Thank you everyone for the replies and kind words. Yes, I have found a new faith in God as well. Shawn told me all through life that you don't have to see something to believe it, but that you only have to believe in something to see it. Well, now I am going on that same faith that he gave me, knowing in my heart that he is up in Heaven smiling down on me and guiding me through this life until it's my time to join him. He also would never let me give up on my dreams and so I won't give up now. Every day hurts so bad, but his memory keeps me going. I can still hear him standing beside me telling me that anything is possible through hard work and faith. So I'm going to keep working hard and believing that he is in a better place, through that maybe it will be possible to make life livable again someday. I talk to him every day and in his own special way he talks to me as well. Life will never, ever, be the same but I will find a way to go on because I know that is what he would want, I will go on and keep roping, and keeping his memory alive in my heart and soul.