Friends, acquaintances, and black holes

[nootka]

Wow, Shari, my mother was like that, too, but she was very active in her destruction.

She would say things about people that had a single grain of truth to them, and spread the rumor as quickly as she could. I think her philosophy was that if enough people believed it to be true, then it WAS true and guess what, SHE was the source of the "truth."

My grandma described her as "seeing her life in the headlines" (this was before I was born), and it's pretty true.

For example...she knew my husband's prior girlfriend (well, she was two girlfriends before me) pretty well, and she told me that said girlfriend's ex-boyfriend had showed up with AIDS (this was true). WELLL ... when I told her I was sorry for them/her, but what did that have to do with me? She said to me and looked me in the eyes, "Well, you know sometimes men go back to their old sweethearts. What do you think that means to you?"

She was suggesting that my husband and I had AIDS and therefore my infant son had it, too. She pretty much spread that rumor around anyone that would listen and since I had had toxemia at the end of my pregnancy and was hospitalized, SOME people believed it. It wasn't true....she just wanted people to believe it and she upset her father very badly with that "rumor" and he was horrified/stressed out and called MY father to find out if it was true. My father then had a long talk with me about what was said and THAT was how I found out about all of that!

:

I think ultimately she wasn't trying to hurt ME believe it or not, that was just a "nice side-effect" for her. She was trying to upset her father and she managed to do that pretty well.

*shrugs*

I can't believe sometimes what people do to other people, intentionally and unintentionally. It's huge personality flaws that seem to be the major cause and I think a deep self-hatred that makes them do it. But what the heck do I know anyway?

I just HOPE I've never made people feel the way some of these do.

L.

 

[Shari]

Am sorry Liz your mother is like that too. Just find it very sad they have to be the way they are.

When I first went out with my now Hubby,, my Mom would say all kinds of things bad about me.

Am just glad he did not listen to her.

In fact a number of years later when we lived in NH... she was bad mouthing me in my house to Hubby and he told her if she did not stop what she was doing he would be more than happy to bodily remove her from my house. After that is was more careful of what she said around him.

She did not even wish me well when we were married. I did not expect them to come...

Ah well.. water under the bridge so to speak.

Liz,, you are nothing like your mother. And like you, I strive not to be like mine.

:

 

[runamuk]

I am slowly but surely becoming a major hermit...............I actually enjoy people watching and interacting with intelligent people with strong convictions................but over the years I have been burned too many times........people I thought were great friends have gone on to prove otherwise......I grew up with a mother who lived inside of her own made up world and later came to find out much of my childhood as told to me was a lie...........I try very hard not to hurt people I care about but due to my learned mistrust of the human race I often come off as callous or hardened or non caring...........my life has enough drama I do not need make believe drama from people who are supposed to be my friends...............

 

[Shari]

runamuk, that is why our mini's and animals are so wonderful to have around!

They are the best friends.

:

Hubby and I are pretty much hermits too. We find it better that way.

Though have to admit.. have met a few very nice like minded people on this list.

:

 

[nootka]

Hah, Shari, mine tried to keep my husband from "liking" me, too. In fact, once she "confessed" in front of a room full of people that she and he had had a fling and run off to another town together for a weekend, but he called her on it right then and there.

I was just so embarassed by her! And of course betrayed, b/c it seems to me your mom would always BE there for you...? Right?

:

Luckily it's possible to divorce oneself emotionally from people like that, if not 100% at least from new experiences. I was SO GLAD when mine died. I mean relieved like you can't imagine that no more c-r-a-p would be forthcoming from that direction though she's still "giving" in the form of my siblings I guess.

Sad to think that repetitive experiences with negative people makes good ones withdraw. I guess I am just too stubborn at this point.

L.

 

[Sterling]

Liz, I know exactly what you're talking about. When I was younger I was under the impression I had to deal with everyone that came along. I've since grown up and know better. I don't have to "deal" with anyone I don't want to. I'm free to walk away and not give the time of day. So that's what I have done with certain people in my life that are like that. Now just a couple of years ago I again made the acquaintance of a couple of ladies that I thought would be cool friends, and found out that was the complete opposite. What did I do...just walked away from it. The negativity and just the energy it takes to be around people like that is zapping for real. I say and always have that my dogs, horses and critters here on the farm are better friends than some of the humans I've encountered out in this big 'ol world.