Agonizing decision

[Candleliteranch]

We have a wonderful mare that was 31 this past spring. She's as sweet as they come and has always had an "old soul". I've posted about her before as we thought we were going to lose her last fall when my gelding died. They were best friends for over 10 years. Every winter for the last three or so years we thought she wouldn't make it through till spring. She hates being in the barn, hates wearing a blanket, will not eat anything other than her regular feed, no supplements, no beet pulp, no senior feed. We've tried it all over the last couple of years but she adamantely refuses. She has no front teeth on top, so can't pull grass or eat from a round bale. This we can deal with by feeding her seperately, which she hates. She is skin and bones and even though she eats well, is starving to death. She was always a boss mare, but now is letting some of the younger horses boss her around. I've found kick and bite marks on her lately which brings tears to my eyes. Such a grand lady being knocked down, peg by peg. I feel like I'm feeling her pain and frustration. I so love this old gal. She is technically my daughter's horse, but I've taken over her care for the last year. I told my daughter it's her decision as to when to put her down, but to let her go while she still has her dignity. I also told her I would handle the details for her. Now it's possibly time and I don't know if I can do this.

When I worked for my vet, he said I should take on a job of being a pet grief counseler because I handled it so well. People called the office after the fact and said how much I helped them in making the right decision and comforting them. Well, now it's my turn and I'm crying buckets of tears just writing this. My mind says it's time to let her go, but dang, when she keeps coming to the barn at feeding time and scarfs up her breakfast and dinner......I always told Kyleigh that when the sparkle in her eye and the spring in her step is gone, then it's time. Logically, the time has come, but my heart is breaking. She is tentatively to be put to rest on Friday. Am I doing the right thing by her??? Am I just trying to make things easier for me?? Or am I being selfish for wanting to keep her longer?? I thought I had this all straight in my mind, but my heart is arguing. What would you do??

 

[rabbitsfizz]

Lisa I am about to do the same thing for a mare I held as she was born.

I did the same for her Mother a few years ago.

If it ever gets easy, stop having animals, it is as simple as that.

There is going to be a great big, horse shaped hole in your filed, your life and your heart but this is our responsibility to them and this is the pain we have to bear as part of the price for all the joy we are given.

Pick your day, let her have the sun on her face, and let her go.

I have two ladies who will depart together, before the rain and the cold sets in, whilst the Indian Summer is still being kind.

It is time, Lisa, let her go.

PS This is almost word for word what Deb told me when I e-mailed her almost exactly what you have put in your post, earlier this week!!!

 

[Jill]

Lisa, you and your mare are in my thoughts. It hurts just to think about what you must decide. I think Jane has given good advice. If our animals didn't bring so much into our lives, these things wouldn't hurt like they do.

 

[ChrystalPaths]

Oh dear Jane, now you've gone and made me cry. I did say those words to her Lisa, You know in your heart she is ready but she has class, this old girl, and she won't go feebly, she'll go proud. Hold her close, tell her how much you have loved her, and this Friday feel the sun on your faces and the love in your hearts and let her go.

 

[mountain_waif]

Lisa...it is the last act of love that you will give to her...{{{{hugs}}}}....it is never easy to say goodbye to those we love.

 

[Miniv]

Lisa...it is the last act of love that you will give to her...{{{{hugs}}}}....it is never easy to say goodbye to those we love.

I agree.........

 

[justjinx]

Lisa, I have tears in my eyes, thinking of you both. It is so very hard, but the kindest thing for her. I know how hard it is. we have had to do the same thing with a 34 year old arab mare. it never gets easy. and as jane says, when it does get easy, then we should not have animals. bless you for being kind to her and letting her go....jennifer

 

[Marty]

Lisa, I"ve walked in your shoes.

I want you to think about what is going to happen and how you would feel when it's freezing outside and she's so cold and you can't get her to eat, and there isn't enough fat on her bones to even warm her up. I think you are doing the right thing now, before she gets down on you and suffers. I'd do the exact same thing. I'd let her go out on the wings of dignity.

For me, I dreaded the day but once it came and was over with, I had realized then I had already waited too long and it was actually a relief and such a weight off my shoulders, because I was at the point of going to the barn every morning worried about what I was going to find. I knew then I did right by my horse.

My thoughts and heart is with you during this sad time.

 

[Bluerocket]

Its a really hard decision to make and to live with -- I have certainly been there many times.

IMO if this were my horse, I would be doing exactly as you have planned.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} prayers and warm thoughts for you and for your mare at this time.

There is no easy way to do this --

JJay

 

[sparkle]

I can't really offer advice on this.

All I can say is that I have tears in my eyes just reading your post and all the responses.

Despite your mixed feelings...you do what is right in your heart and she will always love you.

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[anoki]

I'm sorry you have to make the decision.....I know it is not easy.....

I have had to do it too...with my old donkey a couple of years ago. She was my 'first horse' that my parents bought as a yearling when I was 4 I think...man did we make a lot of mistakes with her, but she was a sweet old soul anyways. One spring she went out to pasture, and I looked at her thinking, man that winter wasn't easy on her.....the following winter, I took some old blankets and cobbled up a blanket for her hoping it would help. The spring came, and though she didn't look any worse, she wasn't any better....she always did great in the summer, but they always do. When my riding coach had to decide whether to put her old man down in the late summer she asked what I thought about that too, and I told her, as good as he looks now, and as hard a decision it is to make, let him go before the winter. The day I came home from telling her that, I told my dad it was time to put Roseanna down....she was put down the day after my coaches' old man....it was a very sad week...

I also have a 23 yr old 34" mare who I have owned for....wow, close to 20 years...and I am constantly wondering when is it going to be time....but the day she starts losing weight, and loses her spark....it will be a very sad day

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((((HUGS)))) please know we are all here to support you

~kathryn

 

[nootka]

As the caretaker to another "oldie" (my mare just turned 30 and I have had her now for almost 11 years), I know what you're feeling to a point. We have been "close" to this situation a few times, but it was due to choke. I am lucky in that otherwise, my old girl continues to be active and eats nothing but her Allegra Sr. and maintains a good layer of fat. She also has a good status in the herd. It's never been high due to her missing one eye, but she babysits the weanlings and enjoys her life as best I can tell. When we got her, though, I was sure she would not last the Winter and going on that, it is so hard to witness and they ARE miserable, you can see it in their eyes and their body language. YOU know what is best here, and the best thing to do for her is likely going to be the hardest for you.

The controversy within you is the love you have for her, hoping she still has one more good year, etc. but think about it, this Winter may be awfully harsh and she will have enjoyed a lovely long Summer, and not have to face the Winter. I think I would choose that for MYSELF if I had the ability....

Defer to your heart and know that the right thing is going to hurt, but you are saving her a considerable load of suffering and grief. She doesn't want to end up passing away in the mud and cold as she fights to stay warm. She wants to fall asleep in the sunshine, knowing she is loved and cared for beyond measure.

I am so sorry for this....but again deeply respectful and also happy for it if that makes sense. We should all be so lucky to be so loved.

Liz M.

 

[Margo_C-T]

With things as you've described(her loss of weight, her loss of status and being 'picked on')-to me, there is no other truly kind choice than to have her euthanized now. To me, it is SO not fair to the animal you love to let them slowly and painfully 'sink'-especially the starvation-just to salve your own feelings. We all wish to not have to make this difficult and painful decision, but need to always consider, what is kindest to THEM, not to us!

You have made the right decision, and are to be commended for doing so. You will have your great memories of this wonderful old mare-take comfort and joy from those...you are certainly in a group here where MANY understand, sympathize with, and support this kind of hard decision! She will be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge, you know.....

Margo

 

[dreammountainminis]

Lisa,

You are a very compassionate person and i truly believe you know the right decision..I've missed talking to you ...But know i am there for you in your time of need....HUGS...I have come to realize since mom passed so suddenly that if you love her let her go , she will be in a much better place my mom suffered and struggled and I have come to realize that she is not hurting anymore.....

 

[SunQuest]

You know, a wonderful wise woman that posts on this forum once told us that animals don't view their passing as we do. They are much more accepting of it than we are.

The others are correct. The struggle you feel in good! It shows how much you truely love this mare. I have been there where you are now and it NEVER changes. It is exactly as you described. Heck, I had a vet before she moved out of state that had to help us put down a mare that was in her prime. She even cried as there was nothing left for us to do but to do this one last act of kindness. The mare was basically starving to death due to a putuitary tumor, and we had a choice. Watch her stagger in the pasture on unsteady legs and loose another 25 to 50 pounds per day, or to help her cross over. We all cried and we all questioned if it was right.

Looking back over the years, I have NEVER been sorry that I have helped any of our animals cross when the time was right. While I am sorry they are gone from my immediate life, I know that it was a kindness like no other.

And if you really think about it, these animals would never survive if they were in the wild. Nature would take care of them long before we are ready to help them cross.

And Rabbit is right. The day we quit questioning if this is a good thing for the animals or not is the day that we should never have animals again.

Many hugs to you. My thoughts will be with you and your mare this Friday. May you find peace in your heart over what you know your mind is correct about.

 

[sedeh]

I'm sitting here crying because I know how hard this decision is. I've had to make that decision and remember screaming in my car "I don't want to do this" but I knew it was in the best interest of the horse. I now have a 33 yo gelding that's still doing "okay", has no front teeth but will eat his senior feed and hay and still keeping weight on. He's moving slow but still seems to enjoy life for now. I pray often that I'll just find that he has passed over one day and that I won't have to make the decision for him. As Jane said so well, if this was an easy decision then we shouldn't own animals. I will be thinking of you this Friday.....be strong!

 

[Peggy]

This is Noah. We helped him get home yesterday afternoon. It was the right thing to do, but it sure didn't feel like it. I took this picture five days before his journey. We could see it in his eyes. It was time. He had two holes in the bone on his right leg. After spending hundreds of dollars, we knew that nothing could be done to make his life better. His left leg was beginning to show the stress of supporting his weight. He was on Bute twice a day and he still limped, some days worse than others.

We planted a willow oak in the pasture where we laid him to rest. He was a tall and proud and we loved him enough to let him go that way.

I will pray for you as you face what we faced yesterday. And it will be OK.

 

[shane]

im so sorry for the angwish{sp} you must be feeling {{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} set her free..........

 

[AppyLover2]

She doesn't want to end up passing away in the mud and cold as she fights to stay warm. She wants to fall asleep in the sunshine, knowing she is loved and cared for beyond measure.

Liz, that's absolutely beautiful!!!

My heart is crying for the pain you will feel as you say good-by to your friend; but I feel you've made the right decision.

I wonder why we always second-guess our decisions when we have to do something so painful.

I'll be thinking of you both on Friday.

 

[MiniforFaith]

Lisa,

I am so sorry you have to go threw this. I think you are doing what is best for her. It is a very hard thing to decide and to do.(Never did it with a horse, but I had to with my Lady(dog). She was my love. she was my shadow) It is always better to save them the suffering, if you can. It still bothers me to this day, I still have her pic in my wallet. But I know she is were she needed to be. God bless you and my thoughts are with you... Give her a hug for me..