Sorry, I have not been here to update everyone...

[rockin r]

The past week or so I have been physically and emotionally down.The pain before this last surgery has returned with a vengence. Blood results are back, blood infection is finally gone. Art says that I have become distant and depressed. I agree that I have gotten very emotional, and cry alot, but distant? He says not towards him but others. He asked me yesterday when was the last time I walked across and saw my mom, hum..I actually don't know... I talk to her on the phone all the time, but I guess I have not seen her in a while. Or talked on the phone to anyone besides my son??? I just feel like I am spiraling downwards and out of control. Like I am trying to grab onto something but it is not there to catch me. I KNOW that I have tons of family and friends who love and support us. And I am soooo very grateful... I am not giving up. I just don't know which way to turn anymore. I did not think it was going to be this hard, at this point I don't know what I thought. The procedure the IR did last month is not working. And he told me that they can not repair my heart. He has been doing alot of consulting with other Drs... Yesterday morning when I woke up from 12 hours of sleep, Art noticed that my stomach was swollen (some). By 3pm I looked like I was 5-6 months preg. Today he sent me for another MRI...The tech told me I was bleeding slowly internally...Sigh...Today the swelling is not so bad. This Friday we will be back on our way to Mercy Hospital. IR told me that I need to consider permanent disability. The reality of this has set in on us. It is a very quite night here at our house tonight. I told the IR that diability was not an option for me, if he did that I would surely die sooner. I am way to active and hyper to be disabled and not work. I am not giving up. I just don't know which way to turn anymore. I did not think it was going to be this hard, at this point I don't know what I thought. The IR said I am running out of time to have the next surgery done as my health is failing. But I am not ready emotionally or physically!! He told me on the phone tonight to GET READY!! I guess these are the days he told me about, to live like I was dying. I am an absolute mess emotionally as is Art. Either I or Robin will keep you updated. I am guilty of not telling her everything as she takes it so hard. She knows that I keep things from her. But she is one of two people that I have had the privilage to know that can "feel me" when things are not right.

Thanks for asking about us....Theresa and Art

P>S>>>>>Fred (Linda) I have the utmost respect for you, I don't know how you keep going without falling apart..... You are an inspiration to all of us!

Theresa

 

[h2t99]

MY heart goes out to you, I pray that everything works out and you will look at what you wrote and think gosh I was in bad shape I am glad I have all my friends to keep me up beat and hanging in there!! So PLEASE keep positive thoughts going!! We are all here for you and Art!!

Prayers for both of you!!!!

Heidi

 

[Magic]

Oh Theresa, I'm so sorry that everything is so difficult for you right now. {{{hugs}}} Hang in there, ok?

 

[luv2ridesaddleseat]

I agree with Heidi! You have been through heck, but I really think these Doctors are going to figure this out. Believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Doctors learn new procedures every single day! Prayers for you and your family. These Drs. wouldn't touch you if they didn't think they could do you some good. I'm praying they have some new ideas and you will be feeling much better soon.

 

[rockin r]

I agree with Heidi! You have been through heck, but I really think these Doctors are going to figure this out. Believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Doctors learn new procedures every single day! Prayers for you and your family. These Drs. wouldn't touch you if they didn't think they could do you some good. I'm praying they have some new ideas and you will be feeling much better soon.

That is what we are hanging on to, the light at the end of the tunnel. We have ALL THE FAITH IN THE WORLD WITH THIS DR.! Art and I appreciate everyone of you, believe me, """I am glad I have all my friends to keep me up beat and hanging in there!! """" You guys are priceless!

 

[Marty]

He asked me yesterday when was the last time I walked across and saw my mom, hum..I actually don't know... I talk to her on the phone all the time, but I guess I have not seen her in a while. Or talked on the phone to anyone besides my son???

Teresa, please don't shut people out that love you. They need to be near you even though you may not realize it right now. You have said you will not give up several times so don't! Keep the faith, be possitive and always remember you are so much loved and have a huge support group pulling for you all over this big ole world of ours. You CAN do this! You WILL get through this.



[SIZE=24pt]BELIEVE[/SIZE]

 

[REO]

Yes I can feel you there, and I know. And it tears me apart inside more than you know. But it does that whether you tell me or not Theresa, so please don't keep things from me any more. You've been quiet for too long. And I've been sitting here hunkered down scared, waiting--PRAYING.

If I could give you my blood, my flesh, my strength, I would do it in a heart beat.

You KNOW how much I love you. And so does your MOM! So don't shut us out for fear of scaring or hurting us. It hurts to want to fix what is wrong in those we love and not being able to. So allow us to be there for you and give you what comfort we can. We need that and YOU need that.

Don't keep it to yourself hon.

Love,

your Sister

 

[bluetaterbaby]

My prayers are there for you as well. I thank God for supplying ALL your needs. You have so many friends on here who care and are here for you.

God bless,

Joan

 

[Minimor]

Aww, Theresa, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down, and that the surgery hasn't been the success we were all hoping for. Perhaps the next one will work better? You have to believe in that, and continue to hope.

I think of you often & continue to pray for you.

 

[Barbie]

Hi Theresa-

Have been wondering how you're doing and thinking about you a lot. Please think positive - things will get better!!! You have so many friends who are praying for you and wishing you the best. It's got to be really hard, but lean on all of us. Go see your mom - have "your sister" come by and give you a hug. I think you both need it. Take care - get ready for the next surgery. As Marty said, "BELIEVE".

(((((((HUGS)))))))

Barbie

 

[kaykay]

Sending more prayers and some strength to help you get through.

Kay

 

[Connie P]

Theresa,

it is perfectly normal to "feel down" during these difficult times. Turn towards your faith. That always helps and won't let you down. Try not to shut the ones out that love and care for you so much. You are a very strong woman whether you think you are or not. You have been through so much. Hang in there. Try to prepare for your next surgery - it is vital to help. You know I am always here if you need me. XXOO Still praying for you daily.

 

[wcr]

I am so sorry you are going through this and wish the very best for you. I am a nurse and when I was going through school I did a study on death and dying. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross came up with the five steps of grieving; Denial, Anger,Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I would suggest you Google it because it will explain some of the feelings you are going through. It pretty much covers grieving for any major life crisis and tells you that you can flip back and forth between any of the stages at any time.

Your husband was probably right when he said you were distant with others. That is NORMAL. It doesn't mean you care any less for the people in your life, but that you only have so much mental and emotional energy to go around and right now you need it for yourself. We have all been depressed and know the feeling of shutting down to be able to handle just the every day stresses we are going through.

God knows that with everything you have gone through and will be facing, you have the RIGHT to be depressed, and angry, and all the other emotions you are going through. The one thing that will help you get through it is HOPE. Hope is the one thing that is always there.

 

[Reble]

Thinking of you Theresa, Keep the faith.

PERSEVERANCE

Lord, my spirit is willing,

But my flesh is so weak;

God, every day I cry out to you,

Yet I don’t hear you speak.

I’ve been beaten so many times.

You know what I’ve been through;

I can’t overcome this giant.

Yet it’s the only thing I must do.

I fought this trial too many times.

I used all the strength in me;

Yet I lost in every battle,

And once again I’m not free.

Lord, I’m tempted to just call it quits,

And lay here on the ground;

I will let the giant win again.

I have fought too many rounds.

As I am now at my lowest,

Tears flow down my cheeks;

I cry out to God again,

“Jesus, I am just too weak!”

Suddenly I felt my body

Being lifted up by my Lord;

He helped me back on my feet,

And said, “Lets do this once more.”

I stood up to that giant,

And fought as hard as I could;

He used old tactics to make me give up.

Yet he only thought I would.

I was determined to not back down.

I had been here long enough;

It’s not the number of times I get hit.

It’s the number of times I get up.

Jennifer Kulp

 

[bcody]

Theresa, It is good to hear from you, no matter what you can always come here. My husband went through a major illness a few years ago. It started with a septic blood infetion and went to his heart. He spent a long time on IV antibiotics and still ended up having to have his heart valves replaced. He was sick for a long time, and before his surgery he came as close to dying as you can. He went through all the same things, it is common, it is understandable and it is natural. Do not beat yourself up over how you feel, you can not change how you feel, only how you react to it.

I can only imagine how hard all of this is for you. But you need to keep hope, you need to let your family and friends stay near. Easy to say, I know. We are always here for you, no matter what. Keep the hope, remember your faith. Reiki and meditation are wonderful things to make ou feel more in control, more balanced. Take care of yourself, keep the faith and know there are a lot of people here praying for you.

 

[Maxi'sMinis]

Theresa I am so sorry that you are in such a way. My heart is breaking. I feel so helpless that I can't help you. I can't stand it that family is in trouble and I can't be there for them. Oh. What to do what to do. Please keep your head up. Is there some meds you can take that don't impare your mind? What about Xanax at least it will help with emotions. Please ask if you aren't already taking it.

My heart and prayers are there with you and Art. Tell Art to be strong and know that we are all thinking of you and your family. Art please give Theresa a hug for us.

 

[minie812]

You need to know that what your feeling are the five stages & sometimes you will go through all five not always in order and flip back and forth. This is normal and talking to us on the forum is a good thing. We are hear to listen and help you and Art. Do not feel ashamed or anything like that. Sometimes we hurt and just do not feel anyone understands but believe me there are plenty of us here that have had a LIFE JOURNEY so to speak...again prayers for you and ART.

 

[SampleMM]

Theresa, continued prayers for you coming from Pennsylvania.

 

[Teresa]

Theresa saying lots of prayers for you.

There are a couple things that you should think about:

Friendship doubles our pleasures and divides our sorrows.

So share with us your feelings so that we can do just that.......

As far as disability goes....don't think about your having to quit working........you will won't have a 8:00 - 5:00 work schedule. There's lots of work to do......if your house and barn are like mine just look around...there's always something that needs to be done. Only thing, you must still get out of the house.

One more thing that I would like to add.......The Bible says that it is more blessed to give than receive. From the posts that you have made seems like you have been doing a lot of the giving in your life and very new to being on the receiving end. My minister once told me that if I don't allow people to give to me in my time of need I am denying them of the blessing of giving. Think about it.

God Bless.

 

[minih]

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you find hidden strength to do what is needed!