OK... I'm through with it!

[~Karen~]

As much as I was excited about getting property, it has done nothing but upset me so far, and I hate it! Paul (hubby) has now began letting his brother, Lary (the one I have issues with to begin with) start teing limb lines out to catch fish. Now what kind of sport is that?? We were walking down the road next to our lake when I noticed a bread bag with dead perch in it. I got very upset and told Paul. He said that this was Larrys doings. I went off about how I don't like how he has just waltzed his way in and trashing up our place with no respect how he goes out there nearly every day, fishing and doesn't have to make a single property payment and I haven't thrown a line yet, have only been able to be out there 4 times since even seeing the place and our own children hasn't even gotten to rightfully fish yet. I was furious! Paul had the gall to tell me not to say anything to tick Larry off! WHAT!!! Like my feelings don't matter for nothing!! So I spoke up and said, SEE! you just let him run all over us, and you wonder why I don't care for him! Anyways, I spoke about what I felt, not that it did any good what so ever, and we began to walk a little more... OHHHH what is THIS in the water? It's a limb line! saw a rope tied off. I began pulling it out of the water and just knew what it was! What kind of sport is this? There is no joy in "fishing" this way! OK... so Paul wants the lake to be completely fished out? How many more lines is he going to allow it is starting with 6 of them! What about jug lines when LARRY gets that boat he is now talking about! GRRRR. Are my feelings selfish here? Paul says that the bag of perch (which also came from our water, was fish bait, and Paul, PAUL rebaited the hooks!!! MAN!)

Anyways, so we have to go to their dad blame house to drop some stuff off. So what do they begin bragging about to me. A 25" catfish they pulled out of OUR lake! It was like a slap in the face! They KNOW I haven't gotten the chance to ejoy our place not at all, but they went on and on and on about this fish they pulled out. That should have been our childrens fish to catch 1st, our childrens! Not theirs! :~( Oh. But it doesn't matter, they don't have to make any payments on the place, they don't have to restock the lake, so that's ok that they can do all this, and STILL trash it, yeah, it's all ok, because it's only brothers property anyways, so it's all ok. Then they pulled out a photo album showing their friends that went out with them and all the fun they were having and all the fish they caught with captions like so and so caught 20 fish, and so and so caught 30 fish and we caught 20 fish. Most were perch, but they are stripping the lake of the perch now, I can already see the difference at the number of perch that use to come to the dock and that comes to the dock now.

I feel like it isn't even our place, the beauty of it is being stripped away from us and Paul is too blind to see and he refuses to say anything to his precious brother.

Well, they can have the lake, but the pastures will be mine and the kids, and if I EVER, EVER see anyone out there with a ciggerette, I just know I am going to come completely unglued, and I could care less if every stinkin one of them hate me for it!!! The pasture and all that is within it is off limits without my say so. And they had better NOT sit one of their butts on any of the horses without my personal invitation (which they probably will not get!) Label me a jerk or any other label they want, I don't care any more! I am hurt, angry, upset, and feeling very hateful towards them at this moment! I HATE feeling this way. I want to be the kind of person that everyone enjoys being around, but I am so tired of being burned and always getting the short end of the stick.

(To top it all off, yesterday was my husbands last day to get the cabin cleaned and our things moved from this place to there since he has to work today and tomarrow. It rained off and on yesterday, so he used that as an excuse and did NOTHING at all.... oh. yes, he helped his brother, sister and their friend take down their yard sale because they needed help... OH, PAH-LEZE!! What about us? They have yet to lift a finger of help to us! So, now, today, I am procrastinating, but I guess I need to do something, right?

At least when I get out there, I can start going around unbaiting the limb lines when no one is looking, right?

Oh yeah. It seems that no matter what my ideas that I like, they get shot down. Well, I want a white rail fence with chicken wire on it and westeria growing all over it on the part that runs between the lake and the road. Paul said he didn't want that. For the 1st time ever, I said stearnly "BUT IIIII DO! I want a white rail fence and westeria right THERE! I want that!" I've always been easy going before about wants and desires, but this time I just really spoke up. BY golly, if his stinkin brother can do and have what he wants, it's about high time I get a little of what I want too!

~A very upset Karen

 

[laughingllama75]

:no: May God give you strength.......your gonna need it. The fact your hubby is not supporting your feelings... I bet your as frustrated as all get out. I would get rid of the fishing lines, and say you don't want them there. As far as making anyone mad, its your house and lakefront, darn it! Let them go somewhere else. But thats just my opinion. I guess if you need to be peaceful, just grin and bear it, and hopefully hubby will get sick of them after a while. Or maybe the brother will get tired of always mooching off someone else. Good luck, and don't kill anyone. I don't want to see you on the six o' clock news, LOL. :bgrin

Alicia

 

[Bassett]

Karen, I don't know what state you are in, but check the fishing laws. In Wisconsin even on private property, there are limits on game fish. And you DO need a license to fish. A perch is a game fish. Make sure he is abiding by the law or turn him in.. He probably needs a special license to leave lines in the water unattended. Then he is also limited to the amount of lines he can have. And all lines have to have a tag, issued by the state. Sounds like set lining to me, which he then can not KEEP game fish. I think he is breaking laws at every turn. I hate to say this but I wouldn't even tell your husband. I would call the DNR and ask a few questions, find out the laws and TRY to have someone check him out. Your husband will probably know it was you, but he has a moral obligation to stand up for your feelings and rights and if he insists on standing up for his brother you will just simply have to do what you can to protect yourself and your property. You are between a rock and a hard place. You have worked so hard for this place and it seems to becoming a nightmare for you instead of a dream. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. But that is what I would do, check around on the laws and see if what he is doing is legal in your state.

Hang in there love, it just has to start getting better soon.

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[wade3504]

I feel for you. Thanfully, we live quite a distance from my husband's brothers who sound just like your husbands. The only reason they haven't tried to move in and mooch off of us is that the apartment we live in is on my parents' property and they won't let them.

I have to say you sound like me. People have walked over me for a long time and just recently I've really started speaking up and have really shocked some people but like you I've had it. My husband is quite impressed and my mom says that it's always the quiet ones that you have to watch out for.

:

If you get out to your property by yourself take the lines out don't just unbait them and make sure you get your fence. Don't back down.

My friend told me in an email the other day to tell people this " I'm handing out lollipops and Butt kickings today, but I am fresh out of Butt kickings." Well, I'm not restocking the lollipops for some people. She also used a stronger word than butt but I'm sure you can figure that out.

 

[Pepipony]

You are a better person than I!! I would have totally and completely flipped out on Larry already. Probably on the hubby too

: This is gonna be mean but oh well. Bag up all of Larrys bs around there and put in hubbys car/truck/shop. Then whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE IN and clean it up for him. Men can be so *&&$^#% dense it isnt funny. Mine would do doughnuts in the drive, slinging rock into the yard.I asked, I begged , I asked even more for him to please not do that! Eveytime I wanted to mow, I had to pick up rocks. One day I had had it up to here, put all the rocks in a bucket and dumped them all over his shop

: He has yet to sling rocks into the yard and its been a year LOL

We have this deal here, whatever I have to take care of, I can have anyway I want. Ditto for him. Which leaves everything but his shop open for me to decorate

: Works for both of us. TG in that respect he is easy to please LOL

Good luck!! Oh, and its not murder if they cant find the body :bgrin ( kidding!!!!)

 

[sharon]

That is a really tough situation! First off......SHAME on your husband for not sticking up for you!! That is not the tpe of man I would want being my partner in life. And his brother sounds to me like a total irresponsible jerk.

One thing is this: they are feeding off your feelings and the more you complain and act out about it, the more they will continue to taunt you. Kind of like a kid throwing a temper tantrum, the more you say no, the more they act up. So I guess you could say that your husband, his brother and their friends and just a bunch of immature brats.

I totally understand how you wanted your kids to be able to be the first to fish there, I totally understand how you want the lake to be yours and yours alone unless you give permission.

I would make up a bunch of signs, or better yet, buy some from a sporting goods store that say something like, "No fishing or trapping allowed without prior consent of the owner of this property."

I am the type of person who would be feeling the exact same way as you do. The only thing different than you and me is that my husband sticks up for me, and because of this, we haven't seen one sister of his for 7 years now and we don't care to. She only lives about 6 miles from here too. There came a point where the 3 of us were in a room, and my husband had a choice of walking out with his sister, or staying with me. He not very kindly escorted his sister to the door, all the while she was screaming that they were family and how could he do this to family. His words to her, "I chose my wife. I had no choice in my family." And that was that. She's out of our lives.

I think your husband has to grow some #*lls and stick up for you. Until he does, you are going to have to try your best to ignore them. Like I said before, they are feeding off your feelings right now and if you show no interest, maybe they'll grow up and go away.

Things might get a bit easier after you are moved in there. If you do go around and remove their lines, make sure you do it when they are no where around, and trash the stuff so they have nothing left. Don't leave the trashed stuff around for them to see either.

The best of luck to you!!

Bonnie must have been typing the same time as me....

Definately check out the fishing laws and all in your state. A local sporting goods store probably has a compendeum or something that you can just go in and take home to read. And don't forget those signs!!

 

[~Karen~]

Ohhh, thanks you all for such understanding. So why is it so hard for my own husband to understand when everyone else understands?

The laws stink around here unfortunatly because on private property you can fish without a liscense any way you desire to and you can allow anyone on your property to fish the same without any lisc, which is a total BUMMER! So since he has my husbands permission, no matter how many signs, no matter what I say or how I feel or what he does, he still has Pauls permission and the kids and I are screwed on this one. It's too bad that we have to live in the cabin that overlooks the dock and the whole lake so I have to be tormented by all this going on that I don't approve. If I were to take the lines completely out, I am afraid it would really be disasterous between Paul and I. I tried to take the 1st one I saw out and Paul made me leave it alone, thats when he baited it and tossed it back out, so really my only other choice is just unbaiting if I don't want a family war over it. Like I have said, I do love my husband very much, and although this just kills me inside, I have to endure, but I do refuse to be quiet about it. That is soooo why I have tried for many years to move far away from them all, but Paul refuses to do so, and since I saw a taste of this and was aware before we got married, I chose to endure it because of so many other qualities I love about him. But it doesn't hide the fact that I have anger boiling up inside of me over ESPECIALLY this! I knowwww they are going to hate me when the horses are added to the mix and I won't let them have anything to do with them, including going into the pasture with ciggs! Why oh why does it have to be this way?

The beauty of it is dieing quickly in my heart, even before ever getting to enjoy it.

~Karen

 

[Marty]

Karen, I told you before this happend to us at our other farm. Fished it out, littered, and trashed it up.

It's a MAN THING, plain and simple. They just do not get it.

The only thing you can do is to resolve this with your husband once and for all.

HOUSE FIGHT! :xbud: :xbud: :xbud: :new_2gunsfiring_v1: :new_2gunsfiring_v1: :new_2gunsfiring_v1: :new_2gunsfiring_v1: :new_2gunsfiring_v1:

You have to take a stand with Paul and say NO, and then he has to take a stand with his brother and say NO. Tell him you can blame it all on you and use you as the big excuse.......that's what I did and how the men fok saved face. If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy and Larry doesn't have to live with you but hubby does.

I finally put my foot down and said NO FISHING PERIOD and that means everyone and not just a chosen few. You open it up to one, and the rest will follow.

 

[wade3504]

"Ohhh, thanks you all for such understanding. So why is it so hard for my own husband to understand when everyone else understands?"

Cause it's women who are responding and understanding. It's just like Marty said, It's a man thing.

Amanda

 

[minisaremighty]

Karen, I told you before this happend to us at our other farm. Fished it out, littered, and trashed it up.
It's a MAN THING, plain and simple. They just do not get it.

The only thing you can do is to resolve this with your husband once and for all.

HOUSE FIGHT! :xbud: :xbud: :xbud: :new_2gunsfiring_v1: :new_2gunsfiring_v1: :new_2gunsfiring_v1: :new_2gunsfiring_v1: :new_2gunsfiring_v1:

You have to take a stand with Paul and say NO, and then he has to take a stand with his brother and say NO. Tell him you can blame it all on you and use you as the big excuse.......that's what I did and how the men fok saved face. If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy and Larry doesn't have to live with you but hubby does.

I finally put my foot down and said NO FISHING PERIOD and that means everyone and not just a chosen few. You open it up to one, and the rest will follow.

I tend to agree with Marty. This isn't realy about the fish anyway, it's about your relationship with Paul and it needs some compromise. If the house fight doesn't work, I'd say some counseling is in order.

 

[Miniv]

Well.........I agree with EVERYONE who's posted so far.

Make your Husband's Life heck until he opens his eyes. The property is your's too, so stick to your guns.

I also agree that if you have to - quietly remove all the fishing lines when no one's around and disguard them somewhere.

I like Marty's approach -- "If MOM isn't happy -- NO ONE is going to be happy!"

MA

 

[Warpony]

"Ohhh, thanks you all for such understanding. So why is it so hard for my own husband to understand when everyone else understands?"

Cause it's women who are responding and understanding. It's just like Marty said, It's a man thing.

Amanda

I'm not entirely sure of that. I was discussing this with my husband when it first came up and he was disgusted that everyone else's feels were more important to her husband then Karen's. Though that may be partially because of his frustration over the issues we had out here with our off road track and it makes him more understanding.

I wouldn't just chalk this up to being a "man thing", I'd chalk it up to a lack of respect by a spouse for their significant others needs.

Karen, I am sorry this is all spoiling your joy at having a beautiful place in the country. (((hug))) I do hope things get better.

 

[Sonya]

How about a gate with a lock on it to keep them from driving on your property...they could still walk up the drive, but make it harder and do it whether Paul likes it or not, even if you have to pay someone to do it.

 

[Dontworrybeappy]

I'd feel the same way - VIOLATED.

How's this for a compromise, though.... Larry has to PAY a monthly fee to fish there - with the money going into hiring a clean-up person and re-stocking the pond. Make the amount more than enough to cover the clean-up person, and plenty enough to buy more fish.

Perhaps then he and your hubby will start to get a clue about responsibility.... or at least Larry might go fish somewhere else where the fishing is cheaper. (for him, anyway... it's going to cost you and your hubby either way!)

Really, your hubby does NOT want to have to take care of a lake that's fished out, does he? There are significant upkeep issues with lakes without sufficient fish - algae, water weeds that have to be pulled out, smells, and more! Maybe you can do some research about the upkeep, the costs (of fish, caretakers, etc.)

And, sorry to say, but do you really think this lack of respect for your wishes and your property will STOP when it comes to your horses? How many busted fences, sick horses, etc... will it take before your husband starts to draw a line or two?

You are not over-reacting at all, imho. The whole thing would be keeping me up nights!

 

[Sonya]

I was going to add too....maybe the brother will get bored with your property once the "newness" wears off...not fair that you should have to wait for that to happen and certainly not a "solution".

Is the brother helping you at all with anything...moving, fixing up the place? I would make that mandatory if he's going to fish the pond and have his kids out there....maybe make a comment in front of him like...well...you're here enough perhaps you could help out...cut grass...help us move, put up horse fence!

As for your hubby...I don't think that he is purposefully disprespecting your wishes. He probably feels the same way you do, but him admiting to it would mean that he would have to do something about it and he doesn't know how to do "something" without upseting his brother. He finds it easier to upset you and deal with it then he does to upset his brother (and then possibly the whole family). Certainly not fair and I'm sure he knows it. I know you were all very stressed getting this property (moving and buying is always stressful)...I hope everything works out...I wish I could offer a solution. I think Paul will come around, he's just trying to take the easy way out right now.

 

[whiskeyranch]

There is no way in the world that I would put up with this!!!!

The brother, family and my hubby could all kiss my grits if they wanted to act that way around my home where I chose to spend my days!!

I would throw a fit. First, I would make some signs, One that says NO FISHING!! Then I would walk out to that lake pull up everything, throw it out by the entrance, I would put up a gate, then wait for my hubby to get home and rip him a new one. When he got there I would let him know he can have the place and his family who want to trash everything. Or he could live there happily with his family! End of story. And I bet I would win.

Not making waves with your husband is not going to make you or your kids a happy life. Sometimes the ocean gets rough, it has to, to clear out all the junk!! Sometimes, ticking off your husband, can clear out his foggy brain.

 

[Reble]

Just wanted to ask?

Stop and think, what is really bothering you? Is it his brother or fishing out the pond?

We stocked our pond, wish we had a chance to fish, the blue crane ate us out.

Can you come up with some boundaries and sit and talk to your husband about these.

Your hubby just might be so pleased with the place trying to show off with his brother.

Not a happy start to a wonderful find :new_shocked:

 

[sharon]

I wouldn't just chalk this up to being a "man thing", I'd chalk it up to a lack of respect by a spouse for their significant others needs.

I totally agree with this! This IS NOT just a man thing! It is about respect. My husband, nor any of the numerous hunting and fishing buddies of his, would EVER think of doing anything like this to anyone elses wives or properties. It doesn't matter that in this case it is brothers and not just friends. These two just have no respect.

I too told my hubby about this and I will not repeat what he had to say about it.

 

[Reble]

Karen I was reading the name of your ranch

Faith Creek Ranch, this too will pass and go by faith again

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