Don't know what to do... (long and whiney)

[NoddalottaFarm]

Hey all! I need to vent for a minute or I'm gonna go mad.

This morning I received a call from the apartment complex where my estranged father lives. He is 65. They told me awhile back his neighbors were concerned because his car hadn't moved for quite some time. They checked it out and he was okay. Well, yesterday, his employer called the complex worried about him because he hadn't been to work in OVER A MONTH! This is a place he's worked for over 20 years, so they know him. No one has a working phone number for him, so when I couldn't get in touch with him, I sent a police officer over. They called me back and said he was okay, and it was the 2nd time they checked on him, and could I please buy him a phone. (Well, thanks for checking on him, and then making *me* feel like the bad guy for asking you to do so!) I think his boss sent the cops over the first time. My husband and I drove the hour plus to his apartment and got him to answer the door. He's a mess. He knew who we were, but I know him and something isn't *right* about him. I think something has snapped. He said he was okay, so when I asked why he hadn't gone to work in the last month, he replied "I'm on retirement". I told him his work didn't know that and he gave me some story about not being on "speaking terms" with work. So, seeing his appearance, and the fact that he wouldn't let us in his apartment (it's 5 degrees not including wind chill) I know something needs to be done. He has stopped caring for himself. He's dirty, needs a hair cut and nail trim and was in massively dirty clothes. He wanted us to leave. He says he's filled out the papers for SS and a pension from the Teamsters, but he's always lied so I don't know if that is the case or not. I honestly think he thought you retire and the money just comes. I went to the leasing agent and let her know he has absolutely ZERO income right now and that I needed to figure out what to do with him. The problem is, I don't know *where* to start. He is so far in debt and God only knows what bills he has or what legal issues he has. Today was the first time I saw him in probably 5 years. I don't know who to call. I don't know where he could go. He was around for my childhood, but he wasn't *there*. He was a dad in term only. It is because of him, that I grew up FAST. My sister and I were little adults by the time we were 3. There was no whining, crying or friends allowed at our house. Blah, blah...sob story.. blah.

Anyway... my sister doesn't speak to him either, but neither of us want to see him on the street. He has alienated (spelled?) himself from what family he has that is still alive, so no one wants to help. Does *anyone* know where I should start??? I'd love to just get his retirement and leave him alone, but I seriously think he needs some kind of intervention because of his appearance. Sigh...

 

[AppyLover2]

My first thought was alzheimers. Don't know where to tell you to go for help but definitely wish you good luck with finding a place for him.

 

[Crabby-Chicken]

I am sorry Diane. That sounds really stressful and confusing. I would call her work and tell them what you found. Maybe if you AND his boss called the local mental health clinics they could do an intervention and make sure he is able to live on his own. Or if you maybe could get hold of his doctor if he has one. But I am not sure.

I wish you luck. Dealing with someone that is having mental issues is not an easy thing. Have been there.

 

[Jetiki]

Sounds like a very stressful situation. Might want to start with a Physical/mental eval. Then see what the dr thinks and go from there. Maybe help file for medicaid/medicare and an assited living facility or nursing home or some place like that might take him. maybe a call to social services if you want absolutely no part of it.

karen

 

[Miniv]

Does he have any IMMEDIATE relationship to contact....ie, "Blood"....? If you aren't "blood" related, you may not have any authority to do ANYTHING.

However, between his work and his landlord, the state may be able to step in and place him in special assisted living. Adult and Family Services in your state can probably advise you about that.

Good Luck.....

 

[NoddalottaFarm]

Thanks for the replies. My dad doesn't have a doctor. No medical records since he went in the Army in the 60's. He just won't go. My sister and I *are* blood relatives and aside from a cousin he royally ticked off, (and she won't speak to him) we are all the family he has. His boss was real nice when I spoke to him today, and probably told me more than he should have, legally. They are done with him - marking him down as "retired" and no longer employed. He lives in an apartment complex, so they really can't help. Especially since his rent is due tomorrow and he doesn't have it. Tomorrow, I am going to try and find a mental health clinic or facility in his state and see if they can help. I appreciate all the replies, both public and private.

Thanks for "listening."

 

[Charlene]

call your county health department (or the one in the county where he lives) and they can direct you to a senior citizens agency that takes care of situations exactly like this.

so sad to see things like this happen.

 

[Ellen]

Charlene is exactly right. They are the best place to start. Good Luck.

 

[garyo]

Here is Florida there is an elderly abuse number. They will also check into situations like this. Hopefully, your area also has a adult services program. Here there is also a procedure through the courts where two concerned adults can go to the clerk of the court and sign affidavits (ExParte order). The Sheriff will go get the person of concern and take them to a mental health or alcohol/drug center for evaluation. If they are fine then they are released within 72 hours. If not, proper court and services can be put into place. Just ideas.

Best wishes

Ruth