Hair Removal a womans story

[Robin1]

This is hilarious, if you have to pee.......do it before you read this!!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of

easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the

wax.

Read on..........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix

dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring

painfully in my mind for the next few hours:

"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one

of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub

the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and

press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius,

but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

(YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each

other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius

kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

("Cold wax, yeah...right!") I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the

skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all

wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids,

I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting

championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right

side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and

stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I

inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off

half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is

spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay

conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK,

back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has

caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to

revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the

strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I

see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I

touch.

I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which

is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG

mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?

I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

SEALED SHUT!!!!

MY BUTT IS SEALED SHUT!

SEALED SHUT!!!!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to

do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My

head may pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I

can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and

the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

WRONG!!!!!!!******

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used

to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment -

I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued

together, is having them glued together and then glued to the

bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had

cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced

me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has

some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation

starter......

"So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the

tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for

removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to

know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or

hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the

rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!!

I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape

the wax off with a razor

Nothing feels better than to have your girlie

goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot

water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm

pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling

for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving

grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and.

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the

dickens out of my friend. Its sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend

and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice

to my grief and despair....

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing

hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

 

[Sonya]

 

[Jesper]

*smirks*

good one

 

[MyBarakah]

That is just WAY too funny!!!!!!! You need to save that for a novel some day for women's top stories to get you threw the day!!!!!!

Even though I've not personaly done that exact same thing I've had my "one time" deal of working w/ hot wax trying to do my eye brows.......

Needless to say that was the ONLY one time deal for me!

 

[AppyLover2]

Oh WOW....too funny!! Loved it!! Gotta send it to all my friends!!! Thanks for sharing that!!!!

 

[Relic]

Oh Lordy that was the funniest thing l've read in a long time thanks for the laugh...l should have used the can first though...hahahahhaaaaahahahahahahahhaaahahahaha.

 

[wildoak]

Too funny LOLOL, oh my what a night you had! Hope you are breathing again now!

Jan

 

[Fanch]

This is just...too funny

 

[Robin1]

Ok, first off it WASN'T me!!! However I can actually see it happening to some of my friends.

Robin

 

[Minimor]

Snort. That is just too funny. There is a reason I have always avoided wax.

 

[RJRMINIS]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am just laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Marty]

I"m laughing my head off so hard and they are all in the living room want to know what's so funny and I can't tell them!!!!!

 

[Emily's mom]

That was just too funny!!

My family was trying to watch tv, I had to read it to them, the part about going to the bathroom is a must before you read it...I feel for the poor woman that went through it...my belly hurts from laughing

 

[srpwildrose]

OH!

with the hair color.....won't hurt ....but might turn your hair purple.........

OH!

 

[Devon]

HAHAAHAHA wow LOL :stupid

 

[lil_miss_sunshine]

LOL !!!!

Oh my that was the funniest thing I have read for ages.

 

[minihorsefrnd]

That was TOOO Funny!!

You get a First Place for being hilarious!!!

 

[ThreeCFarm]

OMG!!!!!!!! I haven't read something so funny in a LONG time!!! That's hilarious!!! Thanks for sharing.

 

[Reignmaker Miniatures]

I started my day with this and laughed so loud I woke my daughter (

thank you very much) I am in the 'learned my lesson' group and won't be using wax, hot or cold, again. (altho i didn't have this bad a time with it.)

Thanks for starting my day with laughter.

 

[Just Us N Texas]

I copied it and sent it to several of my girlfriends. I have laughed so hard, and everytime I am on the forum and see the topic, I start laughing again.