I think I have the worst husband in the world

[krissy3]

I work with my husband. I choose to move to Switzerland to marry him. I run his Hotel , and try to learn German , although no one speaks German , they prefer Swiss German or Romanisch. I spend a min of 12 hours a day here , with just a few breaks to check on the horses. He thinks I have a wonderful life , i think I work like a dog. Tonight , after a 10 hour day , and a quick break to feed horses and clean the stall, I came back to make us a little dinner before we go home. Its the end of the season and all the hotel restraunts are closed in town. In walks 4 people , speaking Swiss German which I dont understand ( then they treat you like a 3 class citizen for not knowing swiss german) My husban FORGOT to tell me they made a reservation for dinner. I dont have a table set, we dont have a lot of food in the restraunt, and I am tired and want to go home. "Oh , I forgot " he tells me... and then hands them OUR dinner as an appitizer while they wait for the last guest. 1 hour later and they are still gabbing over champaign. We will have to serve them a 4 corse dinner , which means they will be here for at least 5 more hours, if we are lucky... so already I have been here for 12 hours. No dinner. My husband is not a communicater , but he promised me he would start communicating about the hotel and our work so I could do my job. He NEVER talks to me , but will sit for hours and talk to his friends, and family. I am not use to this mountain mentality , the men here are so very arrogant. Its about 50 years behind in womens rights...women here dont even drive, if you can believe that. I share 1 car with my husband, and he makes all the finantual decisions, at least i told him I want a pay check and my own account. If I were not on the other side of the world , I know I would be out of this marriage. But what can you (I )do in a forign country, I sold everything back home in California to come here. My only joy are the horses and 1 or 2 friends I have met through the horses ... Tell me how to make that enough.

Thanks for letting me vent a frustrating day , and marriage.

Kristen

 

[loveminis]

Girl, I'd be on the next plane home if I were you.... and I do not say that lightly.

You have not been happy there for quite some time and it sounds like it will never change, life is WAY to short to be miserable like that.

 

[wantminimore]

I completely agree with loveminis, you deserve to be happy

 

[MindyLee]

If your not happy, when do you think you will be? Sounds like you have somewhat answer your own question and have aready thought about coming home. Sounds to me your not happy and will soon be making your choice... Good Luck!

 

[lilmiraclesfarm]

Men can be pretty big Jerks, but no way would I stand for that. Find some family back home willing to home you for the time being, stock pile some money and see you later!

 

[RobinRTrueJoy]

I am sorry that things haven't really improved. I remember that he was so jealous of your horses before.

I guess it depends on how unhappy you are... ARE the horses enough? Could you do the things that you love to do (the horses) without being married?

It doesn't sound like he treats you like he should, but all that is your decision.

I have often wondered what my life would be like if I wasn't married anymore, would I be able to afford to keep my horses, dogs and house? Could I be happy without the horses and dogs and house? Or without him? I don't know.

Is it a good trade off being unhappy but being able to keep your horses and lifestyle? Only you can decide .

You are still kind of newly married, right? Things don't usually get better or easier in time.

Sounds like hubby needs to find out that he NEEDS you and maybe he will learn to appreciate you.

Good luck!

Robin

 

[krissy3]

I could leave my husband... I could leave him in a nano second... but I cant leave my horses . I have right now just 15 grand to my name. I would need a job ,back in the states , a car, a place to live, and I would have to ship the horses ...3 shetlands, there is 15 grand right there. My Chihuahua is 13 , and I am 40 next month. I have to save my money. Right now the dinner guests asked me to get my boss , to come out and have a glass of wine with them... now I am serving my husband as well. I know they think I am some little Russian girl here to learn how to serve and speak German. There too stupid to look at our brouchure with my photo on the front. How am I going to get a job with the US economy? But you know I am not getting any younger , the older I get the harder it will be.... but my horses have the perfect life here. they have everything they would ever want. I couldnt find a better home for them.

 

[loveminis]

I dont know how to tell you this but all horses REALLY care about is food and shelter. Find good homes for them and leave. Don't you have family here in the states that you could stay with ?

Don't worry about not having a job, you will find one with your hotel experience.

I think if you were older you would have been gone by now.

 

[Horse Feathers]

Sell the horses and get on the FIRST plane back to the USA. Start applying at hotles, motels and bed and breakfast, you will have a job within a couple of months. Good Luck and heres a HUG to make you feel better.

 

[maplegum]

You need to stop making excuses and really focus on getting out of there. Find homes for your pets, then start a new exciting life for yourself. It's never too late.

 

[krissy3]

I appreciate the advice , but its not that easy..i am in a forign country, I dont speak the language very well, and I have the 30 year old donkey that is relying on me.to care for him. If I am not here he will go back to the pig farmer, he will be miserable again like he was when I first got here.Finding a home ( forget about money) is not that easy, I dont have friends here , and these are Shetland ponys , only one is an AMHA horse. I dont have family that will help, I cant rely on the to help, In fact i wouldnt even tell them.They have lots of money but would never help, they would say "you made your bed , now lay in it". I need a plan, a conservative plan.

 

[WTFFarm]

While I think "you made your bed, you lie in it " is a little harsh I do have some similar advice - You're 40 years old and unless you are bound and tied then NOONE can make you do anything that you don't physically and mentally decide to then do. If your husband said "make dinner" and you did then it was your choice to "obey" him

. Stand up for yourself and say "NO duckin' way dooood make your own dinner, maybe next time you'll REMEMBER that guests were coming" hahahhaha

. You're not his slave. Seriously, find homes for your ponies. While I admire how much you love them, I don't think for one second that they should take presidence over your well being.

I know it's scarey but you only live once and there's no making up for even one second that's wasted.

Leave him and live your life...I'm sure there's a gazillion people on this message board who could fix you up with new ponies when you come home to America for just about free.

DUMP THE DUDE

 

[dreaminmini]

Well, I sympathize with you. You need to get out of the marriage. Maybe your husband needs to read this thread. I would start socking the money away, and take the animals with you. Even if you have to stay in Europe but go to England, Ireland for a bit and keep saving money. You will for sure find a job in the hospitality industry with your experience. Don't stay with him too long, you will regret it later.

 

[Frankie]

Sorry, but if I even worked one day without being paid, I would not go back, I don't care who I work for.

It is too called respect, something we all deserve, especially by a spouse.

You ARE making a sad choice, you ARE making excuses.

My husband left and filed for divorce almost 2 years ago.

I was scared to death, I have a child. But I am just fine, still have the horses. And why did that happen? Because I made a choice, to be strong, to fix my life and to BE HAPPY!

It is your life, it is your choice.

 

[Reijel's Mom]

I don't know that I would be able to leave my animals behind, either. But I sure would be figuring out a way to get all of you out of there and start working towards it! Life IS too short!

 

[Maxi'sMinis]

Ok this is a shot in the dark but can you find a cheap place to board your animals? Then find a job there and a place to rent. Move out from your husband but live there for a while, keep your animals and make your own life without him. Once you save up some money and get established on your own see if you can then bring your animals back to the US.

I think the only thing you can do is go out on your own and make your own way there. Make some friends. Find some English speaking people so you can communicate with someone while you continue to learn the native language.

Good luck and sending prayers to help you find your way and happiness in life.

 

[SampleMM]

I'm sorry that it is not working out with your husband. I was all for you guys trying to work it out but it doesn't sound like you are having a happy life. Have you tried counseling?

If the answer is no, I'd run to the first psychologist I could find. Even if your husband won't go, it would definitely help you--IMO.

This is a quote that I love, "IF GOD DOESN'T CHANGE YOUR SITUATION, HE'LL CHANGE YOU IN THE SITUATION." - Father Scott

 

[Miniv]

"Dear Abby" used to have a wonderful question she would ask a wife who wasn't being treated well and was feeling hemmed in..........."Would you be better WITH him or WITHOUT him?" This means doing some soul searching.

Personally, I've been through some rough lumps too..........and I ask you to ask yourself -- Do you love him? And then, you need to know -- Does he love YOU? If this is true, the two of you should be willing to begin working as a TEAM. This may mean seeking marriage counseling to get you two started working TOGETHER.

Right now it seems that your are working as an unpaid servant and he's the boss.....plus he gets some "extras" on the side.

If he's NOT willing to adjust his view of things to keep you two together? Then, it's YOUR CALL........Either you swallow your pride and live with what he has set up...........OR, you quietly take care of your horses, the donkey, save up more money, and make arrangements to get yourself back to the States.

It all may take time, but there's always an answer. I've been there, done that.

Rule of Thumb for a woman........Always protect yourself financially.

 

[bevann]

You've got a friend in Delaware.I was married for 18 yrs to a man who treated me like dirt.fortunately he left and I was devistated, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.If you decide to leave and want to come to Delaware I have a big house and lots of room on the farm for animals if you bring some or I will give you some when you get here.I am 70 yrs old and could use some help and I live near a resort area with lots of hotels and the state capitol with more hotels.Life is too short to be with an SOB who is 50 years behind the times.If you love him and want to stay let him know that some changes need to be made.Let him handle things for a while and go on strike in the hotel.Sock away all the money you can in your own account without his access to it.Prepare for a rainy day-sounds like it is coming fast.If you have to leave and can't take your animals I am sure you can find someone nice to take them.good luck and keep us posted.

 

[loveminis]

I really feel bad for you but Bevann made you a wonderful offer !!!

Where there is a will, they is a way ! You have 2 choices, stay and be miserable or leave and look forward to a new life where you are in control.