In need of some mothering advise

[MiniforFaith]

HI everyone,

As most of you know, I lost my mom five years ago, now.. And I am not close to Paul's mom, so when it comes to things I need help with, well I just don't have many options.. The problem I am having with my son Jamie(who will be 13 on Sunday, man, I am feeling older!!) He has stuttered since he started to talk.(My husband stutters, too and he will be 39 at the end of this month). I held him back his first year of school, and he has been in speech therapy for it all of his life..(Threw a speech therapist, and now at school) .

He was doing well with accepting his speech. But I think it is his age and trying to fit in, he is really letting it bother him. To the point of making his stuttering much, much worse.. His grades have dropped very much..

ANd that hospital episode didn't help either.. I have been in contact with his teacher, and she has ntoiced how much he has withdrawn.. He use to always raise his hand and speak.. Was always willing to do anything they asked, and was out going. Now, he has gone into his shell, sorta speaking..I know he has lost his self confidence.. I've talked to him, and he says he hates school now, because everyone looks at him like he is retarded.. No one that I know of makes fun of him, and he keeps saying that they aren't. But, how do I get my Jamie back? i have been working with him at home with his speech, and he does better here, because he is more comfortable.. How do you help a 13 year old boy feel better about something he can not help?? And I feel terrible, because I can't make it go away. Then he says I really don't understand, because I don't stutter.. No, but I have been with my husband for over 17 yrs now and I know how it has affected him..And I was there for every speech session, watching and learning.. I try to do things to make him feel special, but that all goes out the door when he goes to school. And next year, he will be going to the high school, so that is bothering him too..

Does anyone have any helping suggestions?? Please I am at my wits end, and just wish that I could be more help to him..

Thanks..

 

[hobbyhorse23]

Does he have one special thing that he's very good at? My entire school life was miserable from start to finish but the one bright spot was that I had the horses. Mom would bring them to the elementary school at recess (we lived within riding distance) and all of a sudden as I swung up into the saddle I was cool. For five minutes the other kids would crowd around and look at me with respect and anything I said was gospel. As soon as the horses left it was heck again of course but for a few minutes I could feel proud and special. They gave me something to focus on, a way to make friends, and something no one else had.

Is your son good with computers? A skateboarder? A wannabe movie producer? Find his one special thing and help him parlay that into an identity instead of letting his stutter define who he is.

Leia

 

[MiniforFaith]

He likes the horses, but Faith and I are more invovled with them.. He loves to build models and work on his tractors(he has 4 lawnmowers already). He really does well with doing hands on things..I take him to model shows and he does win at them. He feels that he isn't popular because all of the boys are into sports, and he isn't.. Between his Asthma and his feet(he is kinda flat footed) he doesn't like to do sports.. Thanks Leia, I will try to work on finding him that something special..

 

[Sue_C.]

There is hope...it might be hard for him to beleive...but he can outgrow this with determination, and a lot of hard work. Although niether of my parents stutter, it is "in the family", and my oldest brother stuttered terribly from his first words, until he was a young adult. He was very late learning to talk as well...I can remember my Mom being afraid he wouldn't be able to go to school at five, because he just didn't talk inteligibly at all. (She did end-up holding him back in grade one, and that, he really needed.)

Amazingly, he is now a Minister, and I have never heard him stutter when performing any of the ceremonies he must; or in a regular Sunday service.

I am sure that Ihave read somewhere that many of Histories Famous people have been stutterers...try a Google Search, and perhaps you can find something there.

I personally wouldn't live my teen years again for anything...and at the time...I THOUGHT I was having fun. OH!

 

[Marty]

http://www.stutteringhelp.org/Default.aspx?tabid=492

Watch the Video

 

[MountainMeadows]

Can he sing? My husband stuttered, but when he sang it completely disappeared, eventually he outgrew the "problem", but it still lurks there. Perhaps singing to music, videos, I-pod, etc might help bring him out of his shell and give him a different focus as well as a lot of the other suggestions you have gotten.

Please keep us posted, I am sure this is terribly difficult for him and as his mother I can't imagine how it must feel to feel so helpless.

Hugs ((( )))

Stacu

 

[chandab]

I am sure that Ihave read somewhere that many of Histories Famous people have been stutterers...try a Google Search, and perhaps you can find something there.

I only know of one well-know person that stutters... Mel Tillis He was a phenominal country singer, but he stuttered with daily speech.

 

[minisaremighty]

It's a struggle as a kid to stutter, as if the teenage years aren't tough enough in general. Look at the list below though. Most of these people you would never know ever stuttered. James Earl Jones has a beautiful voice (and I never once heard Darth Vader stutter!). It can be overcome, just keep encouraging him. Have him watch some of these people and see how clearly they speak now, he might be encouraged by them. Another one not on the list is Tiger Woods...



Actors, singers, and entertainers

James Earl Jones — Broadway, television, and movie star.

Mel Tillis — country music singer and songwriter. He was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame and received the lifetime achievement award in 2007. He has also been inducted into the Grand Ole Opry. Tillis and his band, the Statesiders, released such hits as I Ain't Never, Good Woman Blues, and I Believe in You.

Nicholas Brendon — TV star Xander in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

John Melendez — announcer for the Tonight Show, musician, actor and comedian

Bruce Willis — leading actor

Jimmy Stewart — actor

Julia Roberts — Academy Award-winning actress

Robert Merrill — opera star

Budd Schulberg — On the Waterfront, Oscar winner

Peggy Lipton — actress from TV show Mod Squad and Twin Peaks

Sam Neil — actor

Eric Roberts — actor

Raymond Massey — actor deceased

Carly Simon — singer

Jack Paar — late show host

Anthony Quinn — actor

Marilyn Monroe — actress and singer

Bill Withers — singer and song writer

Shane Yellowbird — country music star from Canada

Tom Sizemore — actor famous for role in Saving Private Ryan

Emily Blunt — actress

Harvey Keitel — actor

 

[MiniforFaith]

Can he sing? My husband stuttered, but when he sang it completely disappeared, eventually he outgrew the "problem", but it still lurks there. Perhaps singing to music, videos, I-pod, etc might help bring him out of his shell and give him a different focus as well as a lot of the other suggestions you have gotten.

Please keep us posted, I am sure this is terribly difficult for him and as his mother I can't imagine how it must feel to feel so helpless.

Hugs ((( )))

Stacu

Thanks everyone, and Stacy you hit the nail on the head.. I feel like I have failed as being a mom. He had such a good out look on the stuttering. He has had all the help we can get him. He was being seen by a speech path. three times a week for an hour.(Even when I had Faith, the whole 55 days she was in the NICU, he still had his speech 3 times a week, as she came to the house) This is his worst ever rough episode with the stuttering.. Today, he stopped talking to me 4 times and said never mind.. he has never done that before. Then I try to get him to talk about it, and he just says it isn't worth talking about since he can't talk.. It took him 5 min. to say 4 words..

I just feel so helpless and that there isn't anything I can do to help him..He has never shut down talking to me before..

He really doesn't like to sing, either.. Just about a month and a half ago his speech teacher at school said he was doing so well that she was only going to see him once a week.. So to go from that to this is just so hard to watch.. He learned a lot of controls but he just can't seem to get them to work.. Now with his Birthday party on Sun. he is even talking about me cancealing it.. The party was his idea, and so were all the friends he invited..

As a mom, how do you help someone that is hurting so much??

I cried tonight, after he went to bed.. He was trying to tell me he loved me and good night, but it would not come out, so he said never mind..That was truely very hard.

 

[pinck43]

If he is good at models, have him see if he can start a model club and carry it on into high school. Our high school always allow new types of clubs if aproved by administration. If it goes well, they could have a model show. dionne

 

[Alex]

Jodie-

I hope hes doing better today! Any updates?

 

[MiniforFaith]

Jodie-

I hope hes doing better today! Any updates?

Thanks Alex for asking..

No not really, he is about the same.. I did have him watch some of the video's from the web page Marty posted.. I pray that he is somewhat better for tomorrow.. I wish for his Birthday, he has a good day..

 

[_minihorses4ever_]

I don't stutter, but I can definetly feel his pain. The pressure to be "cool" these days in school is crazy.. I experience it first hand everday, being I am 14. I don't know the people at his school, but most of the people at mine (Including I) would never intentionally hurt someone because of stuttering.. I definetly understand, there is something "wrong" with every single one of us.

Tell him to keep his chin up and try, because I know he can do it! He should definetly have that party too.. These people are coming because they are HIS FRIENDS, meaning they care nothing about the stuttering, but having fun with him!

 

[shelia]

Pressures of being a teenager are so much more than we can remember! I know many of you may disagree with me on this, but studies have shown that kids who are home schooled and not presented with the pressures of being around bullies or other kids that just don't know any better, become better adjusted adults. Someone has hurt him deeply! We all just think that is a part of growing up and kids should learn to deal with it. Some kids don't deal well with these things and will be better able to deal with it when they are older and more confident. If my son was going through something so dramatic, I would remove him from the problem! I don't mean isolate him completely, but just give him a net beneath. That way it will give him the confidence to venture out on his own terms. It will not make him too dependent on you. Quite the opposite. Kids who are loved and protected by there parents become very independent and well adjusted. You have to respect and believe what he is telling you. If he knows you are there for him in case he falls he will be more likely to try new things.

Having online friends could help a lot! (Too bad it is so dangerous!) You could allow that. Discuss the dangers and the rules and let him know you will be monitoring it closely.

Shelia B.