I'm at my wits end

[KanoasDestiny]

It's funny that you suggested recording phone messages. After all of that happened with Lindsay, I definately wanted to and looked for all possible ways to. But I seriously doubt that he cheated on me, as it took nearly four months for him to even want to sleep with me. He is really choosy in that aspect. Still, there was no need to put himself in an awkward position in the first place.

He now carpools with an older man who I do think is a good influence on him. He is married, with 5 kids? But he has always been really respectful towards me and understands why I was mad when Mark called about the fake hospital visit (he was the one my husband went 4-wheeling with). He also doesn't get amusement out of the text messages that goes around from co-workers. I also like his wife a lot, she seems to be very nice also. If Mark hung out with people like that more, I wouldn't mind. But he surrounds himself with the "Fun Group". I understand that guys will be guys but when his attitude towards me changes, then I get upset. He has never hit me or anything like that, but just the fact that he doesn't want to sit down and talk things out anymore bothers me. Especially when he is full of attitude and tells me to shut up when I try to address something. 80% of the time, he is a wonderful person. But when I say anything against his friends or something that he does that bothers me, he turns into a real jerk. I guess we all have our times and can switch really quickly, but this is just a big change for him. He has that "this is me, deal with it" attitude, instead of the "ok, maybe I can work on it" one that I'm used to. And in no way is this a one way street! If he brings something to my attention that something bothers him, I am willing to talk about it and come up with something that we can both be happy with.

It looks like I have a lot of thinking to do.

 

[Miniv]

The most important advice that I think everyone has given you is -- YOU ARE A VALUABLE HUMAN BEING. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

When he verbally "biffs" you -- be sure to tell him that you are NOT going to accept that! He needs to know that he just can't verbally push you around.

I also agree with previous posts that you need to protect yourself for the worst financially. It may never happen, but it's always wise to have your own little stash -- just incase.

I've been married almost 30 years and we have a wonderful relationship, BUT it wasn't always that way. We've seen several Peaks and Valleys over the years....Fortunately, my mother gave me wise counsel before she passed away about having my OWN money set aside. A woman should never be TOTALLY dependant on a man. And my mother's advice came from a WONDERFUL marriage!

And even though Larry and I are best friends, lovers, companions, and partners, I STILL keep my OWN stash. Larry knows it now, and accepts it...........as a matter of fact, his respect for me increased when I told him, but it took awhile before I DID tell him.

:

Just please look out for YOURSELF.

Blessings,

MA

 

[as if by magic 2]

UNFORTUNATELY NEW JOBS NEW MATES - JUST SAD THEY HAVEN'T A BRAIN CELL BETWEEN THEM.

HUBBY IS TRYING TO FIT IN - AT YOUR EXPENSE. IT MIGHT JUST ALL FIZZLE OUT, IT TAKES TIME AND MONEY TO PLAY WITH THE 'BOYS TOYS' QUADING/GOLFING /GO-KARTING ETC. HE'S JUST TRYING TO BE PART OF THE TEAM, LIKE HE COULDN'T GET A JOB WITH A BUNCH OF 60 YEAR OLDS, YOU COULD BE IN A NEW KNITTING GROUP BY NOW...

HIS RUDNESS IS INEXCUSABLE, DOSEN'T HE REALISE HE IS HURTING YOU DEEPLY WITH HIS WORDS AND LIES.

I BET A PENNY TO A POUND THOSE YOUNG GUYS WOULD WISH TO BE IN YOUR FELLAS SHOES, SETTLED DOWN WITH SOMEONE TO LOVE THEM, AND NOT HAVING TO butt AROUND WITH A BUNCH OF LADS DOING THE SAME OLD SAME OLD.

 

[KanoasDestiny]

Just wanted to update everyone. I vented, gave the silent treatment and then sat him down and talked about it. It wasn't easy, I told him exactly how I felt and how it was gonna be for now on (on my part and what I will not take). We had a very long talk while we were doing yard work. Not the best of time, as I was already tired and irritable. But we talked it over and he knows where I'm coming from, I still don't know where he was coming from, but he is who he is, and I realize that he isn't perfect. It's like one of the members said, pick your battles and make sure that it is worth fighting about. I won't settle for disrespect and I think that him telling me to shut up was what made the whole situation so madning. It wasn't too big of a deal to begin with and I only wanted to discuss it. But him getting mad and telling me that so many times sent it all overboard.

Anyways, long story short, I told him that he wasn't anymore mature than the friends he associates with and I think he realizes that. He has been trying hard to work on it this week (as he always does) and I am sure that it is only a matter of time till we fight over something else that isn't really worth fighting over to begin with. Isn't relatuionships great!?! Actually we seldom fight anymore which is a huge difference from when we got together. But now it hits me that much harder because I don't expect them. Thank you all for your advice and for just letting me vent to begin with.

 

[MiniHoofBeats]

Well good for you for sitting him down (er, doing yardwork rather!) and finally talking to him about what is going on. I think it's excellent you brought up how you didn't like it when he told you to shut up numerous times, that is just pure disrespect in a relationship. I hope he understands where you're coming from and for your sake, I hope he shapes up and puts an end to even some of the stuff he's been pulling on you, that would be at least a start!

Well you got further than me LOL we've been on "pause" for the last couple of days to let the stress die down...haven't talked about it since...i'm waiting for a good time like right when he's ready to eat dinner or right before he wants to take a shower *chuckles* no i'm just kidding lol! But I'm really not anticipating sitting down and fighting again, even though I know it needs to be done. You got yourself one step further than me!