Wondering what I should do?

[MiniforFaith]

Since everyone on this forum is always there to help out, I have a problem and not sure how to handle this one. I just pray that someday my black cloud would just go away. But if I had a normal life I wouldn't know what to do..

: My problem is with my sister. She is 4 yrs old that I(38). My son is 12, so i guess this started about 13 yrs ago. She has a massive problem with prescription meds. Pain, for nerves anything she can get her hands on. She still lives at home with my dad who is 78. It will be 5 yrs in Oct. that my mom passed away..(She was so stoned that she didn't hear the phone when the hosp called and said mom died. I got that call. And the day mom died, she almost ran my dad over in the funeral home's parking lot. Fell out of a sitting pistion in the chair as I was making the arragnements.) She has only gotten worse. ANd about 3 mo ago she was at her all time worse. She works at a Drs. office

: and was going to work "stoned" big time. Well her boss sent her for a drug test, but it was the next day. Well to say the least, she didn't get fired. He made her go and get help(which she has done before, but doesn't last.) She is the only one that is close with my kids. My son got to the point he wasn't even talking to her, because he seen her stoned all the time.. Well she missed Faith's B-day, because I knew she was at it again. I can tell, just by the first word she says. She says she has been clean for 3 months now. I know that I have had times when I know she was at it again. Last Friday, we ran up to get gas at Sheetz. I seen her pull in and she was driving in circles. I told hubby, she is stoned and can't remember what side to put the gas in.. And I was right. She had a Drs. appt Thrus, and she swore to God that she didn't get anything. Now the Dr. she works for told her not to go to any other drs. and that he would treat her for her health problems. She went to the dr. who she braggs "that will give her anything all she has to do is ask".. I guess the dr. she works for pulled her in on Friday and questioned her. SHe made up another excuse. Well i confronted her at Sheetz and again later that night. She stood in the driveway and lied to my face again, and said she didn't have anything..

Well getting to the problem. My son came home from school early Tues sick, and I had to go to school for Faith. So my dad watched my son while I was gone. When I got back to dad's, Jamie was sleeping and so was my dad. My sister was at work. So I went looking for pill bottles. I found a empty bottle of Fioricet (30 pills at over 325 mg) gone. That is 30 in less than 4 days.. I kept the bottle this time. I have called the dr she gets her meds from before and he still won't stop giving them to her. She is very ill with this disease. I once found 10 empty bottles of nyquil under her bed. My mom tried to stop her, and I have tired to help her. But you can't help someone that doesn't want help. I know. But what do I do? Hubby says call her boss and tell him. Then she will get fired and I know she needs the money. I want to hand her the bottle, so she knows that I know and she can't lie about it again.. Part of me just wants nothing to do with her. But she is my sister, the only one I am close with.(I have another one, if you remember my problem brother in law..Which he is starting to be a problem with me and my sister, again.) My dad, has had a lot of strokes and doesn't see it. And he gets mad at me for fighting with her over the pills.(She is always lying to him) She quit going for help after a month and told her boss she can't afford to keep going, gas prices to high. ANd he believes that one. I know prices are high, but she quit going because she starting using again. How do i get the dr to stop giving her the meds before she kills herself or someone else. She drives this way. ANd I am scared for my dad's life as she will take him places that way. She falls asleep with a cig. She did wreck her car once stoned, but the fire dept. helped keep her away from the cops(She was an emt on the dept.) The car and ins was in my name, so we took the car until she could pay it off and put the ins in her name, because I didn't want to be responsible for her.

What would you do? Do I show her the bottle so she knows I know? Do I call her boss? I want to call the Dr. she gets it from again, but it hasn't made a differnece before. He knows she abuses it and still gives her anything she asks for. I am just so tore up about this, and it has been going on for so long, I just don't know what to do.(She has shown signs of the drugs affecting her kidneys and liver function. Her dr. keeps checking every 3 months. But again he is feeding her the pills still) She even steals pills from anyones house she goes into. I have had people call me and tell me about what she has done. Or do I just let her ruin her life more on her own? Please, any help on this one would be greatly apperciated.. Hubby isn't supportive at all on this.. Thanks,

Jodie

 

[PaintedPromiseRanch]

Jodie girl you sure don't need this! wish i had advice, but all i can do is send {{{{{hugs}}}}} your way... it's so hard when people won't do what they need to do, so sorry to hear you have this dilemma added to your life!

 

[MiniforFaith]

Jodie girl you sure don't need this! wish i had advice, but all i can do is send {{{{{hugs}}}}} your way... it's so hard when people won't do what they need to do, so sorry to hear you have this dilemma added to your life!

: Thanks Susan.. I know, it seems everything I've been threw(Divorce, remarried, preemie baby, mom's passing, having to loose our house and car, medical problems, well you get the pic..) I should be the one with a problem. But I don't drink, and I am affraid to take any pills when I am givin them, because I won't end up like her.. And she has never once moved out, and always had mom and or dad to help her out. Even now, dad pays her car payment. If she has it she gives it to him, if not, dad pays it every month. We have never had anyone every help us.. Just not sure what to do..

 

[rabbitsfizz]

Read Marty's post very carefully.

Then turn your sister in to the police, not a doctor- he can be taken apart by the medical board when you report him separately- the POLICE.

Hard??

How hard do you think Marty's life is??

Are you really going to be responsible by dereliction for your sister murdering someones child??

I know it is hard for you but you really do know what you have to do, and it is NOT showing her the pill bottle.

Go to the police, NOW.

 

[MiniforFaith]

Read Marty's post very carefully.

Then turn your sister in to the police, not a doctor- he can be taken apart by the medical board when you report him separately- the POLICE.

Hard??

How hard do you think Marty's life is??

Are you really going to be responsible by dereliction for your sister murdering someones child??

I know it is hard for you but you really do know what you have to do, and it is NOT showing her the pill bottle.

Go to the police, NOW.

I have spoken to them, in our area we don't have many police it is all state. The last time I called, I was told when she hurts someone or something then they can do something..It is hard, but not hard for me to turn her in. I have even driven her to the hosp for a drug overdose. They admitted her for treatment and she walked out the next morning. They let her go.. And called mom and said she was on her way, walking.. I am affraid that it might be my kids or dad..How do I get someone to listen to me? I am telling everyone, but no one seems to want to help or do anything. I get the additude from everyone that she isn't a problem and she is..

 

[sharon]

Our daughters boyfriend is a recovering addict, so I know some of what you are dealing with.

Addicts lie all the time about what they are doing and taking and will lie even more to convince you they are clean. The will do ANYTHING to get their drugs.

Unfortunately, until they admit they have a problem and need help AND are really ready to accept the help, they will continue to lie, cheat, steal, whatever it takes, even blaming others for things that are going wrong around them.

I would mention to the doc who is providing the drugs that you know what is going on and that he will lose his license if it becomes public knowledge.

I am absolutely sure that the doc she works for knows about her problems that is why he is trying to get your sister to accept help. So, I would go to him with all that you know.

Too bad if she loses her job. It is only helping her to buy at this point anyway. From what we have gone through here, I believe the addict has to really hit rock bottom before they finally get it that they truely need help, and need to stick with the help.

Once she starts going for help(meetings or whatever), I am sure that she will say it is helping for a bit, then she will turn and start to say the people at the meeting are idiots. That they don't know what they are talking about etc.

She has to stay away from any old friends that are addicts. This is not easy thing to do, but she will just keep feeding off of them, because they will keep providing for her.

Living with or having an addict in the family is not easy by any means and at times is like a living heck for all involved. You just have to be strong and kick them to the curb until they really truely know that they need help.

We are still on our toes constantly, watching, waiting and listening for any kind of slip ups.

Good luck.

 

[Minimor]

I would start by reporting the doctor to the state medical association--he knows she has a drug addiction & he continues to supply her will pills on demand--I wouldn't think that is an acceptable practice for a doctor anywhere.

What to do about your sister--that is tougher. If one source of supply gets cut off, she will just look for others--different doctors, stealing from family & friends, over the counter medications. If she doesn't want to get help for herself and honestly make the effort to get herself clean, then you aren't going to be able to force her into it, as you already know. I'm not sure talking to her boss and getting her fired would help any--sure, it cuts her money so she cannot afford to buy, but she will still need her drugs & will just be more desperate to get them.

If you were to call the police at a time when she is actually out on the road, driving erratically, (as opposed to calling them some other time to tell them she has been doing this--I can see that if they don't catch her on the road there is nothing they can do) and they were to come & actually see her driving erratically, would they not pull her over & ticket her with something...dangerous driving, whatever? Surely if they see a car weaving down the road or anything like that, they don't just ignore it? Losing her license won't cure her drug problem, but it will help to keep her from hurting someone else.

Here the police would have to actually catch the driver in the act, but they would for sure pull over anyone they see driving erratically, and they would ticket for same. Several tickets and the driver would have to pay such a high license fee that most would be forced to give up their license--depending on the charge, several tickets could mean automatic loss of license. I'm pretty sure that if the driver appeared stoned when they pulled her over they could order a blood test (they'd do a roadside breathalizer to check for alcohol first), but then Manitoba has some of the toughest drunk driving laws anywhere--and I'm pretty sure that impaired driving includes drug use, not just alcohol. There's even been talk of making it illegal to drive when overtired--fall asleep at the wheel & cause an accident, or drive erratically because you're overtired, & it will be treated exactly the same as if you were driving impaired. That's just in the early stages though, not law yet.

I just don't know what you could do to help your sister. I have a friend whose sister had a prescription drug addiction; her family couldn't get through to her & convince her to get help and get herself clean--she ended up dying of a drug overdose, and I believe she overdosed on over the counter meds, as she was down to taking anything and everything to feed her habit. It was very hard on the family. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

 

[Bassett]

Dear sweet Jodie. I wish I knew what to say or how to help you. You just care so much for people, but sometimes it just is not enough. Until she is willing to help herself there isn't really much anyone can do. I have no advice to offer in this situation but please be assured I DO care and wish I could give you a big HUG in person. (((((((HUGS,

:

: HUGS)))))) Hang in there and let us know how things are going.

 

[Connie Ballard]

Jodie....we had this happen in our family...my nephew...38yrs old...found dead in bed on 4/1/2007. He lived with his Dad, had his son for the weekend....Josh was asleep in the same room.....came out told his Grandpa that he couldnt wake his Dad up and Rickys hands were blue.

Rick was on a downward spiral for the past few years...divorced, lived with my 88 yr old Mom for 3 yrs, lost his job...said his back hurt or couldnt breathe good...was diagnosed with COPD. Doctors gave him pain pills, steriods...etc. He didnt pay child support...no job, lost his license, lost his car. He moved back with his Dad when my sister died of ALS at 59 last year. Had 2 close calls with 'abuse of prescription drugs'. The 2nd episode ended up ambulance, police, hospital....mental ward for evaluation....diagnosed bipolar Feb 2007. Autopsy just came back...had 2 kinds of bipolar med, 3 kinds of antidepressants, steriods, etc.

What can you do? Jodie you are right you cant help someone who doesnt want help.....police, fire dept, hospital mental ward, family, kids.....none of this helped...or stopped Ricky. His Dad was rationing out his meds so nothing would happen...had them hidden...Ricky found them. It was one of the most helpless feelings....like cancer...when its out of control...you can do everything...but it still raged on.

After the corner left...I walked to my truck to go home and tell my 88yr old Mom...her 38yr old grandson had passed away....1yr after her daughter died...my heart felt so sick but yet....for Ricky...I had a feeling of relief come over me like I felt Ricky was at peace finally. We cant understand it...why he would do all that stuff.....left 3 children behind....feeling they'd missed something they might have been able to have prevented this. They ruled it prescription intoxication...accidental death. My 15 yr old niece said "It wasent an accident....he put every one of those pills in his mouth himself!" Frustration, concern, hurt, 'what if I'd done this'...missing his beautiful smile and his sassy bright eyes, his laugh....all wrapped up in helplessness.

Jodie...I know there is no answer of help in this message....but I know how much you want to help and how hard you are trying....our family confronted him with bottles, told doctors, locked up his meds and prayed. He kept on with it. Never took a handful of any of this stuff....just extra this/that....and even traded meds with a neighbor! All I can think of is that God had other plans for Ricky and has taken him home to the big house to be with his Mom. It was like Karen called him to be with her and God said it was ok.

Wish you all the luck in the world and sending prayers your way too...God Bless you for loving her and trying so hard. I so hope she can get this turned around. Connie

 

[dangerranger]

There are some places you can go for answers, alanon is for familys of addicts. they can help you better understand how not to feed her addictions.[ take your dad, and it takes a while ] your state medical board can help with the dr's and pharmacy problems. computers have linked med info into a central data base to stop this very problem. people think that using several differant dr's and pharmacys will hide there lies. if you didnt have a good experiance with the police, try again . If they wont help, make an appt to see the Chief. that usally gets you an appt with someone more willing to help. [ before they have to explain to the Chief why they couldnt help you.] they may still tell you that you must call when shes stoned, but get the details of what they require. alanon will also help prepare you for the family problems associated with turning in a family member. you will be suprised at who comes down on you and takes the addicts side. you will also be supprised at all the ways addicts will find to stay stoned. if she really doesnt want help she will find ways to fail every program but untill shes been sober for a long time shes not going to see that theres a problem. good luck DR.

 

[MiniforFaith]

Just wanted to give a quick heads up on what I did. I called her Dr. that gives her all the pills.(Which I have done a lot in the past). We called me back late this afternoon. I must have hit a nerve with him when I said she braggs about him giving her anything she wants. Then he got more upset when he heard that she was suppose to be being seen only by her boss. I just pray

: he does as he said he is going to. I told him where she gets everything filled. He is calling the pharmacy to get a accurate print out on her recent meds. He is also calling her boss, and telling him that she got more off of him after he told her not to see anyone else. And also, anyone (dr.) besides him that has filled for her he is faxing reports to everyone not togive anything. And also notifing the local hospitals.. Like I said, I have called before, but he hasn't done anything. So since I did more threats, and hearing what and how bad she is, I think he is finally going to do something. I just don't want to get to excited that he is helping. because i am affraid that he won't follow threw. Also someone else called him today on her, too.. I just hope she doesn't get fired, but if it happens well she did it to herself. I won't feel sorry for her, just my dad, as he will be paying all of her bills and not getting anything from her to help. He only gets 8something a month from pension to live off of, and her car payment is over 300.. I just hope she doesn't find someone else to go too.(one of my threats was that if she kills herself or someone else, he should also be charged because he is aware of the problem and just keeps feeding it to her.)

I just want to thank everyone that has given me words of advice, and helping words. As i said, when I lost my mom, I lost my best friend and helper. Hubby isn't any help, you the forum members are all I have to turn to for help. I pray that everyone doesn't mind all my questions and problems. Even if what i did doesn't help, I feel better knowing all of you are out there when I need an ear( I mean an eye

: )

Thanks again,

Jodie

 

[sharon]

No, we don't mind the questions. I think the main reason for this forum is to share our joys, our concerns, and everything else that goes on in our lives. There are so many people on this forum, that most problems brought up, there's someone here who can give advice and help.

I think what you did was a good idea. Now the doctors are aware of the problems going on. She may lose her job, she may not. Possibly the doctor she works for will keep her on so that he can keep an eye on her.

Even if herh drug supply as it is now gets cut off, she will still be able to get what she wants and needs. It won't be until she is able to admit she has a problem and is really truely ready to get help that this will end. I know for a fact from having an addict living in my house that she will do anything she needs to, to get her drugs. The supply is endless until they are really ready for the help.

If she has friends or family members or even just aquaintances, she will find what she needs just by asking.

You next step, will be to try and keep her away from these people and that is not an easy thing to do.

I'll keep you guys in my prayers.