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Feather1414

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Most of you know that I have had my fair share of family problems, especially with my mom, and trust me, they aren't any better.

But this isn't about that.

This summer, I am moving closer to where I go to school for a few reasons...can't stand living at home, my gas bill weekly to drive to school is outrageous, and I am really just sick of the way my mom looks at me when I walk through the door, or how she will leave the room if I try to start a conversation with her at all.

So I have been saving up for rent on a house I will be sharing with several friends. Thats not going to be cheap with my car insurance, food bills, rent, utilities, ect.

Not to mention I may have to factor in my horses, but I am thinking I am going to free lease them for at least 1 year to a qualified home, no strings attached.

So right now I don't exactly have the most money in the world, considering I work a whole 2 days a week and I go to school full time.

I was planning on showing in Pueblo Co, about 3-4 hours away from me on May 3rd. My dad was going to take me at first, but he doesn't want to go, and then I was going to go with someone else, but they don't want to pay all the gas so it's looking like I am not going.

Then I quite honestly do not like showing at the Estes Park show in June, so I wasn't planning on attending that.

I want to go to Area 6 in July but I am not sure if I want to drive 9-10 hours with my mom and I was trying to catch a ride with the same lady. However, she is tagging along with another farm and they don't have room for my two horses, so I may just drive myself up, but I don't know if I can afford it with gas getting so high. I would just be sleeping in my tack stall


Apparently the lady I have showed with for a long time now, lets call her "stalker" called up my mom and brought up the fact that I don't want to show at the Pueblo show, and possibly not at all this year.

I end up getting all these texts from my mom saying "I have ways of getting what I want, and I can't be a quitter, and I just give up too easily and blah blah blah"

Then I start getting texts from "stalker" saying she has this plan that I will drive her trailer to the May 3rd show with my jeep, and take her along and this way we can go and she isn't planning on helping me pay for gas...

So I told her no, because I have never trailered before in my life and I don't want to learn on the HIGHWAY going through downtown Denver and that gas bill will be around $200-300 dollars and I can't aford that for a one day show.

So she writes me back saying "I don't know whats up with you, why are you giving up on showing this year, you are being so fickel and giving up something great"

I'm not giving up, I can't afford it, and to be perfectly honest, I don't have the same passion for showing now that in addition to entry fees and stall fees, I have to pay for gas to the shows and a possible hotel room unless I want to sleep in a stall. It's just to expensive for me. I am only 18 and I really don't have that much money to my name. My gas bill is $80 a week to get to SCHOOL alone.

Maybe if my mom paid for my gas the way my mom pays for my brothers gas I would be in a better position to do so.

But no, my mom has to pay my brother money "So he doesn't end up like his sister"

My life is wonderful.
 

Jill

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Jamie --

I am sorry you are having a hard time!

When I was a teenager, I didn't get along with my mom at all. At the time (and even still in hindsight -- she even now agrees) she was pretty unreasonable about many things and very "hard" on me. But, now we are very close / best friends and have been since I was in my mid-20's (I'm almost 40 now). So, there is hope there... I'd have never thought we'd have the relationship we now have.

With going to school, are you in high school or going to college? If it's high school, can you ride the bus and save yourself that $80/week? I know that wouldn't have appealed to me in high school, but then I didn't have as cool a hobby as minis to show then either.

Wishing all the best,

Jill
 

Feather1414

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With going to school, are you in high school or going to college? If it's high school, can you ride the bus and save yourself that $80/week? I know that wouldn't have appealed to me in high school, but then I didn't have as cool a hobby as minis to show then either.

Wishing all the best,

Jill
Thanks

But it's actually college. I would have a ride up there with a city bus, but it comes back down at 3:00 or possibly earlier and my last class starts at 4 and ends at 5:15. Nothing runs that late so I am stuck driving myself.
 

Cara

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Hi ,

Im a year younger thenyou i kind know what your talking about i have sooo many issues with my mom and showing its crazy,i love showing at time i have thought about stoping but sometimes you have to make a choice in life right, good luck
 

billiethekid40

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I think you have people, your mother included, pushing you to do something very irresponsible! They should be encouraging you to save your money for school and living, and vet bills if need be, not to spend it on something that, while fun, is NOT a necessity or even the best part of owning your horses! In MVHO those of us who choose to keep our horses while in university/college have to make the choice to pare down our horse related spending to what we can EASILY afford and not use "extra" money on "frivolous" things like showing. Having the horses is already your "frivoulos" spending! Many university/college students could not scrape by and keep their horses.

Stick to your guns, be responsible, and in a year or a couple of years when you are done school you will be able to say "I made good choices and so I can now enjoy my life as an adult and spend my money as I see fit, and if I want to show then I can decide if it fits into my budget".

Good luck, enjoy your horses as much as you can this summer, place them in good, responsible lease homes where you can monitor and visit them and always keep a little extra JUST IN CASE because if a lease falls through, you will need at MINIMUM enough to care for them for a full month set aside. Have a back up plan! Do the responsible thing, take the money you would have used showing and put it in a bank account for this winter in case of emergency. You will have lots MORE fun this summer hanging with your horses when you know you've got a cushion to fall back on... you'll only go into the show ring feeling guilty for spending what you should save. YOU need to live your life, NOT your mother. Good luck moving out this fall, maybe over the years you and your mother will have a better relationship, one can only hope!
 

_minihorses4ever_

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Jamie, I do not know what to tell you. But, you know I am always here for you if you need to talk! You are amazing person-- Things will work out for you, even if it takes some time.


(((((HUGS))))))

 

Marty

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For those of you that don't know, Feather 1414 and my Michael were very good, close friends.

So my dear sweet Jamie, I know that he was your confidant, a shoulder for you, a listening board.....

so I just have to wonder what he would say to you now, knowing what he knows.

I'll bet if you talk it out with him, he would still be right there for you, and you might find your answers like you used to.


Works for me when I walk in darkness.

Adding: Dan just ran out but when he comes home, I'll have him respond to this

and we will see what he thinks ok?
 
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Keri

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Sorry to hear. I broke it off with my parents two years ago after a huge blowout. Made my life ten times easier. They have got to realize that college is just a stepping stone in life and if you have to give up showing for a year, so be it. Its not the end of the world or the fact that you are giving up. I wanted to show minis forever, but could never afford it. Ended up trading my barrel saddle for my first and found ways to get showing cost effectively. My hubby was quite supportive, although he cringes at the show fees I send in each time, he knows it makes me happy.


Stick to your guns. Maybe you could find a part time job to help out financially better. I know I did college full time and worked full time too. Stressful, but it had to be done.
 

Ashley

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In MVHO those of us who choose to keep our horses while in university/college have to make the choice to pare down our horse related spending to what we can EASILY afford and not use "extra" money on "frivolous" things like showing. Having the horses is already your "frivoulos" spending! Many university/college students could not scrape by and keep their horses.
That is true, hard to do but can be done. I am a full time college student and manage to keep all 9 of my horses.

That said I do know where you are comeing from. I agree with the no showing, thats what I have done to. Dont let anybody pushing in a direction that you know is not right for you at this time.

As for gas and school. AGain I am unfortantly in the same boat as you and know how hard it can be. I drive 400 miles a week for my schooling. Is there anybody that you could possible car pool with to your school? I know my school has a board you can post one for that purpose. Then you both split the cost of gas which would help some.

Where are you liveing now? I might be wrong but I though you had moved in with your bf?
 

Laura

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[SIZE=12pt]Don't worry about showing right now. The shows will be there next year and the year after that and the year after that. If you are moving out though, I wouldn't count on your Mom paying for anything at all. Be prepared with a reasonable budget, including rent, insurance, gas, utilities, car repairs & maintenence, food, if you have heath insurance will she keep paying for it? [/SIZE]

I know it's incredibly hard, but you will probably have to pick up at least one other side job. Waitressing at nights or on the weekend can be pretty good money for relatively few hours
I've done it too, but my issue was with my Mom's husband, not my Mom. We are SUPER close now...
 

Feather1414

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Where are you liveing now? I might be wrong but I though you had moved in with your bf?
I was, but in February I moved back because it just seemed right. Actually, it was partly because my mom was acting like a good parent. She would call me, text me, and actually had invited me to dinner


However now it's back to how it was... so I guess that wa incredibly stupid on my part.

(((Hugs)))

You have more patience then me! I would have told "stalker" to stay the @#$%*#% out of my business and I'd "appreciate" it if she didn't talk to my mom
Yay, hugs, I need those


And trust me, I told you more about how Stalker is. I have been trying to get her to stay out of my business for YEARS. My mom will not let me break the tie. She will just call my mom out of nowhere, and it's really creepy why all she wants is to "hang out"
 
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