Lisa
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2003
- Messages
- 656
- Reaction score
- 0
I am not sure if I have ever really mentioned on the forum about my family, or at least gone into detail about my family situation. I will start with a full explanation of that, so that you all will understand my vent.
My mom had me when she was 18. Her boyfriend at the time (my biological father) first accused her of cheating on him (she was a virgin when she started going out with him and had not cheated on him) when she told him she was pregnant. After he was convinced it was his, he told her “Either marry me or I want nothing to do with you or the baby ever again.” She did not love him, so she told him to go screw himself and she would raise me on her own. They broke up and my mom moved to Kamloops with me, where she met my dad. My dad, the man who raised me, has been mine since I was three months old. I did not know that my dad was not my biological father until I was 10. My grandparents on my father’s side decided they wanted a relationship with me, so I was told about that family and started visits with them.
At first, it was great. I had more people to talk to, more people to pay attention to me (haha I was a very vain 10 year old) and more family, which I loved! After a couple of years, when I became a teenager, it wasn’t so great. It started out with my father criticizing me. The main issues seemed to be my lack of a job and lack of a boyfriend. I was raised quite differently than my siblings were. For my parents, while we were in school our full time job was school. If we wanted a part time job outside of that, then that was our choice. They would not force us to work. I chose not to work, which was fine. For Wayne (my father) his kids had to work by 16, they had no choice on that matter. If they did not, they had no privileges. He was always half-jokingly telling me that I was incapable of working. I had one boyfriend in high school. I would have loved to have more guys interested in me, though I was only REALLY interested in this one guy. He was constantly telling me I needed to get a boyfriend; there were lots around, what’s wrong with me that I can’t seem to find one? Later it turned into innuendos that I needed to get laid.
Since I left college about three years ago, I haven’t spent much time with them. Partially because of being busy, partially because I didn’t really want to. I feel like I am not part of that family. I am constantly asked why I don’t come over more often, or stay a long time. I just make up excuses rather than tell them it’s because they don’t make me feel like I am welcome or part of the family. In my mom’s family, I don’t even have to announce I am coming over, I just show up and I can lounge on their couch, just hanging out, or do whatever. I am family, that is the way it works. With my father’s family…I feel like I have to ask to come over, ask to do things, and I constantly feel awkward, like you do at the family of a friend who you aren’t entirely comfortable with.
They never call me to let me know what is going on with them. The only time I talk to them is when I phone them. I didn’t find out a couple years ago that my grandfather was going in for knee surgery until I happened to call the day before to see how he was doing. He didn’t realize I didn’t know, when I asked Wayne why he didn’t tell me, he informed me that if it was really serious and he was dying or something, they would tell me. I am so worried that one day I will get a call saying my grandfather is dead and I won’t even know that he went into the hospital. Last weekend I was supposed to go see him, he was in Okotoks. I called on Saturday to see what time he was coming to get me and was told he had been in the hospital the previous night because of an overdose on pills (accidental). If I had not called that day, I would not have even been told, even though Wayne and his family were called when it happened.
My mom talked to him about the way he talked to me when I was a kid, but it did no good whatsoever. He just thinks I’m too sensitive and that he is joking. He doesn’t realize (or care, though honestly, I don’t think that is it, as I know he does care about me, he is just a very different person in his thinking) that he Is hurting me. I have never talked to him, I don’t think it would do any good and
Am I overreacting to the way they treat me? I just feel like I am not part of the family. I am honestly surprised that my brother let me know that his girlfriend was being induced. I expected to get a call maybe a day or two after the baby was born, when they remembered to call me. I know that I am an overly emotional and sensitive person, I take most things to heart, but I think that I am not over reacting about this. I’m not entirely sure how I even feel aobut all of this. I know it makes me angry at times, and very hurt and I feel like an outsider. I sometimes have the incredibly horrible thoughts that if it wasn’t for my grandpa, I could probably have not even found out about them and would not really have lost too much.
At the same time, when I am with Wayne, we get along very well for the most part. We have a very similar sense of humour and a lot of my big interests come from him (bird watching, animals in general, hunting, fishing, outdoors stuff, dinosaurs, science, etc.) so I get a lot of satisfaction about talking to him about things like that. He is the only one who is ever interested when I hear or see a new or exciting bird. I call him and we discuss it and it is great.
I’m very confused, as you can see. It’s stupid, I know, I’m 22 years old. Who cares if my father thinks that I am incapable of working or am the most pitiful woman in the world not to be able to even get a boyfriend.
My mom had me when she was 18. Her boyfriend at the time (my biological father) first accused her of cheating on him (she was a virgin when she started going out with him and had not cheated on him) when she told him she was pregnant. After he was convinced it was his, he told her “Either marry me or I want nothing to do with you or the baby ever again.” She did not love him, so she told him to go screw himself and she would raise me on her own. They broke up and my mom moved to Kamloops with me, where she met my dad. My dad, the man who raised me, has been mine since I was three months old. I did not know that my dad was not my biological father until I was 10. My grandparents on my father’s side decided they wanted a relationship with me, so I was told about that family and started visits with them.
At first, it was great. I had more people to talk to, more people to pay attention to me (haha I was a very vain 10 year old) and more family, which I loved! After a couple of years, when I became a teenager, it wasn’t so great. It started out with my father criticizing me. The main issues seemed to be my lack of a job and lack of a boyfriend. I was raised quite differently than my siblings were. For my parents, while we were in school our full time job was school. If we wanted a part time job outside of that, then that was our choice. They would not force us to work. I chose not to work, which was fine. For Wayne (my father) his kids had to work by 16, they had no choice on that matter. If they did not, they had no privileges. He was always half-jokingly telling me that I was incapable of working. I had one boyfriend in high school. I would have loved to have more guys interested in me, though I was only REALLY interested in this one guy. He was constantly telling me I needed to get a boyfriend; there were lots around, what’s wrong with me that I can’t seem to find one? Later it turned into innuendos that I needed to get laid.
Since I left college about three years ago, I haven’t spent much time with them. Partially because of being busy, partially because I didn’t really want to. I feel like I am not part of that family. I am constantly asked why I don’t come over more often, or stay a long time. I just make up excuses rather than tell them it’s because they don’t make me feel like I am welcome or part of the family. In my mom’s family, I don’t even have to announce I am coming over, I just show up and I can lounge on their couch, just hanging out, or do whatever. I am family, that is the way it works. With my father’s family…I feel like I have to ask to come over, ask to do things, and I constantly feel awkward, like you do at the family of a friend who you aren’t entirely comfortable with.
They never call me to let me know what is going on with them. The only time I talk to them is when I phone them. I didn’t find out a couple years ago that my grandfather was going in for knee surgery until I happened to call the day before to see how he was doing. He didn’t realize I didn’t know, when I asked Wayne why he didn’t tell me, he informed me that if it was really serious and he was dying or something, they would tell me. I am so worried that one day I will get a call saying my grandfather is dead and I won’t even know that he went into the hospital. Last weekend I was supposed to go see him, he was in Okotoks. I called on Saturday to see what time he was coming to get me and was told he had been in the hospital the previous night because of an overdose on pills (accidental). If I had not called that day, I would not have even been told, even though Wayne and his family were called when it happened.
My mom talked to him about the way he talked to me when I was a kid, but it did no good whatsoever. He just thinks I’m too sensitive and that he is joking. He doesn’t realize (or care, though honestly, I don’t think that is it, as I know he does care about me, he is just a very different person in his thinking) that he Is hurting me. I have never talked to him, I don’t think it would do any good and
Am I overreacting to the way they treat me? I just feel like I am not part of the family. I am honestly surprised that my brother let me know that his girlfriend was being induced. I expected to get a call maybe a day or two after the baby was born, when they remembered to call me. I know that I am an overly emotional and sensitive person, I take most things to heart, but I think that I am not over reacting about this. I’m not entirely sure how I even feel aobut all of this. I know it makes me angry at times, and very hurt and I feel like an outsider. I sometimes have the incredibly horrible thoughts that if it wasn’t for my grandpa, I could probably have not even found out about them and would not really have lost too much.
At the same time, when I am with Wayne, we get along very well for the most part. We have a very similar sense of humour and a lot of my big interests come from him (bird watching, animals in general, hunting, fishing, outdoors stuff, dinosaurs, science, etc.) so I get a lot of satisfaction about talking to him about things like that. He is the only one who is ever interested when I hear or see a new or exciting bird. I call him and we discuss it and it is great.
I’m very confused, as you can see. It’s stupid, I know, I’m 22 years old. Who cares if my father thinks that I am incapable of working or am the most pitiful woman in the world not to be able to even get a boyfriend.
