Funny story to tell you all

[MountainMeadows]

Hi All,

Got a phone call from a friend (Kelsie) who is getting ready to go to the first show of the season -- so needlesstosay she is really excited and "in the ZONE"! To set the stage you need to know that Kelsie & Crystal are both cute, cute, cute gals sooooo . . .

Kelsie went shopping with Crystal to pick up the last minute essentials - razors, shoe polish, baby wipes - all the standard stuff. She was leaving the grocery store and talking to Crystal and said out load without any hesitation:

"OK, so when we get there we need to get them undressed so we can see them naked and then work them really hard so that we can see what we have to work on"

Ok, all us "horsey people" probably don't think twice about comments like that -- BUT the 3 burly construction workers that were following these girls nearly dropped their bags!

Gave me a pretty good laugh -- do any of you have any "not so appropriate in public places" comments that you can share!

Stac

 

[J&HMinis]

That's too funny! When I read your post it made me think of a joke a "horsey" friend sent me.....

Horse people... don't say these in public; Sure, you're just talking about horses or horse stuff.... but non-horse people may get the wrong idea and become confused, embarrassed, or afraid of you.

Do you like my breast collar?

His sheath was really dirty, but I cleaned it.

In the winter, his butt gets really hairy.

Don't jump on him, sit down gently.

She wants to breed to my stud.

There's nothing like 17 hands between you legs!

He had a bad attitude, so we castrated him.

He's got a lot of stamina, you can ride him all day long.

I wanted to breed to her stud, but he's all booked this season.

We'll be breeding tonight, want to watch?

He's really good at walking and pooping at the same time.

He didn't try to run away when we drove the nails into his feet.

She bites her baby if it behaves badly.

She's on a new diet, she's only eating grass.

If he's not good, just grab his lip and twist it.

When I'm done riding him, you can have a turn.

They cut his toe off and he walks better now.

Don't worry, if he pulls her teats too hard she'll bite him.

He's much better if you ride him with a crop.

I jumped 4 feet high yesterday.

She's got a really nice, big, square butt.

What color are her gums?

The mother is black and the father is white, and the baby came out black and white.

He tries to kick me when I put my hand in his sheath.

Don't worry, it's normal for his mouth to foam.

All of her babies have been sold overseas.

I know she's going to have a baby soon because her butt is soft.

Her baby started walking about 20 minutes after birth.

Her body was covered in 4-inch long hair, but I clipped it off.

He has trouble mounting her because she's so tall.

She likes to roll in the dirt after her bath.

He has 23 kids by different mothers.

He goes outside in just a blanket.

He was about 6 months old when we branded him with an iron.

I have to use a stool to mount him.

If he's spilling his food on the ground, he might need a dentist.

I was listening to his gut sounds last night...

One testicle is visible, but I can't even feel the other one.

 

[REO]

Way too funny!!

A few weeks ago, hubby and I were shopping to get ready for foaling season here. I was walking around with a twin pack of enemas and I said "Glad we found the enemas, but I still need a big tube of lube and rubber gloves!!" and a man walking by gave me an interesting look!

 

[Laura]

Hi All,

Got a phone call from a friend (Kelsie) who is getting ready to go to the first show of the season -- so needlesstosay she is really excited and "in the ZONE"! To set the stage you need to know that Kelsie & Crystal are both cute, cute, cute gals sooooo . . .

Kelsie went shopping with Crystal to pick up the last minute essentials - razors, shoe polish, baby wipes - all the standard stuff. She was leaving the grocery store and talking to Crystal and said out load without any hesitation:

"OK, so when we get there we need to get them undressed so we can see them naked and then work them really hard so that we can see what we have to work on"

Ok, all us "horsey people" probably don't think twice about comments like that -- BUT the 3 burly construction workers that were following these girls nearly dropped their bags!

Gave me a pretty good laugh -- do any of you have any "not so appropriate in public places" comments that you can share!

Stac

[SIZE=12pt][/SIZE]

LOL, that's too funny!!

 

[txminipinto]

I have a large open trailer that requires that everyone stand next to each other and behave, even the stallions. And for the most part, they all behave but maybe it's because..........

Everytime I stop for fuel, I jump out of the truck with a riding whip and will smack the side of the trailer when I hear them moving. Or, I'll open the back curtains and pop the whip when they start getting rowdy. I have had large burly truckers give me plenty of room when I've run into the station carrying my whip!

LOL. Its a good deterent to the 2 legged variety also. One late night I pulled into a station that had a 24 hour pay at the pump and 2 men where hanging around. I saw them watching me with great interest as I looked for my credit card. Being alone has its disadvantages at times for sure. It was one of those moments where I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I couldn't pull out and find another station as I was on empty so I jumped out of the truck with my whip and started whaling on the side of the trailer (poor horses, I'm sure they were "WHAT!!!

We're not doing nothin'!"). They took the hint and took off.

I've always said the man that decides to attack me had better hope that I don't get to my feet before he's long gone......

 

[Southern_Heart]

MountainMeadows, that was so cute....

I was in a store one time talking about my stud to a friend at the register while checking out and told my friend that sex wasn't his strong point and that I always had to help guide him in as he was always all over the place and kept missing. Then one time I thought he was going to fall over backwards cause he was to short!

Of course the gal at the register didn't know it was a horse we were talking about and I could see her blushing.

Makes you wonder what they are thinking when they really don't know the whole story.

Joyce

 

[RobinRTrueJoy]

Great story,

I am a nurse and a while back I worked in a catholic hospital full of NUNS.

I had bred my Arabian mare and had a beautiful filly, hoping to show her at Devon. But I ended up getting engaged and those plans fell through. One morning I stepped onto the elevator at this Catholic hospital and announced to some co-workers( not paying attention to the NUNS on the elevator too) that "Well, I finally sold my baby and got my asking price too!" I thought one of the nuns was going to faint. It still gives me a good laugh remembering their faces!!! Such horror!!!

Robin

 

[Boinky]

lol carin! i'm glad to hear my friend and I are not the only ones that haul a trailer full of stallions (even sometimes with mares in there) and have done it with no dividers. LOL mine all know to behave too.. i've had to use your tactics a few times but for the most parts they are all hunky dory! lol

 

[RobinRTrueJoy]

Reminds me too of when I had bought my first colt. He was finally old enough to breed. This was a discussion at a family birthday with my sister and Dad( the ONLY horsie people in the family) I thought my husband's prim and proper Aunt was going to stroke out!

"I tried to breed my little boy last night. He didn't have a clue. I thought he would get clocked in the head. I tried to help him out but you know what cold hands do! Maybe I will show him some porn, so he gets the idea"

LOL!

Robin

 

[Boinky]

LOL robin! that's funny. We call it "pony porn" around here..LOL we've had to use the banks on the sides of the roads for some larger mares/stallion breedings and I can only imagine what people driving by were thinking!!! lol

 

[minih]

I loved reading the stories above, will have to remember the whip thing Carin. I have one to tell to that at the time was very funny. I work as a bookkeeper at the local school district. I was telling my coworker how hard it was to get this one mare pregnant. I have a stallion that is very slow in his courtship and will spend a lot of time smelling up and down the mares legs, nipping on their flanks and he will ask several times before breeding. Let's just say he was kicked one time his first year of breeding out in the pasture by an older mare and he learned his manners very well.

Well this mare would swing around around and try to kick me after he was thru breeding her, not the stallion but me

so I would tie her up to the rail and hold my left foot on her rump so she couldn't swing and hold the rope for my stallion with my right hand. Visualize that

I was showing my coworker how I was holding everything and that I told my stallion to hurry up and finish that my legs were getting tired when I turned around and saw a very red faced football coach behind me.

 

[Miniv]

GREAT THREAD, STACY!!!

I'm just LOVING all of these stories.

You are reminding me of a few years ago...... I had an acquaintance who worked at the little Minute Market down the road from us and after a night foaling, I stopped in. She asked how things were going and I was bouncing up and down and said VERY loudly, "Things are Great! We had a BABY last night! I had to push it back in, but then it just popped right OUT!"

You should have seen the bug eyed people in line at the cash register.........

 

[MountainMeadows]

These are so fun to read - keep them comming peeps!

Stac

 

[carlenehorse]

I got one for you. My mare went into labor last year and I could see something was not right just two hooves. I went in and found that the head was turned to the side. I told my 13 year old son to call the vet who lives 2 blocks from me and gave him the phone number.

My son runs into the house and calls the phone number and yells "MR AL YOU NEED TO COME QUICK THE BABY IS NOT IN THE RIGHT POSITION". The man who answered the phone said that he was not Mr. Al so my son hung up and called the right number.

Well a less than a minute later the phone rings and my husband answered it and it was the man from the first phone call "I NEED YOUR ADDRESS I HAVE 911 ON THE OTHER LINE. WE WILL GET THE AMBULANCE THERE SOON SO TELL THE MOM TO HOLD ON".

Well my non-horsey husband had to explain to him and 911 what happened. Kept me laughing for day.

BTW the filly was delivered and was fine.

Carlene

 

[Jill]

Toooooooooooooo funny

 

[LaVern]

Fun Stacy-- My story- I was at some teachers meeting that there were a bunch of state politicians attending. A guy introduced me to a bunch or them and and one guy asked if I was related to Lee LaBarre. This just popped out. "Yes, he is my Full Brother." Man I knew as soon as I said it. There was just dead silence and they looked at me like I was crazy.

 

[running in the red]

I was hauling my 'group' to vets once- yearly chekups. ofcourse had too fill up the truck for gas on the way. the stallions were acting up and I was by myself- a big guy next to me asked if I needed help to calm them down- not thinking open mouth insert foot- I said as soon as I get home and we get layed everything will be quite.........oops............

 

[Kim~Crayonboxminiatures]

These are soo funny! I have a Walmart story too.

Because of my signs of foaling webpages I get some phone calls asking for more info.

One time I was shopping at Walmart and received a phone call, without even thinking I'm explaining to the gal on the phone how to check the vulva and what it should look like, how the belly will drop, the butt feels mushy, etc. I didn't think anything about it I was just browsing/shopping as I talked, but when I hung up the phone I suddenly realized OH! the aisle(s) around me had cleared.

 

[Reignmaker Miniatures]

These are great! I needed a good laugh today. Last night while trying to fix up a feeding station for my bottle baby we decided that the nipples we have been using on th ebottle won't work because they drip so we wanted to try a nipple made for a lamb of goat. I called the nearest feed store and when the young girl working answered I said to her "Do you have lamb's nipples?" There was dead silence for long enough I was forced to repeat "hello?" I thought I'd lost the connection. She says to me "do I have WHAT?" I started to laugh and I'm sure she nearly hung up on this twisted woman before I could explain it more carefully.

 

[ohmt]

These are great! I have a good one...

Well I'm just turning 19 this year but have been doing all the breeding and foaling and all the other fun stuff since I was 12. Everyone knows how much work it takes to get mares bred when you do all hand breeding...especially when you have 30 mares! Two summers ago I'd spend about an hour in the morning and an hour every night trying to get all the breeding done. My mom and I were at Burger King picking up some lunch one day and while we were waiting in line she asks me, "so are you going to stay for a while or do you have to head back?" (the farm is an hour from us at my grandparents) Mind you this is a very busy time of the day and there are a bunch of people around us. I say, "No, I have to get back and get all the breeding done...I was too tired last night and I really don't want to mess up my schedule. Plus, my old man has been having some trouble lately so it's going to take more than one person to get the job done." --I call our old Iowas Little Kernel son my old man... my goodness you should have seen some of the looks my mom and I got. We both just laughed but I was kind of embarassed...that's traumatic for a 16 year old girl!