Too many losses

[Candleliteranch]

***Diablo Star Okie*** June 1, 1990--Sept 23,2005

Diablo was one of those once in a lifetime, one of a kind horses that some of us are so very lucky to have in our lives. He was an AQHA Doc Bar bred gelding that was the light of my life. This boy could team pen like nobody's business. All you had to do is show him the cow you wanted and hang on. He'd pen it and ask "what next?" For the last several years he had been retired to relax and be my trail buddy. He took me everywhere I wanted to go. He'd lead the group and was often called to the front as he was fearless. I learned that if he refused to go somewhere I asked him to, it was because it wasn't safe and he was looking out for us. He was a tried and true, go anywhere do anything kind of guy.

He didn't come up at feeding time, so I went looking for him. I knew something happened because he always was the first to show up. My Dad headed in one direction and I headed in the other. Before long, I heard Dad softly calling my name. I knew by the tone of his voice that he had found him and it wasn't good. We're not exactly sure, but by the looks of things, he coliced sometime in the night. I was outside at 2 am when a storm was coming through and couldn't find them to bring them in. Now I know why. My sweet boy was there every time I needed him and I wasn't there when he needed me the most. This I will regret for the rest of my days. I pray he will forgive me for this. He will be buried tomorrow morning in his pasture. I know he was "only a horse", but he had heart and soul and my life will not ever be the same without him.

Rest in peace, Diablo, my friend, until we meet again.

EDITED to add Diablo's picture

Diablo was buried today in his pasture. When we turned the other horses back out to pasture, the first thing they did was go straight to his buriel site and just stood there for a long time. He is gone but never forgotten.

Thank you all so much for your thoughtfulness and a special thank you to Marty and Karen (Little Wee) for the wonderful poems and to Donna (Appylover2) for posting that touching poem. I've saved them all and will re-read them when I can see through the tears....

 

[minimomNC]

I am so sorry for your loss, and there is no such thing as just a horse. Its hard losing a friend and its not your fault. No more than if he had been stuck by lightening. Some things you just can't help.

Keep his memories close to your heart and he will see you through. Take care and remember, you loved him and he loved you too. Thats what matters the most.

 

[AppyLover2]

I'm soo sorry you lost your Diablo. Please accept my condolences. I hope the following doesn't make you feel worse; but I think it's beautiful and wanted to share it with you in your time of grief for your beloved friend.

Where am I, now that I am

Gone from your life?

Leaving you lonely and sad,

For that I am sorry.

But this is a warm place,

And the pastures are green.

And now I know just how

Much you loved me…

Everyone here shares the

Kindness of your heart.

What am I doing, now that

I have left your care?

Racing with wide-eyed

Foals, orphaned no longer.

Breathing crisp morning air

With wise old work horses,

Now grown young and

Strong again.

Looking at mountains

Through the eyes of the

Blind who

Can see.

Carrying on my back all of

The folk who never had the

Chance to know the warmth

Of my sweet horse breath

Or the thrill of a gallop, but

Always yearned for it.

Visiting little girls who

Dream of beautiful steeds,

Flying over fences and racing

Past the finish line,

Keeping them safe, giving

Them hope.

Saddest and sweetest of all,

Greeting the ones who

Cross that Rainbow Bridge.

Some were wild and free on

The earth, and they remain

Wild and free. Some were

Loved and cared for, and

The will be well loved

And cared for here.

And some of the horses

Trotting over that Bridge

Were

Neither free nor loved.

Those are the greatest joy to

Greet, for now they have the

Greenest grass and the

Freshest water, and they

Will never be sick or in pain

Or alone ever again. And

They will always be loved.

So cry for me as humans do,

And then move on

To tend the mortal horses

Who need your care and

Kindness. And take care of

The children; help them

Find their dreams, nuzzle

Them for me.

I’ll be waiting for you

When you come to pass that

Rainbow Bridge,

We will piaffe through the

Clouds and leap the

Lightning bolts, and then trot

On home together to

Those green, green fields

 

[bjcs]

I am so sorry for your lost. Please don't blame yourself. I'm sure that Diablo knew how much you love him.

Barbara

 

[chevycouple]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your story brought tears to my eyes because I recently lost my best friend and I wasn't there for him either. I know it is hard but please don't beat yourself up. You know Diablo wouldn't want that. Good luck on your healing and if you ever need to talk or write I'm always here

 

[Relic]

So very sorry for your loss. Maybe when the pain heals a little you will find a special way of saying good bye and find some comfort in that along with all the good memories you have. When my old mare died last year for no reason right before my eyes it took me weeks to get to the point where just the thought of going out to feed didn't make me cry till l got a grip and just remembered the way she was alive not how she died.

 

[Miniv]

Dear Lisa,

My heart breaks for you right now, but please know that he knew he was loved. And that is the important thing. Somehow I believe he went the way he wanted to, so not to bring you the pain of seeing. He passed in the cloud of a storm and in the dark of night.

Be good to yourself.

MA

 

[Jill]

Lisa, I am so sorry!

 

[Marty]

Lisa I am so sorry! I know how badly this has hit you. Please don't blame yourself ever. You couldn't have known.

For Lisa

[SIZE=8pt][/SIZE]

I wasn't there to say goodbye,

and I wouldn't have known how to,

but know that I'll always remember,

that you were my friend tried and true.

We had so many times together,

so many times that we had to share,

I didn't expect that you'd be leaving me,

but you know that I'll always care.

We chased those cows so many times,

and enjoyed the trails in the sun,

and sometimes you worked your heart out for me,

until the job was done.

But now you're in a heavenly field,

a place where you can still look down on me,

and I'll look up to envision you

and dream of our past memories.

So I won't bid you farewell at all,

and you be a good boy up there for me,

you are in my heart forever,

and when I close my eyes it's you that I'll see.

 

[Mercysmom]

Sorry to hear of your loss...it is so tough to lose a horse!

I lost my Belgian mare Liberty in 2004. I was told by friends and my vet and several rescue agencies that she was lucky to have me (she was a rescue case and we adopted her). She died of an odd colic (anterior enteritis) that our vet said she never should have contracted (normally seen in young Thoroughbreds on high carb diets - not in draft mares on EPSM diets) but sometimes odd things happen.

This board was wonderful. They got me through a really tough time in my life with prayers that I really needed. Months later, a new rescue mare came in my life.

Your Diablo was lucky to have you and I hope Libby is showing him where the best grass is over the Rainbow Bridge. She loved our minis here and was very gentle with them.

She is also buried here at our farm...not a day goes by that I don't miss her (especially when I look at "her" tree - a scraggly little pine marks her grave but it is growing taller each season now) but it is getting a little easier.

It takes time....I had an art assignment that my vet asked me to do - a watercolor for a client of hers with cancer, of his two Belgians and every time I would pull out the photos of those mares I would cry and it took me almost a year to be able to finally do the painting. I am hoping that client is enjoying the painting now... our vet was very pleased with the way it came out and it is even more special since one of the mares was also lost recently due to an age related injury.

Denise

Silversong Farm

 

[SWA]

Oh my. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

{{{Holding you in love, hugs and prayers}}}

 

[CyndiD]

Lisa, there is no way I can remove the pain you are feeling, but cherish the memories that keep him alive in your heart.

We are given these special friends to love and care for, and it seems to quickly they are taken from us.

The poem above is so sweet...aren`t we lucky that we get to share their lives, even if its for only a little while.

 

[hairicane]

Im so sorry for your loss. I had 2 very neat, smart horses that sound like your boy on the trails and I too trusted them with my life. Horses like that are special and I feel your loss.

 

[REO]

Oh no! I'm so sorry you lost your great friend. He sounds like he was one in a million. I feel that he didn't want you to see him go that way. As he was always there keeping you safe on the path, he will still always be an Angel that is still watching you continue your path in life. Nothing dies that is remembered and thus, he will never die. Remember him as the great horse he was.

My heart breaks for you. {{{{Hugs}}}} I'm so sorry.

 

[Getitia]

I am so very, very sorry to hear about the loss of your special boy. We recently lost a very special mare from a rare brain tumor and the pain of such a loss is just terrible.

Although we never think of it at the time, sometimes it is just God's blessing that he passed away in the manner that he did in his pasture as dealing with a colic case that may not be treatable can be an even more a terrible circumstance for both the horse and you.

I can recall when a good friend found her horse colicing in the pasture at night in a rainstorm- the horse spent a few days at a well known equine university that was some distance away from her- she was there almost 24/7 with him - horse ended up having surgery and although he pulled through the surgery, he did not survive as other complications set in. Her description of the highs and terrible lows of that process just tore through your heart. She later shared with me that she wished that she had just found him passed away in the pasture, as she put him through so much trying to save him. Perhaps this story will bring you comfort given your circumstances.

And even though he is gone, the special memories you and he shared live forever in your heart. Hugs to you.

 

[mountain_waif]

....

 

[Miniequine]

Your post brought tears to my eyes.

I am so sorry.

Sandy

 

[jacks'thunder]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. We'll keep you in our prayers for your heart to heal quickly. Just know there is no better place then the place he is now.

Again I'm so sorry.

Leya

 

[zacharyfarms]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your wonderful horse Diablo..and they do have heart and souls I believe..Remeber the good times and know that he is running wild and free. Peace be with you and God Bless you and Diablo.

Judy

 

[ChrystalPaths]

Lisa, honey, I am so sorry. I can feel your broken heart. Sending lots of love and deep warm hugs! Share with us a picture of this wonderful fellow, we are here for you.