nothing! She also can step on toes and is very strong in her opinions. Sometimes I suggest that maybe she was a little harsh with her criticism.....and we all tell her that nobody can do the job like she does it and to expect everyone in her job position to preform at her level is unrealistic. I have a totally different job title......thank God! Personally I would stay out of it as much as possible. You've already suggested a meeting and that was rejected. I really think that it is up to your supervisor to resolve this matter. I think the more you involve yourself the more likely you will get burned. Good Luck with this difficult situation.

 

[rabbitsfizz]

Grade one toe stepper here!!!

Tell her YOU can't stand the situation and YOU want to mediate and drag her screaming into the arbitration room.

Tell them both to grow up and SHUT UP and listen.

Tell your sister in law she has all the diplomacy of a n Elephant on crack, and to please stop it.

Tell your co - worker you like and admire her but she is being childish.

They BOTH need to get over themselves, this is NOT a Kindergarten it is a work place.

NOW you have them both centred on you, and, if you jump in quick enough you will be able to sort the whole thing out, have them both a little "miffed" at you and therefore more likely to be friendly towards each other.

As a "Toe stepper" extrodinaire I am always quick to apologise if someone feelings have been hurt- your Sister in law needs to practise this, a small apology, accepting no blame nor retracting any correct information- just apologising for the manner in which it was said, goes a long, long way.

Sometimes all the injured party wants to hear is

"I am sorry I hurt your feelings"

 

[Jill]

I may be off base since I don't know really what has happened between the two, but as a business owner with employees, I cannot tell you how P.O.'ed I would be to have to get involved in some kind of an employee dispute if I was out of town. I'm not sure what to advise you to do, but maybe you could impress on both ladies how the owner will feel if he has to take time from so far away to solve / handle this problem. Like I say, I could be off base and misunderstanding the nature of the problem, but I can see myself feeling like my assistants were behaving like children if they couldn't get along while I was gone (grrrrr....).

 

[justaboutgeese]

A workplace runs smoother without friction. I have a feeling that as long as sister-in-law is there a situation will always exist regardless of who else is involved. SIL needs to upgrade her people skills if she wants to work with other people.

 

[Marty]

I do not like to be in the middle of any conflicts. This can blow up in your face.

I would completely back off and stay out of it and not get anymore involved in their issues. Don't let yourself be in the middle of this conflict anymore.

This is not your problem. It's theirs and when push comes to shove and the boss returns, you do not want your name to be involved in this matter at all. Should your name come up, you may get yourself into deep trouble anyway, even for trying to be the peacemaker, he may not see it that way. I think if you value your job, you won't say another word on the matter, and leave it to them to solve. If your department is not doing well, it's not your responsibility to run interfernece and be a referee. Just M Y O B, do your job, and leave it. You have already done what you can.

 

[Tobey]

Here I am at work today. I told my sister-in-law that I did not want to talk about it anymore unless it was to talk about a solution with all of them. I was up past 12:30 last night worrying about things--I get up at 5:30. So I'm tired today and sick of this.

This thing does affect my work somewhat. Our supervisor told my sister-in-law that she could hire an assistant because she is swamped. The other gal in the office is suppose to be the Department Manager, which is why she's mad because she was totally left out of it. My opinion but I think this is why he left her out--she should be taking charge of problems and isn't. He gave her the title of Department Manager but no power. First off our company is not doing well financially. And this is his call if he wants to hire, but I've told my sister-in-law several times that I can take over some job duties=that I have time. Her comment is that she doesn't want me to be her assistant. I told her I don't want to be her assistant either! (she has a big head!) I have more senority and started in this office doing her job and have since moved up. I said I would take over job duties but she refuses to hand anything over. I think she doesn't want to give up her titles (and be the superwoman in the office). She wants to feel important and have an assistant. I just don't want it reflecting badly on me because I can do more to help--so do I tell my supervisor this??? This isn't my problem but I've tried to help with a solution. Sometimes I hate working in an office full of women. Why is it that if you get several women together there always seems to be conflict? Men generally blow up and get it over with.

Jill-I totally agree! This is something that our supervisor should not have to come back too.

Thanks for all your comments--all of you!! And for listening to me, this is just affecting me too much. Sure am glad it is Friday.

 

[keeperofthehorses]

  she has all the diplomacy of a n Elephant on crack,

522732[/snapback]

​

ROFLMBO.... I love this!

 

[Miniv]

Tobey,

I suspect your supervisor is fully aware of the conflict and is dealing with it his own way.

If it were me, I'd stay out of it. Do your own job so well that there will be no question about YOUR abilities. And let the other two "ladies" show their true colors....and let them sink or swim.

Good luck,

MA

 

[yankee_minis]

Worked in an office with two women and a woman supervisor. I am a person who, when stressed, puts my head down and digs in. My co-worker was pretty much incompetent and the boss didn't see that. She saw her smiling personality and in contrast, my silent, serious (grumpy?) personality. Over the years I took on more and more of the other person's job. (She would cry on the phone whenever she called technical support!) I quit, the supervisor moved on and now the new supervisor recognizes the incompetence of me former co-worker.

(sorry, but it is somewhat satisfying!)

The point is that women working together (or living as roommates) is very tough!! I'm amazed that you can stay in the middle. You must look awesome to the supervisor and I bet you're highly valued.

Weak leadership dribbles down to the employees and hurts the employees, not the leader. It takes forever for the leader to be recognized as the problem-- and if the leader is the owner, then forget any help there.

If I were you, I would start looking for another job. If the company is in financial trouble, and you have a weak leader, it is only a matter of time before you'll be forced out due to something like bankruptcy.

 

[Tobey]

You must look awesome to the supervisor and I bet you're highly valued.

Thank you for the nice compliment. I hope he values me, I'm alot like you in that I am quite and just go to work to do my job. Why is it that people think you are grumpy just because you don't sit around and gossip??!! I get that too.

Friday morning my sister-in-law came in and starting complaining (she complains about everything). Anyway I just told her I couldn't do this and I didn't want to talk about it anymore. Unless it is to sit down and talk about a solution I was tired of losing sleep over it and I'm done. So Friday went well the rest of the day but we did not have a meeting or discuss anything. So Monday should be interesting. I'm just going to sit back and see how this plays out. Let the two of them hash it out. Hopefully he asks me and I'll tell him too what I think, respectfully of course. If he doesn't ask I still think it my obligation to tell him that I can take on more work and have been willing to all along, but my offers have been turned down. Just not sure when to tell him.

 

[Triggy&Blue&Daisy Too]

I'm going to suggest something a bit different as I see a different "bigger picture" looming on the horizon. Women are the absolute worst to work with--nothing like a bunch of *itchy mares in one little corral.

I see this as a wake up call for you. Get your resume polished up and start hunting for a better job. You will feel empowered to be taking a positive action for yourself and just may be able to dump this burden, get better pay and perks in the process. Sometimes the powers that be start giving you life hints like this and if you refuse to heed them there may eventually be a tough price to pay.

By ever getting the least bit involved in this viper pit has set you up for both to now think you've betrayed them and they'll be focusing on you as their target and may even ally together against you. Especially if they start viewing you as being the every ready helpful one because you need something to do--you will have become a threat instead of a confidant and right now you are not playing the role they think you should. Soon their issues may be the least of your problems. So unless you are a very strong personality too and can counter having a weak boss and all the crapola you may come up against it's going to be a long miserable haul. Life is too short for that kind of aggravation.

All I can do is wish you luck and hope the hand of ill fate passes you by.