You won't believe this, but I had a feeling that this was going to happen since graduation night. No, I'm not sedated. I can't type when I am, nor have I lost my mind although maybe I wish I had. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before or anyone else that I know of.
Call it a preminition, call it mother's intuition, I don't know what it was, but I knew something was going to happen to Michael. I thought he was going to be in a car accident for the past month.
I've been a nervous wreck since the day Michael got his license and car. He had wrecked the first week he had his license back in the fall on the mountain roads hitting the guard rail head on with Daniel on their way to school one morning and I've been a basket case ever since. Everytime he got in that car, I'd come unglued. I loved it every time it broke down and he couldn't get anywhere. That car to me was a symbol of death for some reason and I just hated it. Made plenty of excuses not to let him go out at night. I always told him that we didn't have the money to give him to get parts for it. I did not want him in that car. I'd say if he wanted to go out at night, to take the truck because if that little car were hit, it would be totaled and he'd be dead.
Then the strange stuff set in. It began graduation night when Jerry and I had waited for Dan and Michael to join us in a restaraunt near the school. We got tire of waiting and knew they were still up at the school celebrating so Jerry and I ditched them and came on home. On the way up the mountain I had this very disturbing feeling but I couldn't describe it other than saying I was nervous about something but not sure what.
The next day I was washing dishes and out of nowhere I had a vision, like a daydream of me in a funeral parlor looking at caskets and it was very clear. I stopped washing dishes and just starred out the window like "what did I just see that for" and felt, oh my gosh I'm loosing it. It didn't happen again until about a week later, same daydream. I was in the middle of a lifetime movie when it happened and just came over me. I got up and came into the kitchen and got hit with another one right away only this time it was me sitting in a brown metal chair on the grass in a graveyard at a funeral and I knew it was Michael. I kept saying to myself "Michael's going to die" but of course that was insane. What a terrible thing for me to think. How dare I think that? Why would anyone have a horrible thought like that? Something was really wrong with me in the head I thought. I look at Michael and I see death for him. Completely insane.
This visions continued a few more times getting more and more intense and I finally told somebody. I had to because they were eating me up. But I couldn't tell Jerry of course and I didn't know who to tell something like this to. I called my best friend in Connecticut and she was never home. So I finally told three people that I trusted and thought would understand somehow. I was convinced that I was back to having panic attacks from the wreck I had on the mountain road 4 years ago. I was back to having panic attacks again because I was so paranoid about Michael driving that car. I was giving the lecture about how he's growing up and how I was not going to be able to keep him home all the time and everyone wanted me to get used to it and accept it and just calm down. I was a bundle of nerves and I'd have to get ahold of myself.
A couple of weeks later on Memorial Day weekend Michael and Dan wanted to go out at night and I went crazy and told Jerry not to let them go because they hadn't done any chores. I sorta lied to keep them home. They argued that they did chores and everyone got mad at me and Jerry let them go. Soon as they left I told Jerry that this running around at night was too dangerous and he had to take the car away and he refused. We argued over it back and forth and things got heated and I said he was too permissive and they were going to wreck and he'd never forgive himself. He said that if I don't back off and give them space, and stop trying to lock them up, I would drive Michael right out the door to go live with his friends in town. Jerry was really mad at me and warned me this was going to have to stop everytime they wanted to go out. I was in a mess all night long watching the clock and waiting and waiting and I knew something had happened because they were so late but I did not have a vision. Jerry began to worry too. Then the phone rang and it was the state police. They said that the boys were broke down at the State Park up here but they were ok. The car hit a really big pot hole and something was busted in the car and they couldn't get it running. We drove out to the park and picked the boys up and Jerry looked and said he thought the fuel pump was shot and called for a wrecker the next day to bring the car home. I was elated. It was all messed up and wouldn't run. Michael now had no ride and no money to get the car fixed.
That's when Michael began to fiddle around with the little mini chopper engine so he could atleast go up and down the road to his friend's house. Every day he spent a little time on getting it running. He'd test drive it through the yard and I'd tell him, don't ever ride that stupid thing on the road because some jerk will run right over top of you. Those were my exact words. He said awwwwww ma.......quit it......... and proceeded to keep testing it around the yard but it would cut out and back he'd go to work on it some more.
The last week of his life was intense because the daydreams were coming like crazy and I was shaking all the time really bad.
Michael and I were together every single day that last week from morning till night and having a lot of fun goofing around but I was still shaking every now and then. I told him a million times a day that I loved him and he was handsome and I was so proud of him and we were making plans. When Jerry would come home, I'd say "Jerry be sure to remind Michael how proud you are of him ok?" But seemed like every time I'd look in Michael's face, I pictured him "not right" and I'd have to get up and go outside or leave the room. On one occasion I asked him to hurry up and get me an asprin because my chest was feeling so tight.
On his last day we went to town because for some reason I woke up and wanted him to get the parts he needed for his car. He was like "HUH?" He needed some kind of bolts. I don't know what made me suddenly want to help him get his car running again. I just knew it was something that I had to do for him to make him happy, but I couldn't understand what was making me want to help him buy car parts for a car that represented death to me and was the cause of my visions.
We and had such a heart to heart talk on the way back from town which was way over due. Seemed like feelings just poured out of both of us and I told him that I would now accept his relationship with his girlfriend that I had been against for the past 9 months, only due to her young age. I told him how sorry I was for being against it but explained that it was only because I wanted him to get that diploma and focus on nothing else. I asked him if he thought I was a bad mother or a mean mother several times and he said no that I was just goofy. It was like we somehow were getting closure to a lot of things. He had told me that he had been waiting for me to accept his relationship with his girlfriend for so long and he couldn't beleive that I was making him so happy that morning. He told me that "mom, sometimes you rock"
When we got home I told him to call his girlfriend and take my truck to get her in the morning and to go to Walmart for pool supplies. Then to bring her back here and set the pool up and we'd plan a huge 4th of July party together. I promised not to drown her. He got her on the phone and told her "mom's lost her mind"......she was so happy that for the first time I was letting her come over and would accept her. I told Michael that he had got the diploma, was well on his way for a good future, and he made me so happy. We were now both content. I remember saying to him that he was the light of my life and I'd never let him get too far away from me. I was over come with emotions and just couldn't seem to get enough of him that last day. I kept taking pictures of him. I took pictures of him in the house and on the porch with his kitten.
Later on he was back and forth to the garage about that chopper and once when he headed out to the garage to work on the mini chopper, I told him "hey, don't forget about what I said about that thing" ...........someone will run over top of you............
When my doctor & staff heard the news and showed up at the viewing the look on their faces was in pure shock and horror. Michael had recently stopped in their office and sprayed the staff all over with some cologne and loved to harrass them all the time. She was keeping a very close eye on me, no doubt.
To top it off, on the way to Chattanooga hospital I had my hands in the praying position and I kept praying over and over "Lord, please don't let Michael leave me" about a million times. Once when we were about 30 minutes into our trip on the interstate and I had a sudden jolt of my entire body that was so strong where my purse which I was hugging on my lap just flew onto the floor of the truck and I spilled my pepsi. Then as we approached the emergency entrance while looking for a parking place it happened again when my whole body had a huge spasm that made me practically jump off the seat. I think that the timing was about the same time that Michael's heart stopped beating and was being jump started two times.
This is the absolute truth.
I would never make up such a thing.
Call it a preminition, call it mother's intuition, I don't know what it was, but I knew something was going to happen to Michael. I thought he was going to be in a car accident for the past month.
I've been a nervous wreck since the day Michael got his license and car. He had wrecked the first week he had his license back in the fall on the mountain roads hitting the guard rail head on with Daniel on their way to school one morning and I've been a basket case ever since. Everytime he got in that car, I'd come unglued. I loved it every time it broke down and he couldn't get anywhere. That car to me was a symbol of death for some reason and I just hated it. Made plenty of excuses not to let him go out at night. I always told him that we didn't have the money to give him to get parts for it. I did not want him in that car. I'd say if he wanted to go out at night, to take the truck because if that little car were hit, it would be totaled and he'd be dead.
Then the strange stuff set in. It began graduation night when Jerry and I had waited for Dan and Michael to join us in a restaraunt near the school. We got tire of waiting and knew they were still up at the school celebrating so Jerry and I ditched them and came on home. On the way up the mountain I had this very disturbing feeling but I couldn't describe it other than saying I was nervous about something but not sure what.
The next day I was washing dishes and out of nowhere I had a vision, like a daydream of me in a funeral parlor looking at caskets and it was very clear. I stopped washing dishes and just starred out the window like "what did I just see that for" and felt, oh my gosh I'm loosing it. It didn't happen again until about a week later, same daydream. I was in the middle of a lifetime movie when it happened and just came over me. I got up and came into the kitchen and got hit with another one right away only this time it was me sitting in a brown metal chair on the grass in a graveyard at a funeral and I knew it was Michael. I kept saying to myself "Michael's going to die" but of course that was insane. What a terrible thing for me to think. How dare I think that? Why would anyone have a horrible thought like that? Something was really wrong with me in the head I thought. I look at Michael and I see death for him. Completely insane.
This visions continued a few more times getting more and more intense and I finally told somebody. I had to because they were eating me up. But I couldn't tell Jerry of course and I didn't know who to tell something like this to. I called my best friend in Connecticut and she was never home. So I finally told three people that I trusted and thought would understand somehow. I was convinced that I was back to having panic attacks from the wreck I had on the mountain road 4 years ago. I was back to having panic attacks again because I was so paranoid about Michael driving that car. I was giving the lecture about how he's growing up and how I was not going to be able to keep him home all the time and everyone wanted me to get used to it and accept it and just calm down. I was a bundle of nerves and I'd have to get ahold of myself.
A couple of weeks later on Memorial Day weekend Michael and Dan wanted to go out at night and I went crazy and told Jerry not to let them go because they hadn't done any chores. I sorta lied to keep them home. They argued that they did chores and everyone got mad at me and Jerry let them go. Soon as they left I told Jerry that this running around at night was too dangerous and he had to take the car away and he refused. We argued over it back and forth and things got heated and I said he was too permissive and they were going to wreck and he'd never forgive himself. He said that if I don't back off and give them space, and stop trying to lock them up, I would drive Michael right out the door to go live with his friends in town. Jerry was really mad at me and warned me this was going to have to stop everytime they wanted to go out. I was in a mess all night long watching the clock and waiting and waiting and I knew something had happened because they were so late but I did not have a vision. Jerry began to worry too. Then the phone rang and it was the state police. They said that the boys were broke down at the State Park up here but they were ok. The car hit a really big pot hole and something was busted in the car and they couldn't get it running. We drove out to the park and picked the boys up and Jerry looked and said he thought the fuel pump was shot and called for a wrecker the next day to bring the car home. I was elated. It was all messed up and wouldn't run. Michael now had no ride and no money to get the car fixed.
That's when Michael began to fiddle around with the little mini chopper engine so he could atleast go up and down the road to his friend's house. Every day he spent a little time on getting it running. He'd test drive it through the yard and I'd tell him, don't ever ride that stupid thing on the road because some jerk will run right over top of you. Those were my exact words. He said awwwwww ma.......quit it......... and proceeded to keep testing it around the yard but it would cut out and back he'd go to work on it some more.
The last week of his life was intense because the daydreams were coming like crazy and I was shaking all the time really bad.
Michael and I were together every single day that last week from morning till night and having a lot of fun goofing around but I was still shaking every now and then. I told him a million times a day that I loved him and he was handsome and I was so proud of him and we were making plans. When Jerry would come home, I'd say "Jerry be sure to remind Michael how proud you are of him ok?" But seemed like every time I'd look in Michael's face, I pictured him "not right" and I'd have to get up and go outside or leave the room. On one occasion I asked him to hurry up and get me an asprin because my chest was feeling so tight.
On his last day we went to town because for some reason I woke up and wanted him to get the parts he needed for his car. He was like "HUH?" He needed some kind of bolts. I don't know what made me suddenly want to help him get his car running again. I just knew it was something that I had to do for him to make him happy, but I couldn't understand what was making me want to help him buy car parts for a car that represented death to me and was the cause of my visions.
We and had such a heart to heart talk on the way back from town which was way over due. Seemed like feelings just poured out of both of us and I told him that I would now accept his relationship with his girlfriend that I had been against for the past 9 months, only due to her young age. I told him how sorry I was for being against it but explained that it was only because I wanted him to get that diploma and focus on nothing else. I asked him if he thought I was a bad mother or a mean mother several times and he said no that I was just goofy. It was like we somehow were getting closure to a lot of things. He had told me that he had been waiting for me to accept his relationship with his girlfriend for so long and he couldn't beleive that I was making him so happy that morning. He told me that "mom, sometimes you rock"
When we got home I told him to call his girlfriend and take my truck to get her in the morning and to go to Walmart for pool supplies. Then to bring her back here and set the pool up and we'd plan a huge 4th of July party together. I promised not to drown her. He got her on the phone and told her "mom's lost her mind"......she was so happy that for the first time I was letting her come over and would accept her. I told Michael that he had got the diploma, was well on his way for a good future, and he made me so happy. We were now both content. I remember saying to him that he was the light of my life and I'd never let him get too far away from me. I was over come with emotions and just couldn't seem to get enough of him that last day. I kept taking pictures of him. I took pictures of him in the house and on the porch with his kitten.
Later on he was back and forth to the garage about that chopper and once when he headed out to the garage to work on the mini chopper, I told him "hey, don't forget about what I said about that thing" ...........someone will run over top of you............
When my doctor & staff heard the news and showed up at the viewing the look on their faces was in pure shock and horror. Michael had recently stopped in their office and sprayed the staff all over with some cologne and loved to harrass them all the time. She was keeping a very close eye on me, no doubt.
To top it off, on the way to Chattanooga hospital I had my hands in the praying position and I kept praying over and over "Lord, please don't let Michael leave me" about a million times. Once when we were about 30 minutes into our trip on the interstate and I had a sudden jolt of my entire body that was so strong where my purse which I was hugging on my lap just flew onto the floor of the truck and I spilled my pepsi. Then as we approached the emergency entrance while looking for a parking place it happened again when my whole body had a huge spasm that made me practically jump off the seat. I think that the timing was about the same time that Michael's heart stopped beating and was being jump started two times.
This is the absolute truth.
I would never make up such a thing.
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