First off if this post gets locked or deleted I understand but I think this needs to be posted as I have seen this happen many times on here.
A lot of people come to LB for help and advice, to learn so they do things right. But one thing I am noticing more and more are these three words "You Should Have". Those three words can be very hurtful and seen as rude. We are all humans we make mistakes, but what no one needs is to be made feeling like an idiot. Many may not see how "You Should Have" can do that but trust me it can.
Everyone here has three big things in common. One we all love miniature horses or we would not be here. Two at one point we where all NEW to miniature horses. Three we ALL MAKE MISTAKES. But what everyone dose not need is people giving the "You Should Have" speech. There are so many better ways to handle this then those three hurtful words. Trust me once somebody knows something has gone wrong usually from Inexperience or dishonesty, those words already went threw their heads 100's of times. What needs to be said is kind and helpful.
Here are some of the most common examples of things new people run into
- Buying a horse without it's papers and being told it will be sent to them, or they can register them
- Trusting a seller on temperament
- Trusting a seller on show records
- Trusting a seller on height
- Buying a horse and being told it has all it's shots, vetting and that they will be sent to you or "its done but you don't need the papers"
God knows there are many many more but these are ones I have seen a lot on here.
Now below are some of the most common answers to those issues
- "You Should Have" refused to take the horse without papers
- "You should have" handled it more before paying for it and taking it
- "You should have" contacted the association to check show records
- "You should have" measured it before paying for the horse and taking it home
- "You should have" refused to take the horse without records in hand or confirming with a vet
It is exciting to get a new horse, a lot of these things slip peoples minds or they where never educated on it. "You Should Have" is a very hurtful set of words to use with someone who just got taken on something. It can be said in a much kinder way that will educate the person not just make them feel like an idiot or feel totally unwanted on the forum. I have seen several people quit because of this going on. It would be so much nicer and easier to change what you say.
Example :
WRONG -
"You Should Have handled him more before you left"
BETTER -
"I'm sorry this happened, next time I would recommend handling the horse for an hour making it do whatever you may ask it to do at home and then some to see what the horses temperament truly is like. Maybe I can help you I know some raining tips that could help remedy this issue"
WRONG -
"You Should Have called the association to confirm his show records"
BETTER -
"Did you know you can call the horses association with it's registered name or ID number and find out what the horses actual show record is? Here is the associations number incase you decide to buy another show horse and want to make sure its record is what you are told "111-111-1111."
Many people may not realize what the said really makes the other person feel like dirt. It's not a great feeling trust me I know that feeling. I have caught myself almost saying "You Should Have" several times helping people with things I have a lot of experience in. It is easy to let it slip but I think we should all try to stop ourselves from using it anymore. One thing I ALWAYS keep in the back of my head no matter what is "I USE TO BE NEW" everyone here use to be new, use to know very little, and where totally inexperienced. But we all learn along the way wether by mistakes or tips from those who are much more experienced than us.
Like I said take this post how you please I can not control what you think of it but I feel it needed to be said. I'm not trying to start any trouble just get people to think a little bit before they type and post.
A lot of people come to LB for help and advice, to learn so they do things right. But one thing I am noticing more and more are these three words "You Should Have". Those three words can be very hurtful and seen as rude. We are all humans we make mistakes, but what no one needs is to be made feeling like an idiot. Many may not see how "You Should Have" can do that but trust me it can.
Everyone here has three big things in common. One we all love miniature horses or we would not be here. Two at one point we where all NEW to miniature horses. Three we ALL MAKE MISTAKES. But what everyone dose not need is people giving the "You Should Have" speech. There are so many better ways to handle this then those three hurtful words. Trust me once somebody knows something has gone wrong usually from Inexperience or dishonesty, those words already went threw their heads 100's of times. What needs to be said is kind and helpful.
Here are some of the most common examples of things new people run into
- Buying a horse without it's papers and being told it will be sent to them, or they can register them
- Trusting a seller on temperament
- Trusting a seller on show records
- Trusting a seller on height
- Buying a horse and being told it has all it's shots, vetting and that they will be sent to you or "its done but you don't need the papers"
God knows there are many many more but these are ones I have seen a lot on here.
Now below are some of the most common answers to those issues
- "You Should Have" refused to take the horse without papers
- "You should have" handled it more before paying for it and taking it
- "You should have" contacted the association to check show records
- "You should have" measured it before paying for the horse and taking it home
- "You should have" refused to take the horse without records in hand or confirming with a vet
It is exciting to get a new horse, a lot of these things slip peoples minds or they where never educated on it. "You Should Have" is a very hurtful set of words to use with someone who just got taken on something. It can be said in a much kinder way that will educate the person not just make them feel like an idiot or feel totally unwanted on the forum. I have seen several people quit because of this going on. It would be so much nicer and easier to change what you say.
Example :
WRONG -
"You Should Have handled him more before you left"
BETTER -
"I'm sorry this happened, next time I would recommend handling the horse for an hour making it do whatever you may ask it to do at home and then some to see what the horses temperament truly is like. Maybe I can help you I know some raining tips that could help remedy this issue"
WRONG -
"You Should Have called the association to confirm his show records"
BETTER -
"Did you know you can call the horses association with it's registered name or ID number and find out what the horses actual show record is? Here is the associations number incase you decide to buy another show horse and want to make sure its record is what you are told "111-111-1111."
Many people may not realize what the said really makes the other person feel like dirt. It's not a great feeling trust me I know that feeling. I have caught myself almost saying "You Should Have" several times helping people with things I have a lot of experience in. It is easy to let it slip but I think we should all try to stop ourselves from using it anymore. One thing I ALWAYS keep in the back of my head no matter what is "I USE TO BE NEW" everyone here use to be new, use to know very little, and where totally inexperienced. But we all learn along the way wether by mistakes or tips from those who are much more experienced than us.
Like I said take this post how you please I can not control what you think of it but I feel it needed to be said. I'm not trying to start any trouble just get people to think a little bit before they type and post.