Do you still take care of your grown kids expense's'?

[Pepipony]

This topic is common down here. With hubbys job ( its a very well paying blue collar job) a lot of the guys pay for expenses of their grown kids. Besides college, they buy cars, pay rent/mortgages and give allowences. One guy is 56 and has no retirement savings because he pays different bills for his 3 kids ( aged 25 - 35). He is now freaking over retirement, yet is still paying ones mortgage. I think its insane. Its one thing to help everynow and again if something comes up. But to support a grown kid?

 

[Reignmaker Miniatures]

Our son is only starting out on his own and its tough out there. Occasionally he will find he has an unexpected expense that he can't fully cover (he is still learning how to budget effectively I guess) When we can we help him out but we would NEVER just go ahead and pay for any of his expenses, how in heavens name is he going to manage with out us if he never has to try? So I voted sometimes and never

 

[minimomNC]

I am on the other end. My daughter lives here with me but she pays half of the mortgage (trust me, it isn't a small amount either) and she pay the power bill. She pays her own car insurance, upkeep, I do buy food that we both eat and I buy horse feed. She pays the entries for her own mare and I pay for the two she shows for us. She is great at making sure she pays and has been a asset to our farm. Oh and she just turned 24, works two jobs and still finds time to work and train her own horses.

 

[Relic]

NO not anymore...my youngest was bad and always was looking for money to help pay some bill or other. Came to find out when the other one told me it was going on entertainment not bills to keep afloat like she let me to believe..l would for sure help them out in a bad spot l'd buy groceries and put gas in there tanks but thats it they have to learn there's no free rides...and if they over spend because of want not need to bad.

 

[Pepipony]

and if they over spend because of want not need to bad.

Exactly. I completely understand helping when a kid is starting out, we were. These 'kids' I speak of are married adults with kids of their own and yet they still rely on 'mah daddy' to help them out.

MiniMom, I have an Aunt who always lived at home. But she worked her butt off and helped with expenses ( or so we were told, but thats a whole nother story

) Since I am SSD and 'if' i ever had to move ( am married) I would surely have to move in with someone. I know I would never in a million years expect them to pay my car note or somesuch.

 

[stormo41]

I'm a grown up kid. My parents "help out when then can" sometimes but it's never to pay a bill like rent, car payment, car insurance, cell phone. They (mostly my mom) will get us stuff for our apartment, oe help with something that comes up like my wisdom teeth need to come out and i can't afford it because i have no dental plan and I don't get paid very well, so they are helping me with that.

as far as i see it, it was my choice to buy a car and then to move out so it's my job to pay my own bills.

 

[ErikaS.]

Can't afford to. My step-daughter's mother insists on giving her daughter everything to make up for her drinking problem, but that has taught her nothing as far as how to live in the real world. I wouldn't let my step-daughter starve, but I won't be responsible for her wardrobe, cell phone, car, or even her college education- though I will be more than happy to help her get financial aid.

 

[Miniv]

We have two foster daughters who are now in their mid-twenties. They have taught us what NOT to do when our own 11 year old grows up....

Foster Daughter-A - happened to continue living in this area. She married young and had three children back to back. They were ALWAYS in financial difficulty and it was turning into a habit for them to come running to us at the end of each month for some cash to carry them into the first of the month pay check. Our first concern was of course our "grandchildren", so we'd give them everywhere from $50 to $200 each month. We finally started questioning where the money was all going! And I attempted to sit down with them and help them map out a budget.....but when I discovered they weren't being honest about where the money was being spent I put my foot down. I told Larry that the new rule was -- if they say they need "diaper money" (for example), then I will go to the store and buy the diapers! NO MORE CASH. Sadly, they are now getting divorced and Foster Daughter has cut us off......The only time we see the kids is when they are with their dad and even that's sporadic.

Foster Daughter -B- has been living in another state for several years.......She isn't married, but has a serious relationship. She has two jobs and is buying a house with her S.O. The only financial assistance we have given her is when her car died and she needed to buy another. We gave her $1500 to help with a down payment on a little pickup. She had never asked for anything before and has never asked for anything since. She comes out to Oregon about every other year to visit her dad and always spends time with us as well........Interestingly, she's the one I've always been the most worried about......

This has all taught Larry and me that when Brianna goes out on her own, we will be very careful about just regularly doling out cash, but she'll know if we can afford it, and if she has a specific financial problem, we'll try to help.

 

[Taylor Jo]

My daughter is VERY independent. She's 36. I had to give her $200 to get her through when her waitress job was real slow and she was transferring to going into her full time LVN job. That's the first time in about a year she's asked for money. However, every now and then I send $25.00 here, $10 there when I can and I know she appreciates it. I ALWAYS, buy my grandkids clothes to help start the school year out, Christmas, birthdays, and I buy presents on special holidays as well. Not because I HAVE to but because I love them and I KNOW she appreciates it. Plus, no one EVER did it for me. EVER. I was a single mom for years and no one lifted a finger to EVER help with not even a meal I was totally on my own and I never asked for a penny. I told my daughter NOT to pay me back. She's my daughter I love her. I said if anything save the money up for a computer with a web cam so I can see my grand kids when you get the money, that's more precious to me then all the money in the world. I KNEW it took everything in her being to ask for that $200 bucks and it killed her. BUT, I'm her mom.

However, IF she did it all the time I'd question it, but she doesn't so I don't. I respect her and I know she respects me. I think that's the way it should be. I don't think parents should be paying for cell phone bills though, personally. IF you let your cell phone go over or due which is a LUXURY then so be it, USE A PAY PHONE for criminy sakes or do what we had to do, wait till you got home and use a land line. It can't be that dang important. Just imo... TJ

 

[SaddleTrail]

MY daughter is 30 and is with a man who she loves. He is a wildland fire fighter and when the season is here he works his butt off and makes good money. He doesnt want her to work, he wants a stay at home wife. Well they can not budget their money. They think nothing of blowing a 100 bucks or more on a dinner. They blow their money then come to me for help. After it cost ME for them to go on their cruise I blew up at them and told them point blank, either get their crap together or get a job. They do pay back every penny, but they still need to get their act together.

My son is 27, married with 2 sons under 5. He can't keep a job, although he works hard and will do ANY job to feed his family. His wife is a hard worker and although her and I have our problems we are working them out. She is not a good mother, but on the other hand she does makes the living.

They come to us for money all the time and never pay it back, but they don't blow money either. They pay bills with it, diapers etc.

So I have one of each and yes I will help my kids when ever they need it, I gave my word to the good Lord that I would always be there for them if he gave me healthy kids. He did and now I do.

 

[Elsa]

I'm 22 and my parents will help me when I have something unexpected come up that I can't cover. They have paid for car related things in the past (new battery,tires etc) that I absolutely needed and whenever my mother visits she won't let me pay for anything and always makes sure I have plenty of food.

Other than that, I pay my own bills and school.

 

[Leeana]

I'm the "grown up kid" too, still live with my parents mostly because #1 the horses & farm and #2 i am working on getting my RN, plus my parents are both older and i help them out with things (dads near 80'some and mom is 60'some years old) both retired, i help them out with allot of things around the house and barn of course.

They have helped me before when i was in a penny pinch, i do not like for them to do so, but you know what they say about being old and stuck in their ways....

 

[minie812]

I use to help but my kids are 30-34-38 and I have 10 g-kids and 11 is one the way and also have 1 great g-child with another on the way. it is just to much but when I did they were spending on stuff they could not afford so I said NO MORE

I do buy gifts for the little ones on their B-Days and Christmas