It was Christmas Eve when the toothache began. I sucked it up, and it went away in a couple of days with the help of some painkillers I had hanging around. When it returned in mid-January, I knew from my past dental experience that this was a bad sign of horrors to come. But fool and coward that I am, I put off going to the dentist. Knowing me, I can’t have anything “easy or normal;” it always has to be an event. I took some more pain meds and sucked it up again and it went away again.
During February, I woke up in the middle of the night with my tooth pounding. Oh, this hurt. I mean this hurt. I got up and looked in the bathroom mirror to find that my teeth had actually shifted and I now had a space between my teeth that was not there when I went to bed. The bad tooth looked like it grew twice its size and the gum wasn’t covering it anymore. Oh nuts. This is big trouble. Huge. I took more painkillers but this time it was not going away.
I had to find a dentist but they had to be local. There was only three to choose from.
#1 is Dr. Nice Guy
#2 is Dr. Wise Guy
#3 is Dr. She Devil
#3 is completely out of the question. She has a very bad rep. So, I went to #1 and he took an X ray and sure as shooting, gave me the news that the tooth had to go because there was no way of saving it.
Oh you are kidding me. He wants to yank it and put in a fake one. He’s crazy. I'm not having any fake tooth in my head. I told him I’d get back to him. I went home and hit the medicine cabinet.
Now it’s April and I am through the roof in pain and I have sucked this up for months. Enough is enough, so I decided to pop some penicillin to see if that is going to help. No such luck so call #1and I tell him OK, get this thing out of my head. Just one little problem: I don’t numb up well so I need nitrous with novocaine just in case. He doesn’t’ have any nitrous. So here I am on the phone trying to convince his secretary that I am a sissy and a big coward and he has to get me some. The answer remained "no" because he got rid of his tanks years ago.
Enter #2. I call him and he’s got nitrous. Oh yay. He can get me right in today for a yank too. Great! I’m in such pain by now that I don’t care how many teeth they yank. I get a neighbor to give me a ride to #2. She drops me off and goes to Walmart leaving me there to shop while I get yanked.
I get in the office and here’s this lady with a ton of kids playing with toys all over the floor in the waiting room. It’s her turn so she asks me if I will hold her baby. Oh joy, I’m all excited. But she wants to leave her baby with a complete stranger? Oh well, sure. I want to hold her baby; I love babies. I’m so glad she picked me. Well, I was the only one there she had to choose from. I pick up the baby and she's screaming so I’m walking back and forth with her while my entire head is pounding. Baby must have a bubble because she won’t stop screaming. She finally pukes all over my blouse, and got some in my hair. It was a lot of barf for a little baby. What the heck did she feed her, and where's her bottle? Ok, I’ll wipe up in a little bit. Well, I don’t have a rag, or a bottle. Now the baby wants to sleep so that’s real cute and I’m rocking her back and forth, barff in head, and all of a sudden PU……oh oh…….she made a stinker! There’s no diaper bag so now she’s really grinding it in and oh no, she’s starting to cry again. Rats. I stand up with her and oh for pete’s sakes, this kid sprung a little leak and there it is leaking a little bit on my jeans. Oh man……..The receptionist asks me if I’m ok and I’m like…….no? Told her I need a diaper change for the baby and a bath and change of clothes for me! She laughed. I didn’t. I was serious! Just a few minutes later here comes the mama. She must have had a quick appointment I guess, and seemed a bit frazzled. She thanked me, grabs the baby who now I am attached to, deeply involved with, who I decided to keep for my own, and she leaves. I didn’t even know her name.
My turn for the dentist. I use the ladies room first and tried hard to get the puke out of my hair, off my shirt and clean up the crap on my pants. I stunk and I knew it.
Now I have to meet the dentist with one side of my hair and shirt wet and a big wet place on my pants. This is wonderfiul. I enter his torture chamber. I am in that chair stinking and embarrassed. He’s talking to me about my situation and I hope he is not sniffing me. So when he leaves the room to get something, I ask the assistant if she thinks I smell and she said not really, but I think she could smell it and was just being polite. I explained I don’t usually stink in public and that it was from the lady’s baby. I hope she bought it.
Here comes the dentist back and gives me 5 needles in my mouth and two of them are on the roof of my mouth. OUCH! Is he nuts? Where’s that N2O? Oh, he forgot……..Well I didn’t, so I told him to bring it on already. That N2O was good but I swear I still could feel some stuff that was going on in my mouth and I could smell myself, ugh. I can feel him yanking and pulling and manipulating my tooth and feel and taste blood on the bottom of my mouth. Oh my gosh. Where the heck is the girl with that magic suck machine before I choke on blood here? I'm drowing. Finally she comes and vacums......good. He’s stuffing gauze in my mouth like crazy. Then of all stupid things he starts asking me questions. He wants to have a conversation with my mouth all numb and stuffed. How dumb is that? He gives me a number of the only place in Chattanooga that he says I can get me a replacement tooth right away. He sends me home packing with pain pills. OK I'm outta there.
I return home all tipsy, take one look in the mirror and all I can see is this old woman that resembles Ma Kettle with a big hole like a vortex where a tooth used to be. Not a pretty sight. After I take a shower I call the number of the fake tooth people. I got a wax museum on the line. Must have dialed the wrong number; I thought at first, because the people that answered said they were building a wax museum. Huh? Is this a joke? I guess not. I don’t know, I’m fuzzy, so who cares who makes the darn tooth? I didn't know they used wax now a days. So I go with it anyhow and ask them if this is the place that makes fake teeth. I'm numb and can't hardly talk, a little bit loaded, and still bleeding through the gauze, and the lady is having trouble understanding me. Then she gets it and says, “I think we can.” I’m like well do you or don’t you? Then we have a meeting of the minds and she says "Oh you must want the dental lab.” Ummm that would be a yes!
I was off by one number and tried the call again. This time I have the right place. The lady says I have to come in at 7:00 AM and that is the only time they take impressions. That’s insane because there is a time change and no way can I be there at 6:00 AM. I'd have to leave home at 5:00 AM which means getting up at 4:00 AM and this is not happening. Not in my world. Now I'm calling all over the place, talking numb and still bleeding and trying to sober up, but not sure at this point if I really want to.
.
Dan and Hus arrive home and want to see The Black Hole but I won’t open my mouth and I keep covering my face with my hand. I'm now the target of some pretty bad jokes around here. Talk about loosing what little dignity you own. Dan was so comforting and supportive....."I hope you stay out of town like that!" "You aren't going anywhere are you?" Gee, thanks for reminding me. Wise guy kid.
Finally I call #1 and he says he can get me a bridge built but it will take one week. The next day I go to #1 to get fitted for my new bridge. I like him so much better than #2, the yanker, and I’m still trying to talk him into getting nitrous for his office. He denies my request again and shoves concrete in my mouth to take the impression. Then of all things, he starts asking me questions with my mouth full of this stuff? What on earth is up with that?
I pay up at the receptionist desk and hear something vaguely familiar: I'll be a son-of-a gun, there's the lady with the kids and the baby out in the waiting room, from Dental office #2, the yanker. Yay! My baby followed me here!
.
Seems that she walked out on Dentist #2 yesterday for some reason and came over to Dentist #1. I said "hi" and asked her if she needed anyone to help her hold her baby while she goes in for her appointment, but she brought her sister to help her this time. I never did find out the baby's name but as I was leaving out the door, she addressed me by name. Huh? She knew me? I stopped dead in my tracks, turned and looked at her. She told me that Michael was always one of her favorite students and what a nice boy he was. Then she reminded me that she used to be the librarian at the middle school. Small world. Still covering my mouth with my hand, I thanked her for telling me that, and I was smiling inside. I never did find out what the baby’s name was, but small town that it is, I’m sure I’ll see her again…….or was it a he?
A perfect ending to an otherwise cruddy week.
During February, I woke up in the middle of the night with my tooth pounding. Oh, this hurt. I mean this hurt. I got up and looked in the bathroom mirror to find that my teeth had actually shifted and I now had a space between my teeth that was not there when I went to bed. The bad tooth looked like it grew twice its size and the gum wasn’t covering it anymore. Oh nuts. This is big trouble. Huge. I took more painkillers but this time it was not going away.
I had to find a dentist but they had to be local. There was only three to choose from.
#1 is Dr. Nice Guy
#2 is Dr. Wise Guy
#3 is Dr. She Devil
#3 is completely out of the question. She has a very bad rep. So, I went to #1 and he took an X ray and sure as shooting, gave me the news that the tooth had to go because there was no way of saving it.
Oh you are kidding me. He wants to yank it and put in a fake one. He’s crazy. I'm not having any fake tooth in my head. I told him I’d get back to him. I went home and hit the medicine cabinet.
Now it’s April and I am through the roof in pain and I have sucked this up for months. Enough is enough, so I decided to pop some penicillin to see if that is going to help. No such luck so call #1and I tell him OK, get this thing out of my head. Just one little problem: I don’t numb up well so I need nitrous with novocaine just in case. He doesn’t’ have any nitrous. So here I am on the phone trying to convince his secretary that I am a sissy and a big coward and he has to get me some. The answer remained "no" because he got rid of his tanks years ago.
Enter #2. I call him and he’s got nitrous. Oh yay. He can get me right in today for a yank too. Great! I’m in such pain by now that I don’t care how many teeth they yank. I get a neighbor to give me a ride to #2. She drops me off and goes to Walmart leaving me there to shop while I get yanked.
I get in the office and here’s this lady with a ton of kids playing with toys all over the floor in the waiting room. It’s her turn so she asks me if I will hold her baby. Oh joy, I’m all excited. But she wants to leave her baby with a complete stranger? Oh well, sure. I want to hold her baby; I love babies. I’m so glad she picked me. Well, I was the only one there she had to choose from. I pick up the baby and she's screaming so I’m walking back and forth with her while my entire head is pounding. Baby must have a bubble because she won’t stop screaming. She finally pukes all over my blouse, and got some in my hair. It was a lot of barf for a little baby. What the heck did she feed her, and where's her bottle? Ok, I’ll wipe up in a little bit. Well, I don’t have a rag, or a bottle. Now the baby wants to sleep so that’s real cute and I’m rocking her back and forth, barff in head, and all of a sudden PU……oh oh…….she made a stinker! There’s no diaper bag so now she’s really grinding it in and oh no, she’s starting to cry again. Rats. I stand up with her and oh for pete’s sakes, this kid sprung a little leak and there it is leaking a little bit on my jeans. Oh man……..The receptionist asks me if I’m ok and I’m like…….no? Told her I need a diaper change for the baby and a bath and change of clothes for me! She laughed. I didn’t. I was serious! Just a few minutes later here comes the mama. She must have had a quick appointment I guess, and seemed a bit frazzled. She thanked me, grabs the baby who now I am attached to, deeply involved with, who I decided to keep for my own, and she leaves. I didn’t even know her name.
My turn for the dentist. I use the ladies room first and tried hard to get the puke out of my hair, off my shirt and clean up the crap on my pants. I stunk and I knew it.
Now I have to meet the dentist with one side of my hair and shirt wet and a big wet place on my pants. This is wonderfiul. I enter his torture chamber. I am in that chair stinking and embarrassed. He’s talking to me about my situation and I hope he is not sniffing me. So when he leaves the room to get something, I ask the assistant if she thinks I smell and she said not really, but I think she could smell it and was just being polite. I explained I don’t usually stink in public and that it was from the lady’s baby. I hope she bought it.
Here comes the dentist back and gives me 5 needles in my mouth and two of them are on the roof of my mouth. OUCH! Is he nuts? Where’s that N2O? Oh, he forgot……..Well I didn’t, so I told him to bring it on already. That N2O was good but I swear I still could feel some stuff that was going on in my mouth and I could smell myself, ugh. I can feel him yanking and pulling and manipulating my tooth and feel and taste blood on the bottom of my mouth. Oh my gosh. Where the heck is the girl with that magic suck machine before I choke on blood here? I'm drowing. Finally she comes and vacums......good. He’s stuffing gauze in my mouth like crazy. Then of all stupid things he starts asking me questions. He wants to have a conversation with my mouth all numb and stuffed. How dumb is that? He gives me a number of the only place in Chattanooga that he says I can get me a replacement tooth right away. He sends me home packing with pain pills. OK I'm outta there.
I return home all tipsy, take one look in the mirror and all I can see is this old woman that resembles Ma Kettle with a big hole like a vortex where a tooth used to be. Not a pretty sight. After I take a shower I call the number of the fake tooth people. I got a wax museum on the line. Must have dialed the wrong number; I thought at first, because the people that answered said they were building a wax museum. Huh? Is this a joke? I guess not. I don’t know, I’m fuzzy, so who cares who makes the darn tooth? I didn't know they used wax now a days. So I go with it anyhow and ask them if this is the place that makes fake teeth. I'm numb and can't hardly talk, a little bit loaded, and still bleeding through the gauze, and the lady is having trouble understanding me. Then she gets it and says, “I think we can.” I’m like well do you or don’t you? Then we have a meeting of the minds and she says "Oh you must want the dental lab.” Ummm that would be a yes!
I was off by one number and tried the call again. This time I have the right place. The lady says I have to come in at 7:00 AM and that is the only time they take impressions. That’s insane because there is a time change and no way can I be there at 6:00 AM. I'd have to leave home at 5:00 AM which means getting up at 4:00 AM and this is not happening. Not in my world. Now I'm calling all over the place, talking numb and still bleeding and trying to sober up, but not sure at this point if I really want to.
.
Dan and Hus arrive home and want to see The Black Hole but I won’t open my mouth and I keep covering my face with my hand. I'm now the target of some pretty bad jokes around here. Talk about loosing what little dignity you own. Dan was so comforting and supportive....."I hope you stay out of town like that!" "You aren't going anywhere are you?" Gee, thanks for reminding me. Wise guy kid.
Finally I call #1 and he says he can get me a bridge built but it will take one week. The next day I go to #1 to get fitted for my new bridge. I like him so much better than #2, the yanker, and I’m still trying to talk him into getting nitrous for his office. He denies my request again and shoves concrete in my mouth to take the impression. Then of all things, he starts asking me questions with my mouth full of this stuff? What on earth is up with that?
I pay up at the receptionist desk and hear something vaguely familiar: I'll be a son-of-a gun, there's the lady with the kids and the baby out in the waiting room, from Dental office #2, the yanker. Yay! My baby followed me here!
.
Seems that she walked out on Dentist #2 yesterday for some reason and came over to Dentist #1. I said "hi" and asked her if she needed anyone to help her hold her baby while she goes in for her appointment, but she brought her sister to help her this time. I never did find out the baby's name but as I was leaving out the door, she addressed me by name. Huh? She knew me? I stopped dead in my tracks, turned and looked at her. She told me that Michael was always one of her favorite students and what a nice boy he was. Then she reminded me that she used to be the librarian at the middle school. Small world. Still covering my mouth with my hand, I thanked her for telling me that, and I was smiling inside. I never did find out what the baby’s name was, but small town that it is, I’m sure I’ll see her again…….or was it a he?
A perfect ending to an otherwise cruddy week.
