Tomorrow is my Mom's memorial

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hhpminis

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This year has been one of, if not the roughest year I have ever experienced. I not only lost my Dad in March but just 3 months later now have lost my Mother.

I thought when Dad died that Mom would blossom a bit and maybe even enjoy life a bit. Dad was very controlling and has been quite ill for several years so it has been pretty tough about the last 5 years. I pictured us being able to go to lunch, spend the afternoon shopping, or having her to the house and she could watch me work with the horses, maybe the two of us going to visit her sister in Nevada. None of this happened.

The Monday after my Dad's memorial, Mom suffered a stroke, the next week she had another one. She lost her desire for life. She started refusing to eat, drink, take her meds or do therapy. Whether she knowingly made the decision to do this or it was a result of the strokes, the result was the same. Mom passed away on Monday morning June 16th.

Today would have been her 83rd birthday. It has been a very sad day for me, I miss her terribly. I have faith, I know she is no longer in pain, I know she no longer misses Dad, I know she is at peace. The only problem is, it is not here.

If you have an extra minute tomorrow, give me a thought, send a prayer, whatever it is that you believe in. It will be a hard day, maybe some good memories throughout the day but all in all, still without my Mom.

I love you Mom, rest in peace.
 

SweetOpal

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Annette, you have been in my thoughts alot lately! I love ya girl, hang in there!
 

HGFarm

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Oh cripes, just went from the post from Charlene to this one, now I really am crying.

It has been about five years now that my Mom left us, and about nine for Dad, and I still miss them horribly all the time. I dont think that ever goes away.

Do you get any signs from your Mom? I do. It was a couple of years I think before the depressions really started to get further between, but I do find myself even subconsiously finding myself in a black mood when the time rolls around to the months when they passed.

Hang in there dear, and think of them fondly.
 

Flyin G Farm

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I'm so sorry Annette....hang in there...our thoughts are with you...and we're here for you any time you need to talk.

Tracy
 

Equuisize

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Ohhhh Annette,

Some years you just want do-overs of.

I am so sorry for the loss of both your parents, so close together.

It definitely is very difficult to part with those that we love. You'll find ways to get through periods of time and hope the times following will be easier. Somehow we manage to fill the void left by the loved one. Time does ease, but always there are those times when that doesn't seem sufficient.

I know how terribly you are hurting and if wishes could make it true

I would erase the pain for you. Hopefully knowing we all care will make it easier for you.
 

hhpminis

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Thanks to you all. The thoughts, emails, cards, and phone calls have gotten me through so far and I will get through tomorrow too.

It just helps to have others there with you if only in thought. The memorial is at 11 am and then those that wish are coming to the house for an informal BBQ and celebration of Mom's life.
 

nootka

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Thinking of you, Annette, you have had a tough time of it.

I am so sorry...

Liz
 
L

LisaF.

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Just when I think I am all cried out. I really wish I could help in some way. I can tell you that you will be in my thoughts and my prayer's.

I am truly sorry you have had to go through so much in such a short time, or go through it at all.
 

Marty

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My Dear Friend. If I could only turn back time for all of us that are suffering I surely would.

Big hugs.
 

Maxi'sMinis

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Prayers to give you the strength to get through tomorrow. I know losing a parent is rough but both in such a short time. Hope you have some loved ones there with you tomorrow to give you support. ((((Hugs))) I will be thinking of you.
 

barnbum

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Oh I feel for you. I hope the day goes smoothly and the joy returns.

I lost mom my when she was just 61--so I always looks to see how long others got to be with their moms, and you had yours a good while. I miss all the things you mentioned. I discovered it's not the anniversary of her death, or her birthday that bring tears--it's Mother's Day and seeing three generations out shopping together-or out to eat--that hurts. My mom loved horses--but my minis came 4 years after her death. Oh how she would have loved them. I thought it'd be awesome to spend more time with my dad--one bright note of the whole situation--but within 3 months he was dating, within 4 months a woman had moved into the house, and in 7 months he married--in Mom's memorial garden.

That was in 1997-1998. Still hurts now and then. Sure wish she'd give me signs like Chalene's Gary.


May you get through the next days well and somehow be able to reflect on the best memories.
 

Charlene

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annette, i am so sorry for your loss and yes, this will be a tough day. but, if you think of it in terms of celebrating life rather than mourning death, it can be almost tolerable.

for me, when i was planning gary's services, i knew i did not want "funeral" music and i did not want a long, drawn out affair. i also knew gary would not have wanted it that way. so mixed in among a few hymns were some cowboy songs and videos of gary working around the farm and being silly. being able to remember him when he was strong and well was so much better than visions of him weak and dying.

you should think about honoring your mom in some tangible way, do something that you can gaze upon every day and remember her life and her love. for me, it was a memorial tree donated by friends. we had a lovely ceremony where we planted a great big strong red maple and now, every day, i look out my window and i see the branches reaching skyward, right up to heaven. i sit on the bench out there and i talk to him. one of these days, somebody's gonna throw a net over me!


barnbum, you have probably had signs and you just didn't realize it. i can think back on some things that i either saw or heard and when i think about them, i realize they were subtle signs, little things that mean something only to me. many times the signs from gary have been glaringly obvious (pennies from heaven...PURPLE PETUNIAS!) but other times, they have been fleeting moments that only came to me later, when i thought about them (a doe and her fawn emerging from the woods, a new colorful bird at the feeder).

annette, you will be in my thoughts today and i hope that peace will come to you. our grief never goes away, ever. it just gets "different", more tolerable as time goes on. they say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. never have those words hit home for me like they do now.

if it's any comfort to you, i can guarantee you that there's a big tall strong guy up there twirling your mom around heaven's dance floor. hopefully, he remembered to take his tool belt off!
 

barnbum

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if it's any comfort to you, i can guarantee you that there's a big tall strong guy up there twirling your mom around heaven's dance floor. hopefully, he remembered to take his tool belt off!


Charlene--you're amazing.
 

llamalfreak

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i am so sorry i know how you feel my grandma died 2 years ago and it was a really hard time

she started to not eat as much and we got worried

and one night she was moaning in her sleep

and the next day she was dead

but they are all in a muuch better place
 

Valerie

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Oh Annette,

I am so very sorry to hear about your Mom. I know when we lost my Aunt suddenly & then my Mom just

10 months later, it was extremely hard, so I know what you are going through.

Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours at this most difficult time.
 

CHARLOTTE & JOHN

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Annette,

It has been many years since my parents passed away. I know how much you are missing them. I was only 17 when my mother died of cancer and 18 when my died of cancer too. They died a little over a year apart. It was 33 years this april for my mom and 32 year this month for my dad. I especially miss them when I think of all the events in my life that they were not there for. The weddings, births, etc and also that I didn't have them there to talk to about decisions and during the trials I have had in my life.

My prayers are with you.

Charlotte
 

Crabby-Chicken

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Again,,, sorry doesn't seem to be enough. I just believe there is more to love, than just life. It can't just be over. There is no way. And not belittling anyones feelings toward anyone else, but your Mom....to loose them, it is so soul searingly painful. My Mom died after having lung cancer and I can't tell how many times I still after 10 years,,, want to ask her something or I am going to pick up the phone to talk to her. There is that bond. I am sorry you lost two such important people so close together. But they are together now and you did all the things that you should have. Not all children stand up and do that. Some people are alone when they get older. It is not right. But you did all the right things. I am sorry Annette,,, I wish I could help.
 

Buckskin gal

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Annette, so sorry you won't be spending that special time with your mom as you had hoped for. I wish we could all get what we want but unfortunately life is not that easy. I have had a difficult time talking about the death of my hubby but trying to open up more about it. He had a fatal stroke in April and I wasn't there to save him this time. We had plans of celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary in August. Never had a honey moon since he was in the AirForce at the time we married and just couldn't afford it so we were looking forward to finally taking one. Goes to show that a person can put things off too long and we need to do the things we desire before it is to late. I do vision my hubby in heaven along with all everyone else and dancing as he loved to do. I have read Charlenes threads and gained so much from her outlook on things. I too have had my share of happenings since Les died but I still feel his presence and this helps. Hugs, Mary
 

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