My Dad has passed

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Valerie

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May 31, 2004
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Location
Olympia, WA
I was honored to be able to spend almost 3 months helping care for my Dad at the end of his journey, and I am so thankful I was there to witness him pass peacefully. I am already missing him greatly but I am trying to take comfort in knowing he is with his family and my Mom, who I know he missed so much the past 5 years. Dad made it past his 77th birthday and we all got to sing him happy birthday on 1-7, and he passed peacefully on 1-10 at 6:05 am. The last few hours were much harder on my sisters and myself than they were for him, but I know that he was called home to Heaven and is now at peace.

We just held his funeral on 1-21 and it was such a nice celebration, he was a retired policeman and a Navy veteran, so the Salem Police Dept honored him with a color guard and he was also honored with a military presence, who came up to finish the service by playing "Taps" (which made me cry, so beautiful) and presented my oldest brother with the American Flag. We also had a family friend do a couple of solos, she sang Ave Maria and Amazing Grace, which she did beautifully! My Dad was a quiet man with a great sense of humor and I know he would have been humbled by all of the people who attended to honor his life.

Thank you to you all for your words of encouragement the past few months, this forum is really so much more than a horse forum, even if I do not have minis anymore, I feel like I have a place to come and hang out with friends.

Now we as a family of 7 kids have to pull together to get through the estate process, one child, is making it very difficult and all the rest of us can do is pray that this person finds the way. We had to have a sibling meeting on Sat after the funeral and it went very poorly, so suffice it to say the family ties are strained with one child. I know my parents are in Heaven and are happy, now all I can hope and pray for is that we can settle the estate with as little damage as possible. It is so sad to me that kids feel they are "owed" or "entitled" to anything, my parents worked hard and I have never ever felt they owed me anything, too bad all of us kids do not feel that way. I guess even with a living trust that spells everything out is just not good enough for one of the siblings...so very sad. One never wants to hear a sibling that he "hates" 3 of the other siblings and that this person "never" wants to see any of us again and "never" wants to go back to Salem. Very sad indeed, but I figure this sibling needs help and if the person is not willing to get the help, nobody can force the person to seek the help. I am not going to go in specifics, all I can do is pray for this person and that is what I have done.

I am just going to finish this by saying, if you have loved ones alive, please tell them you love them and if you have conflicts work on resolving them, I know we never know all the sides of a story, but life is too short to be miserable and be so hateful towards others.

Today I took a day off just to regroup and focus and reflect on things. Hugs to you all.

Valerie
 
Dear Valerie

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad .

Everyone deals with grief differently , so hopefully your sibling that is causing the problems is just dealing with their own grief . No one can tell you how you feel and everyone has to deal with it in their own way .

It is such a stressful time and your last few months have consumed with your care giving to your Dad.

Money causes such problems ...I keep telling my Mom to spend it ....that we will only fight ...the funny thing is now she is starting to do that and also tells her friends the same ...she's going to spend it "the kids will only fight over it "
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Take care of yourself and give yourself time to deal with your loss ......hugs.....Ann
 
I am soo sorry to hear...but I am sure he is in a better place now....

I know how it is to look after loved ones in their last days...my grandmother, who lived with us for 8 years, passed away here...it was very hard to see her go, and it was very sudden when she started to go... We also had to deal with a brother of my Mom's who has been very difficult since their parents moved out of the home that the kids were raised in....it is really too bad to have family tensions like that....especially at a time when they really need each other...

((((hugs))))

~kathryn
 
Valerie, my thoughts are with you and I would love to be able to give you a hug. What you have written about your Dad is beautiful. I hope things will soon work out with your one sibling and things will be as easy as can be possible.
 
So sorry to hear of your father's passing but he is with your mom and is not suffering. I come from a family of 7 kids too and my dad passed away 17 years ago and mom is still around (I am very thankful) but dread the day when it comes with all of us "together" in that situation it is a hard time I am sure for you and your family.
 
I am so sorry for the loss of your father.My dad died in 1974 and I still miss him every day.Daddies can always fix things for their little girls.My dad is where I got my love of animals especially horses.I am sorry you are having issues with siblings.Death can bring out the best in people and sometimes the worst.Sounds like you have some wondeful memories of your mom and dad.Maybe your 1 sibling will come around, but sometimes they just never do.My sister(the baby) is 65 and she's still a selfish brat.Our family keeps hoping she will change, but we realize that it probably never will.We just try to ignore her bad behavior and deal with her only when absolutely necessary. Again I am so sorry for the loss of your father.
 
My condolences to you Valerie and your family. Your Dad sounds like he was a wonderful man. Many hugs.
 
Thank you for sharing this sad experience with us. Sending healing thoughts your way for a smooth and loving completion of your parents wishes.

It just seems that it's rare for these things to go well, no matter how well things are planned and laid out.

Wishing you some peace at this sad time.
 
Valerie, I am sooo very sorry for your loss. Having gone through a very similar experience as you describe in this post with my Mom, I can certainly relate. (((HUGS)))
 
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{{{{{{{{{{Valerie}}}}}}}}}}

I'm so sorry you lost your dad. Both of your parents will be waiting to greet you some day!

It's a shame that some people can't see beyond themselves.

(your brother)

You take care! I also send you a great big hug!!!
 
Valerie...I am so sorry for your loss! I can not say I know how you feel because I have not lost a parent, but I have been in a position of watching siblings "fight" over an estate before. So sad to see that happen to a family that was once very close.

I hope your sibling will think about their actions and come together for the family.

{{{hugs}}}
 
So sorry to hear of your loss Valerie. Your father sounded like a wonderful fellow. What a lovely send-off he had. I am sure he liked watching that, with his wife by his side.

Don't feel alone in the current family problem. We are also going through the same thing. Several children agreeing and one making a huge problem. And worse - the one being troublesome, is a pastor who goes around the country preaching. Many would know him. It's such a disgrace.

Sending a gentle hug.

Lizzie
 
Good to see you on here Valerie.

I know I was probably bugging you via text. But just wanted you to know how much I respect you and am proud of you. So glad you were with him. Stuff doesn't matter and you know that. Your sibling sounds like they have their own issues.
 
So sorry to hear of your loss. So nice to hear you where by his side.

Thinking of you in your time of need.

and I also will pray for your sibling

God Bless you and your family.. (((HUGS)))
 
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you.
 
Valerie, I am so very sorry that you lost your beloved father. Please know I am thinking of you at this difficult time and my prayers are going out to you and your family. My most sincere condolences.
 
Valerie, my sincere condolences.

I hope the time you were able to spend with your dad, in his last months carries you thru

this difficult time.

You and 5 siblings are honoring your father, and by that your mother, by follwing his wishes.

There is so much, that is positive, to take from that. Hopefully it will ease your grief.

Seems many of us have walked the path you are taking now and there always seems to be a difficult one.

Take good care.
 
So sorry to read of your father's passing but sounds like he is in a much happier place now... I am also very sorry to read of the troubles about the estate. I hope that it can all be worked out.
 

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