serious question no flames please

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yellerroseintx

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to make a long story short...my hubby bought a mare against my wishes and pocketbook. she has no papers no history..She is wild, unappraochable will kick and aim right at you if cornered..... I have been around enough horses to know the type that has the potential to hurt someone..(we have children that come visit)....she is also bigger than I thought we had decided on..she is approx 40 maybe 41" WHAT WAS HE THINKING!!! Ok, back to the more pressing problem........the trouble is ..she is pregnant...getting bigger daily....I think she will go before 2006.......I watch my 17 month old grandbaby daily..hubby works.. 5 months,mare is still the same.....noone has the time she needs...can do nothing with her and I think I must have some deep seated hostility towards her because of how she came here..and I KNOW its not her fault she was made that way not born that way..I am not proud of how this makes me feel or even understand why...
but I am just trying to be honest....I have never had an animal I did not like or get along with..I always thought I was a kind and loving person....till now....
this has been so upsettiong to me...that I just cannot seem to warm up to this poor horse.......

worming..shots, brushing, bonding, treats, Vet..farrier, imprinting...foaling.....how will this happen

I took a chance on posting this....and I am asking for your help on how to deal with this mare..........so much for a 'long story short'
 

LizardBreath

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Maybe you two just don't click?
Not much help but a thought anyway. Is there a chance maybe you could sell her to someone who would have the knowledge and time to work with her, and then you could get a mare better suited to your family? Hopefully everything will work out for you and her.
 

yellerroseintx

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LizardBreath...how do you sell a horse that is, well, not a nice horse....she has alot of baggage
 
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justaboutgeese

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Tell your husband to take care of her. I have a fondness for animals that size. With proper handling she will be able to take the two of you on some pleasant afternoon drives. There are some methods of training other than the whisper methods that are popular today. She might benefit from some companionship and warm up to you as time goes on.
 

Buckskin gal

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Sounds like a sad situation for both you and the horse. Hard to get attached to a horse that is wild and kicks but I would try my darndest to get her manners in order before she has that foal. Maybe you will become very attached to the foal and will want to keep it and then let the mare go to someone that is better suited to her. Too bad your hubby didn't let you in on the decision to get her. Maybe you wil just have to let her be his horse and you get what you want. Good luck

yellerroseintx said:
to make a long story short...my hubby bought a mare against my wishes and pocketbook. she has no papers no history..She is wild, unappraochable will kick  and aim right at you if cornered..... I have been around enough horses to know the type that has the potential to hurt someone..(we have children that come visit)....she is also bigger than I thought we had decided on..she is approx 40 maybe 41" WHAT WAS HE  THINKING!!! Ok, back to the more pressing  problem........the trouble is ..she is pregnant...getting bigger daily....I think she will  go before 2006.......I watch my 17 month old grandbaby daily..hubby  works.. 5 months,mare is still the same.....noone has the time she needs...can do nothing with her and I think I must  have some deep seated hostility towards her because of how she came here..and I KNOW its not her fault she was made that way not born that way..I am not proud of  how this makes me feel or even understand why...
but I am just    trying to be honest....I have never had an animal I did not like or get along with..I always thought I was a kind and loving person....till now....
  this has been so upsettiong to me...that I    just cannot seem to warm up to this  poor horse.......worming..shots, brushing, bonding, treats, Vet..farrier, imprinting...foaling.....how will this happen

I took a chance on posting this....and I am asking for your help on how to deal with this mare..........so much for a 'long story short'

466725[/snapback]

 

wildoak

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Sell hubby or just have him take care of this mare? hmm...


It's hard when you have a horse you don't get along with but it does sound like some changes are in order before she foals and you have a potential problem that you can't get your hands on. If you have the time and patience to work with her, I'd get serious about ground manners - or find someone in your area who could take her on and socialize her a bit. You might find you like her a little more if someone could get her past her bad behavior. I've had a few that I didn't get along with very well, and I found that if I made myself really invest some time in them that our relationship benefitted. didn't always mean they were near and dear to my heart
but their manners and my tolerance both improved lol.

Jan
 

USMCshamusmom

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over the years I've had a couple of personality conflicts with critters. sometimes you just can't develop a relationship with one! it happens, and you don't have to feel guilty about it! You can give her adequate basic care if you are the one to do chores, and let your husband deal with the rest of the handling... unless he is not really involved with the horses... if that is the case, maybe you can find a sympathetic person near you who would be willing to take on the challenge of making her behavior more socially acceptable. whatever you decide to do with her, don't feel guilty because you can't develop fondness for her, sometimes that just happens no matter how badly you want to get along. No different with relationships with some humans
 

OhHorsePee

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I have one just like her. Or she WAS just like her. She will still not accept a brushing but I can at least get two or three strokes on her which is a great improvement. She comes to me now. It took four people to get her hooves worked on. When we were done she stood there for at least five minutes lettting us all love on her. Even the farrier. She had biting, kicking, raring up at you issues. We love her to death! When we first got Promise she would jerk her head away from you with her eyes open really big and we kept figuring she had probably been beat. You never know what they have been put through. She is also pregnant and not registered. She was just let to run on 85 acres.

After she foals maybe you could train her to cart or let the Amish do it.

Good luck and God bless you for giving her a home.

Fran
 

ChrystalPaths

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She has some history and is very afraid. She does not associate people with anything "good", First I'd work on just getting her attention and rewarding it with a "cookie". If she won't "take" it from you toss it to her. Do this alot!

My BIG suggestion is to have our Bonnie read her. Yes I know it's $45 and you do have to believe. She has some issues and really isn't mean just very scared & insecure.

Bonnie is at Nationals right now in Tulsa but if you email her at bfogg@metrocast.com, she'll get with you as soon as she can.
 

Ashley

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She sounds just like my kind of horse! I love them kind.

Put her in a small area..........by herself. Get yourself a bucket or a chair and go out there daily and just sit there with a pale of grain in your lap and treats. SHe has to get used to you just being there before anything.
 

Marsha Cassada

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I agree about just giving her basic care right now and don't worry about getting close to her. If you don't like her, she may sense that. Give your husband a little slack. All of us have brought home an animal that wasn't perfect from time to time, and somebody had to live with us and the mistake.

Marsha
 

Jacquee'

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I don't think you need to feel guilty. Sometimes you end up with a horse that is just out of your ability to deal with. This is actually why there are trainers!!


In some cases, the best thing for all involved is to find someone who has the experience and ability to deal with a horse with so many issues, and GIVE the horse to that person. In this case, since the mare is pregnant, perhaps the person would agree to bring up the foal for your husband and let you have the foal when it is weaned. I don't know if you have a stallion, but you in turn could agree to breed the mare to your stallion once she is ready. This way, every creature involved makes out very well. The mare gets a home that understands her, you end up with a foal and they end up with a foal.

How do you find such a person? In my experience, you should ask all the local farriers!!! They really get around and meet all the horse people. They often know who is good with a horse, and who just SAYS they are good with a horse. You can also check at the feed store, and I would talk with all the local horse businesses.

I would also sit down and talk with your husband about this. Is he happy now that he bought this mare? We have some friends where a similar thing happened. The husband bought a colt against the wife's wishes. He claimed he would train the colt etc. Well, this colt was EXTREMELY alpha and would NOT accept the authority of humans. He would bare his teeth and charge people, constantly get in their space, turn and kick etc. He wasn't a miniature either! The husband kept putting off the training, saying the horse had to grow up etc. Well, he got worse and worse until finally I told the husband the horse was a serious menace to their lives. I asked him how he would feel to come home and find his wife laying seriously injured by this horse. They asked their farrier, and he knew the perfect home for this horse so they gave him away. (By that time the horse was a 2-yr-old and had left a trail of hoofmarks and teethmarks on everyone!!!) That was last year and I am happy to say that the horse is adjusting well and has the makings of a good saddle mount. The man who has him has the perfect blend of discipline and kindness. The people who gave him away are a lot happier too. I hope it works out good for you too!
 

capall beag

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I had a mare just like this! I DID not know it when I bought her! I swear they drugged her! and lo and behold she was pregnant!!!!

I tried to like her, really tried but everything was so hard! Farrier, vet, flyspray etc.

She had a GORGEOUS pinto filly, of course I couldn't even approach her to check or help out BUT she did fine.

The icing on the cake was when she got out and ran around our town with her filly, the police had to corner her and help catch her! That was it she had to go! I did find her a great home with a lady who had just retired looking for a project!!

That is when I got my first mini!!!!!!!

I woudl say, sometimes you just don't click. You are probably stressed out enough and busy chasing a 17 month old, I have a 14 month old
!

I think it only fair for your hubby to take care of this for you!

Of course, she could come around BUT if she was anything like my mare she had a mean streak or a "Don't think about it" streak and I don't like this in an animal.

I have rescued many animals and some, only a few, just don't want to be messed with and thats that!

I feel badly for you, that really isn't fair at all to you!!!!
 

Bess Kelly

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All the things posted can work.......some depends on horse and handler. Also, much depends on what the horse has already experienced/endured in her life.

I've taken the "sack out" approach to some yearlings before. Yep, in a stall, finally got the halter on and hung on!
About an hr later they had decided I was not gonna kill them, petting & rubbing were a good thing, we'd probably all live through it. Next day, we started over.....we'll not quite as bad to begin with but still scared of people. 2nd day on, we did a couple sessions a day plus some over the stall door communing. It's about trust and confidence.

Unfortunately I have a now 3 yr old mare that I didn't halter break, etc. (born here, shame, shame, shame on ME!!!!!) that I must now work with in same manner. She was handled at birth and for about 10 days......then, not. Her dam is a mare who does not like to be caught. Never abused and perfect manners once caught and haltered....just need to have her in a tiny catching pen.

NONE of these kicked....or were a tall as your mare. But, if she could be contained into a stand only sized stall, possibly she could be shown that she was not going to be hurt and thus become more sociable. It's a long, tough road to hoe. I'd ask hubby to get with her and fix the problem. If her problem is solely attitude and getting her way, these types of sack-out works quite often -- if the handle can live through it and has patience, understanding and strength


Also, Bonnie is a suggestion that is worth considering. There may be some issues that could come to light and help assist with her handling & re-training.

You'll get no flames from me -- what WAS he thinking????!!!!
 

Westwood Farms

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I had a mare like that once, she was a nutcase, and had never been abused, she had just never been touched. She was just a wild child. I loved her, and hardly ever touched her. She was the best mama, and actually saved another mares foal from being killed by a burro. She laid herself on the foal to protect it. So, I just let her be, and worked with the foals at weaning. They were always receptive, and very friendly foals, despite her efforts to make them otherwise.

but, my daughter was never with her, she was so unpredictable.
 

Hosscrazy

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How long have you had her at your place?

I know this sounds terrible, but when I found my stray dog, I did NOT want to keep her! I tried to give her away, but no one would take her. I took care of her "basic" needs and tolerated her for 2 years. Honestly, I did not really like her, just tolerated her. Well, 5 years later she's the best dog I have ever had - she protects me and my horses like no one's business!

I guess that's the question. Are you willing to give this time?

Liz R.
 

runamuk

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Sell the hubby
actually if he brought her home then HE needs to deal with her this means all of that stuff shots worming foaling etc...remind him of that
....I get reminded everytime I take in a pain in the butt


I have over the years had a few that did not work out either were not safe or just plain conflict of personality....you can re home these ones so long as you are very upfront about the issues you know of........

I just heard from the person I gave my gelding to that he now lets her catch him and scratch him all over they have bonded the way he and I never did....of course he was never bad just a pain to catch........

I do know of a couple that started out just like her and once in a home with someone who had the time and patience they came around and you'd never know they had been untrusting........but it can take a few months or a few years....

no flames here
 

susanne

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No flames here, either. You don't get along with every human you meet, so why would there NOT be an occasional horse that you simply do not connect with?

On the other side (and I do not mean to offend), ask yourself honestly if your feelings for her are colored by resentment toward your hub for buying this mare...this would be basic human nature, so again no flames if this is the case.

There are certain things that are worth giving on for the sake of your relationship. Your husband must have really like this mare to have bought her, and that to me makes it worthwhile giving this your best effort.

I would also assume that she has been mistreated, and I'd do everything in my power to show her that not all humans are cruel. Perhaps she'll never be the docile, malleable horse you'd like her to be, but you might at least get her past her terror of humans.

I'd do what Ashley suggested, although in this case, I'd sit out in a corral. Bring a chair, a book, and lots of irresistable treats. Don't even think about trying to touch her -- let her make all the moves. Just let her see that you are harmless. She will eventually be so curious that she has to check you out. Again, let her make all the moves. Eventually you can hold a treat in your hand, but let her choose to come to you and to take it.

If you feel that you've done all you can and have done right by your husband (and he has seen the effort you've made), then you can discuss finding an appropriate home for her...unless you have room to let her be simply a pasture ornament.

My heart hurts for animals who are so fearful...if we could only unlock all of their secrets...
 

Buckskin gal

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Any offers on the husband yet
If you do decide to keep the mare she just might surprise you and come around to being a lot friendlier. About a year a go we bought a beautiful mare that had been strictly a brood mare and never handled. Today, because of the love she has received, cookies and attention, I can say she is a much friendlier horse and she has much more confidence. Mary
 

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