Mothers - Acceptable age difference

[Jess P]

I am a bit confused at the moment.

I met such a wonderful guy from my past job (that I quit because they weren't being fair) and have really gotten to know him since he started working there again. We have so much in common. We love country music, anything country, the same kinds of dates, movies. He is one of those people you can talk to

for hours without an awkward silence. He is a gentleman, he holds open doors, is very polite, smart.

The thing is... He is 20 years old and came back from Iraq about three months ago. I am 17 and on my last year of highschool. He graduated with my brother.

I can't decide if the age difference is too much. I know I will be happy if I am with him but I don't want to cause any huge controversies.

What do you moms think?

 

[MBhorses]

You need to pray about this.

my SON who just turn 18 yrs old this week is dating a 17 yrs old girl.If you were 20 yrs and he was 23 yrs that would be a little different. I think you should think about college first then guys. You have alot of time for guys. I had my son at 18 yrs old and don't think that is good thing to do.My son's father was 19 yrs old goint on 20 yrs when I was 17 yrs old. So be careful with the age different. Don't let him talk you into anything you will be upset later. :no: :no: I love my son, but I should have taught first and not acted first. When you are 17 yrs old in love you don't think straight.I will be praying for you.They will tell you anything you want to hear for something, SO be careful.I hope this helps from someone who has been there.I am married to a nice guy now, who adopted my son when he was very young. His father was not there for us.We have been married next month 14 yrs, but be together 15 yrs since my son was 3 yrs old.

 

[Jess P]

Oh I am definitely going to college, no doubt about it. I am smart, I know what to avoid and how to be safe and such. I would never do anything I don't want to do. I am not into partying/drinking/drugs or anything similar to that.

 

[MBhorses]

Oh I am definitely going to college, no doubt about it. I am smart, I know what to avoid and how to be safe and such. I would never do anything I don't want to do. I am not into partying/drinking/drugs or anything similar to that.

Jess,

I was just trying to share with you what i when through. i didn't drink, drugs or partying either. But having sex one time is all it takes. I was thinking it want happen to me, but i learn the hard way.I would not trade my son for the world, but would have made better decisions.

 

[Ashley]

Well I dont think its to big of a age difference.

I also beleive there are very few 17 year olds who are not haveing sex(not saying you just in general) but if you guys do get together just keep the laws in mind.

 

[Jill]

Jess --

All my kids have 4 legs, but chiming in if that is okay. There's a lot more space between 17 and 20 than 25 and 28. But things are different today than when I was 17 AND I did actually start dating my husband when I was 15 (but almost 16). He is 3 years older than me. We've been a couple for 22 years

Jill

 

[Mona]

Jess, I don't think 3 years is at all too much of an age difference! You sound like an intelligent girl, quite capable of making the right choices in life. I say GO FOT IT! If you don't, you'll always be wondering "what if...".

:

 

[minimomNC]

Age shouldn't matter between friends, so just start there. Let things progress as they may but I don't think 3 years is to much. Just enjoy each others company.

 

[nootka]

The age difference is not too much, but if you were my daughter, I would encourage you to take time for yourself to grow up before you get overly serious (i.e. sex, total commitment, etc.), and take your time, take your time...

He should be ok with giving you some space to grow up, while also allowing you some latitude to explore your relationship (there are many ways of being intimate and expressing love and affection without going "all the way").

You are likely very mature, girls usually are, but even so, you are quite young, quite naive, and you will not EVER regret waiting a little bit longer, especially if he's "the one."

I applaud you for even taking the time to think this over...many your age would not.

If you do, please do be careful and protect yourselves against every eventuality...

Liz M.

 

[mininik]

I am 23 and my boyfriend is 18 years older than I am. His family and my mother have met, and everyone is happy because we are happy.

 

[nootka]

I will also add that I met my husband when I was 18, almost 19. We dated for a year and a half, and married just when I turned 21 (three days later).

We will celebrate 20 years next August. He is 7 years older than me, and at the time, it was quite an age difference, but nowadays, not so much.

I would advise you to take the time you can, though, and learn about yourself, and hopefully he will be fine giving you that space.

Liz M.

 

[StarRidgeAcres]

I applaud you for even taking the time to think this over...many your age would not.If you do, please do be careful and protect yourselves against every eventuality...

Liz M.

I totally agree with Liz.

: You are WAY ahead of most just by asking the question and giving it sincere thought. Do what you feel is best for you, feel free to change your mind, and remember to take care of yourself. You will make the right decision for you

:

 

[Buckskin gal]

Sounds like you are one very sensible gal to be asking this question. If you have doubts that it isn't the right thing, then don't do it. When I was 17 years old I met a man that was 3 years older. He was ready to get married, I wasn't old enough to, but did. There were times that I wished someone would have stepped in and told me to wait but there wasn't. Well, this man and I will be having our 50th wedding anniversary nexr year. It was total commitment for me. If you can have this guy for a friend he sounds like a great one! Mary

 

[Marty]

You're jailbait! lol........

You should be a fly on the wall in this house every time a girl calls Dan which is every 5 seconds. I rake him over the coals for information. First thing I ask him is "How old is this one?" And if she is younger than 18, I tell him to hang up. And you can hear me in the background hollering "Hang up, shes too young!" ......he never does though.........If I answer the phone, before I even ask her name I ask her age......My problem last week was some "older woman" is after him too, like 25 or something, but problem all gone........ I told her I'd step on her face. :xbud:

:

Dan says I am ruining his love life......ya think?

:

A little protective maybe? You betcha. :lol:

 

[hobbyhorse23]

He sounds like someone worth getting to know better and may turn out to be a wonderful heart-friend for you. I also started dating a man (okay, boy

: ) three years my senior when I was about your age and for us it worked. He was not the love of my life and I ended up being very glad that he'd had enough sense not to propose (he wanted to wait until I was older), but it was an incredibly supportive relationship and one I still value. Good men are rare!

That said, I'm now the one who's in my mid-twenties and amazed at how a few years can change your view on things. I'm still me, that hasn't changed. And I don't believe I'd want to redo anything from those years if I had a chance to go back. But you will certainly add layers of complexity to yourself in the next few years and become both deeper and wiser, and one thing to remember is that this man has already done that. Going to Iraq especially may have changed him or made him see things differently and while that's not a bad thing, it is something to be aware of.

Fact: you are very mature. Fact: you will be even more mature in a few years! Go ahead and see where this takes you if it's what your heart is telling you to do, but be aware that he really is coming from a different perspective on life. You'll get there too, and if you end up being together that long it will make for a very rich relationship to have seen each other through those changes. Just give him space and reserve space for yourself to grow in.

Oh, and one major thing: Do not, ever, under any circumstances, give up your girlfriends for a guy! Mine loved me enough to actually push me to go spend nights with the girls and I never let those relationships lapse, and I was so glad I hadn't. A good partner will help you nurture other healthy relationships, not try to isolate you.

(And yes, I did end up sleeping with the guy- something that wouldn't have happened with another boy my own age. I don't regret it but it's another of those things to be aware of. You'll find that once you've crossed that line to being intimate with someone it's far far easier to do it again. I'll bet your young man has been there- therefore, without even meaning to pressure you he will be far more comfortable with physicality than you will be and things will move correspondingly faster. Just be aware of it and decide now if you are willing to risk becoming sexually active or if you want to wait. If you want to wait, just stay friends. It's not that it's inevitable or anything if you don't, but it's just a lot easier to slip into with an older guy even when they aren't pressuring you! Keep your power to make the decision.)

Just my .02 from someone who's been there recently,

Leia

 

[mad for mini's]

I don't think that any age difference really matters , it is at what age you meet and decide to get involved that does . Seventeen is young so be friends first , if he is true , he will wait for you .

: If he can't wait to be intimate with you then you will know that he is not the right guy for you .

I met my husband when I was 18 , he had been married twice already, had two children from his first marriage and he was 11 years older than I , I can now imagine what my poor parents were going through ! But we married when I was 19 and have two wonderful children , we will be celebrating our 20th anniversary in December. I do not regret anything and would not change any of it for the world.

 

[Casnos Minis]

[SIZE=14pt]I have had boyfriends that were older than me and younger than me when I was in High School. I got along better with the older ones. My parents have 21 years between them. I had a boufreind that was 24 when I was 18 (the end of my senior year). My parents loved him and his parents loved me. We still talk and I see his mom all the time. She has no grandkids so my kids go and visit her. He tells me that he was stupid to let me go, but now I'm married and ther isn't anything he can do, but be my friend and he's happy with that. [/SIZE]

I do agree with the others, take your time, be friends first. Thst's what he and I were for a year before we even thought about dating. If it's meant to be it's meant to be and he'll stick by you no matter what.

Christy

 

[FairytailGlennMinis]

Hmmmm....you being 17 does make a bit of a difference. Right now I would advise to just be friends and keep things on that level until you at least graduate high school. If he is so great, he will understand and respect that and want the best for you. That said, I met my husband just a few weeks after I turned 18. I had already graduated a month before then and really had NO interest in dating. We went out as FRIENDS for a couple of months and he was a total gentelman...he had just turned 24 by the way. We got married a year and a half later and it was really hard the first few years since he was in a different place and I really was still a kid growing up. It was REALLY hard for several years. Now, here we are coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary and we are really really happy and still best friends. It can work....but at your age know that the odds really are against you. My advice through all of this--be friends for a few months at least and draw the lines NOW. If he is the right one then he will respect that line even when you don't

:

-Amy

 

[Just Us N Texas]

I was a few weeks shy of 18 when my late husband and I were married. He was 23. I always told everyone he raised me the way he wanted me. I graduated high school one week, married the next. Maybe I should have waited, but I do not regret one minute we were together. He was my best friend in the world, and my soul mate. We would still be together today if cancer hadn't parted us. As it was, we had 32 great years together. If I had waited, just think of all the years I would have missed with him.

I don't think three years is a big difference in age. You both sound very mature, and you know what you want in life. Nothing wrong in dating him, after all, you haven't, nor do you have to make it a life long committment. Just two people enjoying each other's company at this particular time in your life!

 

[rabbitsfizz]

I have little to add to that which has already been said, some good sound advice.

Melissa, I do know where you are coming form- we all think we will be the exception and, of course, some of us are not- that is the way of the world.

It amazes me how unselfish people can be in a situation like this, baring their hearts in order to help someone!!

Jess, I just want to say that if you were my daughter I would trust you to do the right thing at all times, follow you heart and keep using your mind!!!