It is hard to know where to start with this and I will inevitably forget something. I dont really know where to turn. I must apologize over and over for how scattered this is. I have tried to give the shortest version I can here.
First I will say that I love my mom and my family very much. They are extremely important to me. My mom has changed over the years though and it has been agonizing to watch.
She can not manage her money at all. Currently she and my 19 year old brother are living in the house my fiance and I are purchasing with us. She is supposed to be getting on her feet and getting her credit back up so she can get a place of her own. It seems though that she keeps falling into the same patterns with money. She spends irresponsibly on things she insists we HAVE to have and then runs out or over draws her account. There was an issue out of her control with her job recently and she has been out of work from October till very recently. Weve pretty much been supporting her and my brother who didnt work either... And often their animals (horses, dogs, bearded dragon, bird. She still finds things she needs to go spend on. We tried to keep some basic food in the house but not a lot of fancy stuff hoping to nudge them into getting work asap but that wasnt working too well. Because she feels that she must go get these things she will pawn things. Anything really. This includes a very sentimental wedding ring that my dad had designed for her. It represents something in life that I lost when I was 5 and still wish that I had (a mom and a dad together). She hasnt pawned that yet but she wants to and she has pawned lots of other things.
My brother isnt helping. He owes us money and instead of paying us, he went ahead and purchased a new game system. He doesnt contribute and whenever my mom and I get into it he goes after me. He has anger management issues that are not fun to have to deal with either and a complete lack of respect. Weve been supporting him too. He just doesnt have a clue. He likes to act like an authority though.
It wouldnt be SO bad however they have taken over a majority of their house and we have ended up often just keeping to our room. I have to keep reminding myself this is my house. My mom spends a lot of time sitting in the living room with a comforter and pillows and the coffee table pulled against the couch with food and drinks. Its a mess and so hard to watch. I hate to see her like this. When we want her to help pay for things she insists she has to pay for something else first (she has borrowed money from family, she has the cable in her name and wants to keep the package with more than what we need, she wants to get particular groceries....).
It stinks to not be able to run things your way in your own house. She simply argues and bull dozes me over to do things her way. She says I owe her because of everything she did for me as her daughter. This has made me a bit bitter and given me a bit of an attitude at times. I hate that.
If we really fight she will turn other family members on me (grandparents, aunts, uncles). Its very manipulative. She actually calls them on the phone right in front of me (yes, she seriously does that). I am made to be the bad guy.
Its driving me mad and it is very much not fair as I am supposed to be enjoying planning a wedding. I have friends and family on my dads side that have been very supportive. Ive tried to take her to counseling with me but she refuses. I am working a lot and trying to do art but this is consuming me. I cant think straight. I dont know what I would do if I didnt have Matt to be supportive of me. My mom is now blaming him for my bad relationship with her. Its horrible.
Once again I am sorry this is so long and unorganized. I want to help her and the situation but this way isnt working and I dont know what to do anymore.
First I will say that I love my mom and my family very much. They are extremely important to me. My mom has changed over the years though and it has been agonizing to watch.
She can not manage her money at all. Currently she and my 19 year old brother are living in the house my fiance and I are purchasing with us. She is supposed to be getting on her feet and getting her credit back up so she can get a place of her own. It seems though that she keeps falling into the same patterns with money. She spends irresponsibly on things she insists we HAVE to have and then runs out or over draws her account. There was an issue out of her control with her job recently and she has been out of work from October till very recently. Weve pretty much been supporting her and my brother who didnt work either... And often their animals (horses, dogs, bearded dragon, bird. She still finds things she needs to go spend on. We tried to keep some basic food in the house but not a lot of fancy stuff hoping to nudge them into getting work asap but that wasnt working too well. Because she feels that she must go get these things she will pawn things. Anything really. This includes a very sentimental wedding ring that my dad had designed for her. It represents something in life that I lost when I was 5 and still wish that I had (a mom and a dad together). She hasnt pawned that yet but she wants to and she has pawned lots of other things.
My brother isnt helping. He owes us money and instead of paying us, he went ahead and purchased a new game system. He doesnt contribute and whenever my mom and I get into it he goes after me. He has anger management issues that are not fun to have to deal with either and a complete lack of respect. Weve been supporting him too. He just doesnt have a clue. He likes to act like an authority though.
It wouldnt be SO bad however they have taken over a majority of their house and we have ended up often just keeping to our room. I have to keep reminding myself this is my house. My mom spends a lot of time sitting in the living room with a comforter and pillows and the coffee table pulled against the couch with food and drinks. Its a mess and so hard to watch. I hate to see her like this. When we want her to help pay for things she insists she has to pay for something else first (she has borrowed money from family, she has the cable in her name and wants to keep the package with more than what we need, she wants to get particular groceries....).
It stinks to not be able to run things your way in your own house. She simply argues and bull dozes me over to do things her way. She says I owe her because of everything she did for me as her daughter. This has made me a bit bitter and given me a bit of an attitude at times. I hate that.
If we really fight she will turn other family members on me (grandparents, aunts, uncles). Its very manipulative. She actually calls them on the phone right in front of me (yes, she seriously does that). I am made to be the bad guy.
Its driving me mad and it is very much not fair as I am supposed to be enjoying planning a wedding. I have friends and family on my dads side that have been very supportive. Ive tried to take her to counseling with me but she refuses. I am working a lot and trying to do art but this is consuming me. I cant think straight. I dont know what I would do if I didnt have Matt to be supportive of me. My mom is now blaming him for my bad relationship with her. Its horrible.
Once again I am sorry this is so long and unorganized. I want to help her and the situation but this way isnt working and I dont know what to do anymore.