Dating after a divorce,

[Frankie]

Divorce was final last Feb. He wanted it, not me, but I feel I have gone on. Don't call him or even think of him, already have enough going through my mind.

I manage a large farm store, mostly male customers. When I get asked out I always say no. A big part of that is, they are my customers, not sure it is right. But, I have also made friends with many and spend time with them away from the store.

Sometimes I do want to say yes. What the heck, some adult company and probably a nice time. But I still always say no!

I am the type that just don't need a man,,,maybe taking that too far.

Ethical because of work?

And here is sit asking you and I don't even know why!

I guess in due time, I'm in no hurry.

Yes

Yes

Yes

Maybe I just need practice.

 

[Marty]

When the right guy asks you out, there will be no hesitation and you'll really want to go and you will!

He just hasn't shown up yet.

 

[kaykay]

Maybe you are using the work excuse out of fear?? I dont think its un ethical to date a customer. I do think its unethical to date a co worker

That never works.

If god forbid something happened and I was divorced I know it would be really scarey to put myself out there again, no doubt about it.

There are some wonderful men out there so dont let one bad one sour you or make you resentful.

You know life is short and we need to make the most of the time we have here. I say go for it. A date is not a committment but a night of fun

 

[krissy3]

I also think that when the right person for you comes along , there will be no hesitation. I am on my 2nd marriage, sometimes I miss my days of being free and single... sometimes I dont . Just enjoy your thime right now alone , knowing that the right one will come when he is suppose to . But it never hurts to practice dating, just be honest with the guy.

 

[Just Us N Texas]

Frankie, as someone who has been there done that, my advice is don't look at it as a date, but an evening out with a friend of the opposite sex. Someone to relax with for awhile, a few laughs, good conversation. I was a widow, and always felt I was betraying my late husband. I joined a club called Parents Without Partners where everyone there were either divorced or widowed. We had meetings once a month, happy hours once a week at some local watering hole/restaurant, and dances once a month. It more or less eased me back into life. We were always in a group, and you got used to being with others that were in the same boat you were in, and the opposite sex without any attachments. When I did start dating again, at first, I would never let the fellow pick me up, but told him I would meet him wherever we were going. I never gave out my phone number, but would instead ask him for his, and if I was interested, I would call him. That way, I had complete control over the whole situation, because after all I was in my own car, and could leave whenever I liked, and also, I didn't have to have my phone ringing, and dreading a call from someone I didn't want to spend time with!

Oh, and through some of our seminars, I learned that women don't really need men in their lives, instead they may find one they WANT in their lives!

 

[HGFarm]

If you are not ready, don't sweat it. Perhaps it just isnt the right one yet either......... It took me quite a while too.... It will roll out of your mouth when the time is right, LOL

 

[susanne]

I agree -- it's only natural to hold back at this time. When you're ready, you'll know. You may still need practice saying yes at that time, but you'll know when you really want to say yes.

One thought for when you're ready...instead of a formal date with all of its pressure, how about going to lunch or get a cup of coffee -- less pressure, easier to head out if you don't hit it off, and more conducive to developing a friendship with potential for more.

Also, I completely understand not dating customers -- too much potential for uncomfortable situations -- but there's nothing wrong with a casual coffee with a friend.

Hang in there!

 

[Frankie]

Thanks so much, I think I agree with all of you.

The good part about dating a customer is, I have more of an idea who has the money!! Lol

Also wanted your thoughts.

I am 50 something. I know it is ok now a days for the women to ask out the men. But how do you think men around my age think of that? It's hard to change and most my age grew up with the man asking.

Not that I have some one in mind, just wondering.

 

[yankee_minis]

My divorce will be a year in a couple days. I sent him packing. I don't even think about dating-- can't imagine it. I'll probably be the single woman with all the cats (or horses).

I feel like time is passing and I'll never have this time again. Nearing 50.

Ummm... and I never ge asked out... You're lucky!

 

[Katiean]

In my case, I don't date. When I saw my ex of 19 years, I told him that I would never change for anyone ever again. I told him if I ever get married again he will have to clean my stalls, build my fences, carry my hay and love every bit of it or no deal. Another thing is he would have to stay faithful. I am comfortable on my own. You may find at times it is harder on your own. But, sometimes it is just easier to not have to satisfy anyone but you. If the right one comes along you will know it.

 

[Davie]

Hi Carolyn

I've been divorced now for over 24 years. Mid 50s now and don't really care to date anymore. I also joined a wonderful group called Parents without Partners when I was younger and loved the people I met there. It is a wonderful safe environment and they do have a wonderful support group, group parties, kids outings, and monthly dances. Not sure that the organization is still active here in Oklahoma City though. Look in the white pages of your phone book to see if there is a chapter in your area.

I did meet a wonderful man who was also a memeber of this group and dated for over 2 years but finally went our separate ways.

When I was dating I also met the gentleman at the location of our date, never gave out my personal phone number (on ocassion would give out my office number) and always told a friend where I was going and when I expected to be home, just in case.

I love being single, can come and go as I please and work allows. Don't have to coordinate schedules with anyone, don't have to worry if my house is not spotless all the time and if I want to go somewhere I can just jump in the car and go as long as there is someone to take care of the horses and furkids.

 

[StarRidgeAcres]

My divorce was final just back in September, but my marriage was over a very long time ago. I am 43 years old and have no children. I went on my first date at the beginning of August. It was very scary, but he was a nice man. I actually ended up seeing him over 10 times but do not see him anymore. I guess I am saying I sort of did it the opposite of most in that i just got out there and forced myself to get out and meet new people. I started living with my ex when I was 23 years old. I was always faithful so for me the idea of spending time with another man was really, really scary. But i did it. I've gone out with a few more guys since then and still am dating now. But I'm kind of "slowing down" a bit. I guess I was kind of like a kid in a candy store when this first happened!

But now like I said, I'm slowing down a bit. And I totally agree with the others, when the right man asks you out, you will know and you will say yes. Until then, don't sweat it. Enjoy your single-hood.

 

[Southern Belle Farm]

I didn't read through the reply's so don't know if this was said yet or not. The way I see it you don't want to say yes because you don't want to go through what you just got out of! Give it time, you will find someone else, who treats you right and you enjoy being with. These customers you see outside of work maybe just hang out as friends and if you feel like you want to take it farther with any of them go for it!

 

[shorthorsemom]

When I got my divorce 15+ years ago I got some excellent advice. I was told that instead of looking for someone new to love, that I should just go out and just do things that I loved to do. I was told, "If you meet somebody doing what you love to do, chances are the guy will enjoy doing the same things you enjoy". "If you don't meet anybody, then you are still doing what you love to do and it is a win win situation to a happy future". Hope that makes sense. Anyway. I was out boating with some friends one day and just happened to meet a dairy farmer on the boat that day. I love farming and love boating and fishing horses dogs etc, and we got to chatting all afternoon. I invited him to a picnic and a country music event and eventually we started dating. We now have three children, live on a farm with 5 dogs, 3 minis and about 100 cows and he still makes my heart go pitter patter. Chances of meeting a farmer on a boat were pretty slim, but it was funny how that happened. I grew up helping out on a farm, it was funny how we ended up getting together, on a boat of all things.... Best wishes in your new life. It is just that, a new chapter. I keep thinking to myself, if I hadn't married such a rotten man the first time, I might not have eventually found my way to this new happy life that I enjoy so much, much wiser for the bad experience the first time. The first marriage was just a stepping stone to a better life without him. I was also told that many people pick better the second time because we know what we like or do not like...

go figure.

PS, don't hesitate to shop for farmers... LOL, there are so many farmers that do not have time to go out and find someone, many are 40-s, 50-s and older and still single. You gotta love the farm life, for me, right where I belong.. I can't imagine life without it and my man so does appreciate the little stuff, it makes up for the lack of vacation time. Go to tractor shows, tractor pulls, engine shows, auctions, farm shows, horse forums... more interesting people out there than you can imagine. I know three farmer guys in their late 40-s and early 50-s locally that never had time to date or marry, sweet guys too. I keep hoping one of them will find their forever girl. Hang tough and be happy.

 

[~Lisa~]

In my case, I don't date.

Me either