Magic
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- Dec 1, 2002
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I've been lurking about lately but just haven't had the heart to do any posting. I feel like I need to tell about my Mom's death, maybe it will release some of this pain...... this may be long....
My Mom, who was only 65 years old, was hospitalized last month with a rare disease, Aplastic Anemia, in which the bone marrow completely quits making blood. The first sign of this disease was multiple bruises all over her body, and red rash-like areas that were actually bleeding areas as well. Mom had just spent two weeks staying with me less than a month before this, and she was healthy and doing just fine. At first she was hospitalized in Rexburg, Idaho (she lived in western Wyoming) and then when she was diagnosed, she was flown to the Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City, Utah, which is a world-class training and research hospital. Luckily that is only about an hour and a half drive one-way for me, so I was driving there every day to be with her and take care of her. Mom was getting whole blood transfusions at least every other day, and platelet transfusions as well, to help the blood clotting factor. The doctors warned us that she was a risk for bleeding to death since she had so little platelets in her body. They treated her with drugs designed to get the bone marrow producing blood again, though it was a slow process, and it was working. Mom's blood counts were coming up gradually. She was always exhausted and slept a lot, and then the drugs caused her mouth and throat to develop huge open canker-like sores, and she found it painful to eat or drink. The doctors had to keep an IV going in her to keep her from dehydrating, and though they gave her Oxycodone for the pain, and a numbing liquid for her mouth and throat, the most she was able to get down for the last several days were milkshakes with Ensure in them. Still, things were looking up for her bone marrow, and the doctors told us that she was "turning the corner" to recovery. My wonderful Stepdad had had to work (his job wouldn't let him take time off, even unpaid time, and they lived at least a four-hour drive away) finally was able to come for a weekend, and my husband and younger daughter and I went to Wendover, Nevada for a concert for the weekend. We stayed overnight there in a hotel, and the next morning right after ordering breakfast, my phone beeped with a voice mail. I listened to it and it was from my Stepdad (I call him "Pa") and he was crying, saying that Mom had taken a turn for the worst. I called him back and he said that Mom had suddenly had a severe headache, began vomiting blood, and then suddenly was comatose. We cancelled our breakfast order and FLEW back to Salt Lake City, my husband driving and passing everything, while I cried. When we got to the hospital, Mom was in Intensive Care, on a respirator, and Pa was a wreck. The doctors told us that she'd had a bleed in her brain, which was massive, and her brain had swelled. They tried to relieve some of the pressure with a tube but they couldn't operate or she would bleed to death. They told us that if she didn't have a very dramatic improvement within the next hour or so, there was no hope (though they of course say it somewhat differently.) Mom was brain dead. We called my sister and brother, and the rest of the family, and cried a LOT. I couldn't believe it, and still have trouble accepting it. After a full day of standing around Mom's bedside, once the family was all there, we talked to the doctors again and decided to take Mom off the respirator. There was no hope of her ever breathing on her own, and her brain function was gone. She has always told all of us that she didn't want to be kept alive by machines so the decision was surprisingly not difficult to come to, though the result was extremely difficult. My Mom, one of the best friends I've had in my entire life, is dead. This happened on July 22nd and the funeral is over, but still I cry.
I have the greatest respect for those of you who have lost loved ones, especially those who have lost spouses or children; I can't imagine the pain and feelings of loss that you endure. Losing my Mom, which is in the "natural way of things" is exceedingly hard. I'm sure that part of this is losing her so fast and unexpectedly--- her mother lived into her nineties and I thought that we would have many years of having my Mom around.
Anyway, I am sorry that this is so long. I just needed to share this. I've never lost someone so close to me before, and if anyone has any advice for me, I would really appreciate it. I miss Mom so much..... thanks
My Mom, who was only 65 years old, was hospitalized last month with a rare disease, Aplastic Anemia, in which the bone marrow completely quits making blood. The first sign of this disease was multiple bruises all over her body, and red rash-like areas that were actually bleeding areas as well. Mom had just spent two weeks staying with me less than a month before this, and she was healthy and doing just fine. At first she was hospitalized in Rexburg, Idaho (she lived in western Wyoming) and then when she was diagnosed, she was flown to the Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City, Utah, which is a world-class training and research hospital. Luckily that is only about an hour and a half drive one-way for me, so I was driving there every day to be with her and take care of her. Mom was getting whole blood transfusions at least every other day, and platelet transfusions as well, to help the blood clotting factor. The doctors warned us that she was a risk for bleeding to death since she had so little platelets in her body. They treated her with drugs designed to get the bone marrow producing blood again, though it was a slow process, and it was working. Mom's blood counts were coming up gradually. She was always exhausted and slept a lot, and then the drugs caused her mouth and throat to develop huge open canker-like sores, and she found it painful to eat or drink. The doctors had to keep an IV going in her to keep her from dehydrating, and though they gave her Oxycodone for the pain, and a numbing liquid for her mouth and throat, the most she was able to get down for the last several days were milkshakes with Ensure in them. Still, things were looking up for her bone marrow, and the doctors told us that she was "turning the corner" to recovery. My wonderful Stepdad had had to work (his job wouldn't let him take time off, even unpaid time, and they lived at least a four-hour drive away) finally was able to come for a weekend, and my husband and younger daughter and I went to Wendover, Nevada for a concert for the weekend. We stayed overnight there in a hotel, and the next morning right after ordering breakfast, my phone beeped with a voice mail. I listened to it and it was from my Stepdad (I call him "Pa") and he was crying, saying that Mom had taken a turn for the worst. I called him back and he said that Mom had suddenly had a severe headache, began vomiting blood, and then suddenly was comatose. We cancelled our breakfast order and FLEW back to Salt Lake City, my husband driving and passing everything, while I cried. When we got to the hospital, Mom was in Intensive Care, on a respirator, and Pa was a wreck. The doctors told us that she'd had a bleed in her brain, which was massive, and her brain had swelled. They tried to relieve some of the pressure with a tube but they couldn't operate or she would bleed to death. They told us that if she didn't have a very dramatic improvement within the next hour or so, there was no hope (though they of course say it somewhat differently.) Mom was brain dead. We called my sister and brother, and the rest of the family, and cried a LOT. I couldn't believe it, and still have trouble accepting it. After a full day of standing around Mom's bedside, once the family was all there, we talked to the doctors again and decided to take Mom off the respirator. There was no hope of her ever breathing on her own, and her brain function was gone. She has always told all of us that she didn't want to be kept alive by machines so the decision was surprisingly not difficult to come to, though the result was extremely difficult. My Mom, one of the best friends I've had in my entire life, is dead. This happened on July 22nd and the funeral is over, but still I cry.
I have the greatest respect for those of you who have lost loved ones, especially those who have lost spouses or children; I can't imagine the pain and feelings of loss that you endure. Losing my Mom, which is in the "natural way of things" is exceedingly hard. I'm sure that part of this is losing her so fast and unexpectedly--- her mother lived into her nineties and I thought that we would have many years of having my Mom around.
Anyway, I am sorry that this is so long. I just needed to share this. I've never lost someone so close to me before, and if anyone has any advice for me, I would really appreciate it. I miss Mom so much..... thanks
