Why O why??

[PrestigeMiniHorses]

Ok I really need to vent so those of you who are listening I need your help and support...This is very tough for me to deal with but I really need some support as of right now I feel like the whole world has turned its back on me. I'm not seeking pity or anything I just feel like poo....

Today was the perfect day, nice weather, got all the bills paid and everything...As I was walking out the door today. My hubby tells me he wants a divorce, the only thing that wasnt there were the papers. I am 5 months pregnant I don't know what would have made him say that but he sure as heck did.

AND on top of that he said I should put our baby up for adoption...What the HECK???

I didn't have time to get an explaination out of him or anything though since I was walking out there door. But I cried all the way there and most of the time I was there. I feel like the man upstairs has turned his back on me. I love my husband with all my hurt and I would have never thought he would have ever said any of this to me. We have never had any problems or anything. Not to mention us starting a family of our was what we have been wanting. I don't think there was anything that could have made us happier. Now I feel like he doesn't care or anything. Let alone the baby!! I am so hurt right now...I think at this point I just want to cry all night long and everything. I just want this feeling to go away.

Sorry if I am whining...I am just so scared right now...I don't want to give up my baby or minis. I have worked too hard to get where I am...

 

[crponies]

I'm so sorry your husband has decided to do this for whatever reason. :no: I cannot imagine how scared and hurt you feel right now but we are here to listen to you whenever you need to vent! Please know that just because your husband is doing these things, God has not turned His back on you. "Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you." He is there for you no matter what happens and will work all things together for good to those who love Him. No, all things are not good, but they will all work together for good in the end. Don't be afraid to cry either, you have every right to cry! No matter what is to come, God is there and your forum family will be here for you too. (((hugs)))

 

[Jenn]

Go back there and smack that man upside the head! Then tell him you're scared, too, but that you're in this together, that you'll work together to raise the baby and you'll take it all as it comes.

A lot of men are terrified at the prospect of fatherhood - all the responsibility, expenses, and the official end of their freedom as they know it. Not to mention the thought of labor and birth ...

TALK to the man - don't bring it here until you've talked it through with him. In a way I think the internet is doing a disservice to marriages everywhere, giving people a place to vent about their marriages instead of trying to work through the problems with their spouses.

I bet you'll be surprised if you sit down and talk to him and find the root of his issues. He might even be surprised himself.

 

[PrestigeMiniHorses]

I could only hope that he will listen to me....If I talk...I mean he never seems to listen..We have tried counseling together because he wouldnt talk to me and I just don't know what else to do...

Edited to add: I wish I could give him a reality smack in the face. I know we should be in this together but I don't know how he thinks he's going to get out of it...I totally agree Jenn that talking is the best cure but I don't think I was going to get any sleep if I didn't say anything..

 

[hrselady]

I have no comforting words.. other than we are here to listen and help in any way we can. I am soooo sorry this happened to you. I pray its just he's scared. Its hard for some to deal with becoming parents.. its such a bigggg role!! There are not many men out there that really know how to show or talk about how they are feeling or why. You are in my prayers and in my thoughts!!!

:

 

[jdhand]

Well I can relate to Why O Why? My husband died on Monday morning and he has been sick for 2 months in the hospital. Its a long story. Anyway he had gotten better and we were supposed to come home on Monday. I was so excited and had gotten everything at home ready for us and Friday morning it all changed. He took a turn for the worst. I just couldn't understand because he had pulled through some really big deal sickness and was doing great. Remember God always knows what he is doing. He will carry you if you will let him. I will pray for you. About the baby all I can tell you is children are wonderful. My two have been my rock through all of this. They are 26 and 21 and I have a son in law also. You will love that baby and it will love you back. Everything will be fine. Just put God first in all of it. Follow his direction and you will get through all of this. You will grow as a person.

 

[Jill]

I don't know what to say or advise, but I am hoping that today is better and that everything is better today.

 

[Steph_D]

I've never been in that situation before so I don't know how I'd react. I just want to tell you to not give up on God

:

{{{{Hugs}}}}

 

[Soggy Bottom Ranch]

I am so sorry you are going through this very difficult time.

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

I am sorry and hope you can work everything out.

All I do know is that when I was pregnant with my first and suddenly on my own I thought my world had just come to an end. now almost 18 years later my daughter(and really one of my best friends) with a 3.8 GPA all thru school is getting ready to head off to college- it has been a bumpy ride especially since we moved and are no where near any family- but it has also along with challenging been wonderful and to be perfectly honest looking back now I would not have wanted to get thru those 18 years any other way then how we did it made us stronger and closer and really in the end knowing now what I didnt know then it all worked out exactly as it should have.

Hang in there and perhaps he is just going thru the baby panic- but stay focused on a healthy baby and the rest will fall into place the right place even if it doesnt appear to at the moment.

 

[Mona]

I am so very sorry. I am stuck without words. I can feel your pain, and I feel so very terrible for you to be in this position. I hope this will all work out for you, but if not, I am glad you know you have "friends" here with whom you can share your feelings with, as it is no good trying to hold it all in. At least you can get it off your chest, and not try to hold it all in. (((((HUGS)))

And hugs also to jdhand....I was literally in tears reading your reply to this post. You too have lost so much, but yet still found the time and the comforting words...it really touched me to read your response. May you both find the comfort you need.

 

[Cathy_H]

I am also sorry. What a shocker especially if there were no previous clues. Sit down & find out why he wants a divorce. Seek advice / counseling & find out if this can be worked through. I know you don't want to give up your horses but you have more important priorities now. The probability of raising a child on your own is going to be a full time job............... Start thinking about selling, leasing or putting your horses into good temporary homes. Best of luck to you and the child you are about to bring into this world.

 

[FoRebel]

Try sitting down and talking to him. Find out why he feels like divorce and adoption are the only answers. Listen. Don't yell or get hot headed. Explain calmly how you feel to him also.

You don't have to get rid of your horses or place them in new homes. There's a balance that can be created to give them the time and attention that they need too. I went through a divorce and was a single parent for 2 yrs with my son (my ex-husband doesn't want anything to do with my son) and I always had time to spend with the horses and care for them too. I just took my son with me to the barn with me. I wouldn't have been very happy without my horses because being with them is my relaxation time.

Things will work out if you are rational about them. ((((HUGS)))) Sounds like your husband is probably getting cold feet about the new baby and everything concerning and surrounding that. Just talk to him... You'll make it through this!

:

 

[Marty]

I honestly think that some men get pregnant too.........and manage to turn their own worlds inside out from fear and worry and new responsibility.

I have no words of wisdom other than to be careful of your health and the stress you are going through.

Your baby is priceless and baby's health and your's must come first.

PS: I do love Jenn's advice and if I were there, I'd be more than happy to smack him upside the head for you.

 

[AppyLover2]

It sounds like your world is pretty well turned upside-down right now and I'm sure you're having all kinds of doubts. I truely hope your husband doesn't follow through with what he said.

That said, if you do end up divorced and pregnant it isn't the end of the world. It may not be what you want but it IS something you can handle. Thousands of women have been there and found their way. YOU WILL TOO!! Keep your chin up!!

 

[Reble]

Thinking of you in your time of need

:

Take care of yourself and that precious gift

:

If you need someone to talk with, do not hesitate to email: [email protected]

 

[Just Us N Texas]

Well, for you I am hoping that he was just feeling scared, and he felt the need to communicate, didn't know quite how to go about it, and said what he did for "shock value." Try sitting down with hiim and have a rational conversation about why he said what he did, and why he said it when you were walking out the door, and didn't have the time for explanations. I am no psychiatrist or psychologist, but I feel that he is feeling scared and possibly neglected right now! Really, men are strange creatures, and we have to remember that.

Whatever does happen, you have within you a gift from God, so take good care of you, so that Gift will thrive, be healthy and happy. My children have been the most complicated, hard, frustrating, and yet the truest and happiest blessings in my life.

 

[xtrememiniluv]

Ohhh Kourtney

I am so sorry to read this post. I just PM'd you today feel free to email me if you need to chat.

Eric and I went through this too, although we're not married he "threatened" to leave me. We went through numerous arguements before we talked enough to get everything settled.

Basically our arguements stemmed from my intense pregnancy emotions (which drove me and him NUTS!!) and his anxiety about having a baby. It is very scary for the men too, especially once they see us getting round and then feeling that baby kick. Reality starts to set in. Hang in there, he'll come around.

You need to be positive and keep yourself calmed down. I know it's hard, but think about your baby first.

If he does decide to leave you, don't worry there are pleanty of single moms with horses, you can do it. I know it is scary to think about (I was there) but relax and have some confidence in yourself.

**Us horse women, we're independent and don't need no man!!!**

Hang in there...things always have a way of working out...it's called fate

Sarah

 

[MeadowRidge Farm]

I am so sorry to hear you have to go thru this. Please take care of yourself and that special little bundle. Stress can do so much to a person physically and emotionally. I agree with Marty, I could smack him a good one for you too. It does sound like he is getting cold feet about everything, I would sit his butt down and have a good heart to heart talk with him. Alot of times, it seems like hubbys are not listening to us, but ~~once its said, they do think about it and come to rationalize about things in a much clearer view. Good Luck, and if you need to talk you can always email me. (((hugs))) . Corinne

 

[nootka]

I am sorry and no matter what, please find some support for yourself. You are going through a very stressful time...

(((hugs)))

Liz M.