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I think my son was abused...

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Intexas2stay

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My son just turned 6. He was here with me for his birthday. While here he told me something, that really has me upset. He told me that while he was at his grandparents, he was made to sleep alone. He is not used to sleeping alone. He usually sleeps with his sister in the room with him. Now again, he was at his grandparents. They have a 5 bedroom 6 bath house, and they put him to bed alone, upstairs, in the nannys apartment. His sister, while 10 years old, was set to sleep with her grandparents, in their bed, as usual. He told me his dad was out with friends. His grandparents KNOW he does not sleep alone. So he told me he was crying and screaming, not unlike him. He told me his grandparents came into his room, turned on the cold shower and forced him into it with his clothes on. I was alarmed when he told me this, but I proceded very carefully. I asked him if his sissy knew this happened. He said yes. I asked him if he told his dad about this. He said yes. I explained gently to him that telling stories of such a thing was not a good thing to do. He got upset with me for not believing him. So I let it go. At lease I did not speak anymore about it. He has often told me in the past that his grandparents do not like him, and that they are mean to him. I know they really favor my daughter, and they do it in such a way that ever since he was 3 he knew that. I have seen myself the difference in the way they treat him compared to his sister. I have never seen them be mean to him. But the last time I ever saw my in laws was Thanksgiving of 06. I have not known this child to lie to me. I know that he knows that even his father favors his sister. He knows that I am the ONE he can turn to for anything. Aside from yelling at him, and slapping him across the face once ( my husband admitted this to me) he has never been abused. My husband and I share joint custody of the children, but he is managing conservetor (sp?) and so they live with him, and have for about 1 1/2 years now.

My problems/questions are this:

My husbands parents are VERY well off, VERY influncial in the Dallas Tx community. But both of them are heavy drinkers. And my ex MIL has been in treatment twice for her drinking and bulemia. She recently fell, while drunk, and broke her hip.

ALL of that side of the family thinks VERY VERY poorly of me. In their eyes I am nothing but trash, worthless, and a troublemaker.

By "appearences" my ex husband seems to be "better" than I am. Has a steady job, while I am on SSI for a mood disorder.

Was what happened to my son abuse?

I have not spoken to my ex husband about it, afraid I might "tip" his family off, and they would be able to coach my children to not say anything, or lie. I know for a fact that my ex has my children lie to me or try to hide things from me. Hes been caught for doing it. And it is always my son who spills the beans, and I know my ex gets mad at my son for doing so. My son was the one who told me that my Ex's Married, still living with her husband, has a baby, girlfriend was moving in. This was about three months ago. My ex must have really gotten onto my son about telling me that, because my son STILL askes me if it was him that told me, worried that I will confirm he did in fact tell me. I always say no, that daddy told me.

I was planning to wait to get my daughter alone, to casually ask her if this cold shower thing happened. She is in camp in Colorado now, so I have to wait.

If she does confirm this, what do I need to do? I know I can call Social services anonomously, but should I go ahead and make myself known, to be able to provide more proof and background on the family?

I thought about calling the school that the children attend, and asking the school counceller to talk to both children. But in that, there is the chance she might tell my husband what is going on. But it would look better if I had an outside source confirm what happened....

If it is in fact abuse, and I call social services, what will happen, if the state says in fact it was abuse?

Texas is pretty bad when it comes to social services. It is an over used program, where familys like to cause trouble for others by reporting them, when there is NO abuse or neglect present. Trust me I know, been there twice. Once for when someone thought I was keeping my child out of school, (she was 2years old) and once right out of the hospital when I was having to inject myself with Lovenox for a pulmonary embolism, and my daughter told someone at school mommy gave herself shots... Thinking I was a drug abuser. Both times of course I was cleared. And there are SO many children in need, and not enough money or workers to totally handle the problem.

And of course, there is my reputation with the family. There is NOT ONE SINGLE MEMBER of this family who will not stand up and back my in laws. How is anyone going to believe a word I say when I have all these rich and powerful people against me?

Please help me. I really am at a loss here. I surely do not want to let my son down if this happened to him, and I dont ever want it to happen again. They are NOT abusive people by nature. I know this. Nor is my husband. But my son is only 6, and it sometimes feels the only person who really has my childrens best at heart is me. I am just not in a position to care for them right now with my health.
 

Reignmaker Miniatures

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First I would apologize to my son for not believing him right away. Children very rarely make up these kind of stories without at least some truth behind it IMO> Second call a social worker (or a pediatrician) and tell her the exact story you have shared here. No need to share names at least at first. See what a professional thinks. And good luck, I would be so mad I would have trouble thinking straight if some one had treated my children that way. Please give your son a hug and tell him you love him and will do everything in your power to get him help (and then do it.)
 

Intexas2stay

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Trust me, I am still seeing spots and they aint on horses! I have also managed to save some of the nasty emails I got from a family member telling me exactly what she thinks of me, and put them in a safe place, just in case. This family is sneaky, and downright evil when they want to be. I have nothing to fear now, they cant think any worse of me, cant take anything away, as they already did. I just want to make sure I do this right.
 

Bess Kelly

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I can see no reason why a cold shower would be advisable for a 6 yr old. If it were me I'd feel abused...certain he does.

That said, I also cannot see why a 10 yr old girl would be sleeping in same bed with grandparents.
 

Lisa

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I have nothing to add except *hugs*. I'm sorry you are going through this situation!
 

Miniv

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First I would apologize to my son for not believing him right away. Children very rarely make up these kind of stories without at least some truth behind it IMO> Second call a social worker (or a pediatrician) and tell her the exact story you have shared here. No need to share names at least at first. See what a professional thinks. And good luck, I would be so mad I would have trouble thinking straight if some one had treated my children that way. Please give your son a hug and tell him you love him and will do everything in your power to get him help (and then do it.)
Big Ditto to the above post........... I also agree with Bess Kelly. Why is the daughter (who is OLDER) still in the same bed with the grandparents???? Without pointing fingers, I would state all those facts to a social worker or pediatrician or BOTH......and start there.
 

bonloubri

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That said, I also cannot see why a 10 yr old girl would be sleeping in same bed with grandparents.
I woke up in the middle of the night and this came to mind. My personal opinion is a 10 year old girl should not be sleeping with any man (grandparent, father, uncle or ?? ) regardless if there is a woman in the bed also. I hope you can get some help for your son.
 
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Bunnylady

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What, does it have to leave marks for it to be abuse?


Ignoring a 5-year old that is throwing a tantrum about something he's not happy about is appropriate. The cold shower business is not! Nor is it ever appropriate to slap a child in the face. I do not like the 10-year old sleeping with her G-parents either.

Some children are easier to like than others, that's just the way it is. There are many reasons why family may accidentally play favorites. A wise parent tries very hard not to do it. An ongoing, systematic bias like you are descibing is very close to psychological abuse, it may even cross the line. I agree, you need to get professionals involved here, but you do need to go carefully. I can see how your ex and former in-laws may be able to make a case for your being a drug-abusing, unstable, bad influence on your children, and the wrong judge might buy it. You could lose even more of your time with your children (how does "supervised visitation" sound!!) It's disgusting how people who know how to work the system can spin things (I've watched it with my SIL and her ex.)

Praying for you and your kids!
 

Laura

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I am going to play devil's advocate for a second here and say that *IF* he was hysterical (or having a HUGE mad fit), that may have been the only way they knew to "shock" him out of it. I can tell you that Mia has had cold water thrown on her before to shock her out of a huge, ring tailed, I can't bring myself down FIT.

Now, there is NO reason a ten year old should be sleeping with her Grandparents, especially if she was used to sharing a room with her brother...that's odd.
 

tagalong

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A ten year old girl sleeping in the same bed as her grandparents
is far more alarming to me than the cold shower story... kids can and do elaborate on what may have happened - I think we all can acknowledge that - so the cold shower may not have been quite as described.

But something is seriously wrong there, IMO.
 

Marty

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Hi Nik. I remember all too well years ago that the family treated you like dirt from the get-go and used to call you Trashy Nikki. It was terrible. Nik, you have more than enough signs and information right in front of you now to get yourself down to social services and get an investigation going. I could care less about their power and glory and wealth. If this were me, I would not have waited as long and I think you are wasting too much time worrying and not acting.
 

tagalong

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It just occurred to me that maybe you should not be discussing these matters on a public forum... and now I see your thread begging for this one to be deleted...

You need to be careful what you say in such situations...

 

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