Has anyone else on here had a family member die of Alzheimers

[horsegal5]

My dad has Alzheimers with Lewey bodies, and he is in the final stages of it.

He no longer has a gag reflex, so he can not swallow or eat anymore. They tried a stomach tube a couple of months ago, but he pulled it out within a day or two.

Just a few weeks ago he choked on his food and turned blue and almost died, he came out of it, and then last week ended up in hospital with pneumonia(he was in a nursing home)

So now he either got a stomach tube again or he dies (basically by starving)

The doctor thinks he will just pull it out again and even if he doesn't he can still asperate(food in his lungs) which will make him sick again.

He does have a living will and he and my mom spoke about this before hand to a point, and he has a do not resesate order, but I didn't think it would come down to starving him to death....

I know he wouldn't want to live this way and he is going to die, but its very hard to see your father die in this manner.

He just stares at me, and I feel like I should be helping him not letting him go...

Has anyone else had a family member die this way?

:

:

:

:

 

[nootka]

I have not had anyone closer than a step-grandfather die this way, and I do know it was heartbreaking for his family, who did their best for him, and prolonged his life at all costs.

I cannot say what it did for them or for him, but I will say I think you should find some support groups and see if you can find some comfort.

I think you are doing all that you can to be in his presence, and even if he doesn't acknowledge it, if you make your feelings known about your concern for him, he will know.

Hold his hand, give some contact where you can, and make each decision as they come, but find support with good, informed individuals who've lived or are living it.

I am so sorry for you. It seems to me such a terribly difficult thing, when one is still alive yet ... "not there" and so frustrating, heartbreaking.

My heart goes out to you,

Liz M.

 

[minimama]

Yes. My grandmother who I had been taking care of for the last five years. She died two years ago almost now. Very hard way to go and very hard to watch. You are not alone!

 

[Barbie]

My dad died 6 years ago. He was unable to swallow for the last six weeks of his life. He wanted a stomach tube (he knew everything that was going on). He could barely talk. The stomach tube worked for maybe a couple of weeks, then even that made him choke. We made the decision to put him in Hospice - what a wonderful place. It broke my heart seeing him like that, knowing he wanted to live. My heart still breaks today. I too felt totally helpless - all I could do was tell him I love him.

Prayers going out to you and your family during this awful time.

Barbie

 

[mad for mini's]

I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this , my grandmother didn't have Alzeimers, she had Parkinsons. She developed an intestinal blockage,the doctors couldn't do surgery because she was on Kumadin(sp) a blood thinner, she would have bled to death. Thank God she was out of it mostly but it took just over two weeks for her to go. They basicaly starved her to death too. All you can possibly do is to be there with them and let them know they are not alone and that they are loved very much. My prayers are with you and your family.

 

[backwoodsnanny]

No one with alzeimers but my mom had a living will as well and yes feeding via tube is an extraordinary measure to prolong life. She had a diseased gall bladder and it could not be operated on because of a bad heart she too would have bled to death if they had done the surgery. So we were in exactly the same spot you are in and I was the only one left to make decisions for her it is not a good place to be in and my heart goes out to you. I am sending you a PM

 

[Pepipony]

Horsegal 5. I want you to get your mom and read my next post together. I DO NOT want you to read my post alone. So go get her , come back and read my next post.

I lost my Dad in much the same way. He was dxed with alz but in hindsight we do think he had Lyme disease. We lived in CT at the time. This disease may have already been tested for, that is why I wanted your mom to read this with you so she could explain things. I do not want to give false hope, I just want to give another idea if it hadnt already been thought of. Hugs and best wishes, wish there was a magic wand for times like this. Heather

 

[JO~*]

My Dad didnt die from Alzheimers but in the end he died in a similer way, he has ALS, (Lou Gerig)

Sometimes you just have to let them go knowing that it was his wish to let him go.

When my Dad could not talk anymore he would put his hand up to his throut and make like it was a knife and shake his head no. We knew he ment no breathing or feeding tube because he had told us that long before.

It was very hard to go with his wishes but its what he wanted.

I do feel your pain right now. ((((HUGS)))).

 

[Horsefeathers]

My grandfather (who was like my father as I lived with my grandparents since the age of 18 mos until I turned 18) had it. It is a terribly cruel diease. He would get his days and night mixed up and foget if he ate or took his medicine. It made it worse too, that he had lymphoma and emphasema (sp?) from smoking and working at the shipyards (asbestos exposure). He got to a point that he just didn't want to eat anymore... I personally think he was ready to go... I prayed so much for him, but not in the way you might think. It's hard to explain...My prayers are with you. If you need to talk you can PM me or e-mail me.

Chris

 

[woodnldy]

Oh horsegal, my heart is with you and your mom. Altsheimers is one of the cruelest illnesses on this earth. I lost my dad to it. Mom and I were lucky enough to be able to keep him at home through it and he died with my mom holding his hand. They had been married 52 years. The last year and half he didn't know anyone at all. the last 6 months he was bed fast.Thanks to the help of the hospice workers and the help of my daughter in law and my husband we cared for him. He also lost his will to eat or drink and that was the hardest thing to see. If he is to the point that he doesn't know you then you must remember thats no longer your dad there,only the husk that he wore. It was the way I got through it. He had already gone on ahead and I was only making the shell comfortable till it to was gone. Sometimes our medical abilitys these days cause us to try to keep the shell here,but is that what the person would want? Saying goodbye is never easy. Bless you hon, Hug your mom close and all your family will be in my prayers. Feel free to pm or e-mail me if you want. Hugs to you Cheryl

 

[PaintedPromiseRanch]

God's blessings on you and your family during this difficult time. woodnldy said it very well...

 

[mistyrose]

My Aunt died with Alzheimers. My dad ended up with Dementia from multiple small stroke. He told my daughter that my aunt came to see him and told him it was time to go home. He stopped eating or drinking and died in about 3 days. I did request an IV after 24 hours because dehydration came be uncomfortable. They gave him "comfort care" which was small doses of morphine orally when ever he seemed uncomfortable. We stayed with him and made sure to keep his mouth moist, made sure he was turned and cleaned up promptly when needed.

It was his decision and we respected it. Sometimes it is the last gift you can give someone you love.

 

[Bassett]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I just had to put my husband of almost 45 years in a nursing home 11 days ago. He has dementia also. So we know what we will be having to face. He does seem to like it in the home and is very comfortable with all the ladies fussing over him. I go visit him every day for 2-3 hours but he has a schedule there and is adjusting nicely. It was a very hard decision to make. Just make sure she is comfortable and knows that she is loved. Deep down she does know who you are and that you are there. My husbands Mother did die from alzheimers 27 years ago. She did not know anyone BUT she always knew who Duane (my husband, her son was) ALWAYS. Very hard. Hang in there and be strong.

 

[PrestigeMiniHorses]

Oh Horsegal I'm so sorry for you and your family. I'm going through the samething with my great grandmother. She's still eating though but it's amazing how she's still going. One day we will have to face fatc of life and she will pass on too. She doesn't know who I am and never has since the day I was born. The only person she still remembers is my grandmother. When she looks at my mom shes thinks she's my grandmother. They both can get her to talk. She's in a nursing home though and has been for as long as i can remember. Sometimes when I see her all I can is cry. It hurts but all you can do is be there for them. My aunt brings her to her house every once in awhile and she stays there. And even now a friend of mine is going through the something similar and its very hard. I wish you guys the best and if you ever need anyone to talk to feel to email or PM. You guys will be in my thoughts and prayers..

Kourtney

 

[joylee123]

My heart goes out for you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. My father passed away from a lung condition, he basically suffocated to death... My heart breaks for you

But do know that he will be in a better place and be out of pain and confusion. A time will come when only the good memories will be in your forethoughts...

Joy

 

[Secret22]

hAe i used to look after a lady that had alzheimers... it was very sad and Im very sorry about your father. You and your family are in my prayers

 

[horsegal5]

I would like to say a very big Thank You to you all. Thanks so much for sharing a difficult time in your life with me, it has helped me deal with his passing. And I feel at peace now.

He passed peacefully this Morning, my sister and niece where with him...

 

[woodnldy]

Bless You Hon, Hugs to you and your family.

 

[Miniv]

Sending my sympathy for the loss of your father (as he once was).........and sending you blessings over his release. I can imagine you are and will be going through a roller coaster of emotions. Be gentle to yourself.

MA

PS: sorry - typo