I'm working on a basic list and would like input on it. Assume you have a teen-ager that isn't used to ANY rules, chores or consequences and they are asking you what your expectations are of them and THEY would like a list to start them off on the right foot and keep them out of trouble.
You need to assume they don't know any of the common sense things a child of your own that you have raised would know without having to be told and also that they need to be supervised and watched more closely than most kids their age. Having said that, I happen to think we are pretty strict and have a lot of rules, but when asked this question I couldn't really come up with a "list".
Here is what I started (no, I didn't come up with this on my own, I've been doing research online). I'm looking for what you might add to this.
RULES OF THE HOME
1A. When leaving your room, turn off your room light.
B. You are expected to dress neatly with clean clothes every day and to keep yourself well groomed. Take a shower or a bath and wash your hair at least once a day either before bedtime or before school
C. Your room is to be cleaned weekly: straightened up, dusted, and vacuumed. Your bathroom should be left neat every day and you are responsible for keeping it clean. You are expected to brush your teeth after breakfast and before bed.
D. You will be assigned chores to be done daily/weekly. These may change from day to day and week to week but as a member of the family you are expected to do your fair share.
E. On school days, be at the breakfast table ready for school 30 minutes before bus arrives. (7:45 AM)
2. Telephone calls are limited to 10 minutes per hour, unless permission is obtained in advanced to talk longer. No toll calls (long distance) or 900# calls.
3. When you have a full load of dirty clothes you need to separate the lights and darks and bring your basket to the laundry room and do a wash. When the laundry is done it needs to be folded and put away. One a week you need to do a load that includes your bed sheets (sometime on Saturday or Sunday depending on the weekend family schedule). If you need a particular item washed but don't have a full load, let me know. We always have more laundry that needs to be done and can put it all in together.
4A. Prior permission must be obtained for all outside activities including going to neighbors, visiting friends, after school activities etc. If you are missing for more than 30 minutes, you will be considered a runaway and the police will be notified.
B. Prior permission must be obtained before riding in anyone else's car.
C. Prior permission must be obtained before inviting any guests home.
D. There is mandatory attendance at family events. Failure to comply will result in losing privileges.
5A. The following are not allowed: running in the house, fighting, profane language, kicking, roughhousing, punching, throwing things, hitting, scratching, screaming, threatening to do or doing damage to any person or property, etc. No property destruction, including one's own property. No mistreatment of any pet is allowed. Always keep in mind that you are to treat others with respect and how you would like to be treated.
B. You are not allowed to play with guns, knives, sticks, razors or any similar dangerous item - real or fake.
C. Agitating behavior such as, scaring others (including pets), being rude, stealing and refusing to answer will be disciplined by writing an appropriate amount of " I will not ?".
D. For out of control behavior (having a temper tantrum, arguing, fighting, or having difficulty getting along with others) - you are required to go to your room (or a separate safe place if not at home) until you have calmed down - out of control behavior may result in loss of privileges/activities.
6A. No hard rock music, heavy metal music, or any music that contains profane language. No magazines, clothing or posters that contain any of the above. Questionable materials need to be reviewed before they may be allowed.
B. Stereos, TVs, I-pod, extra lights, etc. must be turned off at bedtime. Any violation will result in losing the item for one week.
C. No smoking at any time which includes in the home or away from home. No possession of matches, lighters, tobacco or drug paraphernalia. Matches should not be found in one's possessions at any time.
D. No drug or alcohol use.
7A. Maximum Curfew when behavior is satisfactory: 9:00pm on school nights and 10:00pm on Friday and Saturday. Later curfews will be allowed case by case for special occasions.
B. Children of the opposite sex are not permitted in bedrooms at the same time for any reason. Children of the same sex must get permission to visit another child's bedroom. Bathroom use is one person at a time.
8A. Satisfactory school report cards are necessary for permission to attend social events. A minimum grade of "C" is satisfactory. Grades that are above "C" are rewarded with extra privileges or money.
B. Extra money can be earned by doing yard work, outside work, barn work, washing cars, cleaning the garage, storage room, closets, etc. Daily routine chores must be completed first.
9A. All food is to be eaten in the kitchen unless special permission is granted. If you get permission one day, do not assume it applies for subsequent days...you always need to ask first.
B. You are required to clean up your messes and spills etc. If you are unable to do it on your own, then you will be helped by an adult.
Some of this seems a little institutional or harsh but I think is what she is looking for. We've already talked about communication and respect and the importance of being open and honest and asking for help or guidance when needed.
What would you add?
You need to assume they don't know any of the common sense things a child of your own that you have raised would know without having to be told and also that they need to be supervised and watched more closely than most kids their age. Having said that, I happen to think we are pretty strict and have a lot of rules, but when asked this question I couldn't really come up with a "list".
Here is what I started (no, I didn't come up with this on my own, I've been doing research online). I'm looking for what you might add to this.
RULES OF THE HOME
1A. When leaving your room, turn off your room light.
B. You are expected to dress neatly with clean clothes every day and to keep yourself well groomed. Take a shower or a bath and wash your hair at least once a day either before bedtime or before school
C. Your room is to be cleaned weekly: straightened up, dusted, and vacuumed. Your bathroom should be left neat every day and you are responsible for keeping it clean. You are expected to brush your teeth after breakfast and before bed.
D. You will be assigned chores to be done daily/weekly. These may change from day to day and week to week but as a member of the family you are expected to do your fair share.
E. On school days, be at the breakfast table ready for school 30 minutes before bus arrives. (7:45 AM)
2. Telephone calls are limited to 10 minutes per hour, unless permission is obtained in advanced to talk longer. No toll calls (long distance) or 900# calls.
3. When you have a full load of dirty clothes you need to separate the lights and darks and bring your basket to the laundry room and do a wash. When the laundry is done it needs to be folded and put away. One a week you need to do a load that includes your bed sheets (sometime on Saturday or Sunday depending on the weekend family schedule). If you need a particular item washed but don't have a full load, let me know. We always have more laundry that needs to be done and can put it all in together.
4A. Prior permission must be obtained for all outside activities including going to neighbors, visiting friends, after school activities etc. If you are missing for more than 30 minutes, you will be considered a runaway and the police will be notified.
B. Prior permission must be obtained before riding in anyone else's car.
C. Prior permission must be obtained before inviting any guests home.
D. There is mandatory attendance at family events. Failure to comply will result in losing privileges.
5A. The following are not allowed: running in the house, fighting, profane language, kicking, roughhousing, punching, throwing things, hitting, scratching, screaming, threatening to do or doing damage to any person or property, etc. No property destruction, including one's own property. No mistreatment of any pet is allowed. Always keep in mind that you are to treat others with respect and how you would like to be treated.
B. You are not allowed to play with guns, knives, sticks, razors or any similar dangerous item - real or fake.
C. Agitating behavior such as, scaring others (including pets), being rude, stealing and refusing to answer will be disciplined by writing an appropriate amount of " I will not ?".
D. For out of control behavior (having a temper tantrum, arguing, fighting, or having difficulty getting along with others) - you are required to go to your room (or a separate safe place if not at home) until you have calmed down - out of control behavior may result in loss of privileges/activities.
6A. No hard rock music, heavy metal music, or any music that contains profane language. No magazines, clothing or posters that contain any of the above. Questionable materials need to be reviewed before they may be allowed.
B. Stereos, TVs, I-pod, extra lights, etc. must be turned off at bedtime. Any violation will result in losing the item for one week.
C. No smoking at any time which includes in the home or away from home. No possession of matches, lighters, tobacco or drug paraphernalia. Matches should not be found in one's possessions at any time.
D. No drug or alcohol use.
7A. Maximum Curfew when behavior is satisfactory: 9:00pm on school nights and 10:00pm on Friday and Saturday. Later curfews will be allowed case by case for special occasions.
B. Children of the opposite sex are not permitted in bedrooms at the same time for any reason. Children of the same sex must get permission to visit another child's bedroom. Bathroom use is one person at a time.
8A. Satisfactory school report cards are necessary for permission to attend social events. A minimum grade of "C" is satisfactory. Grades that are above "C" are rewarded with extra privileges or money.
B. Extra money can be earned by doing yard work, outside work, barn work, washing cars, cleaning the garage, storage room, closets, etc. Daily routine chores must be completed first.
9A. All food is to be eaten in the kitchen unless special permission is granted. If you get permission one day, do not assume it applies for subsequent days...you always need to ask first.
B. You are required to clean up your messes and spills etc. If you are unable to do it on your own, then you will be helped by an adult.
Some of this seems a little institutional or harsh but I think is what she is looking for. We've already talked about communication and respect and the importance of being open and honest and asking for help or guidance when needed.
What would you add?
