An Apology

[myminis]

Last August at Nationals, I was in a terrible state. I didn't know it at the time but my meds I was on for bi polar had quit working as my Doctor had put me on meds for my bladder and they had conflicted with those meds. I was spirling down and out of control. I had no idea. I had no one at home to tell me I was out of whack as my husband had passed away and I had no family near by to tell me and my trainer didn't say anything so I ranted and raved and everyone just accepted it. I was horribly depressed at Nationals almost to the brink of suicide. I blamed it on everyone BUT myself and that's just the way things go sometimes. I was mad at my husband for dying on me, I was mad cause I was there alone, I was mad at my horses for not performing. I was mad at the people and the trainers for winning, I was just mad. Typical bi polar manic disorder. However, I was so caught up in it and so upset that I didn't see it.

Not until the end of October when I saw my Doctor and said "please" help me I can't live with myself I'm going crazy. She said well first thing, get off that "bladder" medication and she straightened my bi polar meds out. Since then it has taken me that long to straighten myself out and the other part of that time is to come and humble myself before you and to say I was sorry for all the hurt feelings I caused. I did a terrible thing and no matter the amount of apology can not take back the words and I understand that. But, I have to say them anyway. It's the right thing to do. You all deserve that. I don't want to get specific with names but I did especially say some things to someone indvidually and I'm especailly sorry for that, she did not deserve that treatment, at all. She's never done anything to me ever. All she's done is show her horses and for that I wish her the best.

I don't expect anything from this I just want to extend my sincere apologies from the bottom of my heart. Please no flames I already know the damage that I've caused, I don't want to drag things up, I just want to apologize everyone deserves that. Taylor Jo Kindler

 

[REO]

I'm so glad you're feeling so much better now. I know who you're speaking of and I hope she sees this.

You and I are connected since you wear tattoo art that I drew for you. I wish you all the best TJ!

 

[Miniv]

Kuddos TJ for sending out the apology. Not everyone has the guts to follow up.

I have been close to Bi-Polars all my life, and only one has ever truly apologized. So this is big.

Hopefully the people who were affected see your post. Bless you.

 

[Relic]

l recall and am very glad to hear you are feeling a lot better TJ..keep your chin up

 

[susanne]

Taylor Jo,

It takes great strength to apologize, and I commend you.

Take care,

susanne

 

[Make A Wish Miniatures]

I am glad you are feeling better. It's good to see you back on the forum.

 

[horsefeather]

Kudos Taylor Jo,

We all screw up sometimes. So glad you are feelin better. Looking forward to seeing you at some of the shows.

Pam

 

[wpsellwood]

It takes a big person to swallow their pride and apologize. I know who you are speaking of and I hope she reads this. Glad you are feeling better.

 

[StarRidgeAcres]

So glad you got it straightened out and are doing better. I'm sorry you had to go through it and I'm sure everyone appreciates and respects you for coming on here to apologize for the resulting outcome. Hugs to you!

 

[hobbyhorse23]

Humble pie is a difficult dish to swallow, and it takes a big person to do so voluntarily and publically. You're dealing with a very tough disorder and I think we all understood that when you posted after Nationals last year. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself and getting your life back on track.

Leia

 

[myminis]

Thank you all for your kind words it brings tears to my eyes as I didn't expect this nor do I deserve it. I again thank you, but more then anything, I want to send my sincerest apology for the person I said the nastiest things to, I was unkind and so unfair. Only God and she can forgive me and if she never does I understand for she has a right not to and I don't blame her or anyone else for that matter. God Bless, TJ

 

[Miniv]

TJ -- Just wanted to add another Kuddo for the fact that you recognized you needed your meds adjusted. That's also a biggie.

Hope you don't mind my suggesting this, in addition to this post, you write to the person privately - either by snail mail or e-mail (a snail mail card is always good) and explain where you were at. Just my meager two cents.

Ma---

 

[Erica]

Taylor Jo

I'm glad you are feeling better and have gotten any help you needed.

If you are referring to me, no need to worry. I let things roll off my back like water off a duck's back.

 

[HGFarm]

Glad to see you back TJ!!!! And I agree, even on the best of days, it takes a lot to humble oneself and apologize.

I am so glad they figured out the problem and got it straightened around so you are feeling better!!! That must have been a nightmare! I am just sorry that you had to go through that to end up making your life more miserable for a time.

That was probably the worst time for it to happen too, so soon after his passing and just with all the stress going on.

Welcome back and we hope to hear more about you & your horses! And it sounds like you are forgiven!

 

[Reble]

Taylor Jo

I'm glad you are feeling better and have gotten any help you needed.

If you are referring to me, no need to worry. I let things roll off my back like water off a duck's back.

God Bless you both, so nice to see we can forgive and this is what families have to do sometimes.

 

[myminis]

Taylor Jo

I'm glad you are feeling better and have gotten any help you needed.

If you are referring to me, no need to worry. I let things roll off my back like water off a duck's back.

Well whether it rolls off or not Erica I had no right, no one does and for that I am sorry you didn't deserve my wrarth and anger. Who was I to judge and point the finger at you. You were just showing and competing minding your own busniness just like everyone else. I flipped out. God has been so gracious to forgive me and it's not easy forgiving oneself when they do another human/s harm or at least it is for me. Had I been in a better frame of mind none of it would have happened. PLUS, on the heels of everything else it was the 3rd year in a row they'd misplaced my entry!!!!! I was SEETHING over that so anything and everything had me going. However, in the end I STILL had no right, we can justify all we want but when it comes down to it we still have no right to hurt another person/s.

It's like when your married just because you had a bad day at the office doesn't mean you have the right to take it out on your spouse. So again, please accept my apology. I wish you well this season, truly I do. TJ

 

[Mominis]

Well whether it rolls off or not Erica I had no right, no one does and for that I am sorry you didn't deserve my wrarth and anger. Who was I to judge and point the finger at you. You were just showing and competing minding your own busniness just like everyone else. I flipped out. God has been so gracious to forgive me and it's not easy forgiving oneself when they do another human/s harm or at least it is for me. Had I been in a better frame of mind none of it would have happened. PLUS, on the heels of everything else it was the 3rd year in a row they'd misplaced my entry!!!!! I was SEETHING over that so anything and everything had me going. However, in the end I STILL had no right, we can justify all we want but when it comes down to it we still have no right to hurt another person/s.

It's like when your married just because you had a bad day at the office doesn't mean you have the right to take it out on your spouse. So again, please accept my apology. I wish you well this season, truly I do. TJ

TJ, you are SO right that self-forgiveness is the hardest thing to do. You have been absolved by the person to whom you feel you have wronged, now it's time to get okay with yourself. You have lots of good friends here, as evidenced on this thread (and I'd like to count myself as one of them...seeing as you were the among first LB friends I met in person and also the first person I saw at Nationals and you met me both times with a big smile and a hug). So, let it go and move on to the upcoming excitement of the show season and other wonderful things happening in your life. HUGS to you, my friend. Feel free to msg me on the forums or FB any time, if you need to talk. Can't wait to see you this season!